Changes are a part of life. One of the most classic and notable examples of change were the four seasons. Occasionally the change would happen really fast while some other times the transformation was very slow, so slow that it was barely even noticeable that it was in motion. Just a little while ago the trees had still had their foliage, then the green leaves had gradually shifted into bright autumnal colors of yellow, red and brown. This was the preview of the approaching season of darkness and each night started to become more darker than the last one. Many considered this the spooky time of the year, and it was true that spirits would wander among the people, whether people believed it or not. But there definitely was something magical in the air, coming in form of crispy autumn air, the gentle winds that shook the colorful leaves, the taste of Halloween candy in your mouth, no matter if you were a child or an adult and the warmth of hot cocoa after the night had settled. To some people, this was their favorite time of the entire year.
And in a rather miraculous manner, everything would change after Halloween. Darkness would take more hold of the days that were growing colder, and it was like the dropping temperatures and the blackness of the nights would chase away the spirits, causing them to hide in their nests and lay dormant until the next year when they would be welcomed back to the earth. The colorful leaves would dance down to the ground and leave the trees bare as they would fall asleep until the spring sun would wake them up again. Few odd days would pass and then the coming of the winter wonderland would begin. This year, just like many years before, the land would be blessed by the pure and glittery snow. It would fall down from the heaven, striking wonder into the hearts of people and bringing something beautiful and bright to the lingering darkness. This was the season of festivities and decorations and the anticipation of the holidays would create warmth and light into this otherwise darkest time of the year. It was perfect time to be with your loved ones and have a few days with no worries.
But all this talk about how magical the wonders of winter are and spending time with your loved ones just doesn't apply to everyone. There are also the lonely ones to whom all the warmth of the holidays feels fake. They are abandoned, having only misery as their company, for you feel the most lonesome when you're surrounded by happy people who all have somebody. And you don't. To some, this time of the year is truly just dark and cold.
Regardless, the holidays had arrived, like they always would. It was that time of the day when the evening was about to become nighttime, only the clocks could tell the difference. The darkness had gently enveloped the world in a dark veil, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, for the many lights of the town could shine brighter because of it. Snow was falling gently from the black sky, dancing mesmerizingly in the air before they would hit the ground. It would have been a perfect time for kids to try and catch snowflakes with their tongue, but since it was so late, all the little ones were already asleep, dreaming of presents. Some people were still out, just having a walk, or heading home from a casual bar trip. During this hour the streets weren't busy as the whole town seemed to get ready for slumber.
The loud noise of a coughing old motorcycle echoed in the almost empty streets as a young man, Leif, was driving around the town. There wasn't any specific reason for why he was out so late, sometimes it just felt good to cool your head a little and have a nice drive. Though, it was true that his mood was depressed, for he had got fired from a yet another job, just fittingly around the holidays. That was another failure to his list. He tried to shove the miserable thoughts to the back of his mind and just let the cold air around him cool him down. He spent a good while driving around on his trusty old motorcycle before he decided to head to a place that could be called home.
The lights that were scattered around the town guided him to the street where he lived. It was quiet and narrow, maybe even a little gloomy. The coughing of his motorcycle's engine stopped as he turned it off and he got off of his trusty old vehicle. A heavy sigh escaped from his mouth to the chilly air and he started to make his way to the apartment where he was currently staying. Soon Leif's figure disappeared from sight and he did dive into his own little sad world where no one else could enter.
The door shut behind him with a slight bang, it became a wall that kept the rest of the world out. Leif didn't bother to turn on any of the lights and just made his way through the darkness that felt more deep and black than the darkness that was outside. He was like a ghost, forgotten by the rest of the world, as he wandered through the apartment and made his way to his bed. Leif sat down on its edge and it creaked slightly. He stared at the wall, his mind full of haze that brought forth bad thoughts, only to disappear like smog into the wind. This was one of those moments when he craved for cocaine, but unfortunately, he currently didn't have any. There wasn't much he could do right now, so he decided to sleep it off; maybe things would look different by the morning. He tended to have trouble sleeping, but now he just felt so sad and exhausted. If only he could reset his brain, that would be great. He laid down on his bed and wrapped the blanket around himself so he resembled a cocoon and then closed his eyes.
