Part of my self-directed series for my Spring 2022 art class.
This piece is meant to reflect just my general emotions going through the worst of my depression. Even though I was surrounded by lots of caring people in my life, I felt absolutely cut off from everyone around me. I felt like nobody really understood what was going through my head at the time. My daily life consisted of stumbling through a mental fog without any clear direction of where I was going or what I was doing. I was physically alive and present in the real world, but completely dead mentally and emotionally.
I became extremely existential and felt like my life had no worth or purpose. I felt numb and nothing was able to reignite the spark inside me that had fizzled out. I neglected to eat, either by choice or just forgetting. I developed insomnia and was tired all the time. I spent all my free time trying to sleep because it was the only way to escape my own head. I didn't even have the energy or passion to make art anymore. Ideas and concepts I was once excited about became tainted with self-doubt and apathy, and I didn't know why.
Living such a juxtaposing existence, always balancing precariously on the edge of life and death, was unbearably torturous yo the point where... well, to the point where I was ready to decide which side of the fence I wanted to fall on. Thankfully, my family and friends were there to support me and help me get the resources I needed in order to break the cycle. I was fortunate to have that and now I'm starting on my way towards the kind of life I want to have.
I would like to point out that I am definitely not a medical or psychological professional in any way and cannot provide professional medical or psychological advice, but please, PLEASE, if you are experiencing anything like this I encourage you to talk to someone you trust or search for resources that can get you the support you need.
