“Oh, shit.”
Chilli’s hand covered her mouth as she looked at the pregnancy test in her hand. She thought it was a bit odd that she hadn’t had her period in a while, but she initially just assumed that she had just skipped one. Now, there was absolutely no doubt about it.
“Where are the girls?” Chilli asked her husband Bandit when she went downstairs to find him lying on the couch in the living room.
“Oh, they’re just on the trampoline out back.” He gestured in the general direction of the backyard as he listlessly watched some commercial for prescription medication on the tv. “Man, with all these bad side-effects I’d rather just put up with the shingles.”
“Bandit… we need to talk.” Chilli held up the pregnancy test for him to see.
“Wha-” Bandit stopped as soon as his eyes turned to her, seeing the test and already knowing what she wanted to talk about. “No way.”
“Yes way.” Chilli nervously sat down on the couch once her husband sat up to make room for her. “So… what are we gonna do about this?”
Bandit thought for a moment. There was a time when he wasn’t sure if he’d want a third child, but after raising Biscuit with Bluey in their dreams for what felt like the equivalent of three whole years, he felt quite differently now. He knew how Chilli felt about it.
“And you’re sure it’s mine, right? There weren’t any ‘accidents’ during our… y’know… ‘party’”? Bandit asked, referring to the massive orgy they’d had with the other parents.
“I’m positive, Bandit. In fact, I think I know when it probably was. Remember when I… painted myself?” The red heeler looked at her husband, referring to when she had colored herself to look like Bluey for a bit of roleplay. It felt rather awkward for both of them now, looking back on it.
“Oh. Y-yeah.” Bandit blushed a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well… I’m happy about this! A new addition to the family!”
“Are you sure? You seemed kinda… I dunno… iffy about the whole idea before…”
“I’m positive. I love you so much, Chilli.” Bandit went in for a hug, wrapping his arms around her.
“I love you too, Bandit.” Chilli replied, their tails wagging in unison as they embraced.
Suddenly, Chilli felt a small vibration as she got a text message on her phone. It was from her sister Brandy, reading only two simple words:
“I’m pregnant”
“...”
Seeing those three little dots as Brandy was typing another message put Chilli into panic-mode. There was likely only one reason her sister would be texting her this with so little words.
“It’s Bandit’s”
“Fuck...” she whispered under hear breath.
“What’s wrong, Chilli?” Bandit asked. “Madge again?”
Chilli held up her phone, showing him the screen.
“Fffuck.” Bandit felt his stomach drop when he saw the text, and who it was from.
“We cannot let the kids know about this.” Chilli’s hand shook a little as she looked at the phone again, trying to think of a response to her sister.
“Yeah, ‘good news girls, you’re getting two new siblings! And by the way, one of them is also your cousin!’” Bandit rested his face in his hands as he tried to come to terms with this. “Come to think of it, how did this even happen? Brandy is… she’s…”
Bandit avoided saying the word, as it was a sensitive topic that nearly ended Chilli and Brandy’s relationship as sisters.
“I honestly don’t know, Bandit. I was sure it was safe. But I do know she wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
“We should talk to her. In person.” Bandit felt his heart racing. Finding out he was going to be a dad again not just once, but twice was a lot for anyone to take in. “Let’s get this all figured out.”
But little did the blue heeler know, this day was about to get even more interesting.
Before Chilli could even call her back, the doorbell rang.
Bandit felt a sinking feeling in his chest as his and Chilli’s heads turned to face the front entrance. They weren’t expecting anyone in particular today; hopefully it was just another alternative energy salesman.
The pair both got up from the couch and opened the door to find their neighbor Wendy standing there.
“Oh, Wendy! It’s just you. Need to borrow some hedge trimmers again?” Chilli nervously smiled, hoping that was all she was here for.
“Hello, Chilli. Bandit.” Wendy greeted them flatly as she smiled back, with an equally-nervous expression on her face as well. “Do you mind if we… had a little chat?”
The way she said those words did not sound good to Bandit.
“S-sure, come on in, love.” Chilli shuffled aside closer to Bandit, inviting Wendy in.
