Sorry to bring down the mood tonight. If you don't want to hear sad stuff then please, click off, find something better to look at. There are so many talented people out there, and others who are perhaps not so talented but still deserve recognition.
As much as I like to degrade my own work, today I will not. I have gone through a lot of mental stress recently. Thinking about some time back then because of… recent encounter with people.
I don't exactly know if some of these people are dead or alive, I hope so much that they are alive, living happily the way they want. But… that thinking isn't realistic. So, for those people, I hope so very much that whatever happens after death is treating them well. Heaven, rebirth, whatever they believe in… I hope it's better than here.
One specific person that I will not name reminded me of this time when I was a child. Back then I was a bit of a gangster. Well, not really, I just like to say that to make myself sound cooler, just your average teen. Bad family, depression, every day was like a personal hell made to make me as sad as humanly possible, so self absorbed I was.
So, I had a friend, a very good friend. He was smart, not very good looking but still smart, guy had so many things ahead of him. Everyone he talked to —family and friends— always called him a genius, told him how smart he was and how he would make it big. For a while it made the guy feel good, probably invincible if I was to guess. Which made it harder on him.
One day, guy finds something he wants to do really bad. However, he realized just how terrible he was at it and, no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't. Guy came to me looking for motivation, someone to help him actually try for once in his life rather than cruising through life.
We had a heated argument, he yelled, I swung, what a mess it was. But, to put into simple terms, his family constantly edged him further and further into their idealistic expectations. Few months pass by and…
He jumped off a bridge.
I definitely mourned my friend the most out of anyone in this world, I think about it almost daily, it was my fault, I could've helped. But I was too stupid of a child back then to understand. Now I do.
I think we as people are all swayed by others to be who we are today. However, that does not mean we are trapped in our history's footsteps, people can change. Like me, it's been a year since I touched the bottle, and I'm proud of that. embarrassing as it is to admit, sometimes I hype myself up in front of the mirror because of it. I surpassed my family's bloodline of alcoholism. Anyways…
Expectations are heavy, they drag us down to such a low place in our life it's hard to stand back up, some people have someone else to help but most of us don't. How many of those people have someone to mourn them? That's terrifying to think about. Life is too short to live up to these expectations. Rather than care for others we should firstly care for ourselves, you cannot love others if you cannot love yourself. Ignore these expectations, ignore the depressing road at the end of our life and live, try to have fun, if not for entertainment then are you truly alive? Working, eating, sleeping, we do all of this because of those little fun moments in our lives that keep us going.
I'm not sure if this means much, hell– this entire rant has been nothing but babbling, but please, for those who are burdened by expectations, people, life, please, talk to someone. There are so many hotlines, care centers, and most of all: people who would gladly help. Family would gladly help, friends would help. I would gladly help. If you ever need someone to talk to, do not be afraid to ask a friend, talk to some family, or send a note to me. Death is not the only way to escape, give life a chance. Please.
Sorry for the depressing story, I don't even want to post this honestly but I can't get rid of these thoughts from my head,, so I hope this at least lightens the burden I gave myself.
