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> > RIVALS < <
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A Tiny Toons Fan Story by KeV Beeley, 1995-6
KeV@faboo.demon.co.uk
v1.1
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Original Tiny Toons Characters, their names, and all that stuff are
(c) Warner Bros Inc. / Amblin Entertainment, and are used without
permission.
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New characters were the creation of my futile brain, and you're quite
welcome to use 'em in your stories and pics if you so wish.
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Finally, thanx to D.M. "Quozl" Falk for proof-reading this junk, and giving
me pointers and suggestions when I ran low on ideas, or off the track!
And furthermore to Kevin Mickel for correcting the bits that weren't
particularly American-sounding. You guys should learn to play cricket! :)
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As long as this file is not altered in any way, it may be distributed
freely, but only ELECTRONICALLY! Furthermore, it cannot be archived on
any commercial product such as a CD-ROM compilation. Feel free to take
PERSONAL printed copies of the story - it's your ink you're wasting after
all!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Geez, was Fudd ever boring today in Toon Physics 203, huh?"
"You said a mouthful, Buster! I didn't think he'd ever stop. Plucky falls
asleep every lecture, and I was tempted to join him, if it wasn't for the
overwhelming fear that we'd meet up in a dream some time."
"C'mon Babs! Plucky isn't *that* annoying. I'm sure he doesn't plague
your dreams. At least I hope not..."
"Oooooh! Wouldn't you like to know, *dear!* For all you know I could be
dreaming about Plucky AND Hamton at the same time. What makes you think
you'd get a look-in during my dreams? It would make it look like you
*MEANT* something to me!"
"I hope you don't mean that, Pinky!"
And so, yet another play-fight began in the bedroom of a certain
Barbara-Anne Bunny. Wednesday night was never a good night to go out on
the town: Most folk were staying in in anticipation of the weekend, and
those who would normally go out anyway were grounded (one green duck -
case in point!)
Babs and Buster had decided that tonight was as good as any time to have a
`Study' Session, and were getting through the normal amount of work for
one of these sessions; a figure slightly less than zip...
Babs fell backwards onto the floor, knocking a full bottle of carrot soda
off the bedside table on the way down, and was immediately pinned to the
ground by Buster, who pulled up the front of her blouse, revealing white
belly fur, and used the tip of one ear to tickle her there, reducing Babs
to a fit of laughter.
Babs breathlessly 'shouted' "*HEHEHEH!* *HAHAH!* Cut it (gasp) out Buster!
Not on my stomach! *HAHAHAH!* You *KNOW* I'm..... (xyfk).... ticklish
there!" She added, "If it wasn't for these *HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH* darn ear
curlers, you'd get what was coming (unk) for you!"
"Yeah, right Babsie! That's what you ALWAYS say - you've never once
managed to get out of one of these locks. The day you break free is the
day I.... .....*WHOAAAAA!*"
And with a resounding 'THUD', Buster made contact with the ceiling, with a
well-defined footprint embedded in his chest, winding him rather well!
Far below him lay Babs in dishevelled clothing, grinning back up at him.
"One small step for man; One giant kick for Rabbitkind. See why I keep up
with my Aerobics now, Buster?"
Raising one eyebrow to the camera, Buster quipped, "It only goes to show
that exercise is a deadly killer in the wrong hands." Slowly, he began to
peel off the ceiling, and then fell into the waiting arms of Babs, who
rolled him into a Ball, and used him to throw a perfect hoop into the
waiting wastepaper basket, marked 'OUT'. *THUMP!*
Buster quickly pulled himself to his full height out from the bin,
scattering lots of sheets of paper all marked 'negative' all over the
room, and made a mad dash for Babs, who had lapsed her concentration for a
second to have a quick laugh at him. He knocked her for a loop, both of
them landing on the bed, Buster fully on top of her on the bed. Both
bunnies looked at each other, giggled, and then puckered up, preparing for
a nice long kiss...
....Until the Bedroom door flew open, *SLAMMING* against the wall,
followed by a series of crashes, broke off the romantic interlude. Buster
and Babs opened their eyes, and looked across to the door, where the noise
had come from, to see Emily, one of Babs' younger sisters, sprawled across
the floor, with her feet bent around on top of her head.
Buster and Babs quickly broke away from each other and smoothed down their
clothes, trying to look as innocent as possible given the situation. Babs
gave her sister a long hard stare.
Emily, still in a heap on the floor, gave a sheepish grin to Buster and
Babs. "Uhhhh.... H-hiya, Babs! (he-he!)"
"EMILY! Were you spying on us AGAIN?!", ranted Babs. "I thought I made
it perfectly clear last time that I didn't like you eavesdropping on
Buster and me! How many times do I have to tell you???"
"It's n-not how it seems, Babs," replied Emily, as she untangled her
limbs, and proceeded to sit on the floor by the open door. "I just
happened to be passing on the way to the bathroom.... And I... uh...
stopped to admire the flowers on the table opposite your door, and.....
then Mortimer came running past and knocked me over into your door! It
*wasn't* my fault... Honest!"
Babs was unsurprisingly unconvinced by this yarn, and didn't hold back on
telling Emily this fact.
"EMILY-JANE BUNNY! Don't you lie to me! Mortimer's been in bed for the
past two hours, and besides the bathroom is the OTHER end of the burrow!"
Emily sighed. "But Babs...."
"Don't you talk back! You _KNOW_ it's hard enough for us to get any
privacy in this place as it is, without you prying into my affairs. How
would *YOU* like it if I was to spy on you if you were in *YOUR* room with
*YOUR* boyfriend, huh?"
Emily sat up rigidly at that last comment, completely startled at her
sister's reaction to her snooping, and began to blush a little, as tears
welled up in her eyes. Pulling herself to her feet, she began to back out
of the room. "I.... I'll be going.... then."
Turning her back fully on Babs, she dashed out of the room and down the
corridor, audibly crying as she ran.
"Well, that's that," exclaimed Babs, dusting her paws as she walked across
to push her door closed. She turned round to see that Buster had moved to
the other side of the bed, facing the other direction, with crossed arms.
"Buster?"
Buster said nothing.
Babs put her paw on his shoulder. Buster quickly pulled it out from under
her paw, shuffling further up the bed.
"What's wrong?"
Still no response.
"I got rid of her, didn't I? There's no need to be embarrassed now, is
there?"
Buster turned to Babs with a *very* furrowed brow. Taking a deep breath,
he snapped, "That was MEAN, Babs".
"_What_ was? I only got rid of her! You know that she's always spying on
us when you're around. I just tried to shock her into leaving, and it
worked, didn't it? Now can we just get back to where we left off?"
"I don't think I want to, Babs. It's all very well frightening her into
leaving us alone, but you didn't have to drag HER feelings into it, did
you?"
Babs was taken aback at this comment. "What do you mean, Buster?"
"You *know* that Emily is sensitive about not having a boyfriend. It's
best to try and avoid the topic when you can. And what do you do? Bring
it straight up, and use it as mud to sling on her when she annoys you!"
"Awww. C'mon Buster! She's almost FIFTEEN now! If she's not got a
boyfriend yet, she's either not looking very hard, or she's too shy to do
anything about it! We were *FOURTEEN* when we started seeing each other,
weren't we?!"
"That was only two years ago, Babs. And don't forget that we had known
each other for MANY years before it kinda just happened. Just because we
had it so easy doesn't mean that she does, and you know it! Look at
Plucky and Shirley f'rinstance..."
"Oh man... It's only Plucky's ego that really gets in the way of those two
getting together. And Shirley's short temper with him."
"Fifi and Hamton?"
"A clash of personalities, and an army of drooling fanboys following her
around makes that relationship a non-starter"
"Monty and Elmyra? Actually, strike that one. We both know that they
both like wearing HER clothes, and one party hasn't yet worked out that
talking M&Ms are nothing more than a clever advertising ploy"
"I still don't see what this has to do with Emily, Buster. You don't have
to live with her all the time."
"But you don't have to sound like your mom to her. Doesn't it seem a
better plan to help her, rather than put her down?"
"You mean, try and find her a date?"
"If we can, but at least we should try and help her boost her confidence."
Babs pondered this suggestion. "I don't know. Don't you really think it
would be a better idea just to let her try and learn it for herself?
After all, you DO only learn from your mistakes!"
"And yet six more Police Academy films were made. Give her a hand, and
it's bound to save some grief!"
"OKAY! Whatever you say, Blue-Boy! Now, can we get back to where we left
off?"
"Well... _Aaaaalright._ But only for a short while before I leave. I'm
gonna check in on Emily to see how she is before I go home."
Babs grinned expectantly at Buster. She tugged at his arm to bring him
closer to her. "C'mere, Blue Boy!"
And out went the bedside light.
-----------
'Knock-Knock'
"<Snif> Uhhh.... Who is it???"
"Buster."
"Oh! Gee... Wait there a second! I'll be right with you!"
Frantically, Emily blew her nose on a tissue, then stuffed it under her
mattress with a large scrapbook she had been browsing through. Then, in a
whirlwind of grey and blue, she dashed round her room, pushing discarded
clothes and magazines into open drawers, stopping at her vanity mirror to
try and remove some of the mascara that had run down her cheeks,
unsuccessfully. She then placed her paws over her mouth, breathed out and
gave her breath a quick check before going to answer the door.
"Uh... Hi, Buster. C-come in.... Sit down..."
She picked up a small box of candy on her bedside cabinet, and offered it
to Buster. "Would you like a chocolate? They're best Swiss-covered
carrots."
Buster shook his head, "That's okay. And there's no need to try and make
up with me. I wasn't angry when you 'dropped' in on us." Smirking, he
quipped, "Now 10 minutes later, it might have been a different..."
Buster ambled into the room past Emily, and sat down on the vanity's
chair, brushing off an empty bottle of hare conditioner. "Do you mind me
asking why you keep spying on us all the time?"
"Well, I... Ummmm... I.... That is...."
"Good answer! Any finer details?"
Emily shuffled uneasily on her feet. "Well... I WAS outside, but I heard
or saw NOTHING!"
Grinning, Buster retorted, "Ever considered politics as a career, Emily?
I hear they need someone to help Bill come up with more lame excuses! Now
how about the truth..."
Emily began to go red again, and tugged at her blue blouse, letting out a
big cloud of steam. "I was just curious as to what Babs was doing with y-
I mean, what you two were doing."
"Oh *I* see! Tryin' to learn some tricks off your sister, eh? Well, she
*is* one of the best!" Buster continued, "Thinking of using some of her
material to snag that certain special hare, eh?"
Coyly, Emily fiddled with the hem of her skirt, avoiding looking at
Buster. "Well, you might say that..."
"Well, then why didn't you just come straight out with it with Babs and
ask her, rather than being sneaky about it?"
"I *HAVE* tried talking to her about you before, but she always gets so
hedgy when I ask! She treats me like a I'm a little kid most of the time.
You saw how she flew of the handle at me this evening."
"You *KNOW* she's prone to overreact to the smallest thing that irritates
her! And she seems fine when you're not snooping around her bedroom! You
*really* should ask her to sit down and TALK to you about girl stuff and
that. Take it from me, she *really* knows what she's talking about!"
Emily's ears pricked up at the last sentence. Trying to sound unassuming,
she said, "Oh! Well, what kind of things?"
Buster looked at his feet, trying to contain the smile that had began to
spread across his face. "Well, I don't think I should really..."
"BUSTER!"
Buster broke off in mid sentence, and looked toward the door. "Oops!
Uh... Okay Babs, just coming. That's my cue to go I think! I'll talk to
ya about it after school tomorrow, Em. Seeya!"
Emily loosely waved her paw to him. "Bye, Buster," she murmured dreamily.
---
The two rabbits walked down the hallway to the entrance of the Burrow.
"So, how is she then, Buster?"
"Well, she'd been crying a lot, but she seemed more cheerful than earlier
this evening. Seemed a little distant talking to me though."
"I'd watch it, Buster. I think she likes you, you know."
"Nah! This is Tiny Toons, not Thirteensomething!", Buster quipped. "If
this was THAT poor excuse for entertainment, they'd be some lovesick sap
after Emily, calling her constantly and bugging her to see him, and the
plot would be so overexplained that even Pete Puma would be able to
understand it!"
As they walked off down the coridoor, Babs retorted, "Well *I've* never
answered the phone for her when it's been a boy...."
