Author's note: This story is based on the 6th chapter of the novel I wrote for NaNoWriMo 2008.
"I just don't get it," Keith said, burying his face in his paws.
"It's not going to be easy," Terry said. "But we both know it's for the best."
Keith sighed and lay back in his chair. After his first troubled week alone, he had decided that he needed to talk to someone, and Terry seemed like the perfect candidate. They had been friends since cubhood, they each had a cub of the same age (who were off playing as the adults conversed), and perhaps most importantly, Terry was a very understanding fur. If nothing else, she knew Lisa perhaps better than any of their friends.
Terry leaned in and put a paw on his shoulder. "Don't try to force it, hun. You're only going to end up hurt."
"Like in the coffee shop?" he said with a half-smile.
"Something like that," Terry said with a little giggle. "But you'll feel it more here," she said, laying a paw over his heart.
The fox shivered at the contact, and the vixen withdrew her paw. He took a sip of his iced coffee before continuing. "And I need to be strong for Jimmy."
Terry nodded. "How has he been doing lately?"
"I guess he's had some trouble sleeping," Keith replied. "Last night he came into my room in the night and asked to crawl into bed with me."
"And did you let him?"
Keith nodded. "I did. I think it was good for both of us. It's weird, trying to adjust to an empty bed after twelve years..." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he trailed off.
Terry smiled as the sound of the two cubs giggling floated out through the open windows. "I bet he liked it, too," she said softly. The vixen looked sympathetically at Keith. "You really love him, don't you?"
"Of course!" Keith said. "How couldn't I? He's such a sweet kit. I'm..." He lowered his voice. "Really glad you convinced Lisa to have him."
Terry sighed and leaned back. "I'm starting to wonder if that's what tore you two apart."
Keith shook his head. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. The relationship was toxic, anyway. We weren't going to last." He swallowed after this last comment. While this was far from the first time that Keith had thought that, it was the first time he'd ever voiced it to anyone. It echoed around his head with a note of finality after he finally said the words.
Terry patted his paw. "So that's the first step to healing. You're not in denial."
Keith sighed and shook his head. "I may acknowledge it, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept."
"It won't be easy, hun," Terry replied. "But you need to do it."
Silence filled the air, draping over them, only disturbed by gentle birdsong and the occasional light breeze.
"The cubs got quiet," Keith said.
Terry giggled softly. "Are you complaining?" she asked with a grin.
"Yes, actually," Keith said, starting to stand. "It was calming, listening to them having their fun."
"They probably ARE having fun, you just don't hear them," Terry replied with a wink.
Keith paused in the middle of standing up and looked at her. "You don't mean..."
Terry merely grinned. Slowly, Keith sat back down. "Wouldn't want to disturb them, then," he said.
Terry suppressed a fit of giggles, earning a bemused look from Keith. He shut his eyes and shook his head slowly. "I know you're not telling me something," he said, "but I know that it's futile to try to pry it from you."
"Quick learner," Terry said between suppressed giggles.
Keith rolled his eyes, then settled back in his chair. "Remember when we were that age?"
Terry dabbed at her eyes with the corners of the napkin she had brought out with their drinks. "How could I forget? The four of us, you, me, Dan, Lisa... we were quite the rambunctious group."
Keith sighed. "Maybe that was part of the problem."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Terry said. "What's done is done. No use in worrying about it. Besides, we all had fun. It was good for all of us, I think."
"But maybe not," Keith insisted. "I mean, we got along so well in cubhood, but when we grew up and married..."
Terry shook her head. "It happens sometimes. We grow apart from the friends we had when we were younger. Just because you're inseparable at ten doesn't mean you'll still be able to even stand each other at thirty."
"Perhaps," Keith said, taking a sip of his iced coffee. "But you and I are still as close at thirty-five as we were at ten, and you married Dan."
Terry giggled. "I'm not sure if I'd describe us as being as close now as we were at ten. After all, it's been how many years since we --"
"-- Point taken," Keith said, cutting her off. "But still, we're close, right?"
"Very true," Terry said, sipping her iced tea. "Though Dan and I had our moments. And we haven't exactly followed through on some of our cubhood plans. Or Dan hasn't, at any rate..."
Keith looked at her with a confused expression. "What 'cubhood plans' are you referring to?" he asked.
Terry winked at him. "I'm sure you remember the ones."
"Oooooh," Keith said as comprehension dawned. He buried his face in his paws. "I should have known."
Terry giggled. "Maybe you should ask Jimmy about it," she said.
"I'd rather not," Keith muttered.
Terry giggled and nodded. "Suit yourself. And speaking of the cub, have you talked to him about your desire to start dating again?"
Keith rolled his eyes. "You expect me to talk to my cub about my wanting a new mate?" he asked incredulously.
Terry nodded. "In a way. Hug him whenever you're feeling down, talk to him, let him know you're here if he needs you... and if you find someone, make sure to let him know. Remember, you're not just looking for a mate for yourself, but another parent for your kit."