“You might want to sit down.” Wendy said as they went back to the living room together. Bandit and Chilli were both thinking the same thing at that moment, how it was odd that their guest was insisting the hosts sit. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
The married couple gave each other a look, wondering what this could be about before Wendy continued.
“So, about last month. When we, um… well, surely you know to what I’m referring. Our little… ‘tryst’?”
“...Yeah?” Bandit’s fingers anxiously clenched as they held the blue fur on his thighs.
“You… want to arrange another one?” Chilli tried to guide the conversation in her preferred direction, but with little success.
“No. Well, maybe. Yes? Anyway, what I came over to discuss was…” Wendy sighed. She had to come clean.
“I’m pregnant.”
“Ffffuck.” Chilli and Bandit both whispered under their breath at the same time.
“There’s… more. I feel you deserve to know the whole truth, because I care very deeply for you both.” Wendy fidgeted with her fingers as she tried to find the best way to tell them. “It… wasn’t an accident, and the condom didn’t break. I… I did it on purpose.”
“What?!” Bandit yelled as he stood from his spot on the couch, causing Wendy to recoil a little in fear. He immediately came back to his senses at the sight of her, however, and sat back down again calmly. “I’m sorry, Wendy. I shouldn’t have shouted like that.”
“No, no. I’m the one who should be sorry, Bandit. I am so sorry, to both of you. It was absolutely fiendish of me to do such a thing behind your backs, but I… I just…” Wendy began to cry as she continued. “I just wanted to have a child again. My own child, not one that I have to share with someone whom I despise and takes her away from me for weeks at a time! I get so lonely in that house, all by myself! I often go for so long without hearing any sounds of laughter or playing! You don’t know what it’s like! You get to experience the joys of parenthood every day of the week!You don’t have to worry about wondering if your ex is poisoning your own child against you! Raising her in ways you don’t agree with!”
Wendy was a blubbering mess at this point, the makeup on her eyes now running down the fluffy beige fur on her cheeks. Neither Bandit nor Chilli had ever seen her in this state before.
Bandit reached over to the tissue box on the coffee table and handed it to Wendy, which she grabbed gratefully.
“Thank you.” The chow-chow said before blowing her nose loudly into it.
After Wendy had eventually calmed down, she sighed again. “You Heelers are really my closest friends… you know? Two of my only friends, really.”
Chilli sat up from the couch opposite Wendy and went around the coffee table to sit beside her friend, sympathetically rubbing her back. Bandit got up as well, sitting on Wendy’s other side.
“I just wanted what you have. You always look like you’re so happy together. I guess I thought, maybe if I can be a part of the Heeler family in any small way, perhaps I can have even just a little of that happiness too.” Wendy rested her hands on Chilli and Bandit’s legs as they sat by her side. “I only hope you can forgive me for what I did. I promise I won’t be pursuing any financial assistance from you, I can do just fine on my own. You needn’t worry about me ever squeezing you for money.”
That reassurance in itself was a huge relief to the two heelers. They had known Wendy for a long time, and trusted she would stay true to her word.
‘Might be best to get it all in writing sometime, though…’ Chilli thought to herself, ‘just to be safe.’
Bandit, meanwhile, was thinking about what all of this meant now that the reality of the matter was setting in. He was going to have three more kids - one with his wife Chilli, one with his sister-in-law Brandy, and now one with his neighbor Wendy. He glanced down at Wendy’s abdomen as she sat beside him, the slightest smile making its way onto his face as he imagined the new life forming inside her. This certainly wasn’t an ideal situation he was in, but he was Bandit Heeler; he’d find a way to manage… somehow.
Just then, there was a knock at the door. It was quiet, almost so much so that they barely even heard it at all. However, their sensitive dog ears perked up and angled in its direction much like a satellite dish to immediately let them know there was indeed a presence on the other side.
“Now who could that be?” Bandit grumbled as he stood up from the couch yet again, feeling the need to be the one who answered the door so that he wouldn’t be left sitting awkwardly alone on the couch with Wendy. When he opened the door, his heart sank even more than it had been already; standing on his front porch was Calypso, Bluey’s teacher. He had a bad feeling he knew why she was here.
After all, when it rains, it pours.
