My name is Shaun, I’m a 21-year-old raccoon, and this is a rather crazy story about how I babysat two mischievous raccoons. It started rather normally, I parked outside of the address they gave me. I walked up and knocked on the door. Soon, two green raccoons, I’m assuming were the parents, opened the door and let me in. “Thank you for your help, Shaun.” said the mother. “Of course. I love animals, so getting to take care of them is always fun, and getting paid for it is a bonus, I guess.” I said. Indeed, I always loved animals, especially if they had fur and paws. Anyway, they told me everything I needed to know, times for dinner, bath, bed, all that stuff along with other information regarding meals. “Boys, come down here. Your babysitter is here.” yelled the dad. Soon, two tiny little raccoons came down. They looked about 6 or 7, yet they were wearing colorful T-shirts and… diapers? “Why are they…?” I asked, thinking about how to address the issue. “Is it the diapers, hon?” asked the mom. “Yes, I don’t mean to be rude, but they look a bit old to be wearing diapers,” I said, trying to be polite about it. “We know, but potty training is very difficult. Especially since Lifty is too scared to use the toilet, and Shifty throws an attitude every time we try to teach him.” The father explained. “I understand. And I don’t mind changing diapers if I have to… it’s just… never mind. I can handle this.” I said. “Okay, thanks. Call us if you need anything.” The mother said, giggling while practically pushing the father out the door. I knew what that meant, but chose to ignore it since it wasn’t my business, and they seemed like they needed a break. I noticed a box on the floor and picked it up. Upon reading the label, I rushed out the door. “WAIT!!” I yelled. “Yes, what is it?” The father asked. “You uh… might need these,” I said, sheepishly smiling. “Oh hell. Yes, we will. Thank you.” The father said, taking the box. “Have fun. Don’t worry about us.” I said, waving as they drove away. I headed back into the house and sat down on the couch. The next thing I know, I’m lying on the floor, laughing my ass off. You’re probably wondering what that was. Well, the box the dad dropped was a box of… condoms. “Are you okay, mister?” said the smaller one. “Y-yeah, I’m alright. I’m just having a good time.” I said, wiping the tears off my face. “Well, let me introduce myself. I’m Shaun.” I said, getting back onto the couch. “I’m Lifty and this is my older twin brother, Shifty.” The smaller one said. The bigger one, supposedly named Shifty, didn’t look happy to see me but didn’t seem rude. “Hi, Shaun.” He said, smiling. Huh, resting bitch face, I guess. Anyway… “So what do you guys want to do first?” I asked. “Can we color? I have coloring books.” Lifty said, bouncing excitedly. “Sure, coloring sounds fun,” I said. Lifty practically ran up the stairs to grab some coloring books and crayons. Meanwhile, I invited Shifty to have a seat next to me. “So, can I ask you a question?” I asked. “You already did. But I’ll let you ask me another one?” Shifty said, smirking. “Okay… Your dad said you throw an attitude when they try to teach you how to use the toilet. Why is that?” I asked. I know I should’ve waited until we got to know each other better, but I was just really curious. I expected him to say something along the lines of, “That’s none of your business,” or something. But to my surprise, he looked down and said, “I don’t wanna use the toilet. I like my diapers.” I was a little baffled but didn’t question it. “Why? What’s so special about diapers?” I asked. “Toilets are always so far away. But with diapers, if I need to go, I just go. And my mommy will change me whenever she can,” He said, swinging his legs. I decided to just take it and leave it at that because this conversation was getting weird. Soon, Lifty rushed down the stairs, almost falling, to deliver the coloring books and crayons. “Here you go,” He said, handing me a coloring book with a lot of animals on it. “I heard from Mommy and Daddy that you liked animals.” He said, beaming. “I do. Thanks, little buddy.” I said, rubbing his head. He looked so cute as he stuck his tongue out in response to his head being rubbed. So I spent about an hour coloring with these little fuzz tots. It was so much fun, but it was going to take a sad turn. But that’s for later. Anyway, I finished coloring a picture of a family of raccoons. Except I colored them green instead of gray, so they would match the family I was currently helping. “Are you done yet?” Lifty