It can be hard to write about this sort of thing. Those who have been there will know. Personal grief is hard to convey to others, and it can also seem pretty selfish. It's a bit cruel of me to try and spread the sorrow to other people, isn't it? To have others feel the injury that I'm feeling? I've done it before. The horrible truth is that I'll likely have to do it again. It's how life is.
Being a pet's human always comes with that knowledge, waiting in the back of the mind, that one day you will have to say goodbye. As the years pass, that knowledge grows, coming into sharper focus. Sometimes I would take a good long look at that thought and let it simmer, plan it out, prepare myself for it so that when it became a reality, perhaps I would be braced against it.
On August 2nd, 2023, the day came for us to say goodbye to Alfie. Let me tell you, if that was me when I'm at my most prepared...I dread to think how I would have been unprepared.
I'm glad he was able to go peacefully, with the humans that loved him. He was comfortable and happy and purring all the way up to the end. Of all the ways that I foresaw this sad day playing out, this was the best possible way, and I'm glad I was able to say goodbye to him.
The ball is still big, and hitting the pain button a lot. The ball will shrink, of course. Painful thoughts will become wistful melancholy. At some point I'll be able to think and talk about that day without collapsing into ugly tears. Not there yet. Some day.