“H-hello, Mister Heeler.” Calypso greeted him shyly, avoiding eye-contact.
“Calypso, I’m pretty sure by now we’re on terms where you can just call me Bandit.” His whole body felt more and more tense with each passing second. There was no way Calypso could be here for the same reason as Wendy… right?
“Oh, right. Sorry, I’m just, uh… a bit nervous.” The Australian Shepherd finally looked Bandit in the eyes.
“Social anxiety?” the blue heeler desperately wanted to assume.
“N-no. Well, maybe a little bit. But, uhm… is Chilli here? There’s something I’d like to talk to the both of you about.” Calypso asked as she tilted her head, peering slightly over Bandit’s shoulder.
“I’m here.” Chilli seemed to appear from behind Bandit out of nowhere, leaving Wendy to herself with her thoughts on the couch back in the living room.
“Oh, good. Do you mind if I come in?” Calypso inched forward a little, trying to show her insistence that she needed to have a very important conversation with them.
“Well, the thing is, we kind of already have…” Bandit glanced back over his shoulder, jolting in surprise to unexpectedly seeing Wendy already now standing behind him as well. “...company.”
“Hello, I don’t believe we’ve met.” Wendy held out her hand. “I’m Wendy, their neighbour. And you are?”
“O-oh, uh…” Calypso recoiled a bit at Wendy’s unexpected presence, but held out her hand and shook it weakly to be polite before mumbling, “I’m Calypso… Bluey’s teacher.”
The four stood silently at the crowded doorway for a few moments, the awkward tension building rapidly as none of them were sure what to do next.
“So what was it you wanted to talk to us about, Calypso?” Chilli broke the ice, hoping this was just a surprise-conference to discuss something about Bluey. Bandit, meanwhile, was practically sweating bullets. Why was Calypso here? Bluey hadn’t told her what had happened, had she? She wouldn’t go spilling their secret… would she? Another possibility was that she simply wanted to arrange another hookup. But she had Chilli’s phone number now, surely she could have just done it over text if that was the case. However, there was one more option…
“I kind of… wanted to… talk in… private.” Calypso kept shyly glancing at Wendy, who picked up on this hint.
“No worries darling, I was just heading out myself.” Wendy brought both of her hands up to her neck, fluffing the thick and luxurious fur upon it as she squeezed past Bandit and out the front door before looking back at them with a gentle smile as if to say, ‘thank you’.
As Wendy made her way down the porch steps and down the sidewalk as the Heelers invited Calypso in and closed the door, she immediately turned and darted towards their nearest window to sneak a peek into their conversation. Something about Calypso’s strange behaviour gave the Chow-chow’s keen intuition the impression that something was clearly amiss.
She just barely peeked her eyes above the window, her canine ears picking up on the faint noises of their conversation she could just barely hear through the glass. She knew it was impolite to eavesdrop, but the opportunity to discover some juicy drama was just too tempting for her to resist.
“I’m… not sure how to say this, so maybe I should just say it and get it over with.” Wendy could hear Calypso’s soft-spoken voice as the three walked from one side of the living room to the other.
“What’s going on, Calypso? You can tell us anything.” Chilli spoke reassuringly, even when her heart had a very bad feeling.
“Please, don’t be upset with Bandit about this.” Calypso took several deep breaths.
“I’ll just get this ready.” Chilli squinted at her husband as she picked up the newspaper on the coffee table, rolling it up into a tube.
“It was my idea not to use protection, I wanted my first time to be… the way nature intended.” The Australian Shepherd whimpered, feeling as though she were the one about to be scolded instead. “But it turns out, I’m… pregnant.”
Wendy gasped aloud as she blushed deeply from the other side of the window; it was drama she had wanted, and she certainly wasn’t left disappointed.
‘Oh my… Bandit certainly has been a busy boy, hasn’t he?’ She thought to herself.
“Ah, biscuits!” Bandit exclaimed, followed by an immediate whack on the head from the newspaper in Chilli’s hand.
“Please, don’t be upset, Chilli!” Calypso tried to use her teaching instincts to calm the red heeler, hating confrontation. “He’s not to blame for this!”
