I don't wanna have to do this, but my usual approach of taking new commissions as the bills come has resulted in the queue growing much faster than I'm drawing. Almost daily, unexpected business like car problems, dealing with the landlord, family struggling and needing our help, or just doing simple errands that always hit a snag and cost us the whole day somehow, keep me from working. When I do sit down to draw, it's so hard for me to make the correct lines and stay motivated because the weight of how much I have to catch up on and the oft-proven fear that something could interrupt me and take my whole day away at any moment are always on my mind.
I'm depressed. I'm scared. I'm broke. I'm losing my passion for my favorite things. I'm so anxious about every second I spend not drawing. Every time I have one good day, I tell myself and anyone with ears that things are getting better and I'll catch up soon, and then the universe somehow makes me a liar once again. The queue has gotten so long I'm afraid to count how many there are for my mental health. We're late on one of our bills and in need of basic stuff like laundry and cat food that we can't afford without taking away what little money I can scrape together by promising people I'll draw what they want eventually. Next month's bills start coming due in a few days.
I made some efforts to earn some money on the side, and none of it panned out and that time is lost. Even if someone hired me on the spot today, I wouldn't have a paycheck for a couple weeks. The only way we're going to make it is if I can make about $1500 within the next few weeks, and if I take that many more commissions right now, at the rate I'm going, you'll be waiting several months and probably exponentially increasing the wait for the inevitable next wave, and I'll continue the same cycle of panic and barely making it.
:sparkles:The point is, I need a month (at least) to catch up if I'm to continue doing art and music at all. I will accept commissions if you really want it that bad, but I'm asking for donations, full stop. If I can't get caught up, this is unsustainable, and my family will have nothing but the roof over our heads covered by my husband's disability check. If I get a job where I can't idly doodle throughout the day (i.e. most of them), I'll have a stable income but I won't have *any* time for art, and dozens of my customers who have already paid will be waiting well into next year. I've already been asked for a couple refunds I can't afford. I really don't know what to do.
No matter what happens, I love and appreciate this community so fucking much. I've learned and grown so much in the last few years, made so many amazing friends, and been more successful as a full time artist than I would've believed possible when it began. If things don't work out and I go dark, the mods will know where to find me, but I hope with every fiber of my being that I don't have to give up.
