Part 28: how opposites meet - a Shadilver story
They sat next to each other in the cafeteria, the girls sat somewhere else as they thought it would be a good idea to give them some privacy after the last lesson. It was raining outside, the wind made the rain patter against the windows.
``I really liked these past few weeks,'' Shadow said.
``Yeah, me too,'' Silver said with a soft smile, but started to feel guilty because of what Marine had said before class. Shadow wanted to lean in to give them a kiss, but Silver looked away, troubled.
``Something wrong?'' Shadow asked confused.
Silver sighed thinking it might be time to come clean.
``What is it?''
``Shadow why do you want to be with me?''
``What kind of stupid question is that,'' Shadow joked.
``I'm serious, Shadow, why do you want to be with me?''
``Well, you're so nice, sweet and talented, you make me happy and a better person. I just never met a girl as wonderful as you,'' Shadow said softly and pulled Silver closer as he wanted to kiss them. Silver looked away again and felt tears well up in their eyes. Shadow lifted Silver's chin up, ``Hey what's wrong?'' He asked concerned as he looked in Silver's wet eyes.
``Believe me, you don't want to be with me,'' Silver whispered, they wanted to stand up and walk away, but Shadow took their hand to stop them.
``What are you talking about?'' Shadow asked confused and a little frustrated. ``Why are you acting so weird all of a sudden?''
Silver turned around and looked into those ruby eyes. ``Shadow, I'm not a girl,'' Silver whispered sad. Shadow let go of Silver's hand in shock. ``That's what I thought,'' Silver said disappointed while tears rolled down their cheek, ``I'm sorry I took advantage of you,'' Silver said and ran away.
Marine saw Silver running away distressed, ``Ow no, girls, something is wrong,'' She said and the others looked around, to see Shadow sitting on his own still facing the doorway Silver just left through.
Marine slowly went over to Shadow, who was still frozen. ``Excuse me?'' Marine said to get Shadow's attention but he didn't respond. ``Shadow?'' Shadow looked around puzzled and looked at Marine with mixed feelings. ``What's going on?'' She asked.
``Did you knew?'' Shadow asked frustrated. Marine looked a bit shocked at the girls as she felt she needed back up. The girls came over.
``Yes,'' She said softly.
``You knew Silver isn't a girl?''
``Yes.''
``You all knew!'' Shadow said facing the others. They all nodded uncomfortable. ``Why didn't anyone tell me?!'' he said slamming his fist on the table.
``It wasn't our secret to tell.''
``So you thought it was okay to let me make a fool out of myself?!'' Shadow said angrily. They all looked startled but didn't answer. ``I'm not gay,'' Shadow said.
``Well...'' Marine started carefully, ``In Silver's case, it doesn't really mean you are a hundred percent gay,'' She continued.
``What the hell do you mean?!''
``Please, calm down I will explain.''
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Silver was completely soaked by the rain and fell down on their mattress as they cried out loud. Big tears ran down from their eyes. Their cats were curious and slowly came near to see what was happening. ``What was I thinking,'' They said out loud. ``Of course someone like him wouldn't want me for what I really am.''
Silver took Bunny Bun out of their backpack and hugged it tight while tears ran down their face. Silver was so disappointed and upset but they weren't angry with Shadow, only with theirself for letting it come so far without thinking what would happen.
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``Silver is non-binary.''
``What does that mean?'' Shadow asked confused.
``It means that mentally Silver is neither a boy, nor a girl,'' Shadow looked puzzled as Marine started to explain. ``Silver doesn't even feel comfortable in their own body.''
Shadow thought about it, ``But still he..''
``They,'' Marine corrected.
``But still they have the body of a boy, I don't feel I'm into that,'' Shadow said frustrated.
``I think you should give it time and think about it, I really wish you two would stay together as you both seem really happy. But I understand it can be a big step, just think about the time you had together and reflect on that,'' Nicole said.
Shadow frowned and thought about their words.
``And maybe some other important questions. Is love only physical? Does it matter what someone is or is it more important who that person is?'' Sally added.
Shadow sighed, ``It's just so weird, we had a good time together and I really like them, but I just don't know.''
``You don't need to have all the answer to every question right now, you need time to think about what you want and what you feel,'' Honey said.
Shadow gave a serious nod.
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It started to get dark and Silver kept ignoring their phone which was constantly buzzing. Tails had texted and called multiple times because it was game night and Silver still hadn't shown up. Silver also got a lot of text messages from the girls, trying to comfort them. But Silver didn't want to talk to anyone, they just wanted to be alone so they could just cry without getting held back.
Shadow walked near the alley with his hands in his pockets and a serious expression on his face. Shadow slightly looked around the corner and spotted Silver on the mattress with their back turned to Shadow. They were shivering and Shadow could hear them cry. Shadow felt so bad for making Silver feel like this, but he also didn't want to lie about what he felt and thought. He was still shocked because he really didn't expect it, well of course Silver had worn many boy like clothes but that doesn't say anything.
`Silver is just so young, naive and...' Shadow sighed as he looked over at Silver, `....wonderful.' He thought.