Chilli was about to whack Bandit again when her hand stopped in place. She sighed. Calypso was right. In a way, this was all Chilli’s own doing. If she hadn’t pressured Bandit into satisfying her hot-husbanding fetish, none of this would be happening. She set the newspaper down as Calypso continued.
“I don’t want this to be a burden to you two. In fact, I’m personally happy about this. I’ve always wanted my own child, but my anxiety kept me from ever… y’know… meeting someone.” She smiled slightly as she looked down and rubbed her abdomen. “I’m keeping it. I don’t need money, I just… wanted to let you know.”
Bandit’s hands were trembling; learning he was going to be having four more kids, and all within the course of an hour? What were the odds?
“All I would like…” Calypso continued, looking at Bandit, “if it’s at all possible, is for you to… be a part of our child’s life.”
“...Dad? Calypso?”
The three adults’ hearts all skipped a beat at the sudden sound of Bluey’s voice as she and her sister Bingo stood at the doorway to the playroom, a look of confusion and concern on their faces. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, boy.” Bandit said as he stood, but was at a complete loss for how to explain any of this to them. “Bluey… Bingo… the thing is…”
“I don’t understand!” Bluey began shouting, her little hands beginning to ball up into fists. “Dad, you… you…”
In this moment, Bluey did not see Bandit as her father. In her twisted mind of Bandit’s own making, she only saw him as her husband, fully and truly.
A husband who had betrayed her.
“I can’t believe you’d do this to me! After everything we’ve been through!” Bluey’s eyes were beginning to tear up, as were Bandit’s. “Does our marriage mean nothing to you?!
‘Oh, shit.’ Bandit said aloud. “Oh Bluey, you and your games…”
“What about when you took my virginity?! Was that just a ‘game’ too?!” Bluey was visibly turning red with anger, her tears now running down her burning cheeks like waterfalls.
“B-Bluey, shh…”
“What did she say?” Calypso’s eyes widened as she raised an eyebrow, swearing she had misheard the little blue heeler. Wendy blinked as well from outside the window, her stomach dropping with a sickening feeling in her gut that made her want to retch.
“Ohohoh yeah!” Bluey was absolutely livid at this point like never before as she looked to Calypso with hatred in her eyes. “Dad and I are in love! He’s way more than just my dad! We… have…”
“Bluey, NO!” Bandit pleaded, his worst nightmare becoming reality.
“...sex!”
There was no way this day could possibly get any worse.
And then, it happened.
Before Bandit could even begin to explain himself to anyone, they all heard a deafening crack of what sounded like earth-shattering thunder that shook the entirety of their reality itself. As his daughters yelped and instinctively ran to him for protection, Bandit felt an immense yet familiar feeling of both existential dread and unfathomable terror - though he couldn’t explain why.
The front door suddenly swung open, with Wendy standing at the entrance as loud emergency sirens all across the city immediately began blaring. Her eyes were wide, but she was almost speechless as she wore an expression more grim than any of the Heelers had ever seen on her before.
“Everyone… you need to come see this.”
The Heelers and Calypso all followed Wendy outside, and they immediately noticed what Wendy was talking about.
Floating in the sky was a massive black spherical mass, slowly emerging from a hole broken into the fabric of space like cracking and shattering glass. It was still high in the atmosphere but nearly the size of the moon, covering much of the sky as it began to eclipse the sun itself and turning the view of Brisbane into an ominous orange hue. Its open gigantic mouth was circular and full of millions of long jagged teeth, and its skin was covered in equally-jagged spikes and tendrils. Its body was dotted with millions of tiny red eyes, emotionless and without a hint of mercy. It was difficult for anyone to discern its exact shape, as it seemed to be ever-changing in form.
“What is that thing?!” Chilli finally spoke, holding Bingo close to her.
Bandit said nothing, but recognized the creature immediately. The one that had appeared twice already in his nightmares. He pinched his arm as hard as he possibly could.
And he felt pain.
He looked over to Bluey standing at his side, who was pinching her arm as well and looking back up at him with terror and uncertainty in her eyes.