-----------
MEANWHILE, back in Emily's room.....
"For the 10 billionth time, Eric, I *WON'T* go to the pictures with you,
so will you STOP bugging me?!"
"Look... I don't care *IF* they have an extra-extra-early preview of
Disney's Hunchback on at the Gigaplex! I'm staying in for like, the rest
of my life! @*GOOD-NIGHT!!!!*@"
Emily sighed, looking at herself in the mirror, her head resting on the
flats of her paws. Looking back to the bedroom door, she pulled herself
to her feet, then hopped onto her bed, coming to rest on a pillow. She
pulled up one side of her mattress, and removed a scrapbook she kept under
it. The tissue stuck to it fell to the floor with a resounding 'splat!'
Emily laid face down on the bed, the book carefully laid across the
pillows, and she casually browsed through the book, gazing misty-eyed at
the pictures, all of them of Buster. The pictures had been cut out of
Acme Loo student magazines, student rep campaign posters, or had been
serrupticiously lifted from Babs' private photo collection.
She especially liked that picture of him that Babs had taken on their
'trip' to Hawaii in the dressing room, where he was changing out of his
Bermuda Shorts, unknowingly mooning to her. And what about the picture of
him in his armour he wore at the beginning of the "Wheel o' Comedy???"
Emily flipped through a few more pages.
"You know I exist, Buster Bunny. So how can I get you to REALLY notice
me?"
-----------
"*EMILY!!!!*"
"Oh! Hi, Buster. How was school today?"
"Passable," panted Buster, as he jogged to catch up to her. "Babs is
exchanging rumors with Shirley and Fifi at the moment, and'll be wrapped
up for the next couple of hours." Smiling, he continued, "You look
happier now. How was your day?"
Emily continued walking, clutching at her school folder. "I suppose it
was okay. Miss Granny's giving out 5000 page term papers on 4 dimensional
toon space at the moment. I don't think I'm going to be seeing much of
the weekend", she sighed.
"Oh, you can borrow mine if you want to," Buster shrugged. "I doubt
she'll remember what mine looked like."
"Thanks Buster," Emily smiled. "That'll be a big help."
"So, where do you want to go and talk then? Your place okay?"
Emily's ears pricked up. She fluttered her eyelashes at Buster, and
asked, "What do you want to talk about then?"
"You."
Sagging a little, the little rabbit muttered, "Oh. You want to talk some
more about last night, don't you?"
Reaching the entrance of the burrow, Emily hopped down the hole, and
sighed to herself, "I was hoping it would have been about something else."
"Is there any reason why you keep eavesdropping on us all the time? It's
the third time you've done it in as many weeks," Buster said as he hopped
down to join her. "I mean, it's nice that you take an interest in us, but
we do like our privacy." They walked down the hallway toward the kitchen.
Buster continued, "And you know as well as I do that it's difficult to get
any privacy round here, when you have so many brothers and sisters!
Right?"
Emily turned her nose up at that question. Changing the subject, she
asked "Want something to eat? I could whip up some carrot toast or
something."
Buster turned up HIS nose at the offer of food. "Thanks for the offer,
Em, but I would rather just have a raw carrot if possible," he gagged.
"It took a *long* while to get rid of the indigestion I got after I eat
that cake you made. No offense, but when it comes to cooking, you make
the Looniversity cafeteria look like a gourmet restaurant."
"*Sigh!* I suppose you're right," she replied, rummaging through the
fridge, bringing out two cans of carrot soda. Handing one can to Buster,
she stood back, and gazed at his face, pondering a little as to how to
phrase her question. "There *is* something I'd like to ask you, Buster."
She walked off toward the kitchen door again, taking a sip from her can.
"Let's go in the den."
"Sure!" replied Buster as he followed Emily toward the den of the Burrow.
"Well... what I was to ask you is.....". Emily cut her sentence short as
she opened the den door. The room was full of her younger siblings,
sitting with her mom. Most were playing games with each other, the
others, including her mom were watching Classic Supermarket Sweep on the
TV. Every bunny in the room turned round to face Emily simultaneously,
and in chorus said "*HI EMILY!!!!!* What you doing?"
Emily blushed badly, managed to expel a stuttered "Hi! Oh... Nothing
much.", and then she shut the door again. "On second thought, let's go
back to *my* room..."
Buster sniggered to himself. "Hehe! Nothing comes closer to the thought
police than your own family, with the possible exception of Shirley
McClaine, but that's fortunately just a one-off mental condition due to
extensive crystal abuse. She promised the National Enquirer that she was
seeking professional medical assistance..."
-----------
"I'll have an extra-large, jumbo weenie burger, double fries, mayo, and a
small carrot soda, please."
"Just a Tofu dog in an organic bun, or some junk, for me."
"I theenk I'll 'ave ze Krusty Burger with extra cheese, and some fries,
si'l vous plait..."
The entire burger joint went deathly silent.
"*KRUSTY BURGER????!*"
Fifi turned round and blushed. "What eez wrong with a little variety in a
girl's life?!"
Somewhere in the distance, an owl hooted.
The three girls threw their bills at the assistant, picked up their food,
and headed off to a booth by the window to sit down. Babs dejectedly
picked up her burger, and took a huge bite out of it, chewing quietly to
herself.
"Y'know... (munch) Buying a Krusty Burger isn't the most embarrassing
thing you coulda... *gulp!* done, Fifi. I mean, (slurp) I would have
called the authorities if you'd ordered a Happy-Baby-Puppy-Face-meal..."
"Like, at least she got some food, Babs", added Shirley, as she toyed with
the small toy Chinese boat which was in her burger box. "I think the
clerks here take me a little *too* literally."
"I zought you were on zee diet, Babs!"
"I am. Why do you think I have the small soda?"
Babs sighed, and slucked on her drink. "The rest of it's comfort food."
"I thought I could sense negative vibes coming from your aura, Babs.
Like, what's up?"
"Nothing much... Just problems with my sister."
Fifi and Shirley grinned at each other. "Thanks for being *sooooo*
specific, Babs. You *know* you have more siblings than than the phone
directory has Smiths!"
"I've got more sisters than the amount of personalities that Freud has
analysed... But the one who's worrying me is Emily. She's been spying on
Buster and me a lot recently. I expect it's nothing, but I kinda get the
feeling that she.... she's got the hots for Buster."
"Are you sure zat you are not just annoyed zat she 'as been watching you
two? She's probably just interested in what you do."
"She doesn't pay me much attention except when Buster comes to visit.
Then she's always hanging around, talking to us when we're out of my room,
eavesdropping when we're in it."
Babs took another vicious bite out of her burger. The other two glanced
at each other, unconvinced, and then replied. "I think you're
overreacting again, Babs. You get, like, totally stressed out, and then
do something silly. You *know* your imagination does strange things to
you when you get something into your head."
"And besides, even if she does like 'im, Buster is so wrapped in you that
'e eez 'ardly likely to drop you, eez 'e?"
Babs smiled weakly. "Thanks girls. I hope you're right."
Shirley replied, "Sure we're right, Babs! Don't get stressed-out, and
everything will be fine, right Feef?"
Fifi didn't reply. She just stared over toward the diner entrance,
looking a little stunned. "I can definitely vouch zat ze Krusty Burgers
'ave more meat in zem", she quipped, as she watched her meal walk out of
the door, and hail a taxi.
-----------
Emily hopped onto her bed, and made herself comfy. Buster sat down on the
chair by the vanity mirror. "Now where have we been like this before, I
wonder...", he quipped. "Right, what do you want to ask me then??"
"Well.... Erm....", said Emily, squirming a little, and tugging at her
pillow. "Why..... (erm) why.... do you *like* Babs?"
Buster grinned. "What do I see in her, and why *am* I seeing her, is that
what you mean?"
Emily blushed a little. "Yeah, I suppose so..."
Buster crossed his legs, and sat back on the chair, thinking. "It's a
difficult question to answer. I've known Babs for as long as you have,
and I suppose knowing someone that long helps. I suppose I loved her for
a long time before I realized it as such. She always used to flirt with
me at school. You know we're the only two rabbits in our year, so in a
way that may have been because she didn't have any other choice, or maybe
it was fate! She's crazy, and that's why I love her."
"Yeah, but why do you go out with her rather than see _another_ bunny?
You're not just limited to the girls in your class!"
"I suppose I've never really thought about it! Just seemed the natural
thing to do. We've done a *lot* of stuff together." Smirking, he added,
"Which you already know about!"
"You think she's pretty?"
"Of course I do! She's got gorgeous great blue eyes, a slim and slender
body (which she seems to refuse to believe), and a completely
unchallenging wardrobe!"
"Do you think *I'm* pretty?"
Buster didn't reply immediately. He'd been thinking too much about Babs
to think about anyone else, and he'd been cut off right after his creative
juices got flowing.
He looked hard at Emily. Though smaller than Babs, she reminded him a
great deal of her. She looked back at him with eyes as equally blue as
her sister's. Her well-cared for light gray fur shone slightly under the
light that hung above her bed. She was playing with the hem of her blue
dress again, just like she had done the night before. The blue bow she
wore at the base of one ear complimented the eyeshadow she wore and gave
her face a little color. She had a kind and trusting face; naive and
innocent, like you could tell her anything, completely unlike the lively
and mischievous glint that Babs seemed to always have in her eyes!
"Yes, Emily. Yes, you are."
"Then why doesn't anyone seem to notice me?!" she wailed!
-----------
Babs waved 'bye to Fifi, as she walked back to her burrow, in a much
better mood than earlier. "Maybe the girls are right. Buster's just
treating Emily as a little sister. There's nothing more to it!"
She hopped down into her burrow in high spirits, and walked past the den
on toward her room, but not before stopping at Emily's door. She looked
in to see Buster hugging Emily tightly.
Babs stopped in her tracks. Turning away from the door with a forced grin
on her face, she muttered to herself through gritted teeth. "It's
perfectly innocent. There's nothing to worry about."
"Buster is mine, and he thinks of Emily as nothing more than a little
sister. He's not taking a little sideline into cradle snatching," she
continued as she stiffly walked down the hall to her room, "and it was
just bad timing for me to walk past the door then."
Babs walked into her room, and carefully shut the door behind her. From
inside the room, a deep rumbling could be heard, which slowly built up,
until an Earth-Shattering K-A-B-O-O-M! rocked the ground all around,
loosening the earth in the ceiling.
"***!?$@I'LL _KILL_ THE LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!@$?!***"
-----------
"You feeling better?"
"(Sniff), yeah."
Buster let go of Emily, who wiped a small tear from her eye, and smiled
weakly up at him.
"Y'know Em, I'm sure there are a lot of boys out there who do like you,
but you either don't notice them, or you give them the wrong signs. Do
you talk to them a lot? And how about outside school? Do you hang around
with any group then?"
"Not really. I just hang around with a small group of friends I have, all
of them girls. I rarely see them out of school, let alone boys."
"So where do you go when I've been around and you've gone out?"
"Out on my bike. I ride up into Acme Forest, and draw, read, write,
listen to music or something."
"I hardly call '40 Greatest Love Hits of the first three Months of 1995'
music," hmffed Buster, waving a droopy double CD case in front of his
face.
Buster turned back to Emily. "If you don't get near to other people, or
let them get close to you, you won't be successful! You need to be able
to attract a guy's attention, and hold onto it," he said, biting into a
carrot. "I don't know..... Maybe dress up a little, go out with some of
your friends.... Hang around with them down the Soda joint on a Friday
night or down the pool when the weather's nice. Sitting here feeling
sorry for yourself isn't doing very much, other than making yourself a
model patient for some shrink in your mid-30's."
"That's all very well, but I doubt most of the girls I know would be
allowed OUT on a Friday night past nine, " sighed Emily. "So it's really
a lost cause."
Buster thought long and hard to himself. Eventually, he turned to Emily
and said, "Tell you what, come out with us this Friday. The gang'll be
going out on the town to celebrate the start of the weekend, so I'm sure
they won't mind if you come along with us. If nothing else, it'll add a
few interesting twists to the plot of this story."
Emily smiled widely, brightening right up. Giggling, she hugged Buster.
"Thanks Buster! I'll really look forward to spending some time with you."