It was hard to chase the land of dreams, as he had expected. Too many things were buzzing in his feeble mind, keeping his brain busy and he wished that he would be able to just shut it down. Leif kept turning on his bed, frustrated and annoyed. He didn't know how long he had stayed awake, but it felt like an eternity. Eventually, however, the exhaustion won his restless mind and he began to doze off. Few stubborn bad thoughts tried to do their pesky dance in his head, resulting in him being simultaneously awake and asleep, lingering in their border. In the end, he finally got the sweet relief and his consciousness gently faded away.
Maybe Leif expected to see bad dreams, that nightmares would rule tonight. But that wasn't the case this time, for he would be experiencing something worse.
In his dreams, he was blessed. The world didn't feel like a melancholic place, no, it was bright, colorful, warm and a wondrous place to dwell in. It truly felt like a place where he belonged and that he mattered, that he was connected to the world and he didn't feel like an outcast. The sunshine would be pure and brilliant and would light the little flames within the hearts of people. Even rainy days would bring forth joy as the rain would make the land fresh and nurture the nature while the people could enjoy their cup of tea or coffee as the drumming of the droplets would produce a relaxing sound. There would not be malicious shadows that would cling onto the souls of people, they would be casted away with the radiance of unity and affection. Even when it was time for the season of black nights and constant coldness, there would still be light that can't be extinguished as long as it could be passed forward by the hearts of people. But, dark and miserable don't always go hand in hand, so there was something magical in the darkest nights when the skies would be clear and all the stars would be shining and fulfil the wishes of people. Winter was simply a time for nature to slumber so it can gain strength to blaze with brilliance when the spring would come around again and maintain that vividness throughout the year until the dim seasons would take their turn again.
But this wasn't the part that struck to Leif's heart the most.
There was something that overshadowed the wonders of this dream world. He saw an angelic entity, more beautiful than anyone he had ever met. The grace, the gorgeous facial features and a smile that melted his heart, this person was there for him. Just a mere touch from them was enough to fill Leif with warmth, and he felt such happiness that he hadn't experienced anything like it ever before. This angel was kind to him, guiding him through the darkness and tearing down the walls of insecurity, loneliness and sadness. As he held their hand, he could feel that their hearts were beating as one. Together they would face the many wonders of the world, for their love for each other was shaping their world into a better place. The angel understood him, showed affection and made him feel like that despite his rough background, he still mattered. Together they had shared hopes and dreams for the life and as partners, they could try to reach them as one. With this person by his side, Leif's life could be a lot better.
But the cruel truth was that none of this was real.
Everything shattered into thousands of pieces. As Leif suddenly woke up, it was like he had come through a wall of glass, and all those shards were piercing his skin. The reality hit him like a wrecking ball and he was soon up and staring at the surrounding darkness like a frightened animal. His heart was beating fast and his hands were shaking. He looked at them, and he felt like they had just let go of something important. Tears started to form in his eyes as he realized that the perfect world which he had just experienced was nothing but a stupid dream. He felt hurt and betrayed, being angry at the reality. For a brief moment, he had had someone to hold, someone to love, but it had been ruthlessly taken away from him.
But then again, it's not like he deserved happiness anyway.
Leif fumbled around the nightstand, looking for cigarettes and a lighter. After successfully obtaining both, he lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke, then blowing it out.
He felt like shit and lonely. This had been a reminder that he wasn't worthy of anyone's love. That would never change. His life wasn't like the four seasons, it would remain the same with same broken dreams. The only possible changes would be for the worse.
His nose started to bleed, but he didn't even notice. He inhaled the smoke like he needed it to breath. Although it was painful, he rotated the visions of his dream in his head.
It was stupid how heartbroken he felt because of what his subconscious had conjured up.
He began to sob. In the late hours of the holiday night, he would stay up and wail in his misery. Nobody could hear him crying, there was no one who cared. He was all alone and messed from his head.