But at this moment, Bandit was certain. He was certain that this was, in fact, the end. Certain that the future, everyone he knew and loved, would soon be no more. Certain that his story was now coming to an imminent and unexpected close.
“AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL….. WWWIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL….. EEEEEENNNNNNDDD…..”
The eldritch being in the sky spoke with a deep and guttural boom, visibly shaking buildings and shattering glass all around as the sky turned a dark red.
“Dad… I-I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I’m scared…” Bluey’s voice cracked as her teary eyes were fixated on her father, holding his hand in fear.
“Me too, Bluey.” Bandit replied, taking his eyes away from the nightmare in the sky to look back at her. “But it’s okay to be scared. We’re all here together. We’ll always be together. Right?”
He weakly braved a smile for his daughter as he squeezed her hand gently, trying to keep her instilled with the childlike hope that everything would miraculously be okay somehow. Bluey nodded back, still clearly unconvinced but feeling a little reassured. He then held Chilli’s hand as well, who held Bingo’s on her other side as they stood in a line like the curtain call of a theatre play.
And they faced the end of the world together as a family. A family corrupted, disturbed, and tainted beyond repair, but still a loving family nonetheless.
Missiles from militaries all across the world began firing relentlessly at the dark entity, erupting in hundreds of fiery explosions that lit up the darkening sky as they made contact with it. It had no effect. It was clear that nothing in the world could stop it.
Then, in the middle of the cul-de-sac just in front of the Heelers’ house, something strange began to happen. Small neon sparks of green electricity began to form from nothing, quickly spreading and charring the pavement beneath as they grew bigger and bigger before converging into a large triangle of bright green lightning. As the triangle formed, the fur on the nearby dogs immediately stood stiff as the energy emitted by it became more powerful.
“What now…” Bandit mumbled quietly in exasperation, wondering what else could possibly happen now as what appeared to be a shimmering iridescent liquid began to swirl and ripple like a kaleidoscope throughout the mysterious prism. A figure slowly stepped out, unlike anything the Heelers had ever seen before. He was covered in futuristic-looking red and orange armor, with a neon green light illuminating the center of its chest. His anatomy was nothing like that of a normal dog; his head was much smaller compared to the rest of his body - which wasn’t nearly as rectangle-shaped - and with brown hair only on the top of his otherwise completely furless face.
He looked up at the obsidian mass in the sky for a moment before his gaze turned to face the Heelers standing on their front porch. As the alien looked the big blue heeler directly in the eyes, Bandit began to see the all-too-familiar static shrouding his vision.
Then, everything went black.
It felt like only a brief moment, but in this short amount of time, Bandit felt nothing. No worries, no fears, no sadness or pain. No happiness. No thoughts. Nothing.
He then saw a white flash of light, a loud explosive noise shaking the world once again. Bandit suddenly felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him as his vision returned, coughing and breathing in heavily like this was the first breath of life he’d ever taken. Chilli, Bluey, Bingo, Wendy, and Calypso were all in the same state as he was, hunching over and struggling to breathe for a few moments before finally regaining themselves. Once his lungs had settled, Bandit looked up in the sky.
The nightmare was gone.
The stranger was gone as well.
Bandit touched his arm, still feeling a bit sore in the spot where he pinched it.
‘What the hell just happened?’ He thought, struggling to remember. But like waking up from a dream, anything that had happened after the static quickly faded completely from his memory.
“Wha…” Calypso looked around, her eyes eventually meeting Bandit’s.
‘Fuck.’ Bandit thought as his eyes met hers as well, gulping as he remembered Bluey’s confession to her. He was screwed for sure.
“Wha… wha… what nice weather we’re having today!” Calypso smiled as she stood, feeling the breeze against her fur. “Oh, hello Bluey!”
‘She… doesn’t remember?’ Bandit looked between Calypso and Bluey, and Bluey shrugged back at him in confusion.
“What was I doing again?” Wendy asked herself as she scratched her head and blinked, feeling like she had forgotten something as she started walking down the sidewalk back home next door. “Oh right, my flowers need watering.”
“Well, please think about what I said, you two.” Calypso turned to face Bandit and Chilli again. “I really hope you’ll consider it.”
And with that, Calypso took her leave, leaving the Heelers alone once again.