"And the others," she added, blushing. "Soooo. How do I go about trying
to get noticed by boys? Should I buy some tighter clothes? Wear makeup?
Act hard-to-get? Like a floozy? Real loud and witty?"
"Uhhhhhh. <Ahem!> Well, seeing I've never tried to pick up a boy, I
wouldn't really know!"
"Oh."
"But I know a gal who does...."
-----------
"So zen, Emily. Zis will be ze first of mon lessons to vous in ze noble
art of snagging ze boy zat you desire! Ready, non?"
"I guess...."
"Well, 'ere we go!"
Fifi pulled down the shades over one of the windows of her car in one
swift motion. From behind her back, she produced a small white pointer,
and then pressed a small button on a long piece of wire that she was
holding in her hands. Calling to the back of the car, she shouted, "Can
we 'ave ze lights down, s'il vous plait?"
The lights dimmed throughout the car, and the image of a muscular young
male skunk appeared on the back of the blind. Fifi tapped the skunk's
head on the photo with her pointer.
"Zis is a man. A cute, rugged, delectable skunk-'unk. Ze protector of ze
woman, ze lover of ze woman. 'e is also tres gullible, and very easy to
train! You must learn 'ow to get such a man, keep 'im under tight
control, make 'im pay for lots of gifts for you, and all wizout 'im
noticing 'e is doing such a thing!"
Making wide, irregular sweeping movements across the photo, Fifi
continued, "You must learn 'ow to... 'ow you say... Butter 'im up, and
make sure zat 'e always thinks e's ze boss; zat you could not live without
'im. If you do not do theez things, 'e may go off with some other
Skunkette, and it's welcome to zee Dumpsville!"
Emily munched on her popcorn, hanging on every word Fifi said, a little
notebook and pen by her side. Fifi pressed the button again, and a new
photo appeared on the blind, this one, a close up of the Skunk's head.
"Note ze relaxed, self-assured eyebrows, zat cover 'is eyes, which are
constantly checking out zee femme fetales in zee room. Also note zee
well-groomed hair, and zee cute, but dumb grin 'e wears. Eet ees your job
first of all to get noticed by 'im. Once you 'ave accomplished zat, zee
rest of the job is a piece of cake!"
The next slide had lots of cut-out photos from various fashion and teen
magazines splattered all over it, each one of an unrealisitcally waif-like
young toonette modelling the latest toon fashions.
"Rule numero 1: Look your best. Wear new clothes - ones zat show you off
in all ze right places, compliment your fur, and attract attention for zee
right reasons. No-one will notice you if you wear zee dreary clothes."
"But you don't wear *any* clothes, Fifi!"
"But zen again, I 'ave all ze curves in zee right places, non? And
besides, I feel that zee clothes on restrict my movement. Anyway, I shall
continue...."
"...Rule numero 2: Wear some make-up, but not too much."
Fifi pressed the button again. The next photo came up upside-down. She
growled toward the back of the car, and the photo was turned the other way
up. The photo appeared to be cut out of a photo-love story, and was of a
familiar young pig, looking awe-struck towards an equally familiar
skunkette.
"Rule numero 3: Zee first glance 'e gives you ees always zee important one
- make sure you look innocent and vulnerable...."
Fifi looked over to Emily, who was still staring back at her, soaking up
everything said to her. ".... and I don't zink zat ees going to much of a
problem either," she muttered under her breath.
Snapping back out of her private joke, she continued, "And once he ees
looking at you, zee next stage is critical! Look back at him, a little
shocked and surprised, but interested in what you see. 'old that stare
for a few seconds, and zen turn away again. Coyly smile, and deliberately
look out of zee corner of your eyes at 'im, fluttering your eyelashes. If
'e ees still looking at you zen, you know you 'ave 'im snared!"
"...flutter eyelashes.... Right, got it all down! What do I do next?"
"Wait. If you 'ave got eet right, 'e weel come over to talk to you,
either on 'is own accord, or if 'is friends push him into it! Either way,
keep up the sweet and embarrassed look for a while yet, until eet seems 'e
would do *anything* for you! If 'e does not come over, zen 'ang around
near 'im wiz some of your friends, but conveniently slip away from zem
when 'e looks like 'e mau be making an advance."
Fifi pressed the button again, and another picture from the love-story
faded into view, this time of the pig awkwardly talking to the teasing
skunkette.
"If 'e still doesn't respond, you 'ave no choice but to go up to 'im, make
zee first move, and 'ope for zee best!"
The final slide in the show flicked up, of a young skunkette on her knees,
weeping and begging to a well-groomed blue skunk with a quiff, facing away
from her.
"Can we 'ave zee lights back up again?"
Fifi pulled on the shade cord, and it *thwap-thwap-thwapped* back up into
its home. Fifi blinked at the bright light outside in the junkyard.
Across the yard, just passing the entrance, was what appeared to be a
*VERY* well-built skunk..... or maybe a cat with bad dandruff.... She
*really* should get her eyes tested!
"***OOOH-LA-LA!!!*** WHAT AN 'UNK! Wait for....."
Fifi forced herself to stop, and she looked round at Emily, who was
frowning a little at her Skunky teacher, sceptically. "What next, Fifi?"
LaFume glanced back and forth between the rapidly vanishing 'skunk-hunk',
and her eager young pupil, completely torn between the two. Thinking
hard, with fuses audibly blowing in her head, Fifi tried her best to
decide which project to continue with; Her boy-snaring tutorial with
Emily, or the interesting new 'extra-curricular activity' that had just
walked past her life, and was rapidly getting away from her....
"Uhhhh.... I.... Ummm.... Zat I mean.... Errmmm...."
It was no contest. She turned back to Emily, pulling herself up to her
full height, one hand above her head with index finger pointing skywards.
From out of no-where, a single trumpet could be heard playing "The Star
Spangled Banner" as Fifi spoke....
"Zee rest ees easy! Just make 'im feel like you couldn't live without
'im, bend 'im until 'e does what YOU want to do, *never* let 'im stray,
and make sure you're a good keeser! Let yourself out, please! I 'ave to
go now: ***LOVE MUST PREVAIL!!!***"
And with that, she jumped out of the window in a lavender haze, tail
swaying up and down as she ran... "Oh, excuse' moi, Monsieur Skunk-'unk!
***WAIT FOR MOI!*** What are you doing later zis afternoon?...."
Emily got up, and looked out the window after Fifi, who was just turning
the corner out of the junkyard, and out of sight.
"Do not run away! We can do lunch... Go to zee movies... The choice ees
yours, ma darleeng!"
Emily looked down at her notes, and brushed a popcorn kernel off of her
blouse.
"She sure can give advice, but she's darned if she can follow it...."
-----------
The Dodo-Bird at Acme Loo tolled Three again, much to the relief of all
the students. They all rushed out of any exit they could; Doors,
windows, taps, drains, gaps between bricks, gaps MADE through bricks...
And within 4 seconds, the grounds were empty.
Babs raced towards her home, closely followed by Buster, who was panting
to keep up with her. She felt in a much better mood today, smiling up at
the sun as it flashed between the green of the trees above them. Buster
had not mentioned her *favorite* sister since yesterday evening, after he
had left Emily, and sensibly left to go somewhere, not calling in on
her....
Although the initial disappointment of NOT being able to drop that 50
Megaton anvil on his head as he entered her bedroom had been a mighty blow
to her revenge plan, when she had later reflected on her actions, it
seemed a mite puerile. Well, toon or not, no-one would survive an anvil
that big without being put into traction - even Plucky's insurance didn't
cover it! Besides, it was Emily she was really angry with, and she had
gone out a little later too.
Babs looked round and grinned at Buster. "C'mon, Atlas, you're falling
behind! Gee... One Beer and your stomach just *balloons!* (Boom-Boom!)"
Buster puffed back, "*YOU'D* be panting too if you'd eaten some of
Hamton's mom's Meatloaf!"
Skidding to a halt, Babs reached the entrance of her burrow, reached into
it, and brought out a large stereo, and two ice cold carrot fizzes,
complete with sparkler. She handed one to Buster, when he finally caught
up, and then she pushed him to the ground... *THUMP!*
She laid down next to him, staring up at the clear blue sky above them.
Simultaneously, they let out a resounding *SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*
Buster grinned, "Weekends: 48 hours of non-constructive down-time. 54 if
you live in Cleveland."
"You said it, Bub. I'm really looking forward to spending it relaxing!
We've not spent a night out with the gang for *ages* now. It's going to
be a good night tonight, I can just feel it!"
Buster looked back at the pink bunny and said, "Oh yeah! I meant to tell
you something about tonight at school today. It must've slipped my mind!"
"Being on a stomach pump for *TWO* hours is bound to do that..."
"I've invited E-"
"Barbara-Anne! Buster! You're home! How was school, Hon?"
Babs looked over to her mom, who had just stuck her head out of the burrow
entrance, and conveniently got it hidden behind the big red mailbox....
"Hi Mom. How are the others?"
"Oh, they're fine, dear! I just wanted to say 'Thank-You' to you, Buster,
for asking Emily to go out with you two tonight! I was getting worried
that she was never going to go out with anyone, let alone you two. You
know how she's so quiet and all, don't you Babs?"
Babs blinked blankly at her mom, "I didn't ev-"
"She's shopping for some clothes at the moment! I finally had call to
lend her my Unlimited Credit Card! Oh, I'm so relieved! Well, thanks
again - I'm sure it'll do her a world of good! There are some carrot
brownies in the kitchen when you two come in..."
Babs' mom ducked back down into the burrow. Babs swivelled her head round
to Buster, who still had his mouth open, waiting to finish his sentence.
Folding *her* arms, authoritatively, she said, "You were saying, Buster?"
Two squirrels up in a tree sat watching the argument that seemed to be
brewing between Pink and Blue, just out of their earshot. Unimpressed,
one turned round to face his friend, holding up a sign that read, "THE
PLOT THICKENS......"
The other solemnly produced another sign from behind his back that read,
"AND SO DOES CORNFLOUR."
-----------
And so came the big night. Rather than breaking from tradition, the toons
all met up in Weenie Burgers again. The place buzzed with idle small-talk
between friends, who sat in the various booths, blowing bubbles in their
extra-double-triple-thick milkshakes (With added caffeine), and those who
were waiting to see the physician-on-duty about possible cases of
Botulism. The jukebox, seldom used except late at night, sat vibrant
against one wall, pumping out the latest hits, with a strange, almost
unnoticeable deep voice instructing all customers to 'buuuy mooore
burrrgers."
Buster picked up his tray full of drinks, sucking hard on his own as he
carried them back across to the tables his friends were sitting on. He
sat down next to the still-miffed Babs, and handed her her drink, which
she took without a word. He passed the another two drinks across to Fifi
and Shirley, who nodded in thanks.
"So then Babs, I hear that Buster invited one of your mutant sisters to
join us on our little soiree tonight, right?"
Babs nodded, "Yeah... Right.", glancing up at Plucky, as he reached over
from the next booth to grab his extra-large cola from the tray, using
Buster's head as a handy prop-up.
"So, (suuuuck), which one is it then? The ugly one? The geeky one? The
one with three arms? The one with bad breath and an even worse haircut?
The one who has delusions of grandeur and a dangerously high energy
level?"
"Put a sock in it, Plucky!" snorted Babs. "Y'know that one's *me!*"
She pulled the straw out of her drink, and flicked it at Buster, sending
half-melted carrot milkshake down his pullover. "Wiseguy here invited
Emily."
Plucky looked blankly at both bunnies.
Buster wiped the runny carrot off of his pullover, and slurped it off his
glove. "The gray one who usually goes round wearing a blue dress. A
couple of grades below us."
"*HER???!* Hahahahahah! You've _Gotta_ be kidding me! She's one of the
quietest and most normal of your screwball family, Babs! (giggle!) She's
like, dweeb plus! I've never even seen her *OUT* at (haha!) all, let
alone on a Friday - I figured you guys kept her chained up in the cellar
or something!"
"Knock it off. I'm not in the mood for jokes, and I'm sure you and your
beloved beak would like to remain attached for the duration of this
evening."
"Oh, Plucky! You *know* that's not fair!", added Hamton, who had turned
around to join the conversation. "Emily's a sweet girl. So what if she's
shy? It's what a person's like on the inside that counts, right, Fifi?"
"Oui, ma sizzling pork chop of pleasure!"
