Melias sat at his usual table in the library, feeling more wound up than usual. It was half-past two, and his friend, Ro, was nowhere to be found.
Yes, friend.
A month had gone by, and Melias had mostly settled into college life. Every day, he had gone to the library, and every day, Ro had found him. Usually, they’d stay silent, having only one or two short conversations. But the conversations picked up last week, and they spent more time talking about computers and school than they did studying. They hadn’t talked about anything too personal, but Melias couldn’t help but start to see the human as a friend. And that made him feel anxious, feel scared, feel uncertain, but above all, it made him feel happy. He was beginning to believe that, maybe this time, things would be different.
He tapped the table and checked the time. Where the hell was Ro?
It wasn’t a big deal. There were countless reasons why he wasn’t there. Ro’s classes had only ended half an hour ago. Maybe he had something to do. Maybe he just felt like doing something else? But no, that didn’t make sense. The last thing Ro said to him on Friday was, “see you Monday!” And now it’s Monday, so where was he?
Melias sighed. Nothing was unusual about this. Ro always showed up at different times, and it never bothered the bird before. The real problem was last night, when Dad told him some things he really didn’t need to hear.
“Hey Mel. What’s up?”
“Well… I want to know more about why people hate humans so much. All I could find online was obvious racism. Even the human-friendly stuff was inconsistent.”
Dad trilled. “That’s a tricky one, Mel. Hmm, where do I begin?”
“A lot of it seems to have to do with the North Coast Conflict.”
“Right. That’s as good a place as any to start. So, the human-only country of Stecha invaded the small country of Innhild.”
“Yes. It makes sense that war would lead to prejudice, but Stecha and Innhild are both overseas. Why is the bias so strong here?”
“Refugees. A lot of people escaped on ships. Most of them just landed over here, and they brought stories with them. And, well, you know how stories can get out of control…”
Melias sighed. He sure did. “But there were some humans here before, right? What happened to them?”
“At first? Nothing. But as time went on, and the bias grew, people started being run out of town, arrested on false charges, maybe just killed outright.”
Melias’ stomach dropped. Killed outright? Would someone try to kill Ro? Had someone already tried?
His dad continued. “At least, that’s what I could glean from reading the history.”
“O-oh, I see,” Melias said, still rattled. Ro was so kind and gentle. He didn’t deserve a stomach cramp, let alone threats on his life.
“Obviously, things are better now, but we’ve still got a long, long way to go, Mel.”
Melias’ eyes refocused and he looked up from his book. The fact that the human wasn’t here right now was sending his mind down dark paths. He just wanted to know he was okay. But he also didn’t want to text Ro, because… what if it was nothing, and he looked dumb and worried for no reason?
He sighed and looked down at his book. This one certainly wasn’t as interesting as his last one, so he searched the library’s database for what felt like the hundredth time. He scrolled down the page, not even reading the words on the screen as they passed by.
“Hey, Melias.”
The voice was like a warm bath on a cold day. A smile crept onto Melias’ face as he looked up. “Hi, Ro.”
“So much to do today,” Ro said, putting his bag under the table and sitting down.
Of course. There was never anything to worry about. Melias was so good at winding himself up over nothing. Ro had made it this far, right? He could take care of himself.
Still, his father’s words tormented him. Killed outright… Melias just couldn’t shake the anxiety. But it was okay. He knew Ro was safe now. He opened his book again. Maybe it wasn’t so boring.
And so the two quietly studied together, just as they had every day for the past month. And it was just how Melias liked it.
“Hey, M-Melias? Um…”
Melias looked up from his book. “Yes?”
“Do you remember that FPGA kit I told you about?”
Melias certainly did. He had been wanting to get his hands on one ever since Ro mentioned that it might be more fun than trying to build on a breadboard. “Yes.”
“Well, it arrived this morning, and… um… I was just wondering…” Ro looked down. “Well, I mean, if it’s not a big deal—”
Melias turned his head, but his stomach turned more. He was pretty sure he knew what was coming.
Ro clasped his fingers in front of his chest. “Like, just, i-if you wanted to come to my dorm… and help me put it together?”
Yep, there it was. Almost immediately, he heard the voice of a little boy in his head.
“Hey, Melias… wanna come over to my house this weekend?” Chekmak asked.
“L-like, for a sleepover?”
“Yeah! It’ll be fun!”
“M-Melias?”
Melias blinked and looked at Ro’s downturned eyes. It was like the human was steeling himself for rejection. “Never m—”
“S-sure.” Well, this was it. No turning back now. “It sounds fun.” The words surprised Melias. They felt like a lie on his tongue, but sounded like the truth when they hit his ears.
Ro smiled. “Wait, seriously? Oh, cool! N-not today, I mean. I have a big assignment due Friday morning, so, how about… well, why not Friday afternoon? We can do it over the weekend!”