"True," he said, taking a sip of his iced coffee. "He'll be in the loop, of course. I'm not marrying someone if she doesn't like him, or he doesn't like her."
Terry took a sip of her own iced coffee and smiled at him. "Just don't forget him. He'll never forget about you." She leaned in close and whispered, "You're very lucky to have Jimmy."
Keith nodded and stared off into the back yard for a moment before turning back to the vixen. "So, what would you suggest I do to try to find a new mate?"
Terry giggled. "Well, first of all, don't try flirting in a coffee shop again!"
Keith cringed. "Yeah... I don't plan on it."
The vixen smiled, and put on a more serious demeanor. "Have you considered dating services?"
"I'd rather not," Keith said, "Though I won't rule them out."
Terry nodded. "There's always going to bars after work, trying to pick up furs there."
"Certainly worth a try, if I can find someone to go with me to make sure I don't get drunk out of my mind," he said, sticking his tongue out at the vixen.
"Yes, that wouldn't be good at all," Terry said, trying in vain to stifle her giggles. "Know anyone at work who might be willing?"
Keith rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe," he said after a few moments. "I might have an idea."
Silence descended again. A couple minutes passed before Terry broke it. "You know, Keith... I can't honestly say I'm surprised Lisa left you."
Keith froze. "What do you mean?" he asked slowly.
Terry shrugged. "Well, of course, we were all close in cubhood, but once we went to college, I got the feeling that you two... drifted apart. It seemed like a bit of a rush job, proposing to her."
Keith stared at her for a moment. "You should know about rushed proposals. Dan proposed to you right after you graduated from college, and you took him up on it."
"We had gotten really close," she replied. "It was different. It felt... right. I knew in my heart it would work."
Keith sighed. "I guess I just wished for the same," he said after a short pause.
Terry leaned in close. "Jealous of your friend?"
Keith shook his head. "Desperate for companionship."
"Sounds like you were asking for trouble."
"I guess I was," Keith said. "I naively hoped that it would work... that maybe if I married her, we'd fall in love again... like when we were cubs."
Terry shook her head. "That was probably a mistake." She sighed. "I could kick myself for not having this conversation sooner..."
Keith stared at her in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Terry looked at him with mournful eyes. "Maybe if I'd had this talk earlier, I could have talked you out of marrying her, saved you all this heartache."
"But then I wouldn't have Jimmy," Keith whispered.
"And he's a sweet boy," Terry said. "But he didn't have a mother to love him."
Keith leaned back in his chair and stared up at the sky. He watched the clouds for a moment. "Touché," he said.
"Don't get me wrong, hun. You're a very kind, loving, caring father," Terry said. "But he needs two parents to love him. One isn't enough."
"And I need someone to love, too," he muttered.
Terry reached over and patted his shoulder. "You'll find someone," she said. "Just give it time, and listen to your heart. It won't steer your wrong."
"The voice of reason," Keith said.
Terry smiled. "Haven't I always been?"
Keith nodded, still looking up at the sky. "That cloud," he said, pointing up. "It looks like an ice cream cone."
Terry giggled and looked up. "Oh, Keith... always the dreamer. Finding shapes in the clouds."
Keith remained silent for a moment. "It's been years since I've done that. Looked for shapes in the clouds. It's good. Liberating."
"That's the spirit," Terry said, scanning the sky. "Look at that one there. It looks like a butterfly."
"Or... certain female parts," Keith said facetiously.
Terry giggled loudly. "Oh, Keith. You haven't changed a bit."
Keith smiled. "Good to know," he muttered.
"Really," she said, standing up and sprawling out on the grass. "It's rather endearing, though you'll want to save comments like that for when your potential mate gets to know you a little better."
"Probably wise," Keith said, following suit and lying down next to her on the grass. "Hey, what about that one there? It looks a bit like a sparrow."
Terry giggled and pointed out a different cloud. "And that one looks like a cheeseburger!" Both of them laughed at that one. "We're such cubs," Terry quipped.
"Is that a bad thing?" Keith asked.
Terry pondered this a moment. "Not in small bursts, no," she replied. "It's nice to sit back every once in a while, smell the roses. Or in our case, look for shapes in the clouds!"
Keith sighed wistfully. "We used to do this all the time when we were cubs... all four of us. Those were the days... we'd lie on the ground, just like this, and--"
"-- Well, not exactly like this," Terry interjected, earning a nervous chuckle from the male. "Everything seemed so simple then. But then, we were cubs. We didn't have the cares or responsibilities we have now. So really, everything WAS simpler back then."
"But that was then. Now we have the weight of the world on our shoulders," Keith said. He let out a wistful sigh.
"We don't need to," Terry replied, taking Keith's paw in her own. "We have to sit back every once in a while, return to that simpler time. Or else we'd go insane." She turned to face him. Keith turned his head and stared into the vixen's eyes. "And we don't have to hold the weight of the world on our own. We always have friends to help us." Before either of them knew what they were doing, Terry kissed Keith's nose. He smiled.