said, holding his coloring book to his chest as if he was hiding it so he could show me when I was ready. “Yes, are you?” I said. He nodded and showed me his masterpiece. It was a little messy, but I knew he tried his best. “Wow, it looks great. Here’s mine.” I said, showing him the family portrait I made for them. “Wow, it’s us.” He said, hopping. “What about you, Shifty? Are you finished yet?” I asked. “Almost,” He said, still going at it. A few minutes went by and he finally stood up and stretched. “Here,” He said, showing Lifty and me his picture. “It’s beautiful,” I said, giving him a thumbs up. Afterward, we all got bored of coloring, so the boys grabbed the stuff and put it up. I checked the time and decided to make lunch. I waited until they got back, and asked them what they wanted for lunch. They thought about it for a second and said they wanted sandwiches. So, we went into the kitchen and I helped them make their own sandwiches. Really, all I did was show them what to do and they made their own sandwiches. I was trying to teach them how to be independent and I think it paid off pretty well. They enjoyed their food, while I answered some calls I needed to take. It took a while, so by the time I was done, the boys had finished their sandwiches and were waiting for me in the living room. I headed into the living room to explain my absence and apologize for the waiting time. “You’re supposed to be watching us, not playing on your phone.” Shifty growled. “Yeah, we’re not supposed to be left alone. Our Mommy and Daddy aren’t paying you to not watch us.” I was taken aback by this but wasn’t one to take it like that. “Excuse me? First off, don’t talk to me like that. Second, I wasn’t playing on my phone, I was taking important calls. Look, I’m sorry for not brown-nosing, but I have other things I need to take care of.” I said in a loud and authoritative tone. They looked upset and looked down. “We just wanted to ask you if we could watch cartoons.” Lifty said. “Well, I would’ve let you, but since you threw an attitude, the answer is no.” I said, still angry. “That’s not fair. You’re not our dad, so you can’t-” “I don’t want to hear it. And you’re right, I’m not your dad. Your dad would’ve tolerated being yelled at like that, but I won’t.” I said. The boys were visibly upset but just sat on the couch without a word. My phone started ringing, so I told them to stay put and went to answer it. Honestly, I wanted to feel bad about snapping at them, but I’m not going to excuse bad behavior. Anyway, the call was from a few guys who were repairing some stuff in my house, so I told them what they needed to know, and helped them as best as I could. After we hung up, I went into the living room to find the boys still sitting on the couch, pouting at me. “Look, I’m sorry for being snappy. But I’m trying to take care of some important stuff, but it should be done now.” I said, kneeling in front of them. “I’m sorry for being mean, too.” Lifty said. Shifty didn’t want to apologize, but reluctantly said “Fine, I’m sorry too.” I hugged both of them tightly. I turned the TV on and changed the channel to one with lots of cartoons, and the boys looked so excited. They watched excitedly, even though I didn’t understand what was going on. I just pretended to be enjoying myself. Soon, I looked at my watch and realized it was time for dinner. I asked the boys what they wanted to eat, but they said they didn’t know. “Would you guys like to go out to eat?” I asked. They nodded but said they’d need help with their clothes. I picked out some pants for them and helped them put them on. As I was looking for a place to eat, the boys were singing along with the radio, which was adorable. I soon found a good burger place I thought they’d like, and they seemed excited. So we went in and ate. I know they definitely enjoyed their food because they kept saying thank you for the food. Of course, when we got back to the house, I had to change their diapers, which I didn’t mind too much. They kept giggling the whole time though, and wouldn’t tell me why. Whatever, I’m here to watch some fuzz tots and get paid, not answer riddles. I went upstairs and get a warm bubble bath ready for them, while they watched TV. Once it was ready, I carried them upstairs, even as they begged me to let them watch TV a little bit longer. But I told them it was time for a bath. As soon as I set them down in the water, I let them play around while I washed their fur. They were obviously enjoying themselves. They were playing with bath toys and