Melias gulped as warmth flushed through his body. Did he have to phrase it like that?
“I mean, unless you’re busy,” Ro said, looking away.
“I don’t think so. I can’t promise something won’t come up, but I have no plans.”
The human chuckled. “Yeah… that would be just my luck. Well… okay! Friday it is!”
Melias buzzed with equal parts anxiety and excitement. Painful moments from his past, both big and small, kept replaying in his head, yet he couldn’t help but dare to hope.
After some more time had passed, Ro cleared his throat. “Um, Melias?”
“Yes?”
The human spoke quietly. “Just… if you don't want to hang out this weekend, you don’t have to.”
Melias blinked. Where was this coming from? “Of course I want to.”
Ro smiled, but his heart didn’t seem to be into it. “You sure?”
“Yes. Do I seem like I don’t want to?” Melias realized very quickly that he probably was acting like he didn’t want to. No outward signs of excitement. Barely acknowledging the question. Saying the bare minimum. Why couldn’t he just talk like a normal person?
“I… don’t know. It’s just… no one has ever really wanted to, you know… be my friend. Not in person, anyway.”
Melias looked into those sad eyes. It was just so unfair. Lifetime of loneliness really did eat away at someone. He knew exactly how the human felt. “No one wants to be my friend either.”
Ro recoiled, looking almost offended. “That’s dumb! You’re so nice!”
Melias? Nice? Was the sky purple? “I’m… not as nice as I seem.”
“What do you mean?”
Melias looked away. “I just… sit here and barely talk. I don’t see what’s so nice about that.”
“You’ve always been nice to me.”
Melias furrowed his brow. “I snapped at you the first time we met.”
“Well, sure, but that’s because I was a strange human… and you apologized to me the next day. Not many people do that.”
“I felt guilty. It was the right thing to do.”
“Well, that’s what I mean! Only nice people do things like that.”
Melias scratched his crest. “I don’t know. I don’t feel nice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well…” Melias said, but he didn’t exactly know what he meant either. “I used to have a bad anger problem, and I… hurt a lot of people.” His body tensed as he spoke. Saying that felt much more revealing than he expected it to.
Ro leaned forward. Melias was getting used to the way Ro would do this every time he started getting fired up. The crow usually found it endearing, but wasn’t so comfortable when the topic was himself.
“Used to? So you don’t anymore?”
Melias groaned. “I… haven’t got angry in a long time, no.”
Ro beamed. “That’s great, though! A lot of people never overcome their problems. It shows your quality as a person!”
The crow was trying very hard to not scoff. God, being praised sucked so much. There were so many people who actually deserved it. Still, the human looked so happy for him. He couldn’t shut him down. “U-um, thank you. I… appreciate that.” The words came out of his mouth with as much ease as passing a kidney stone, and were probably just as painful.
Accepting compliments. What in the world had gotten into him?
Ro fell back in his chair. “It’s certainly better than anything I’ve done…”
Melias hated when Ro degraded himself, but he was grateful to have the spotlight off him. “That’s not true.”
“Nah, it is…”
“You’re in college. People don’t get into college without doing something right.” Especially someone with the deck stacked so badly against him.
Ro’s eyes seemed to defocus. “Well, I… my parents… gave up so much for me. I… I couldn’t let that go to waste.”
Whenever the topic of Ro’s family came up, the human always seemed to get nervous and try to change the subject. But hearing that they sacrificed for him was surprising. Melias assumed that Ro’s evasiveness was because he had a poor relationship with his parents. His curiosity piqued, he went for a question that had been on his mind for a while. “Ro, where do you come from?”
“Huh? Here…”
“O-oh. You were born here?”
“Um… I think so...”
The crow tapped his beak. “You think so?”
“I was… um.” Ro grunted and looked away. “Actually, I don’t… want to talk about it. Sorry… it’s just—”
Melias swallowed, worried that he had pushed it too far. “It’s fine. I’m sorry.”
Ro waved his hands in front of his face. “Please! It’s not a problem. Don’t worry about it. Um… how about you?”
“I was also born here. Near the docks, though I grew up on the other side of the city.”
“Oh, I see. Do you live at home or on campus?”
“Campus. My parents moved across the city when I was young, so the bus rides would be about an hour. Doing that every day sounded awful.”
Ro nodded. “Yeah, I’d imagine… I hate the bus.”
“Me too.” Being packed in a cramped space with a hundred other people was not Melias’ idea of a fun time. It’s probably even worse when half of those people are bigoted against you…
The conversation tailed off, and the two returned to their individual studies. When it was time to go, they said their goodbyes, and Melias returned to his dorm room.
The rest of the week was painfully slow. No matter what Melias did, minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days. Even working on his CPU, which had since grown into four interconnected breadboards, didn’t pass the time very well.
