Ok. I prefer to say it, I don't know how to formulate this, if it's the right words, or the right way. But as much to say it, story that it comes out and that people are aware and are not surprised if it happens.
I'll try to keep it short, so as not to get bogged down in unnecessary details. and people don't like long blocks of text anyway.
In short version, with the image you have a small idea of what is happening or what has happened in my head and in my life. I'm seriously considering quitting being a freelance artist and taking on more "classic" work. No decision has been made at the moment, but I'm thinking about it, my decision will come in the next few weeks.
that's it if you want the short version, if you want a little more detail, then let's continue.
I have been a freelance artist for over two years now. And 2022 has been an emotional rollercoaster. I cried, I screamed, I got angry, I got depressed. I neglected my health... It is with shame that I admit to having been bad with those around me who had to suffer my mood swings.
Emotionally and mentally, I'm tired.
I reassure you right away, it's okay. I'm fine and I'm not alone.
I live with 3 friends, I am supported by my loved ones, I have spoken a lot with them and everything is not THAT bad.
I have good times, I am lucky to have support and to be well surrounded. I thank all those who offered me and who will still offer me that they are there to discuss if I need it. Don't take it for yourself if i don't, but it's just not really me, I'm very modest/shy about that.
There are mainly 3 things that make me not doing so well.
- Stress and mental load. Working as a freelancer means managing everything from A to Z. Customer relations, the drawing work itself, all the administration, being disciplined, accounting, and cash flow, which is my second point. .
- Money. As you know, times are tough for everyone right now. Prices are rising everywhere. you need to have a substantial income to be able to pay your bills and live. And as a freelancer, the salary is unstable and never guaranteed. and today, I do not earn enough to live comfortably. The constant stress/fear of not having enough to pay bills, payroll taxes and debts is horrible to bear, especially if you have been doing it for a very long time, without being able to take a vacation or rest. It ruins your health, which is the third point.
- Health. Indeed for too long I have neglected my health. I was in denial and always postponing it, telling myself that when the situation is calmer, I will take care of it. that for now I'm fine. That I MUST be fine.
Well no, it doesn't work. My mind reminds me of it, my age, my body, my loved ones remind me of it. So I decided to see doctors. for the weight, for my back problems, for my mind. this is all in process for now.
Some fellow artists know what I'm talking about, some people will understand, some probably won't. but at least I give an explanation. just in case.
I repeat, but no decision has been made yet. I try to get better, to change my way of working, to take care of myself... and in general, I make an effort to be better.
My current clients need not worry. I will continue to work, and I will never take an commission that I am not sure to finish.
Thanks to everyone who supports me. Thank you to my relatives and loved ones, my friends, buddies, acquaintances and others. Thanks to my customers, to the donations, to all the messages of support, in the past or to come.
Whether I quit or not, it was really a great experience.
As a modest artist, I am particularly happy that my drawings have brought pleasure and satisfaction to people around me.