bubbles. Soon, I rinsed them off and dried them off, even as they asked for more time in the tub. Geez, these guys are persistent as hell, but I kinda like it. At least they’re cute. Anyway, I put them in bedtime diapers and PJs before letting them play for a while before they had to go to bed. I thought all was well, but I heard something break. I rushed into the living room, panicking because I thought something bad had happened, like one of the twins getting hurt. But as it turns out, they had just broken a toy and were arguing about whose fault it was. “Boys, what happened?” I asked, feeling my heartbeat slow down a bit. I was thankful they were okay, but confused as hell as to what the heck happened. “Shifty broke my robot toy,” Lifty said. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t even touch it.” Shifty snapped. “Alright, I think you two need to go to bed.” I said, trying to grab them so I could take them to their bed. Oh, remember that sad turn I mentioned earlier? This is it. Lifty, in a fit of rage, decided to bite my paw as hard as he could. “OWW!!” Y yelled, trying to yank my paw away from his mouth, but he wouldn’t let go. Shifty was trying to help me get him off me, but when we finally did, my paw was bleeding. After a while, Lifty calmed down and realized what he did. But I was pissed. “What is your problem? Why did you do that?” I asked, angrily. “Oh no. I’m so sorry. I-I-I wasn’t thinking, Mister Shaun.” Lifty said, shaking. “That’s no excuse,” I said. I grabbed his wrist, pulled him over, pulled his pants down, and began to undo his diaper. To my surprise, he knew what I was doing. “No, no, please don’t spank me. It was an accident.” He said. “If it was, you wouldn’t have held on for that long.” I said, removing his diaper. I set him down on my lap, laying on his back with his feet in the air and his tail over between my thighs. “I’m sorry I have to do this, but I’m done playing nice.” I said, raising my paw. I gave his bare butt a medium-effort slap, leaving a barely visible paw print. “Ow, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He said, trying to cover his backside. “Shifty, can you hold his paws?” I said. Shifty looked nervous but walked over and did so. “I’m really sorry, but Mister Shaun is scaring me.” I heard him whisper. I didn’t think too much about it, and gave Lifty’s fluffy raccoon butt another slap, this time leaving a bright red paw print. “Ahh,” He whimpered. Shifty looked terrified as he realized he was holding his brother’s paw while their babysitter spanked him, at least I think. Thinking back, I feel really bad about it. But regardless, I kept the punishment going. I gave him a bunch of slaps, I didn’t count but he winced and whined with every slap. After about a minute and a half, his butt was covered in red paw prints, so I let him go. “Do you need one?” I asked Shifty, half joking. “No, but I’ll get one so Lifty doesn’t feel alone.” Shifty said. “Fair enough,” I said, pulling his pants down and removing his diaper. I could tell he was second-guessing himself, but he never said anything about it. So once his diaper was off, he laid down on his back across my lap in the same position Lifty was spanked in. raised my paw and started slapping his butt as he only whimpered at first. Soon, he started to squirm and beg me to stop. I kept going because I figured somehow he deserved it. I slapped his butt until his backside was coated in red paw prints, just like Lifty. Afterward, I gave them both a warm hug and apologized for being so hard on them. Lifty apologized for biting me, and I carried them upstairs to their bed. I tucked them in, read them a story, wished them goodnight, and turned the light off. I sat on the couch, exhausted from the day I had. Soon, I nodded off. When I woke up, their parents had returned and were checking to see if I was still alive. "Shaun? Shaun, are you alright?" The father asked, waving his paw in my face. “Huh... whas goin' on…” I said, feeling fuzzy. “You fell asleep. Probably from the boys.” The father said. “Huh? Oh no, no, they were great.” I said, sitting up and stretching. “Really? Huh, well that’s great to hear.” The mother said. “Well, would you like to watch them again sometime?” The father asked. “Sure. I had fun with them.” I said. They thanked me and paid me and I left. I decided to head home as quickly as I could before I fell asleep behind the wheel. Thankfully, I made it home in time. I headed inside and plopped down on my bed, forgetting to take my clothes off. I was so damn tired….