The slow days gave Melias’ overactive mind plenty of time to get anxious. He worried about everything. He worried about nothing. He worried about worrying. Visiting Ro just felt like a very big step for him, and it was one that he didn’t know if he was ready to make. He kept telling himself that it wasn’t a big deal, but he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this nervous.
When Friday rolled around, the anxiety hit its peak. Luckily, he had five hours of class today, and it kept his brain from completely disappearing into itself. Just before the end of his fourth class, his phone vibrated in his pocket. The last few minutes of the class were torture as he had to fight the urge to yank his phone out and read the message. Was it Ro? Was everything okay? Was he okay? Was the meeting off?
Melias knew that time could only move in one direction. Class, like all things, would eventually end. This was his only solace, because it sure felt like the whole world was in stasis.
His phone buzzed again. God, please. Please, just—
“Okay, that seems like a good enough stopping point,” the professor said, craning his neck to look at the clock above his desk.
Melias rocketed out of his chair, stuffing his laptop into his bag as he walked as fast as he could toward the door.
The professor laughed as the crow zoomed by. “Me too, man. Me too.”
“Have a good weekend,” Melias said, the words coming out as a single, unbroken noise as he turned the corner. He slammed his hand into his pocket and jerked the phone out like a stubborn weed in the garden.
[12:42:33] Ro: hi Melias! just a little thing came up so i won’t be able to get to the library. we’re still good for this afternoon though!
[12:48:45] Ro: ohh right youre probably still in class ._. whoops well just let me know when it’s done okay?
Melias’ mind, already running hot, overheated. Ro always went to the library. Was everything alright?
[12:51:38] Melias: I’m out of class. Is everything okay?
[12:53:39] Ro: hey hey! yep, all good. it wasn’t so much that something came up
[12:54:04] Ro: it’s more that i forgot to do something eheh…
[12:54:40] Ro: anyway, i’ll be waiting on the second floor of building F at 4. it’s really small so you shouldn’t miss me. there’s never anyone up there anyway
[12:54:54] Melias: Why don’t I just go straight to your dorm?
[12:55:03] Ro: need a key card to get in
[12:55:06] Ro: and i just
[12:55:12] Ro: don’t wanna wait outside
[12:55:20] Ro: where all those people are
[12:55:29] Ro: it’s SOOOO busy friday afternoon
[12:55:38] Ro: i mean i can if you want but
[12:55:48] Melias: No, it’s fine. I’ll go to building F.
[12:55:49] Ro: i’d be more comfortable in F
[12:55:55] Ro: kk
[12:56:09] Ro: okay, see you then! take it easy
[12:56:16] Melias: You too.
Melias sighed and put his phone in his pocket. Panicking over nothing, as always. Only a few hours to go…
When class finished, Melias headed straight for building F. People bustled around like any other building, but when he climbed to the second level, there was no one to be found. No sign of Ro. No sign of anyone. Was this floor even in use? He wandered around a little more, considering calling out to the human. It’s not like anyone else would hear him. Before he could, however, a quiet, pleading voice hit his ears.
“I didn’t do anything! Please, I don’t want any trouble!”
A wave of nausea crawled through Melias’ skin. That was Ro. And he sounded terrified. The crow sped up, and the voices continued.
“Okay, look, you furless fuck, I’m going to say this one more time. Give it back, and your ugly nose stays on the front of your face. Got it?”
“I don’t have your phone! I swear! Please, just let me go!”
Melias looked around the corner just in time to see a tall, muscular horse shove Ro into the wall. The dull thud of flesh hitting the stone echoed past the bird as the human bounced off the brick, his face scrunched up in pain. Melias’ beak fell open, and he ducked back around the corner, his whole body suddenly feeling numb. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. He wanted to run out there and do something… what? The horse looked like he could throw him like a javelin.
But a little something tickled in the back of Melias’ mind. An old emotion, recently reawakened, calling out to him.
“Last chance, pinky! Cough up my phone or you’re gonna be coughing up blood!”
Melias looked back around the corner. The tickle in his mind grew louder, threatening to burst out of his head.
“I don’t have it!”
The horse shoved Ro again, this time much harder, and the human collapsed to the floor with a grunt.
Adrenaline surged through Melias’ body. A million thoughts ran through his mind, none of them finding any purchase. Ro was getting the shit kicked out of him, and he was just standing there, watching. Useless. Worthless.
The tickle ignited. Melias’ whole body shook, and it wasn’t just from the adrenaline. This fucking horse… this stupid bastard…
The horse pulled his leg back. Melias got a glimpse of the hoof before it swung forward and struck Ro in the chest. The human made an awful noise, half way between a shout and a gasp as the impact jolted his whole body.
And then their eyes met. Even at this distance, it was unmistakable. Ro’s eyes were filled with pain, but it wasn’t just physical pain. It was a look of betrayal. A look of grief. A look that asked, ‘why are you letting this happen? What did I do wrong?’