"Hamton, she's a dweeb! Between you and her, you could dork for America.
I've never seen anyone else who actually exercises for pleasure, enjoys
reading, and helps around the house without being forced! She doesn't
dress up, doesn't hang out.... What's to be said that's good?"
Mildly annoyed, Buster retorted, "YOU haven't got the kill-all personality
you seem to think you have either. Everything'll change tonight, Plucky."
"And like, when was the last time *you* dressed up, Pluck-boy? I can't
remember the last time that I saw you out of that totally dreary white
shirt! You *could* at least let me like, tie-dye some way-out spiritual
patterns into it, and bring you into this century."
"Coming from someone who still wears a bow in their hair!" snickered
Plucky.
"WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT BOWS, CREEP!", threatened Shirley, Babs, Fifi,
Mary, and Sweetie (inside Furrball's burger bun) in unison.
The duck quickly hid himself underneath Hamton for protection. Buster
shouted across to him, "I think you should hush that wildly-flapping beak
of yours before you dig yourself into an even DEEPER hole, dude."
"Where *is* Emily, anyway Babs?", asked Hamton.
"She'll be here any minute now. She was still getting ready when we left.
Mom's bringing her along." Scathingly smiling at Buster, she added, "So
there's still time to skip the joint and escape without her...."
Buster slucked on his drink some more. "I'm afraid not, Babs." He
pointed to the door, which was opening slowly.
A small rabbity figure in silhouette walked in, and stood on the doormat.
The restaurant went deathly quiet as everyone stared, slack-jawed, at the
new customer. She smoothed her clothes, and glanced around at everyone,
until she eventually caught where Buster & Babs were sitting.
Babs stared back at the entrance in both shock and amazement. Pulling
herself together, she stammered, "E-....... E-... *EMILY*.....?"
"Hiya Babs. Like my new clothes?"
-----------
Emily took a step forward into the light. She adjusted her shoulder
straps, and began to walk over to Buster & Babs' booth, swaying her hips
slightly as she did so. Whether the wiggle was intentional, or a result
of the *VERY* tight cut-off green jeans she was wearing bore little
consequence, as she was _THE_ center of attention in the place! Under the
jeans she sported full-length leggings, ending where her high-heeled shoes
(made especially for those with big feet) began.
She walked past a booth full of broadly-grinning male toons, who were
gazing at her with dreamy, far-away looks in their eyes. As she passed,
the shoulder strap of her black crop-top slipped off, down her arm.
Walking out of view of the guys, she slid the strap back up again. The
toon guys extended their grins a good 4 inches, their eyes spelling the
word "WOW-EE!" A carpet-like tongue lolled out of each of their mouths,
smothering the junk food on their table, and making a most pleasing
*SPLAT* noise!
Calamity, Plucky, Hamton and Gogo sat in the next booth. Hamton and Gogo
stared blankly at Emily as she passed.... Hamton blushed to himself,
"Gee.. I didn't realize that Emily could look so pretty!" Gogo thought,
"I wonder if that little Magi-Mixer minx has stood me up again...."
Plucky and Calamity's reactions were a *little* less subtle. Calamity
jumped up and down on his seat, tongue flopping out of one side of his
mouth, brandishing a sign with a downwards pointing arrow on it, reading
"Sit _HERE!_". Plucky's eyes were straining to get out of their sockets
as he fidgeted on his seat. His tongue was also out, and it was wrapped
tightly around a sign that read "Welcome"
Emily smiled, and mouthed "Hi" as she walked onwards. She stumbled a
little as she rolled off the heels of her unfamiliar shoes, and caught
hold of Hamton's shoulder to stop her fall. Regaining her balance, she
giggled awkwardly, and then walked to Babs' booth, accidentally brushing
the back of her paw against Hamton's cheek. Hamton instantly turned
BEETROOT red, apparently frying himself! He looked up with a guilty look
on his to see Fifi who was glaring at him over the seat. He quickly
averted his eyes to Plucky, who had a large mallet firmly implanted in his
cranium; divine retribution from an angry Loon.
Emily hopped up into the booth, squeezing in next to Buster, who looked at
her nonchalantly. Leaning forwards to see her sister, she inquired,
"Well, Babs, do I look okay or what?"
Babs looked back at her sister, unable to quite comprehend the
transformation from the little geeky girl she had left hours earlier.
Emily's clothes *did* look good on her in an odd sort of way, she
supposed. But she had gone slightly over the top with the make-up,
sporting bright-red lipstick, and thickly, but carefully applied mascara.
Looking at Emily's left ear, which, like her other one, hung down behind
her head, and to her back, Babs noticed that she had a two studs in it,
where she had had it pierced.
Babs blinked, and said nothing, trying to work out quite WHAT to say.
Emily self-consciously looked round at all the other folk in the
restaurant, all still frozen, staring back at her. She brightened up a
little, when she looked across at Fifi, who was smiling approvingly at her
appearance.
"Does the word 'slut' mean anything to you, Emily?" Babs finally asked.
"Even the Elephant Man didn't use *that* much make-up! You look like
Great Uncle Ted did after his run-in with the cosmetics test labs!!" she
raged. "How could Mom let you out LOOKING like *THAT*!?!?! **And**
getting your ear pierced?!"
Emily slumped back into her seat again. Babs looked up to the crowd in
the restaurant. They were all looking at HER now. "Hey! Get on with
your lives! This is FAMILY business"
As if someone had hit the PLAY button, life resumed in Weenie Burgers.
Buster frowned up at Babs. "Emily looks fine, Babs. You're just not used
to seeing her wearing clothes like this. She's no more a kid any more
than YOU are any more."
Emily asked Buster, "So YOU think my clothes look okay, then?" She smiled
a little, trying her best to look as coy and innocent as possible.
Buster nodded, "Yes, you look very nice." Leaning closer, he whispered
into her ear, "And between you and me, I think that Babs is only jealous!"
Emily laughed. Fifi blankly blinked, as if the obvious had just reached
home base. Shirley nodded to Babs, as if she was saying, "We're sorry -
you WERE right."
"So Buster, what are we all doing tonight then?" asked Emily.
"Gee, I don't know....." muttered Buster. "HEY! What do you guys think
we should do?" he asked the others.
Emily shuffled back out of the booth. "I'll go get some food while you
decide, okay?"
Plucky, Hamton and Calamity eagerly looked over from their booth, their
attention still firmly on their guest as she walked off towards the
counter. Calamity dribbled some more, and held up a sign reading,
"Haven't a clue. Have got an empty dance card." Hamton blushed again,
and slid down behind the level of the seat without saying anything.
Plucky, with Mallet still firmly implanted in his head suggested, "Well,
we could go and see Batduck Foreverandever at the Gigaplex." He drooled,
"You'll all have to chance to browse through my expansive and exclusive
range of merchandise after the film - it makes that Lion movie look as if
it didn't have a full range of cuddly toys, small, useless nick-nacks, and
larger, even MORE useless nick-nacks! And as your my friends, I am sure I
can offer you a small...... Say, 5% discount on all items over $100..."
Buster frowned at Babs, "*WE* were the stars of the show, and yet it's the
Duck that got the chance to do the sequels....."
Babs scowled back at Buster. "Don't you crack jokes, Mister Casanova. In
the absence of a more interesting idea, we're gonna have to go with the
Duck's one."
Babs thought to herself, "At least I'll be able to keep Buster to myself
this way." She smiled for the first time that evening, pleased at the way
things seemed to be turning out.
"But isn't Emily going to feel left out, seeing 'ow she does not 'ave a
date of zee evening?"
Calamity frantically waved a sign towards them, reading, "*I'LL* BE HER
DATE FOR THIS EVENING!!!"
"Oh, that's alright - I don't mind. I'll just sit with Buster," Emily
said, as she walked back toward the booth, holding a tray with a carrot
shake and carrot salad on it.
She quickly added, "And Babs."
The break in the sentence was so short, that Buster didn't appear to have
even caught on to what Emily had said. The girls obviously had. Shirley,
Fifi, and Babs glared at Emily, each with daggers in their eyes.
"Uhhhhhhhh, erm, <cough> Hi, Emily. I didn't know that you came here: I
figured you didn't want to go out at all! (He-he!)"
Attention shifted from Emily, to the owner of the voice. Emily looked
around, a little startled, and up at the bunny who had just greeted her.
When she saw who it was, she slumped back into her chair and sighed, as if
it wasn't even worth the effort to talk to this guy. "Oh. Erm... Hi,
Eric. Didn't know that *YOU* came here"
Buster turned to Babs, and grinned. "See? Problem solved!"
Turning back to Eric, he smiled pleasantly, and greeted him. "HI THERE!
C'mon - sit down and join us. Eric, isn't it?" He ushered toward Fifi
and Shirley to move up to let their new guest sit down.
The girls obliged, and shuffled along the seat to make room for Eric to
sit down. Eric maneuvered himself onto the new space, and nodded "Thanks"
to them, smiling as he did so. Fifi looked into his orange face, which
smiled back at her, one side of his mouth slightly higher than the other,
making him appear to smirk, in a cheeky kind of way. She fluttered her
eyelashes slightly, and edged back up toward him so that she wasn't
crushing Shirley too much.
"Well then Eric, I'm...."
"Buster Bunny," butted in Eric. "I should know - you've been a big hero
of mine for some time now! You're the captain of the football team,
you've been student body representative, and above all, I loved the
cartoons!"
Buster wryly smiled, and said, "So you know us all, then? Good!"
Eric nodded, "SURE! I was kinda hoping they were going to do something
like on Shaved by the Bell, and have a New Class show for our year!" He
sighed, "But that doesn't look like it'll happen...."
"How do you know Emily then, Eric?" inquired Babs.
"She's in my class at school. Isn't that right, Em?"
Emily sucked on her straw, seemingly unamused that a new guest had joined
them. "Yeah yeah yeah right.... Aren't your friends missing you now?"
Eric blushed a little, and pulled the collar of his pullover away from his
neck, letting out a little cloud of steam. He laughed nervously, and
said, "Well, they kinda pushed me over here in the first place..."
Fifi looked over toward Buster, and winked at him.
"Listen..... Uhhhh.... Emily, you look real nice tonight...." he coughed.
"That's not to say that you didn't look good before! The clothes you
normally wear to school look great on you too. Are you still going to
wear them?", he spluttered. "Or are you going to wear stuff like that all
the time?"
Emily picked at her pawclaws, her face holding a stony expression.
"Depends."
Eric blushed a little more, the reddening of his cheeks complimenting his
orange fur. "It's just that I.... I mean, I've, (errrm), always.....
(uhhh), admired you at school, but I thought you never came out at all.
Especially after what you said on the phone the other night."
Both Buster and Babs' faces lifted into a surprised 'Oh yessss?' kind of
face. Babs breathed a deep sigh of relief, as she could at last see a way
of dumping Emily on someone else.
"I got asked out specially. It's not often you get invited to go out with
your sister, and older guys". Emily glanced up at Buster, her cold
expression subsiding slightly as she did so. Buster stared quizzically
back at her out of the corner of his questioning eye.
Eric looked a little disappointed. "Well.... I think I should be going
now. See you at school on Monday, I guess."
He began to make moves to stand up, when Babs shouted, "WAIT!"
Eric promptly stopped moving, and looked over to the Pink bunny, eagerly
inquiring, "Yeah?"
"What have you got planned for this evening, Eric?"
"Not much..."
Babs smiled sweetly at him. "We're all leaving soon, and we're going to
the Gigaplex to see a movie." She turned to Emily, and giving her a sweet
but obviously bitchy smile continued, "And the problem here is that Emily
doesn't have anyone to go with.... *I'm* going with Buster, Hamton's
going with Fifi, Plucky's going with Shirley, and Gogo's got a date with
some Kitchen Appliance that still hasn't turned up."
Hamton held as tightly as possible to Calamity's legs, trying to tear him
away from Plucky. The coyote was by now foaming at the mouth, trying his
hardest to pull the mallet out of Plucky's head to use as a weapon against
Eric. Behind him was a fully erected sign, covered in small flashing
lights and moving parts that read, "I HATE YOU ALL!"
Eric looked over to Emily, hopefully. She made a point of not looking at
him. Obviously disappointed, he sighed, "I don't really think I can...."
"Sure you can!", said Buster. "It'll be fun!"
