Right now, Mario had been granted an illustrious privilege that most would never have been offered before in their lives. He was being given a tour of a very special pyramid.
The boxing champion had been recognized for his talent and had won a free excursion here while he also was set to have a match against another champion here in Egypt. He wished to go on the trip by himself but his mom came and dragged along Ian too.
As of now, his mom was at the hotel which meant that Mario and Ian were within the pyramid and its tour group together.
Mario was bored to tears though. This wasn’t interesting to him in the slightest. It was no small wonder then that Ian was the exact opposite.
The small nerd was snapping photos of whatever they would allow him to take pictures of. He was asking about all the hieroglyphics and the dusty tombs. This seemed like it would be a neat place to play hide and seek in but that was really it.
Ian had just snapped a photo of a sarcophagus and was shifting through the images on his camera before he turned to the tour guide. “Excuse me, sir!” He bounced a little. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard of this tomb before. Who does it belong to?” Ian asked.
The tour guide smiled and put his hand on Ian’s shoulder before pointing at it. “This is the tomb of the woebegone Ahomose-Phony. They were a court jester in ancient Egypt.”
“A court jester with their own tomb?” Ian looked on, astonished. That was unprecedented. “But why?”
Mario yawned.
“This one wasn’t considered a privilege. In life they were quite the fighter. They won plenty of matches for the sake of entertaining their ruler. However, one challenger came along and Ahomose-Phony made a play at besting them fiercely. It was such a fierce push to win that the challenger grew incensed and struck a deal.”
“Oh really?” Mario raised a brow. “What deal was that? That thousands of years later he’d be strung up on display and be talked about in the most boring way imaginable.”
“No,” The tour guide side-eyed Mario. “That his honor and prestige would be lost should he suffer defeat in battle. He didn’t think he could lose so he accepted. No one thought he could lose… but he did. Thus, he was rendered a jester from that day forth. They say that his last dying breath was spent cursing that challenger, wishing to one day reclaim his honor and glory in combat.”
“Wow…” Ian said.
“Whatever,” Mario put his hands behind his head. “A loser is a loser is a loser. He should just accept that and get over himself.”
Ian rolled his eyes. He was the absolute last person who should ever be talking about getting over oneself.
Ian then looked at the images on the wall beside the tomb. “Hmm. Seems like they set this one up as a bit of a special case. It would seem this was considered a display even back then. A rare tomb that was made to continuously humiliate and ridicule the loser that resided within it for all eternity rather then just having it be a special privilege for the pharaoh.”
Mario was so bored now. The tour group had continued on but Ian was still here, fascinated by this dead loser. He must have felt a strong kinship with him over that.
With a sneer, Mario wiggled his fingers and reached down the back of Ian’s pants.
“I’ve got to zoom in for a closer-LOOOHHHHHHHBNNNNNK!” Ian’s eyes crossed as Mario yanked his Dragon Ball briefs up into a strong wedgie.
“Whoa! You’ve never made that noise before!” Mario said. “You sounded like a goose!” He teased and yanked harder on Ian’s undies, making him bounce up and down rigorously!
“HNNNK! HOOOORK! GWOOOO! WEDGIEEEEOOOOOGUH!” Ian belted out more pained noises, tears and drool going everywhere as his goofy, cross-eyed face got more and more ridiculous looking.
What a discovery. Ian honks like a goose when you give him a deep enough wedgie. Good to know.
“Let this be a lesson to all you losers out there, we winners are the ones who have final say, kay?” Mario said as he stuck his tongue out at the sarcophagus in front of him. “If I were there, I’d have rendered you unconscious before the bell finished ringing. Haha!”
With that done, he dropped Ian to the floor and let him spasm there with his butt sticking up and his pants lowered to show off his underwear. He kept honking like a goose due to the wedgie having fried his brain.
Mario loved that he could reduce his genius brother to a honking, half-a-brain-celled idiot thanks to a simple wedgie. It was a good way of rendering his smarts meaningless in the face of his raw power.
Despite the fact that Ian was currently brain damaged, Mario felt something odd stirring behind while he dusted off his hands.
The sound of something heavy moving was creeping up on him.
Suddenly, without warning, the slab of the sarcophagus sprung off to the side and clattered hard onto the floor!
“EEP!” Mario jolted and spun around to face the obstruction within this exhibit.
A ghoulish, bandaged hand clasped the edge of the box he was trapped in before he slunk out.
This was a real mummy… and it was undead.