Dad’s words forced their way into his mind. “Killed outright.” The horse was going to kill Ro. He was going to kill him.
All the self-loathing and misery in Melias’ body and soul could not hold back the apoplectic fury that ruptured from his body. The crow stepped around the corner, talons splayed, and charged at the horse.
The horse, who was winding up for a second kick, looked over his shoulder, then stumbled to the side. “What the fuck—”
Melias raked at the horse, who jumped back, barely avoiding the sharp blades aimed at his face.
“Chill, you… deformed swan!”
“I’ll rip your eyes out!” Melias shrieked, taking another swing at the horse. The rage intoxicated him, snuffing out his rationality almost completely. There was no external world. There was no past, no future. There was only Melias, Ro, and this horse. And the only thing the crow could think of was reducing the head count to two.
The horse avoided the swipe and shoved Melias’ shoulder, his expression a mix of bewilderment and horror. “Are you fucking insane?”
Melias stumbled backwards, but didn’t feel a thing. He cawed as he lunged for another swipe. He wasn’t sure whether his heart or his head would explode first. It wasn’t even about Ro anymore. It was about everything that had ever gone wrong. Everything he had lost. Everything that had been taken away from him. It wasn’t even a person that he was swinging at. It was the personification, the very incarnation, of the world that Melias so deeply hated. The world that Melias so desperately wished loved him.
“Holy shit, you fucking psycho! Fuck you!” The horse recoiled from another swing, then backpedaled out of the crow’s range before turning and storming off. “Fuck this!”
Melias wouldn’t let him get away. He would punish the horse for everything. He would make him suffer like—
“Melias!”
The crow swung around and saw Ro sitting against the wall, wincing and clutching his chest. The sight immediately tranquilized Melias’ fury. What happened? What had he done? His muscles unclenched and his talons relaxed, anger billowing out of his body like steam from a squealing kettle. Yet the adrenaline still flowed, not out of anger, but out of shame and fear. He stumbled toward the human and dropped to his knees. His voice—his whole body—shook. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so—”
Ro closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “Why… why did you do that? He could have hurt you.”
Melias reached up and rubbed his shoulder, the pain from the horse’s hoof finally registering. He knew Ro was right, but he just didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was his friend. “We… we need to get you to the hospital.”
“No.”
Another pulse of adrenaline gushed through Melias as panic joined the emotional slurry. Ro could have a serious injury. He could be bleeding internally! “Ro, we have to—”
“They won’t do shit!” Ro coughed, then clutched his chest. “Fuck, that hurts…”
“Are… are your ribs broken? Please, Ro, can we—”
The human looked away. “They’re fine. I’m fine. I’ve been through worse.” He coughed again, then looked at his hand. “See? I’m not bleeding.”
That did calm Melias down a little—just enough for him to regain the ability to think before speaking. “Why… why don’t you want to go to the hospital?”
“Doctors don’t give a shit. Half of them don’t even believe that humans can feel pain.”
No. No, no, no, no, no. He wasn’t going to let the human’s trauma keep him from getting the help he needed. He’d drag him to the clinic if he had to! But before the crow could protest, a light bulb went off in his mind. If Ro didn’t trust a doctor, maybe he’d trust Melias? “I know someone.”
Ro looked up at the crow. “Who?”
“My father. He’s not a doctor, but he’s trained to give first aid. He’ll help.”
“And your father isn’t a raci—” A fit of coughing forced its way in front of the words. Ro winced and growled as he rubbed his chest. “Augh, damn!”
“No, he’s not. He’s the most caring, accepting person I know. Please, Ro. I’m…” Melias gulped. Words danced on the tip of his beak, threatening to make a fool of him. Yet he could not stop them from shaking out. “I’m worried about you.”
Ro’s head dropped. “Melias…”
“Come on, Ro…”
The human shook his head.
“Ro… please!”
“You just… ran out there and started swinging. That guy’s arms were bigger than my legs! He could have hurt you so bad. Why did you do that? Why?”
Melias looked at his friend. He didn’t have a good answer. The rage took over, and it just… happened. He closed his eyes. “Because I… because you…”
Ro’s voice dropped to a pathetic squeak. “I tried to yell at you to stop, but that kick really knocked the wind out of me.” Ro rubbed his chest again. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“I didn’t want you to get hurt either! That’s why—”
Ro snorted, which turned into a cough, then a pained groan. “Why’s it matter? I’m just a… a pinky. It would have been—”
“Stop!”
“Stop what, Melias? It’s true. You’ll… just get hurt if you stay around me.”
Melias felt like the human had plucked the thoughts straight out of his mind. “That’s not true. I’m the one who hurts everyone around him. And now you… you…”
“It’s not your fault…”
“I could have stopped him… but I was just a coward. And now you’re—”
“You did stop him!”