Shadow heard Silver mumbling to theirself between sniffing. ``W-why does it all have t-to be so *sniff* difficult. I n-never asked t-to be born *sniff* like t-this.''
Shadow felt a tear well up, he turned his back to the alley and walked back home, still not knowing what he should do. Leaving Silver behind as a lonely figure in the dark alley.
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The next morning Tails was waiting at the corner of the street with a concerned look on his face. It was already late and Silver always arrived early. Tails looked up when he heard Shadows motorcycle. Shadow stopped in front of Tails when he noticed him standing on the corner.
``Hey Shadow, have you seen Silver? I've been trying to reach them since yesterday afternoon but they're not answering,'' Tails asked worried.
Shadow sighed, ``I don't think they will be coming today,'' He replied guilty.
``Why what happened?'' Tails asked quickly. Shadow looked away feeling ashamed. ``What happened?!'' Tails asked stern.
``Yesterday Silver told me they weren't a girl.''
Tails went quiet for a moment, ``And you didn't take it that well now, did you?'' He asked sour.
``I didn't mean to, I was just so shocked at that moment. You just can't blame me for that,'' Shadow said, ``I feel terrible about my reaction, Silver didn't deserve that.''
_________________________
Silver felt completely broken and couldn't motivate theirself to get up to go to school in time. They had bags under their eyes and their quills were one big mess. They didn't feel like they had gotten any sleep, they might have drifted off now and again but was haunted by the usual nightmares, but they were worse and woke them up often. Silver felt so alone even though they were surrounded by their cats.
Silver didn't go to school the whole day because they were afraid to face Shadow and all their classes of the day would be together with him. They just didn't want Shadow to see them like this.
_________________________
A day had passed and Silver hadn't eaten or moved from the mattress in two days, they did fall asleep a few times but it wasn't for long.
It was Friday now, so Silver thought it would be a good idea to just go to the first two lessons and then skip music class for the day. Silver stood up and slowly went to the corner where they would meet Tails, they had already texted him to let him know they would be present today.
``Hey Silver, how are you doing?'' Tails asked concerned. Silver shrugged and started walking towards the school building. ``I heard what happened, I'm sorry it went like that, you don't deserve it.''
Silver didn't feel like answering, their eyes still felt wet and they had the feeling that if they would talk about it they'd start to cry all over again.
Tails looked over at Silver worrying. They didn't look good at all, Silver was skinnier then normal, their fur grubby and not shiny as normal. Their eyes were swollen, red and they had bags under their eyes. Even their clothes looked sloppier than usual.
They went to the robotics class where Tails kept on working on his project and Silver just stared at the program they had written the past few weeks and scrolled up and down, not really looking at what was written.
There was a knock at the door and Ms Tikal entered the room. She went over to Silver, who didn't notice and just kept on scrolling. ``Silver, can I talk to you for a minute?'' Silver looked around and nodded while getting up from their chair. Ms Tikal led them to her office, ``Please sit down.'' Silver did as told, but didn't look at their mentor but stared down at their hands. ``It came to my attention you skipped your classes yesterday.''
Silver didn't respond.
``What's going on?'' She asked. Silver shrugged their shoulders. Ms Tikal sighed, ``Silver, I'm your mentor and I wish you would tell me what's going on with you. Are you having difficulties with the material? Are you getting bullied? Didn't you finish your home work?'' She suggested.
Silver shook their head, ``It's personal,'' They whispered.
``Okay is something wrong at home or with your family? Did you get into an argument with a friend? Or do you have a relationship and it isn't going well?'' Silver let their head hang down during the last suggestion, which Ms Tikal noticed. ``So it has something to do with a relationship?'' She asked.
Silver shrugged again. ``I don't want to talk about it.'' They said.
``Silver, talking about your problems is a good thing, you can't figure everything out on your own. Please tell me what happened?'' She asked.
``It's complicated.''
``That doesn't matter, I just want to know what's going on, so I can help you,'' She said kindly with a soft and concerned smile. Silver looked over at her and felt like they could trust her.
Silver started to explain what had happened, but left out Shadow's name as they thought it wouldn't be fair towards him. ``I just feel misunderstood and I'm not comfortable with what I am but I wouldn't want to change it because that isn't what I'm looking for either. I just wish my gender wouldn't be an issue.'' Silver explained.
Ms Tikal looked concerned as this was a very difficult situation. There were still a lot of people who wouldn't understand the LGBTH+ community or are open to it, and how the government is responding to this community isn't good at all. ``I'm glad you told me Silver. It is a very complicated issue. Mostly I think it's important that you start to accept yourself for what and who you are. I want you to schedule a session with Ms Blaze to talk about this. She probably won't have all the answers to your problems, but she can still help you understand and accept it.''
Silver nodded.
``I understand you really need the time to get through this and if you skip more classes I understand that as well. But please make sure you will at least try to keep up with your studies, you were doing so great. I really am proud of you.''
Silver felt their eyes starting to water again, but blinked the tears away.
``Let's talk again next week and I will make sure Ms Blaze gets in contact with you.''
Silver nodded and stood up as this was the end of their conversation. The robotics class was already over and Silver went looking for Tails in the cafeteria. But Shadow was talking with him so Silver quickly turned around to go to chemistry class.