Gritting his teeth, he whispered to Emily, "You moaned about not being
able to attract boys, and now you've got this guy literally by a piece of
string! And you're turning him DOWN! What's *with* you??!"
Emily mulled things over in her little, Buster-obsessed mind. It wasn't
as if she minded Eric coming along with them. It just meant that it would
make it harder for her to talk to Buster, seeing Eric was in all honesty
HER guest. She had also seen Babs' change in attitude toward her, as she
knew what was going on - she knew Babs wasn't stupid or anything!
Besides, she only had to agree to _go_ to the theater with him, not make
small-talk, share popcorn, nor anything else.....
She shrugged, "Well, okay then. Why not."
Eric brightened right up, and the cheeky grin began to spread back across
his mouth. He got up, and walked around to Emily. "It's a great honor to
take you," he enthused, giving her a short nervous hug with one arm around
the shoulders. "I'll just go tell my friends, 'kay?"
Babs grinned, "Sure!" and she turned back to Shirley and Fifi, who were
also much more happy. Then she noticed Calamity's sign, and the fact he
was now tied up with napkins on the table. She blushed, "Ooops!"
A small cheer and round of applause could be heard coming from the
direction of Eric's table. Gogo dejectedly looked towards them, and then
beyond the booth and out the window. Something caught his attention out
there, and he quickly jumped to his feet, and shouted out, "****HellooOOO
Bay-bEEE!****" He assumed the shape of a giant green fire cracker, and
@**ExPlOdEd!**@, showering Calamity and Hamton with soot in the process.
He quickly re-formed and sprinted out of the restaurant door.
Buster wiped the napkin around the corners of his mouth. "Well, is
everyone ready?"
In unison, everytoon stood up and downed the rest of their drinks, all
finishing at the same time. They filed out of the restaurant, in a line,
and Eric ran to catch up to them, pulling on his jacket hastily as he did
so.
Outside, they passed Gogo, who appeared to be making a pass on a US Postal
Service mail box. Emily raised one eyebrow towards him, looking both
confused and worried.
"Don't worry - you get used to things like that after a while," said
Buster as he walked passed the Dodo, hands in his pockets.
Emily mused, "I wonder if I *ever* will...."
------------
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WOULDN'T LET ME INTO THE THEATER!!!!", raged Plucky,
as he shoved the front door of his 'house' with great force into the reed
walls. "*I'M* the STAR of that film! Those dumb bell-hops claimed they
*didn't* recognize me! PREPOSTEROUS! Of course they know who I am!!!!
My face is on every poster! On every plastic molded drinks holder! On
every pasta by-product! Just WAIT until my agent hears about this!!!!"
Buster casually ambled in after him, with Babs firmly attached to his arm.
"Calm down, Plucky. We got tickets for tomorrow nights performance, so
you don't have to wait long to admire yourself again"
Babs asked, "Just how many times have you *SEEN* that film already?"
"No more than 30 or 40 times."
"And they say Jim Carey is an obsessive..."
The others wandered into the Pluckster's home in procession, first Hamton
and Fifi, then Calamity, who still sported a deeply furrowed brow, and
then Shirley, who floated in, meditating in mid-air, trying to re-center
herself after Plucky's outburst at the ticket office, and his blatant
drooling over Babs' little sister.
Emily and Eric were the last to walk through the door. Both looked a
little awkward, and were making a point of not looking at each other too
much. Emily didn't have anything to say to Eric, and he was getting more
and more wary of saying anything to her. It seemed to him that anything
he said to try and get a conversation going got cut down by a single
sentence answer. Emily just seemed too pre-occupied - but with what?
He knew that she didn't talk very much when she was at school - he'd
watched her enough to know that. But when she was with her friends, she
did seem to smile and talk a lot! Was it him? Or was it just his
imagination?
Plucky walked over to his stupidly large stereo system, and put on a CD
entitled '101 musical variations of the Tiny Toon Theme Tune (by Bruce
Broughton).' "At least I was generous enough to let you come back to my
place for a party!"
And as it was a party, everyone vacated the room with the music, and made
a dash for the kitchen.
The toons all leaned against various cupboards and kitchen appliances, and
looked at each other with very little to say. Buster inspected the dirt
under his nails. Babs continued to cling to Buster. Emily and Eric felt
even more awkward in the silence. Plucky opened the refrigerator and
helped himself to a cold soda. "Hey, *LIGHTEN UP!!!* This is supposed to
be a party, not a _funeral!_"
Babs sighed, and smiled unevenly at the duck. "Well, I for one am not
really in the mood for a party."
Shirley broke out of her trance, and nodded. "Your parties are like,
never that hot anyway. You need MONDO amounts of guys and gals at a
party, not just the folk you hang around with all the day! And like,
where are all the little bowls of peanuts, and other pulses? This is just
totally groady!"
Buster whispered to Babs, "And we all know that half-hour into any party
Plucky hosts, he tries to drag of Shirl for their *own* private party.
The host with the most *he* most certainly is not!"
Babs smiled a little, but tried not to let Buster or anyone else see it.
She was supposed to be angry with him, and she wanted to try and make him
actually THINK she was!
"I agree, mes amis! I think zat we should try and find somezing more
exciting to do. Ze cinema is not zee, um... start of zee world!"
"I think you mean 'end,' Fifi. But what else is there to do?" informed
Hamton.
Eric finally plucked up courage to suggest something else. "How about we
go bowling? That's never been done before on the series or in a fan
script before!" He turned to Emily and asked, "What do you think, Em?"
Emily didn't reply. Her mind had taken a little vacation to another
planet, and she was quite unaware she was gazing at Buster again.
"That's a COOL idea!" grinned Shirley. "And like, it's better than the
questionable alternatives our un-spiritually centered host would be
offering..."
"Then it's settled then! We're going bowling! C'mon...."
Eric waved his hand in front of Emily's eyes, trying to find a glimmer of
intelligence. "You like, okay.... Emily?"
Emily finally came to the moment Buster was pulled out of her line of
sight by her angry older sister. She glanced up at Eric and smiled.
"Oh... sure! Um... Thanks!"
Eric watched Emily walk away from him, still wiggling as she did so, and a
lump formed in his throat. His heart visibly 'thump-thump'ed through his
pullover. He besottedly smiled, "Maybe she DOES like me!" He 'walked'
out after her, almost floating on air.
"Now just HOLD ON guys! *I've* given you the opportunity to have the
party of a lifetime: Here, tonight, at *MY* house... And you're going to
turn it !DOWN! just so you can go to the crummy Bowl-o-Rama????"
"That's right, Plucky!" grinned Hamton.
"Don't I at least get any THANKS for the offer???!"
"No," said Babs, "But you *do* get an anvil."
As an increasingly large dark shadow formed over the duck he grinned
sheepishly, and stammered, "O-okay... I'll be the unsung h-hero. Just
f-for t-tonight!"
Buster asked, "Have they even finished DRAWING the bowling alley yet?" as
the toons walked off into the night.
"No idea, Buster...."
* * * $$$$$ @ &&& ! ! #### %% %% * * *
* * * $ $ @ & & !! ! # # %% %% * * *
*** $ @ & & ! ! ! # %% %% ***
********* $ @ &&&&&&& ! ! ! # %% %% *********
*** $ @ & & ! ! ! # #### %% %% ***
* * * $ $ @ & & ! !! # # * * *
* * * $$$$$ @@@@@@ & & ! ! #### %% %% * * *
-----------
"'Kay... Like, what shoes do you take, maaaan?"
"Size 16"
"Oh, er, gee... We don't have any *that* big left. Oh, wait..... Ah,
here you go! We've got some comedy clown shoes - they okay, dude?"
Buster sighed as he passed over the money in exchange for the gaudily
bright shoes, and said, "Well, with feet as big as mine, you gotta go with
what you can get."
He sat down on the step near the counter to pull on his shoes. Babs, who
had got the last (and only) pair of extra-large bowling shoes giggled as
she watched him struggle to get them on.
"Babs, it *would* be easier for me to put these on if you'd let *go* of
me! You've been holding onto my arm for the previous scene already! Why
are you doing it?"
"I have my reasons, Buster" replied Babs. "And if you've got no idea why,
then I worry for you."
Babs looked around for her sister, who was actually *TALKING* to Fifi and
Eric, whilst she was tying up the laces on her shoes, and not even paying
Buster any attention, so she released his arm.
Buster let out a deep sigh of relief. "*Aaaaaah!* Now the blood can flow
through it again!" Now he that had use of both arms, he gave the clown
shoe he was trying to pull on a final yank. The shoe grudgingly *pop*'ped
over his foot, and it let out a loud piercing "*SQUEEEEEK!*" as it did so.
The other toons looked round for the source of the sound, and realised it
was Buster as he pulled on the second shoe. They pretended not to have
noticed, but it was obvious to him that they knew because of the fact they
sniggered whenever they caught his eye.
Buster stood up, and walked towards the lane they had booked,
*squeak-squeak- squeaking* with every step. The others could contain
their laughter no more, and rolled about on the floor, making no effort to
conceal their mirth! Buster sighed, "Mom always said there'd be days like
this"
Babs waved to Buster, "Hey, Squeaky!! I thought *I* was supposed to be
the clown on this show!"
"I'll trade shoes with ya then."
"No way! Green doesn't go with Yellow and Purple; you want me to look
unfashionable or something?"
Buster was mildly annoyed with the laughter now. "Look, can we forget
about it, and just get on with the game?"
Two lanes had been booked. Plucky, Shirley, Fifi, Hamton and Calamity
played on one, the Bunnies on the other. Babs had tried her best to try
and get Eric and Emily on the other lane, but had failed due to Emily's
uncharacteristic obstinance.
Plucky's lane was first up and ready to bowl. He opted to go first, of
course! "Hey everyone! Come and watch a how TRUE master bowls a strike!"
The others gathered round him, smirking at each other. Plucky reached
into a 'pocket', and pulled out a small handmirror, which he used to sweep
back the feathers on the top of his head. He shoved it back into his
pocket, and then strode purposefully toward the ball rack. Selecting the
heaviest ball available, he slipped it onto his fingers, and then walked
to the lane entrance before stopping.
Plucky made his aim, and prepared to let loose with a fast ball....
...when he was distracted by a strange "suck-suck-suck" noise that
appeared to be eminating from his bowling hand. He quickly pulled his
fingers out of the fingerholes to find them completely covered in drool.
Two eyes appeared on the ball, which beamed back at the Pluckster before a
HUGE red tongue flopped out of one of the holes, and *SLURPED* Plucky's
face!
Plucky yelled out ">*EEEEEEW!*<" and rolled the ball toward the
Bowl-a-Rama's lobby. "Toons..", snorted Plucky as he shook the drool off
his hand, and walked back to the ball rack. He repeatedly prodded the
next ball to make sure it was completely dead before picking it up and
returning to the foul line.
Then, he swung the ball roundandaroundandaround his head in a perfect
circle, building up as much speed as possible. His arm had almost doubled
in length before he let go, and the ball >ROCKETED< down the alley toward
the pins. 8 of the pins shattered immediately, and their remains floated
back down to earth like synthetic snow. The two remaining end pins
(forming a perfect split) bent down to assess the damage to their
comerades, and began shaking and sweating in fear as they eyed up their
feathered green foe. The bar came down to knock over the pins, and then a
mechanical hand holding a feather duster appeared from the machinery, and
fluffed away the wreckage.
Plucky turned back to the others, and smugly said, "A split. Not to
worry: I've never been known to miss a split in my life. Prepare to
witness the highly secret Pluckster Special
Samurai-Ninja-Karate-Tae-Kwon-Do-Bo-No-Do-Go- Throw!"
As he finished the sentence, the pins began to re-rack. Plucky picked up
his next ball, and arrogantly walked back to the lane entrance. He eyed
up the lane, making sure even the air-conditioning conditions were perfect
for his throw. The re-rack machine began to make some strange noises, and
no pins came down.
"Hey, What gives?!" yelled Plucky, as he repeatedly stabbed the re-rack
button. The noises from the machine became louder, and then suddenly, the
mouth of it S-T-R-E-C-H-E-D out wide, until it was at least 10 times as
wide as it should be. Then a pin was placed daintly at either extreme,
both giving Plucky a triumphant and smug grin! The brave one on the right
hand side yelled out, "Well then, smart guy! GIVE US YOUR BEST SHOT!!!"