“Not before he hurt you.”
“Melias… you saved me.”
Melias slammed his eyes shut. His mind knew it was true, but his heart simply could not blame anyone but himself. As the adrenaline wore off and he watched the human massage the kicked area, one thought dominated the rest: this is your fault.
Ro wouldn’t be hurt if Melias had just stopped the horse before he could attack. Ro wouldn’t be hurt if Melias hadn’t arrogantly believed that he could be a good friend. Ro wouldn’t be hurt if Melias just kept the hell away from everyone like he was supposed to. But he stuck his stupid neck out and someone else was punished for it. Just as it always went.
Yet the self-loathing didn’t have its usual bite. Even if this was his fault, it was also his responsibility. And when he looked at his injured friend, the only thing he really wanted to do was to help him. He was going to make sure he was safe, and he wasn’t going to let anyone or anything stop him. There would be time for misery later.
Melias reached down. “Ro… let’s get you to my dad.”
The human looked at the crow’s talon for a few moments, then slid his fingers between Melias’ and grasped tightly. Warmth shot up the bird’s arm and spread out through his body. Ro’s hand was so gentle… so soft. The human braced himself against the wall with his other hand, and slowly pushed himself up. Melias’ shoulder throbbed with pain as he pulled Ro to his feet, but he clenched his beak and ignored it as the human found his footing.
“How are we going to get to your place?”
“We’ll take the bus.”
Ro grimaced. “Oh… I don’t know…”
“It’s okay. I won’t let anyone fuck with you.”
“Well… okay. I… I trust you, Melias.” Ro rubbed his chest again. “Can we go to my dorm first? I’d like to get a few things. It’s not far.”
Melias was not comfortable with the detour, but it would give him a moment to call Dad. “Sure. Do you need help?”
“No, I can walk… might just need to take it slow.”
They took the elevator to the ground floor and set off for the dormitory, which turned out to be right next to F building. A slight chill hit them as they passed through the doors, the early autumn air a little cooler than usual.
“Damn, it’s cold,” Ro said, shaking slightly as a gentle breeze blew over them.
“Is the pain getting better?” Melias asked.
Ro groaned softly. “No, it’s about the same.” He coughed. “This cold air sucks, though…”
“Please tell me if it gets worse.”
“Okay…”
They entered the dormitory and reached Ro’s room, and the human opened the door and looked back at Melias. “Um… you can come in if you want.”
“I need to call my dad and let him know we’re coming.”
“O-oh, right. Okay, I’ll try to be quick…” Ro said, then disappeared into his room.
Melias leaned against the wall and whipped his phone out, then called his father. One ring. Two rings. Melias’ heart sped up. Three rings. Four rings. Five rings. He closed his eyes. Please. Please, Dad. Please pick up. Six rings. Seven—
“Hey, Mel! I’m a little—”
Melias exhaled. He hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath. “Will you be home by five?” His voice shook as he spoke.
“Huh? I should be. Why? Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“Someone attacked Ro.”
Dad gasped. “What? Is he alright?”
“I’m worried that he has a broken rib, but he won’t go to the hospital.”
“Why not?”
“He doesn’t trust doctors. Says they won’t help.”
“Damn! Okay, uh—”
“I’m bringing him home. I want you to look at him.”
“Me? I… okay. Yeah, I can do that. Do you need me to drive over there?”
“No. We’re taking the bus. It’ll be faster.”
“The bus…? Are you sure, Mel?”
“Yes.”
Dad was silent for a few moments. “I’m really proud of you, Mel.”
Melias’ chest tightened. There’s that praise again. He hated it so, so much. Before he could say anything back, the dorm door opened again, and Ro walked out wearing a grimace and a stuffed backpack.
“Okay, I’m—oh! Sorry,” the human said as his eyes darted to the phone.
Melias moved the phone away from his beak. “Let me carry your bag.”
“It’s fine. It’s not—”
“It’s not fine if your rib is cracked. Please, give it to me.”
“Fine…” Ro looked down and tried to twist the bag off his back, but grunted as he seized up, clutching his chest. Melias jammed his phone in his pocket and gently pulled the backpack off the struggling human’s shoulders. It was so much heavier than he expected. What the hell did Ro have in it?
“Thanks…” Ro said.
“Whoa, what was that noise?” came a voice from Melias’ hip.
The crow pulled his phone back out. “Sorry about that. Put my phone in my pocket. We’re on our way now.”
“Well, okay. I’ll get ready as soon as I get home. Bye, Mel. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Melias hung up the phone, then looked at Ro. “Okay, are you ready? The bus comes every ten minutes, and it goes about two thirds of the way to my house. We’ll need to make a transfer. I’ll pay.”
“M-Melias, the college gives us a bus pass.”