Mario stared directly at it.
His eyes were super wide and he looked unsure of what to do with himself.
He twitched a little when he felt his underwear grow a tad damp.
However, he shook his head when he noticed the mummy raising its fists.
A fight?
A challenge!
“Ha… hahahaha! Y-You want to fight me?! Oh please!” Mario grinned, holding his fists up too. “Then come on! B-Bring it! I’m here because I’m a ch-champion! I’ll knock you out and put you in a fresh pamper before you wet yourself!”
The mummy said nothing.
“Wh-What’s the matter? Scared?” Mario snickered, sliding Ian’s downed body off to the side with his foot, ironically so that he wouldn’t get hurt. “If you think you can beat me with that cold, shambling, dead body of yours then impress–!”
The mummy shuffled forward with a speed that blitzed Mario’s own. He could tell because he was face to face with his rotting corpse in the matter of a half-second.
Mario gasped and attempted to go for some kind of punch but got one in the face instead!
The boy was flung out of his tight bike shorts and was sent spiraling like a flapjack, smack-dab against the wall!
He slowly slid down it and plopped onto the floor, eyes rolling and tongue out.
The mummy approached him and as the shadow loomed over head Mario snapped back to his senses.
Mario scrambled to his feet and ducked to the side, grabbing his backpack and rummaging through it. “I was going to use this to prank Ian later but…!”
He produced a huge poofy white diaper and charged at the mummy with it. He then jumped and attempted to clamp it around his face from behind.
“Eww. Being on this thing’s back is gross but so long as I win it’ll be worth–!” Mario began before the mummy elbowed him in the gut from behind.
Mario’s eyes crossed and he dropped the diaper. Instead of trapping the mummy’s face and blinding him, he just got hit in the gut and made to let out a loud fart.
The mummy then spun around and punched downward, ramming Mario hard into the floor!
The boy laid there, spread-eagle, in his damp Go Diego Go briefs and eyes spinning around in their sockets.
The mummy raised his foot… and stomped it down onto Mario’s gut, making a victory pose.
It was grunting. It sounded muffled. Whatever it was, it was elated. A vicious wrong had been righted. Once a loser, not always a loser after all.
Now the tomb needed a new loser.
Mario heard some noises as he rested. He wasn’t sure what they were but when he felt his head being rested against the back of something smooth and hard, his mind snapped at attention.
His eyes then bugged out when he realized his position.
He was wrapped in bandages! From head to toe he was covered in them except for his waist. His waist had intentionally been left untouched so that the big diaper Mario threatened the mummy with was on open display.
Mario’s wide, panicked eyes spoke volumes. He tried to speak but of course it was muffled. He tried to move to escape but of course there was no escape.
The mummy grabbed the lid of the sarcophagus and as the teary eyed boxer saw the light fade from view, he let go of his bladder once fear took hold.
—
Late that day, Ian woke up, rubbing his head in pain.
“Ugh… what happened?” Ian mumbled, feeling a little out of sorts and a huge pain in his butt. He noticed his pants around his ankles and gasped as he hiked them back up before looking around.
No one was here.
“GAH! SERIOUSLY?!” Ian panicked. “They left me behind! Oh come on!” Ian whined and made his way out of that area. “When I find Mario, I’m going to give him a peace of my mind… with a well thought out counter attack from a distance of course.”
He didn’t look back and thus didn’t pay any mind to the sarcophagus storing his brother just a few feet away.
Each step he took saw him going further and further away from him until finally, he made it out.
When Ian returned to the hotel and couldn’t find Mario, his mother was a bit annoyed.
Hours turned to days and days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months.
Eventually, Ian and the search party that was sent out to find his brother had to face facts. He was gone.
Despite this, Ian remained confused. Often, when he was alone at night, he could swear he could hear the muffled grunts of someone or something watching him.
One day, when he found an ancient looking torn bandage outside the door to his lab, he was certain of it.
The ancient champion had returned and it sought a new challenger.
---
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E-Eep! a m-mummy! A-And I fancy myself a bit of a fighter m-myself.. **slaps hands over my mouth, leting out a fear poot* I-I mean no I don't not a fighter at all! *looks around weirdly..then relax* O-Oh right..j-just a story ehehehe..N-not that I got scared or anything for a second there.. *has a maybe tenny tiny wet spot or too on my undies..jeans thankfully hiding it*
E-Eep! a m-mummy! A-And I fancy myself a bit of a fighter m-myself.. **slaps hands over my mouth, le