Plucky turned crimson red, and smoke wisped out of his ears. Hamton
asked, "Gee, Plucky, are you *that* good that you can even knock pins THAT
far apart from each other down with just one ball?"
Plucky stormed back to his seat, and sat down. "NOTHING ever goes my
way!"
Buster asked the other Bunnies, "Does everyone know how to Bowl then?"
"You just try and knock down the pins down there, don't you?", asked
Emily.
"Basically, yes - just don't cross the line, or your bowl won't count.
And you have to bowl VERY quickly here!"
Turning to Eric, he said, "I think the ladies should go first."
Eric nodded back, and took a sip at the flat overpriced soda he'd bought
for Emily, and she'd not touched.
Babs went first. Slipping her furry fingers into the ball hole, she
carefully lined it up, taking her time and trying her best to look every
bit the pro. Skipping daintily, she let the ball roll down the lane, and
knocked over 8 of the pins. She missed completely with her second ball.
Emily approached the ball rack, and with both hands, picked up a green
ball marked '16', completely ignoring the finger holes. She turned to the
lane, and literally *threw* the ball to the floor with little forward
momentum. The ball landed on the veneered surface with a ear-shattering
@*CRUNCH!!*@, and it rolled straight into the gutter, rolling at
snail-pace towards the pins, shouting "@Wheeeee!" as it made its merry way
down to the pins. The pins all turned to look at the ball as it meandered
past. Looking at each other, they burst out !LAUGHING! at her pathetic
effort at bowling. One by one, they fell over rolling around the lane in
complete hysterics. She turned round, and blushed brightly as she looked
in turn at Buster and Eric, who was smirking at her efforts.
Buster grinned at her, "Well, I suppose that's ONE way of getting a
strike, but not a particularly stylish one...."
As Eric passed Emily, on the way back to her seat, he whispered to her,
"Don't worry - I've only done this once before, and I'm not much better
than you!"
Emily sat in Eric's seat, which was closer to Buster, and took a sip from
the drink. She watched Eric take his shot - he wasn't too bad - getting
seven with the first ball, and clearing up two of a split with his second.
She smiled at Buster, and said, "Now you show us how it's done!"
Buster dusted off his gloved hands, and dried them off in the air vent
before picking up a ball. Holding the ball slightly above shoulder
height, he closed his eyes, and began to walk toward the lane entrance.
He suddenly broke into a Ballet dance, hopping and skipping as he walked,
gaining momentum as he did so. Just before he was about to cross the FOUL
line, he stopped dead in his tracks, performed a pirouette, stopping on
the tips of his toes, and slid the ball down toward the pins, scoring a
perfect strike.
Eric and Emily applauded the Blue rabbit loudly. Babs grinned at him, and
said, "Show-Off!"
Buster swivelled around to them, still on tippy-toes, and took at bow.
"Hey, I didn't watch all those Flintstones reruns for nothing!" Then the
toes of his shoes gave way underneath him, and let out another huge great
*SQUEAK!*. Everyone laughed. Buster blushed. "Well, *that* completely
ruined my triumphant stance..."
Soon, it came back round to Emily's turn. She picked up the ball like she
had done before, and walked toward the lane. Buster shouted out to her,
"Y'know that the reason you can't bowl is because you're holding the ball
all wrong, don't you?"
Emily turned to him, and politely asked, "Then why don't you come and show
me how to do it..."
Babs turned to Eric, and said, "I think Eric should do that, don't you,
*Buster*."
"Nah," replied Eric. "Buster's the best here - Emily may as well get the
best tutoring." Babs noted that Eric didn't look as happy as he did a
little earlier.
The pins were re-racked at the business end of the alley, and they all sat
wide-eyed staring back at Emily in anticipation....
"Okay then," said Buster as he got up, and walked up behind Emily. "First
of all, y'see these little holes, they're blahblahblah, yammeryammeryammer
etc, etc, etc."
Babs shuffled up to the seat next to Eric, and waited for him to say
something to her. Eric just watched Buster trying to coax Emily to get
her bowling stance right. She seemed to be enjoying all the attention,
but appeared to be hopeless at Bowling. Unconvincingly inept in fact.
With downturned mouth, he sighed and took another sip from the soda.
"Okay then, Emily... We're going for the strike". Buster gently placed
his left paw on Emily's left shoulder, and wrapped his right paw around
her right wrist and back of her hand, where she was holding the ball.
Emily began to walk forwards toward the lane, Buster holding her back as
to not go too fast. He held her bowling paw steady, trying to help her
develop a smoother bowling action, but as he walked behind her, the
squeakers in his shoes squealed in time with his footsteps - it sounded
RIDICULOUS!
Emily started sniggering more and more as she approached the foul line,
and as Buster drew her arm back to start the bowl, she let go of the ball,
and it dropped onto his foot. *@#SPLAT!#@*
"<{[*YEeEeeOUCH!!!..!.!!*}>!!!", yelled Buster as the ball made contact
with flesh.
Emily LAUGHED OUT LOUD at this, and pulling out of Buster's grip, span
around to him, and gently took hold of the neck of his pullover. Smiling
demurely up into his eyes, she said, "I *love* a guy who can make me
laugh!"
Buster appeared not to have noticed the comment; he was in great pain, and
the bowling ball was still on his foot. Babs, on the other hand, was
seeing RED again, and had steam pouring out of her ears as she gnashed her
teeth!
Eric, just blushed, and stood up, dejectedly.
"Look, erm.... I think I better be going home now. I've got things I
really should do". He turned, and began to walk toward the exit, head
hanging low between his shoulders. Looking back as he walked, he sighed,
"Thanks for the night, guys, Emily.... Seeya around."
Hamton and Shirley waved after him as he went. Emily didn't appear to
have noticed that he had gone. Babs had though. Her fur returning to a
more familiar shade of pink, she pondered the situation for a second, and
then she got up to run after Eric.
As she passed the others, she whispered to Fifi, "Keep a close eye on
Romeo and Juli-Harlett over there."
Avoiding the anti-tank gun that an enraged Green Duck was now using to
bowl with, she followed Eric's path out of the buinding. She glanced at
the next lane as she passed. A lady with a very tall blue-rinse hairdo
sat awkwardly on a seat next to the scorecard, her hand held by a
smarmy-looking guy with brown hair. The lady glanced nervously at Babs as
she walked past. Babs
Babs hmmfed, "They let all sorts of riff-raff in here..."
-----------
Eric tapped the straw from his drink against the concrete of the steps,
and sighed again. A tear began to form in one eye, but was quickly
blinked away. He looked up into the sky at the moon, and began to stand
up again.
"ERIC! Wait!", shouted the pink bunny as she ran, panting, out of the
building to join him.
Eric sat back down again, and Babs sat down next to him. "I think we have
to talk, Eric."
Eric looked at the floor between his legs. "She likes Buster, doesn't
she."
Babs nodded angrily. "Yeah, the little tramp. All the bunnies in the
world, and she has to have her eyes set on mine."
Tugging at a loose thread on his pullover, Eric replied, "Well, I suppose
she's got taste. I'm not exactly much contest for him, am I? He's the
captain of the football team, class president, and one of the most popular
kids in school. And I'm just a yutz who can't compete with him in *any*
league. *Sigh....*"
"I mean, Buster's MINE! He has been for many years! *I'VE* got claim
over him, and no-one, especially my own sister, is going to take him off
me!"
"I've known Emily for a long time now; since we were little kids, and
though we've never talked much, she never seemed to dislike me, and never
seemed to be interested in any of the guys in our class..."
"If I had my way, I'd mail the little brat to the Oman!"
"Then again, I suppose she never really even looked at me much - we're
both pretty shy. It took a lot of courage for me to actually phone her
up. Most of the time, I hung up before I got through."
At that, Babs stopped talking, and began to pay attention to Eric. He was
spilling his guts out to her, and was obviously very hurt by this
evening's events. Her ears fell behind her back, and she sat and looked
at him. He twirled the loose thread between thumb and forefinger
nervously as he talked. His appearance was neat, but very understated,
just like Buster. His build was similar to Buster's too, and his face
cute, like Buster's, but in a different way. Whereas Buster always had a
confident look around him, Eric looked less certain about himself, but had
a kind, trusting face. In conclusion, here was a bunny who liked her
sister, but was very unsure about himself, romance, and dating.
She remembered back to when she and Buster began to notice each other. In
retrospect, it would have been highly unlikely that they would have got it
together if she hadn't been such a strong figure, and persistent enough to
keep trying. She'd lost track of the amount of times she'd tried
unsuccessfully to hit on him, especially *that* summer...
Babs suddenly began to feel *very* guilty about foistng Eric off onto
Emily. If she was going to be able to do anything about Emily, she had to
try and help Eric first of all! Maybe Buster *was* just trying to help
Emily after all, acting big brother where she had failed to try....
Drawing herself closer to Eric, she placed one arm around his shoulder,
and asked, "Well, I suppose that explains why we seemed to be getting lots
of phoney phonecalls. But what about the times you *did* get through?
How long have you been calling?"
"Not long - maybe a month or two. I've only got through three times..."
"She never mentioned anything about you calling. She just used to say it
was Harriet calling me."
Eric turned his head to look at Babs, his eyes red. "Well, there isn't
really much I can do, if she even lied about me calling. I should call it
quits now and just forget about her. I should have never come over to
talk to you all."
Babs stiffened her grip, to prevent his from getting up. "Never say
never, Eric! Especially when you've got Babs Bunny in your corner! We've
got to work together to try and save my relationship, and get one going
for you!" She smiled mischievously at him.
Eric frowned, quizically. "I'm listening..."
"Right... For starters, we know that Emily is mad about Buster. But we
don't know if Buster is the same about *her*. Either he's playing me for
dumb, or he *is* truly dumb! All we've got to do is try and keep them
apart long enough for you to be able to talk to her more!"
"But I'm not that good at talking."
"Well, you know what Emily likes to do?"
"Some..."
"That's good enough to start with! Just memorize some starting lines, and
improvise from there. Try and act it cool, and *try* to be confident!"
"I don't know if I can...", Eric sighed.
Prodding him in the gut, Babs ordered, "Well, you've got to try! We're
still supposed to go to the movies tomorrow night, aren't we? Well, we'll
work something out for then!"
Smiling inquisitively at her, he said, "Ooookay..."
"And look at it this way - whatever the outcome, you'll get something of
Emily; Either you'll get her if you succeed, or you'll get a boxful of
her fur after I shave her bald!"
Standing up, "Look, I better go back in to check up on Lover Boy. We'll
try and work something out tomorrow afternoon. Are you coming back in
now?"
Eric got up, and walked down the remaining stairs. Much happier, he said,
"No. I think I'm going to go home now and work on my lines. Plus, I've
got to make up a story about what happened tonight to the guys who pushed
me over to your booth in the first place! Bye!"
Babs smiled. "Goodnight Eric," she said, as she started to walk back into
the Bowl-a-Rama
"Oh... And Babs...?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks, Babs."
------------
"You look like vous are zee cat zat got zee cream, Babs. 'Ave you been
doing some... 'ow you say, Cradle Snatching of your own?"
"No, Fifi. Just my normal level of scheming.", Babs grinned, as she sat
down and watch her sister drop yet another ball into the gutter.
"Well, here's hoping tomorrow night pulls through, or missy there becomes
dogfood."
------------
"*Aaaaaahhhhhhh!*"
One after the other, shoes were dropped onto the floor by the bed, and
Emily threw herself back into the pillow. "It sure feels good to have
*them* off again."
Emily stared at the ceiling, and openly smiled to herself. It had been a
good evening, probably the best night out in her short life. Buster
seemed even nicer when he was out on the town with his friends. The only
thing she couldn't figure out was why Babs was more pleasant to her after
Eric left.
The phone rang next to her bed, and she picked up the handset, bringing it
to her ear. "Hello? Oh, hi, Harriet. How are ya? I'm fine..... Yeah,
right. I'll just go get her."
After putting the phone down, the little gray bunny got up, and bounced
happily out of the room, singing to herself as she did so.
------------
"For me? Erm, thanks Eric!"
Emily tentatively unwrapped the parcel she had just been given. "You
needn't have bothered!" The parcel contained a small box of Swiss
Chocolate-dipped Carrots, wrapped up in lace.