“Oh. Right.” Melias blinked. His mind felt like it was moving at double speed. He wasn’t even thinking about what he was doing. It just seemed like… instinct. But now that he did stop to think about it… none of this came naturally to him at all. He was supposed to be running and hiding, not taking charge and being assertive. Where was all of this coming from?
The two made their way out of the residence and toward the bus stop, where four other people were standing. Melias hoped no more would come. But more did come, and soon, a whole crowd of people had spread out around the shelter. He looked at Ro, who had his arms crossed in front of his chest.
“I should have worn my jacket,” said the human. “It’s even colder than I thought…”
Melias’ feathers insulated him from the cold, so he had nothing to offer but words. “The bus should be arriving soon.”
Ro nodded, then looked down at his arms. “There are so many people here…”
So many people. Each set of eyes judging in their own way. Each pair of claws and each set of sharp teeth a new threat. Melias’ chest grew tighter, but he knew it was nothing compared to how Ro’s chest must have felt. He would protect the human from them all if he had to.
…Where were these thoughts coming from? Why was the feeling so strong?
A soft rumble came from Melias’ left, and he leaned around the edge of the shelter and saw a bus coming down the road. He squinted and read the display on the top: ‘29 COLLEGE–DOCKS–WESTHOLME.’
“Is that ours?” Ro asked.
“Yes.”
“Good! Can’t wait to get out of this cold…”
Melias looked at the human’s tensed arms. He wanted to just… rub them, or something. Just to make him warm. That’s all.
Really, that’s all.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
The sound of the bus pulling up to the curb drowned out the rest of Ro’s sentence. As people flowed out of both doors, Melias stepped between them and the shivering human. Every pair of claws was a threat. Every set of teeth was a danger. He would protect his friend. He would not fail him again.
After the last passenger disembarked, Melias stepped up the stairs and extended his hand. “Need some help?”
Ro stepped forward and reached for Melias’ hand, but hesitated. His hand wobbled in the air for a moment before clutching the bird’s wrist.
As he pulled the human up, Melias felt a little upset that he didn’t get to feel Ro’s hand again. But he understood. Taking another man’s hand, even for a few seconds, while everyone was watching? Terrifying. Or at least, it should have been. Melias was slowly realizing that he seemed to have no sense of self-preservation right now. No jumpiness as people approached, no sense of their gazes boring through his flesh, no fear of being judged. It’s not that he was being brave; it just didn’t feel like his own concerns meant anything. In this moment, the only thing that mattered was undoing his mistake.
Ro followed behind and the two took seats in the back corner. The bus waited for a few minutes, and after a few more students got on, it set off. Melias took a deep breath. It was going to be okay. It was going to be fine.
Ro let out a relieved-sounding groan. “Ahh, it’s so much warmer in here.” But as the bus picked up speed, Ro groaned again, this time sounding more strained.
Melias turned his head, his shoulders tensing up. “Are you okay? Is it getting worse?”
“Forgot how bumpy the back of the bus is…”
Melias stood up. “We can move to the middle. The bus should bounce less there.”
“No, it’s fine…” Ro said.
“If it’s broken, you shouldn’t aggravate it.”
Ro looked down. “Melias, please. I’m fine. I… feel safer back here.”
Safer? How was it safer to be bounced around when your bones were messed up?
Of course, Melias knew the answer. The piercing gazes of others could hurt more than any hoof or claw. The anxiety and the fear building up inside until it felt like you were going to cave in on yourself. And it was probably doubly worse for Ro. People stared at Melias, but they didn’t do it with hatred like they did when they stared at Ro. Of course he felt safer back here.
“Okay,” Melias said, unable to keep his voice steady. “Please tell me if it starts hurting more.”
Ro nodded, and the two sat together in relative quiet, broken up only by the bus speaker announcing the stops.
As the bus made its way downtown, the tension slowly building in Melias reached a silent panic. He got why Ro didn’t want to move, but it didn’t change the fact that the back of the bus was bucking like an angry horse. And of course it was. That’s what buses did. He never should have brought Ro on. He should have just waited the extra time for Dad to drive over. But no, he wasn’t thinking, was he? Dumbass bird. Always letting his anxiety take over and screw everything up. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
“Melias?” Ro asked. “Are you okay?”
Melias looked up at the human. “Mm?”
“You’re… breathing hard.”
He was? The crow swallowed and held his breath. “Sorry.”
“Is everything okay?” Ro spoke quietly, barely loud enough for Melias to hear him.
The crow looked down. “I’m sorry. I’ve been… panicking.”
“Why?”
“Because… it’s my fault. All of this. None of this would have happened if I just…”
Ro gasped, then coughed, then spoke. “What? Melias, you’re not the one who kicked me!”
“No, but if I had just stopped him when I saw him… I saw the way you looked at me. I’m sorry. I’m useless.”