“So what was all that?” Bandit asked after several moments of silence on their porch.
“What was what?” Chilli asked in return, her and Bingo looking at each other with a perplexed expression.
“Uh… nevermind.”
Although Bandit and Bluey - the only ones who remembered anything about what had happened that day - never got answers about what they saw, they took it as a warning. Just as the monster demanded, this had to end. They continued to spend their nights in their dreams together with their son Biscuit as his loving parents, but from that day on, in the waking world they would only ever be what they were supposed to be all along: nothing more than a father and his daughter.
In a matter of months, Chilli, Wendy, Calypso, and Brandy all successfully had Bandit’s children, and the Heeler family was bigger than ever. Although it took some getting used to from everyone involved, and their family was far from perfect, they all eventually came to understand and accept one another. Including Biscuit, Bandit was now the father of seven children - three boys, and four girls. Wendy’s son Indigo, Calypso’s daughter Sapphire, Brandy’s daughter Azure, and Chilli’s son.
“Cobalt, c’mon! Bluey’s plane is leaving soon!” Bandit called out to him from down the hallway of the airport terminal.
“Sorry, Dad!” Cobalt replied as he ran to catch up with the rest of his family, having stopped a ways back to look at the planes through the window of the skybridge.
Bluey, now nineteen years old, took several breaths to calm her nerves as she held the ticket in her hand.
“I think you’re going to enjoy university in Québec, Bluey.” Jean-Luc smiled reassuringly at her as he rubbed her back. “It is very, how you say… bonzer?”
“You’ve been studying Aussie!” Bluey chuckled in surprise. “Yeah, that’s how you say it. Or ‘bonza’.”
“‘Bonza’. Oui.” The black labrador nodded, making a mental note of it.
“You’re sure you didn’t forget anything at home, Bluey? It’s a long trip back to Brisbane.” Bingo reminded her, as she was the more responsible one of the two.
“If she does, I can always just mail it to her. No worries.” Chilli ruffled her daughter’s hair with her hand, tearing up a little. It would be a big change without having Bluey around; she still saw her as her little blue girl. Chilli thought back on their experiences as a family so many years ago, and it all seemed so foreign to her now. She was glad to have some sense of normalcy again, completely free from her unconventional lascivious urges. Even now, she looked back on that version of herself as a dog she didn’t even recognize. Chilli was just grateful that Bluey and Bingo were miraculously still on good terms with her and Bandit after everything that had happened.
“Group 3, now boarding.” The dog at the counter announced through their microphone.
“We’ll miss you, Bluey.” Cobalt said, finally having caught up to them at the gate.
“Have fun!” Bingo added, giving her a quick hug.
“Stay safe. Please.” Chilli wiped a tear from her eye.
“I love you.” Bandit spoke softly, his lip trembling. “I’ll always love you.”
Bluey and Bandit looked at each other, and she knew exactly what he meant.
“I’ll always love you too, Dad.” She replied with a sniffle.
This was it. The end. Bluey was grown-up now, and about to go off and live her own life, leaving Bandit behind. Though they didn’t want to admit it, they both knew this moment was inevitable. Everything must come to an end someday. That’s just a part of life. But Bluey and Bandit, who remembered that day of the waking nightmare, never took that life for granted.
Bluey gave her family a hug, then turned away to head through the gate with her luggage along with Jean-Luc. But before she disappeared around the corner to the plane, she took one last look back at her family. Her Mom. Her sister. Her brother.
Her dad.
Bluey let go of her suitcase, running back and throwing herself into Bandit’s arms.
Her Bandit.
They held each other for several moments longer as their tails wagged in unison, cherishing every single second they had together.
“Last call for boarding flight forty-two to Montreal.” The attendant announced.
Bandit broke the hug with his daughter, giving her one more kiss on the forehead. They exchanged no further words, and Bluey waved goodbye to her family with a teary-eyed smile as she grabbed her baggage and disappeared behind the corridor.
‘Have a great life, Bluey.’ Bandit thought as he sighed, a smile eventually making its way onto his face as well as they watched the plane leave down the runway.
‘May all your dreams come true.’