Eric blushed a little. "It's nothing - hope you like them."
"Swiss Chocolate is my favorite - how did you know?" asked Emily, as she
gave him a small courteous hug.
"Just a guess," blushed Eric.
"Have you two seen this film?" Buster asked.
"No."
"Are you planning on watching it tonight?" grinned Buster, and he winked
at Eric.
Tugging at his collar, Eric blushed even more, and said, "Well, I don't
really know..."
Emily curtly added, "I'm planning on watching just as much of the film as
you are, Buster."
Babs dug her elbow into Buster's side. She hissed, "Drop it! And let
them get on with it, okay?"
Shirley said, "Well, do you like, think we'll even get into the theater?
This mondo negataro line hasn't moved for the past half hour."
"At least you've not had to stand up for that time," muttered Plucky, as
he rubbed his sore webbed feet, and glared jealously at the floating loon.
"We've got advance tickets, so we're going to get in."
Conveniently, the line started moving again at that moment.
"So Emily, what have you been doing today?"
"Not much - I just read a bit more of a book, and baked a cake."
Eric groaned, "Your cakes are legendary, Emily!"
Highly flattered, Emily said, "Really?"
Babs butted in, "That's right. Didn't the feds confiscate the last one to
research its uses in bacterial warfare?"
"Knock it off, Babs," said Eric. "I'm sure they're very nice."
"No, she's right," sighed Emily as she fiddled with the bow on the box.
"I've never been very good at cooking. Maybe I'll get dad to varnish it
and use it as a doorstop."
"Let me be the judge of that! That is, if its okay for me to come round
and try a slice some time."
"Maybe..." replied Emily, and turning back around to Buster, "And YOU can
try some too - I'd value you opinion even more."
Babs bit her lip, and tried to ignore what her sister had said. Instead,
she told her sister, "We're at the front of the line now - are ya gonna
give the bell-hop your ticket, or stand there all day?"
"Not unless you want me to, Babs."
Emily handed her ticket to the bell hop, and walked in. Babs caught up
with Eric, and whispered to him, "Nice going! Keep it up, and she might
just live to see another day."
The gang walked into the theater and found their seats. Emily quickly
jumped into the seat next to Buster, and Eric sat down next to her.
Emily turned and smiled to Buster, "Are you looking forward to the film?"
The moment Buster got his butt on the seat, Babs grinned, "Buster, could
you go and get some snacks, please. I'll have some popcorn, carrot
nachos, a large carrot soda, and some rasinettes."
Buster nodded, and got up again. Wrapping his ears up into a turban, he
bowed to Babs and said, "And does Sahib desire anything else?"
"You can buy me a hot-dog if you want to, Buster!" shouted Plucky.
Emily watched Buster as he walked off again, and turned to watch the
trailers for other upcoming films. Eric tenderly smiled at her, hoping
that she'd turn to talk to him. When he realized she wasn't, he cleared
his throat, and tried to think of something else to talk about.
"Do you catch many films, Em?"
"Not really", replied Emily, who continued to watch the screen rather than
turning to him. "I usually watch them when they get onto cable instead."
Eric nodded. "Have you got a favorite film?"
"Not really. I'm a sucker for romantic films though, like 'Ghost'."
Playing to Emily, Eric continued, "Why do you like them in particular?"
"I don't know... I suppose I just like watching things about
relationships... And love. It *does* depress me that its THEM and not ME,
but *sigh*... I'm sure that the special bunny for me is out there
somewhere." Smiling innocently, she added, "And I expect he's a lot
closer than we think."
Eric took hold of her paw, and held it in his own sweating paw. Blushing,
he said, almost in passing, "Well, *I'm* here..."
"I got the snacks, guys! Now who wanted the nachos?" asked Buster as he
teetered back to his seat, straining under the weight of all the goodies.
Emily turned around to him immediately, pulling her paw out from Eric's
grip. Fluttering her eyelashes it him, she said, "I'm sure whatever
you've got me will be fine"
Eric looked down at his own paw, and sighed again. Babs leaned forward,
and signalled across to him to keep talking. She then said to Buster,
"Hey Blue-Boy! You've forgotten the tacos!"
"You didn't *ask* for tacos."
"Yes I did - you just didn't hear me! Could you go back for them?
Pleeeease!"
Buster haughtily stood up, and put his paws in his pockets. He began to
walk off to the exit again, grumbling to himself, "Why am *I* the servant
for tonight... And do they even *serve* Tacos?"
Emily frowned at Babs for this, and turned back to the screen. Babs
grinned. At least she was keeping them out of mischief this way!
"E-Em... Did you hear what I said?"
Emily munched on some popcorn. "About films? Yeah."
"No, after that?"
"I thought we *had* finished the conversation."
Eric opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He slouched down
again, and muttered, "Never mind - don't worry about it."
He shrugged his shoulders at Babs, and sat back to try and enjoy the film,
which was just starting.
Buster came back into the theater, and sat down next to Babs,
junkfoodless. "They didn't even *have* tacos, Babs. So is there anything
*else* I can do for you?"
Babs grinned, "No. Not yet."
Emily turned back around to Buster and asked, "Don't you ever get fed up
chasing around after *her* all the time? If *I* was your girlfriend, I
wouldn't make you do everything for me."
Buster nodded, "Sure..." Eric sighed. Babs gnashed her teeth, and
clenched her fists tightly, trying her utmost to control her temper for
Eric's sake.
"Oh, Buster! I can't find my purse! I must've dropped it in the lobby!
Would you be a dear and go see if you can find it?"
"I didn't even know you'd brought your purse with you", Buster frowned
suspiciously.
"Well, I did tonight - it was in my skirt pocket before I got into here...
*Pleeeease*, Buster!"
Buster didn't say a word. He just saluted, and stormed off back out of
the theater.
The endless opening credits of the film drew to a close, and suddenly the
entire room was plunged into darkness, with just the soundtrack audible.
Emily asked Eric, "Is something wrong with the film or something?"
Shaking his head, he replied, "No - it's just atmospheric, like the other
Batduck films. I think."
Emily held her paw up in front of her face. She could just about make out
its faint outline. Surely this could somehow be turned to her advantage.
Buster didn't seem to be responding to the subtle hints she'd been
throwing into the conversation, so maybe it was time to take a more direct
approach...
So she bided her time, and sat back, listening to the conversations going
on around her.
"Oh, you're just gonna *DIE* at this bit!"
"Plucky..."
"You see, me (the third shadow from the left) and Hamton run through that
door over there, and COMPLETELY take the Limerick Guy by surprise, and
then we use our secret duck..."
"*Plucky*."
"Use our secret bat-vegetable slice to pin him down to the ground, just
before Three-nose Norman jumps onto Hamton out from the shadows."
"***PLUCKY!!!***"
Around 10 minutes passed. The screen didn't get any brighter. Emily
decided now was the time to put her plan into action. She shuffled along
to the seat next to Babs, and said, "Don'tcha think Buster's been gone a
long time now? I'll go look for him..."
Babs instinctively jumped up, and said, "*Oh _no!_* You stay here - *I'll*
go look for him!" With that she briskly walked off out of the room.
Plucky shouted up to her, "Where are you going? You'll miss the scene of
me and Alfmyra in the Duckcave talking about how we're going to be able to
market more merchandise, and then I get fitted with a new rubber suit!"
"You've explained the next half-hour of the film already, Plucky. It
doesn't look like I'm going to miss much, anyway."
Now that Babs had gone, there was only one other person to ditch...
She turned to Eric, and asked, "Now what were you going to say earlier
that wasn't important?"
"Don't worry, Em."
"No, come on - I want to know!"
Eric pondered whether he should repeat it again. Throwing caution to the
wind, he stammered, "I-I was talking about.... Y-you..... And me... G-g"
"Going out with one another?"
Eric shook a little, and nodded his head.
Emily smiled, and said, "You're cute.... But you're not for me - we're
too different."
"No we're not!"
"We wouldn't get on - we have nothing in common."
"How do you KNOW that???!"
"I just do! And besides - our star signs don't match."
"Do you know when my birthday is?"
Emily was now getting annoyed. She looked straight into Eric's pleading
eyes and firmly said, "Look, I love someone else."
"And *I* love *YOU!*" Eric cried. "Look, what has Buster got that I
don't? I know I may not be good at sports, I know that I've not done all
the great things that he has, but I'm a nice guy! And just because I
haven't done all the great things he has doesn't mean I'm any less a kind
and loving person than he is - those things he's done are superficial to
whats deep down inside. Emily, I love you! I have done for MANY years!
You've got to look BENEATH the skin - because if you do, you'd find out
we're not so different!"
"I think you should go now."
Tears began to well up in Eric's eyes. He silently stood up, and took a
deep breath, holding it before exhaling slowly. "What's happened to you,
Emily? You've changed....."
Eric stormed off, almost purposefully, but his pace quickly slowed to a
complete standstill, as if he was thinking to himself about something.
Without turning round, or even seemingly directing his conversation to
Emily, he continued, ".....But if you ever want to talk, you know where
you can find me. Goodbye, Emily."
Then he walked out of the theater without stopping, nor looking back.
Emily *did* feel sorry for him. Eric was a nice bunny, but she'd had no
choice but to tell him, as he was getting too close to her, and this
wasn't good for her chances with Buster. She edged up another seat to
where Babs was sitting, and glanced to her right at Fifi and Hamton, who
appeared to be making kissy-faces to each other, and were completely
ignoring the film. All she had to do now was wait........
And sure enough Buster came back into the theater in a less than pleasant
mood a few minutes later. He forcefully walked back to his seat, and sat
down. "I checked everywhere outside to see if I could find your purse,
Babs. I checked the lobby, the lost property office, and even sneaked into
the ladies restrooms to see if I could find it. It's nowhere to be seen.
Are you *sure* you bought it?"
'Babs' did not reply. Instead, Buster could just make out the shadow of
her shaking her head.
"So, can I sit down and watch what remains of the film, or do I have to go
on ANOTHER wild goose chase?"
Still nothing was said. Instead, a paw was slid over each shoulder, and
he was drawn towards a waiting pair of lips. She felt a little odd
tonight; Buster couldn't quite place why. Maybe it was because she had
changed her perfume. Whatever, he reached out, and put his arms around
her back, and thought to himself, "THIS is more like it!"
Babs had given up searching for Buster by now. She figured he'd gotten
fed up trying to find the purse (which was still in her pocket), and had
gone back to watch the film. She walked back into the theater, and edged
her way back to her seat.
She sensed something was wrong when she could make out the outline of
someone sitting where she was, but in the low light, it was hard to decide
just what!
And so to help things, the Limerick Man decided now would be an opportune
time to turn on his suit that was completely covered in small flashing
lights...
The entire room was suddenly flooded with bright and intense light for the
first time in 45 minutes. Everyone blinked hard at the sudden change in
light level, and just *who* was sitting in Babs' seat was uncovered for
all to see.
Emily and Buster still remained in their illicit clinch when the lights
went up. Babs' jaw literally hit the ground in shock. Unusually
speechless, she tried to get to grips with the new situation, which took
all of five seconds!
The ground began to tremble underneath her feet again. She crumpled the
half-full paper cup in her hand, and the paper caught fire, and *sizzled*
away. Her blood boiling to the point of explosion, she SCREAMED out....
"*&*#BUSTER BUNNY!#$*&* WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING??!?!?!?!??!!?!"
Startled, Buster broke away from his passionate embrace, and tried to
focus on where the voice had come from. A very furious Babs quickly came
into view, pounding her fists, gnashing her teeth, and her fur had taken
on a worrying shade of purple. He then looked to see just *WHO* he HAD
been kissing... Emily sat back in the seat, almost floating, with a huge
satisfied grin on her face. She fluttered her eyelashes at him and said,
"Thank you Buster - that was REALLY nice! Did you enjoy it too?"
Buster did a double take, and pushed himself back into the seat. There
was NO telling what Babs would do! Sweating profusely and panicking
badly, he squeaked, "*BABS?!* *Cough!* That was... I thought... You
were... Me and... Emily not... Kissed sister... Not you!"
Babs loomed menacingly over the blue bunny, her fingers wiggling tensely
as she approached the object of her anger. He pushed himself further into
the seat hoping he'd fall down the back of it! "You're not getting away
with THIS one, Mister!"