“You’re not, Melias!” Ro said, a clear whine seeping into his voice. “You saved me! Wait… what do you mean, ‘the way I looked at you?’”
“It’s just… your eyes went so wide when you saw me. I felt like I was betraying you by just… hiding.”
“No! I… I was scared you’d get hurt too. That’s all…”
Melias snorted softly and closed his eyes. “So much for fixing my anger problem. Just… the thought of you being hurt, because of me—”
“It wasn’t your fault!”
Melias sighed. “And now, you’re in pain because I didn’t stop and think about how much a bus shakes. I shouldn’t have made you come along.”
“Melias… please, don’t baby me.”
The crow’s eyes popped back open. “B-baby?”
“I… I know I’m really timid, but… I could have said no. I’m here—” the bus hit a particularly large bump, and Ro grunted, clutching at his chest. Melias opened his beak, but the human raised a hand and continued talking. “I’m here because I chose to be here. Not because you dragged me here, or because I felt like I couldn’t say ‘no.’ I’m good at running away, you know. And I didn’t run away, because I felt… I feel safe with you.”
Melias looked at the human, beak still hanging open. His brain didn’t have the bandwidth to hate on himself and process Ro’s statement at the same time. As he nodded at the human, trying to figure out what to say, the robotic voice came over the bus speaker again.
“Next stop… Webster at Elros.”
The bird yanked on the cord to request a stop. “This is where we transfer.” He looked at the rest of the bus, which had filled up to half capacity—though no one else was sitting near them. Being a freak was a blessing and a curse, sometimes. Usually a curse… but not always.
The two stood up and walked toward the door as the bus came to a stop. When the doors opened, Melias hopped down the stairs, then looked back at Ro, who stepped gingerly down them, grimacing with each step. Melias wished he could carry the human, but his twig-like arms would probably snap if he tried to lift him. Not that he’d try right now. Not with people looking.
Ro groaned. “Fuck, did it get colder?”
There was no shelter to sit in, just a sign at the side of the road on a boring residential street. Melias stood closer to the human, trying to shield him from some of the wind… but that wasn’t his only reason. Ro felt safe with him… safe? Why? Would he feel safe? After Melias got him hurt? After he saw what Melias could do? Could become?
“Which bus are we waiting for?” Ro asked.
“The only other bus on this route is the five. It comes every fifteen minutes,” Melias said, grateful for the distraction. “Are you still cold?”
“Yeah…” Ro coughed, then clutched his chest. “Fuck, man…”
Melias cursed his lack of jacket. A new thought intruded: ‘you could just wrap your arms around him.’ He closed his eyes, imagining himself embracing the human, resting his beak on Ro’s shoulder as he held him close to his body, sharing his warmth. His heart sped up, sending pulses of heat through his body, into his arms, into his legs, and… into his groin. He gulped.
Hey, maybe he could just suggest that Ro imagine the same thing. He shook his head. What in the hell was getting into him?
“Are you okay?” Ro asked. “Why are you shaking your head?”
Melias rubbed his forehead. “Nothing. I’m just… stressed. I’m sorry I don’t have any way to warm you up.”
“It’s f-fine,” Ro said, his voice beginning to quiver. “It’ll be here soon.” He was right. Less than a minute later, the bus turned around the corner, with ‘5 OLD VILLAGE–NORTHBRIDGE MALL’ on the display. “That’s it, right?”
“Yes. This ride should be much shorter.”
“Okay… damn, I’m so cold…”
The crow could only hope Ro was cold because of the weather, and not because he was going into sepsis. The bus stopped, and Melias climbed up the steps, once again extending his hand to the human. This time, Ro wrapped his hand around the crow’s, their fingers interlocking. Melias could not help but smile slightly as he pulled on Ro’s arm, helping him up the steps.
“Thanks…”
“Tough day, buddy?”
Melias turned around and looked at the bus driver, an older-looking raccoon, smiling at Ro.
Ro avoided eye contact. “Um… yeah. You could say that.”
“Well, happier days are ahead, I’m sure. Keep your chin up.”
“T-thank you, sir.”
The bus was completely empty aside from a tiger who was looking down at his phone, not paying them any attention.
“Wish I believed that,” Ro mumbled, as the two took their seats at the back
The words cut deep. People would always tell Melias that things were getting better, and he just couldn’t believe them, as much as he wanted to. It seemed like a foregone conclusion that life sucked, and it wasn’t going to ever get any better.
And yet… the faintest ray of hope was shining through. Not for himself, of course. But… maybe for Ro. Maybe, just maybe, he could help the human have a better life. Not that he had gotten off to a very good start, but… he couldn’t help the feeling from burning inside of him. He wanted Ro to be healthy. He wanted Ro to be happy. He wanted Ro to live his best life.