"I guess you're right," he said, turning to look back at the sky. "We're never really alone."
Terry smiled and squeezed his paw. "That's the spirit," she said. "You'll find someone new."
Keith nodded. "Hopefully sooner than later."
"Just give it time," Terry said. "It heals all wounds."
Just then, the screen door creaked open. "Mommy?"
Terry sat up and looked toward the door. Her daughter, Ellie, stood at the door, Jimmy standing right behind her.
"Yes, dear?" Terry said.
"Can we have some lunch?" the kit asked.
Terry smiled and stood up. "Of course, sweetie," she said. "Keith? Would you care for something, too?"
Keith chuckled and nodded. "Sure. I'll have whatever they're having. If you don't mind, I think I'll stay here a bit longer."
"Of course," Terry said, and she walked inside the house. "Now, what would you guys like for lunch?"
Keith lay back in the grass and cupped his paws behind his head. He stared up at the sky and recalled the days of his youth. 'It doesn't feel like it was that long ago that Lisa, Terry, Dan and I would sit like this... almost every Saturday afternoon.'
Before he'd even realized it, Keith had drifted back into memory. He was no longer in his mid thirties, but back in his cubhood, at the ripe old age of twelve. He was lying on the grass in his parents' back yard, his clothes discarded in the summer heat. In a circle around him, Terry, Dan, and Lisa lay, similarly nude.
"That one looks like a heart!" Terry said, letting out one of her trademarked bubbly giggles.
"Yeah, I see it, too!" Dan said, his voice still high-pitched. He was still a couple years away from his voice's first cracks and changes.
The two cubs giggled and exchanged quick pecks on each other's cheeks. Keith giggled and rolled his eyes, then scanned the clouds for other shapes.
"They all just look like clouds to me," Lisa muttered.
"But that's the fun of it!" Keith said, turning to face the vixen. "It's using your imagination to find those shapes."
"Feh." Lisa shrugged and kept looking, a little scowl drawing its way across her features. Had they been drifting apart even then?
The fox let out a soft gasp as a sudden weight descended on his chest, drawing him back to the present day. He looked down and saw his son Jimmy lying next to him, the kit's head resting on Keith's chest. The older fox smiled and gently ran a paw through his son's headfur.
"Hey, kiddo," he whispered.
Jimmy snuggled up close to his father, trying to get as close as possible to the older fur. Keith smiled and pulled his son in close and kissed the top of his head.
Wordlessly, Ellie walked up and lay down next to Keith opposite Jimmy. Keith chuckled and wrapped his other arm around the young vixen and pulled her in close as well. Both cubs exchanged glances, winked, and kissed Keith, each planting a little kiss on the stunned fox's cheeks.
The older fox growled playfully and barraged the two cubs with a flurry of kisses, reducing both of the kits to little giggling bundles of orange and white fur.
Keith grinned as he gathered the two little kits into his arms and held them tight to his chest. As they calmed, Jimmy and Ellie each wrapped their arms around the older fox and rested their heads against his chest, looking into each other's eyes.
"So," Keith said. "I can understand why you came," he said to Jimmy, "but why you?" he asked Ellie.
The young vixen smiled up at her friend's father. "Mommy said it'd make you feel better!" she said brightly.
Keith grinned and kissed her nose. "She was right," he said, and kissed Jimmy's nose, too, before giving the two cubs another tight embrace.
Jimmy giggled softly and nuzzled his father's chest. "I love you, Daddy," he whispered.
Keith leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I love you, too, Jimmy."
The older fox lay back and resumed his cloud gazing. The kits rolled onto their backs by his side and joined him, staring up at the clouds. Keith kept both his arms around them as he pointed up at a cloud. "See that one there? I think it looks like a giraffe."
The kits giggled, and Jimmy raised a paw to point at a different cloud. "That one looks like a train!"
Ellie stared at the sky for a moment, and pointed out a cloud. "That one looks like a cloud!"
All three broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter at that. They stayed huddled close as their bodies shook with mirth.
"You're DEFINITELY your mother's daughter!" Keith said between laughs. "Always able to put a smile on someone's face."
Ellie grinned at the older fur and looked back up at the sky. "Or maybe it looks more like a racecar," she said.
Keith chuckled. "Has anyone ever told you two the secret to cloud gazing?" he asked.
Both kits look at him with wide, expectant eyes. "No. What is it?" they said in unison, their tails wagging excitedly behind them.
The older fox grinned and whispered, "Imagination. You have to dream to see the shapes in the clouds."
The cubs giggled and lay back on the cool grass with Keith.
"Cubs! Lunch is ready!" Terry called. "All three of you!"
Keith looked up as the cubs at his sides erupted into fits of giggles. "And what, pray tell, is THAT supposed to mean?"
Terry grinned from the kitchen door. "It means you're acting like a cub right now, Keith, and it's a very good thing. Now come in for lunch."
The older fox groaned and shook his head as the cubs leapt up and dashed inside. Keith could barely conceal his smile as he followed the little kits. "So, what did you two pick for lunch?"