Buster whispered, ">help!<"
"Leave him alone, Babs!" shouted Emily.
Babs turned and started to advance on her little sister. "OH look! If it
isn't Little Miss Hussy here, taking what doesn't belong to her!"
"It's BUSTER'S choice as to who he sees, so if he likes ME more than YOU,
why should he still go out with you?"
She turned to Buster, and said, "You *DO*, like me, don't you, Buster?"
Buster had escaped his seat while he could and was now hiding underneath
it, huddled up to try and protect him from impending doom!
Babs lunged out at Emily, and picked her up off of the seat by her ears
with a strength that even astonished her! With forced smile, she said,
"Emily, you're about to find out if there's an afterlife."
The ground rumbled more, and shook up and down vigorously. The other
theater-goers quickly followed Buster's lead, and made a dive under their
seats. The rumbling noise got louder. Babs went deeper and deeper shades
of purple. Steam poured out of her ears, and her eyes became more
bloodshot.
Emily stared fearfully into her psychotic sister's eyes, and began to
panic. Waving her arms frantically, she bellowed, "STOP!"
Babs' increasing rage levelled out a couple of notches below critical.
Grinding her teeth, she gnashed, "What do ya want, huh? One last request
before you go to that great inkwell in the sky? Just don't ask to take up
smoking, as you're gonna be able to do that without the aid of a cigarette
in a matter of seconds..."
Emily stammered, "B-Babs.... Don't you think that it's better to let
Buster decide between us? After all, it's his life as well as mine!"
Babs tightened her grip on Emily's ears, and then swivelled her head in an
Exorcist-esque manner, until it looked down at Buster, who remained
quivering underneath the seat. "Well then mister, who do you choose? Me,
or the Jailbait?"
Buster retreated underneath the seat even more, and said nothing.
"Well? Be careful how you answer, or you'll be being fed carrots through
a drip..."
Buster sighed, and pulled himself out from underneath the seat so that his
upper torso was lying flat on the floor. He stared in turn at Babs, and
then Emily, who gazed back at him with frightened, but pleading eyes.
It was no contest.
"Emily, you *know* I like you...."
Babs began to boil over.
"....but you also know that I've loved Babs for a long time now, and
nothing's gonna change that."
Buster turned back to Babs. "I choose you Babs. I always would. You
should know that by now."
Emily shook in fear and shock. Salt water welled up in her eyes again,
and her bottom lip began to quiver. "But.... B-But.... Buster, I *LOVE*
you!! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Sure it does, Emily, and I love you too."
The floor shook even more violently. Masonry began to tumble down around
their heads.
Buster continued, "But not as a girlfriend. I suppose I love and treat
you more as a surrogate little sister. Y'know I don't have any brothers
or sisters, don't you. You'll always have a place in my heart, though, so
never feel you're alone." Turning back to Babs he said, "Babs, put Emily
down and come down here. There's no need to destroy her."
Babs' rage began to subside, and she eased her grip on the ears of her
sister, who was now openly crying. "If you're lying to me, I'll rip your
ears off, you know that?"
Buster sheepishly grinned, "You know I'd never cross you!"
A slight smile spread across Babs' muzzle. "Sure!", she sang as she
dropped her sister onto the floor with a loud *THUMP!*
Emily winced as she hit the ground. Rubbing her rear with her paw, she
drew herself back up to her feet. Her brow furrowed *very* deeply, and
her breathing rate began to increase again. Drawing a deep breath, she
bellowed, "Babs, I *HATE* you!!!!"
Babs continued to smile. "I can live with that."
Emily continued, "And if *I* can't have Buster, you can't either! I'm
gonna go tell Mom EVERYTHING about you and Buster."
Babs snorted, and looking aloof, she snorted, "You wouldn't dare."
"Oh yeah? How do you know that she's not going to believe me? How do you
know I haven't got PROOF???"
Babs' internal thermostat began to reach critical again! She grabbed
Emily by her shirt and pulled her towards her. "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN
DOING??? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT???"
Emily smirked. "Who says I haven't got photos and stuff like that?"
Buster shouted to Babs, "She's TRYING to get you mad, Babs - don't react
to her!"
Emily sneered, "Face it Babs - you're easy!"
That was it. Smoke billowed out of Babs' ears and nose, closely followed
by flames! Shaking with anger, she tightened her grip on Emily, and
snarled, "Y'know Emily, I'm beginning to regret having to do this - you're
not as slow and naive I thought you were!"
The floor began to shudder violently, and bits of the roof began to fall
again. The top of Babs' head burst open, and more flames and other neat
fireworks flew out of it. "Because regardless, you're going to find out
if there IS an afterlife!"
Emily suddenly realised that she'd pushed her sister too far! Panicking,
she tried her best to escape her sister's grip, tugging at her blouse to
try and break free. "WAIT! Babs! I'm SORRY! I.... I... didn't MEAN it!
>Honest!< C'mon... Calm down!"
But it was too late. Suddenly frozen with fear, Emily stared straight
into Babs' piercing blue eyes. Then everything went white. Then nothing.
------------
Eric dragged his heels as he walked slowly away from the Gigaplex. A line
of small salty puddles traced his route home, away from the scene his
heart had just been ripped up in. Then, one of the loudest explosions
he'd ever heard rang out behind him, and almost threw him onto his front!
Turning round, he saw a billowing mushroom of dust fly up into the night
sky. When the sound subsided, he heard a faint voice shouting out, "It's
the Gigaplex!"
Eric's pulse ran fast. He thought to himself, "EMILY!" He immediately
turned round and frantically ran as fast as he could back to the scene of
the 'accident'.
Babs had certainly done a good demolition job! The entire building had
been razed to the ground, and was nothing more than a big pile of bricks
and masonry. Dazed toons were pulling themselves out of the wreckage all
over the place, and staggering out of the crater to safe land.
Eric, without thinking of any danger he'd put himself in, ran straight
over all the rubble, trying to work out whereabouts the Batduck screen had
been. Running over several toons as he picked his way across, he
eventually caught sight of Babs, who was standing up, cross-eyed with a
goofily startled expression on her face. Her blouse and skirt were still
intact, but were VERY badly singed. He ear ribbons however, were nowhere
to be seen!
"BABS! Where's Emily???" shouted Eric as he picked up speed towards the
dazed rabbit.
"Emily.....? No..... The pizza's not done yet; can't you wait?" Babs
raised her right arm, with her index finger outstretched. She dribbled,
"Check, please...", and then keeled over sideways.
Eric got down on his hands and knees, and frantically burrowed away next
to where Babsie had fallen over, throwing bits of rubble everywhere.
Pulling off a large piece of scenery, he uncovered Plucky's head. Plucky
was definitely NOT with it! Plucky grimaced, "Just a kiss would have been
enough, Shirl..."
Digging more to his right, he found Buster. "Oh, hi Eric. You might be
wondering why we're like this..."
"WHERE'S EMILY???!"
"Oh, I expect she's right next to me..."
Eric quickly started to try and uncover the next seat. Buster groaned to
himself, "That's the first time I've ever seen the AUDIENCE bring the
house down..."
Removing a lamp fixture, Eric finally found Emily's hand, which was weakly
waving... "EMILY! Are you okay?"
No reply.
Eric used all his strength to quickly clear as much of the rubble as
possible from around her. He then picked up the little bunny, and
cradling her gently in his arms, walked cautiously off the bomb site and
sat down on the sidewalk still holding her.
Eric wafted his paw in front of her face, trying to bring her round. The
cool air quickly woke her up, and she blearily opened her eyes... The
first thing she focused on was Eric, looking straight back at her with a
look of great concern on his face. As far as she was concerned, she was
looking at an angel; and a cute one at that!
She weakly tried to speak, "W-who...... are you?"
"It's me; Eric."
In the best Beauty and the Beast style, Emily smiled, and murmered,
"You... You came back!"
Eric smiled, and lowered her onto the floor. "Of course I did."
Getting up, he said, "I'm glad you're okay, Em. I'd feel awful if
something REALLY bad had happened to you."
"Well, I better be going now... Have a good life." he said, sighing a
little. And with that, he began to walk off.
Emily look after him as he slowly walked away from her. He looked SO sad
as he walked, as if all his dreams had been snatched away from him in one
go and had been torn up. And yet he was going to accept it, and just get
on as best he could. And he *was* cute - WHY hadn't she seen it in him
before? A pang of guilt spread through her heart, and she reached up,
huskily shouting after him, "WAIT!"
Eric stopped and turned around. "What?"
"*Why* did you come back?"
"If you need me to answer that, then there's no point in me telling you.
Good luck with Buster, okay?"
"NO! Come and sit with me."
Eric duly obliged, and sat down on the sidewalk, helping Emily to sit up
straight. Blushing, and looking down at her feet, she said, "I want to
thank you for coming back to help me."
"It's not a problem."
"But really I really want to do is to apologise to you for the way I've
treated you. I really shouldn't have done what I did, and I regret it
deeply now."
Reaching around her back and hugging her gently, Eric smiled. "Hey, don't
sweat it - it's not a problem."
Emily continued, "NO! I really mean it! Just because you were there
doesn't mean I could treat you like dirt!" She took hold of Eric's free
hand in her paws, and drew it in close to her stomach. Smiling, she
concluded, "And I'm going to do everything I can to make it up to you,
okay?"
A wry smile crossed Eric's face as Emily leaned back, snuggling into his
lap. Neither of them said a word, and nothing had to be said.
Then Eric suddenly straightened up, as he remembered something. "THE
OTHERS! Hey, I better go and make sure they're okay too! Erm... If
that's okay?"
Emily smiled, "Sure."
Eric grinned from ear to ear, as he gently picked up Emily, and sat her
down next to him. Before he stood up, he strained his neck towards her,
and gave her a tentative kiss on the cheek. She smiled, "Surely you can
do better than that!"
Eric told her, "I expect I probably could, but it'll have to wait until
later!" He stood up and picked his way over the rubble again, passing
Buster on the way.
Buster stumbled towards Emily, and flopped down on the sidewalk next to
her. She looked quizzically at him as he sat there, in his tattered
pullover sporting singed fur. She frowned to herself, as if something
that she felt towards him didn't quite feel the same as it had before;
she didn't know why.
Buster sat silently, desperately trying to think of how to start his
speech. Eventually, he said, "Emily.... I'm flattered that you like me
enough to want me to be your boyfriend, but the truth is.... I love Babs,
and nothing's going to change that. She's the only one I want, and she
feels the same about me."
He continued, "But you'll always hold a special place in my heart, as
there is for all my friends. Don't ever feel you're alone; I'll ALWAYS
make time for you." Grinning, he joked, "But don't try any funny stuff
next time!"
Emily weakly smiled, "Sure!"
"Well, I suppose this explains why Babs has been treating me funny these
past few days. How come I didn't notice what you were up to?"
Emily grinned. "Fifi's a good teacher."
"...So although the offer you gave was nice, I'm afraid I'm going to have
to turn you down. Babs is the only bunny for me, and always will be."
Concerned, he added, "Do you think that you're going to be okay?"
Emily looked over to what was the Gigaplex, and to Eric, who was digging
wreckage. She placed her hands on the floor as she began to stand up,
smiling to herself as she did so. "I think I'm going to be fine..."
Buster watched her walk off over the rubble towards Eric, as Babs (now in
a brand new Blouse and Skirt) walked over to join him.
Buster mused, "Well, she sure changed her tune quickly! I don't know
whether to feel relieved, or to feel insulted!"
Hugging him, Babs grinned, "Feel thankful that I'm going to let this all
drop and resume normal life as soon as possible."
Buster turned to her, and said, "You're right. At least the only thing
that got broken up in all of this was the Gigaplex... Well, our work here
is done."
Babs nodded. "Let's go home before we destroy something bigger..."
And they walked off down the street.
---------------
> The End <
---------------
Rivals (c) 1995-6, KeV Beeley. No rights reversed.
![[Story] Facing a New Day](https://va.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/124/124046_dmfalk_facinganewday.jpg "[Story] Facing a New Day")
![Music: Tiny Toons Rave ][: Fifi's Theme](https://va.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/34/34000_dmfalk_1224384355.dmfalk_02_ttarave2.jpg "Music: Tiny Toons Rave ][: Fifi's Theme")