Melias’ head throbbed. What was he doing? This was all so stupid. Who does he think he is, anyway? Did he forget that Ro was only in this situation because of the crow’s hubris? His cowardice? His stupidity? If he wanted all those things for Ro, he’d have Dad treat him and then get the hell out of his life forever. No one gets hurt. No one feels the pain.
Well, no one except Melias. Because no matter how much he tried to deny it, he knew deep down inside that he cared for the human. He wasn’t sure exactly what kind of care it was, or how deep it went, but he knew it was there, and that he would miss him. He would miss sitting in silence with him in the library. He would miss being able to chat about technology with someone on his level. He would miss the way his orange fur seemed to bounce on his head when he smiled. That always made his stomach do a little turn…
Melias slammed his eyes shut. No, he couldn’t abandon Ro. It was selfish, but he couldn’t do it. The taste of friendship was too sweet. He had swept his loneliness under the rug for so long, and Ro had come along and kicked that rug across the room. Even if the human left his life, there’d be no getting that trauma back under the rug.
“Melias… it’s okay,” Ro said.
Melias opened his eyes. “What?”
“You’re just… sitting there, rocking back and forth, closing your eyes, breathing hard…”
The crow groaned and looked away. Were his emotions really that transparent?
“It’s just… it’s okay. Please, please don’t blame yourself…”
The computerized voice echoed around the bus. “Next stop… Friar’s Lane at Poinsettia.”
Melias’ head shot up. “I live on Poinsettia road. We’re close.”
“Melias?”
“Yes?”
Ro looked down. “Please don’t blame yourself. I know I’m going on and on, but—”
“Next stop… Poinsettia at Sunnyside.”
Melias sighed. It just felt so wrong. It was his fault. It was all his fault. Everything was always his fault. He had to be perfect, and if he wasn’t, the world would jump up that opening and tear it wide, wide open. But Ro didn’t seem to think so. Ro seemed fine with the bird’s flaws and weaknesses. Ro seemed to accept them as though they weren’t deal-breakers.
He couldn’t be right, could he?
“Next stop… Poinsettia at Blackgrove.”
“Well,” Melias said, his voice coming out as a croak. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Well, I guess… the person to blame would be the horse.”
Ro giggled. “Yeah!”
Melias slid his eyes up to the human, who was smiling widely. Ugh, he missed the little hair bounce. But he knew it happened, and that’s what mattered. “Yeah, fuck that asshole.”
A bigger smile crept onto Ro’s face. “Only with consent.”
Melias raised an eyebrow. Did Ro just… make a bawdy joke? His beak quivered, and he couldn’t stop it. He started laughing. The joke wasn’t even that funny, but he wasn’t expecting it at all. His guard was completely down.
And that didn’t scare him at all.
“Next stop… Poinsettia at Mapledew.”
Melias reached over and pulled the cord, his body still shaking a bit from his giggles. “Well… this is it.”
The crow stood up and extended his hand to the human, who grasped it tightly. That pulse of warmth was so heavenly. Melias helped Ro to his feet, and the two got off the bus.
“Thank you!” Ro said, his voice sounding much hoarser as he tried to project it toward the front of the bus.
“Take it easy, boys!” yelled the bus driver.
After disembarking, the two made their way down the sidewalk.
Ro crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Y-you know… and this is going to sound dumb, but… I’m kind of excited to meet your father.”
Melias turned his head. “Why?”
“Well, if he’s half as nice as you… well… I, uh, just like when people are nice to me,” Ro said, looking away.
“He’s much nicer than I am.” Not that it was a high bar to clear. Melias pointed to a small, modern-looking house. “There. That’s it.”
As they walked to the front door, Melias’ heart sped up and his nerves buzzed. Now that he was finally here, the anxiety roared back. What would they do if Ro was really hurt? Could they convince him to go to the hospital? Maybe Dad would know how to treat him? As they reached the driveway, he had to resist the urge to dash up to the door.
“Oh, this looks nice,” Ro said, looking around as he slid his hands up and down his arms.
How the hell was he so calm?
At long last, they reached the front door. Melias twisted the doorknob and, when he confirmed it was unlocked, shoved it all the way open and leapt into the house and set Ro’s bag by the door.
“Dad! We’re here!” The sound of his own voice, at that volume, in this place, made him queasy. Too many bad memories of his angry teenage years.
“Have him sit on the couch. I’ll be right out,” said Dad, his soft, high pitched voice quieting the crow’s screaming nerves. Dad would sort it all out. It would be fine.
Ro made a strange face, as though he were trying to remember something, but then shook his head as he sat down on the couch. “Ahhh, this is so soft…”
A moment later, a short, bespectacled, middle-aged blue jay carrying a small first aid kit strode into the room. He took one look at the human, then yanked his glasses off as his beak fell open. “Guurolk?”
Ro’s eyes went wide as his head whipped toward the blue jay. But then his face erupted into the biggest smile Melias had ever seen on him.
“Cielan!”
