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not my normal content, but i hope everyone can respect it. put this together in about six hours.

accompanying music:
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donate to the american cancer society here

male 946,959, female 830,985, personal 1,117, funeral 116
Type: Picture/Pinup
Published: 4 months, 1 week ago
Rating: General

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4 months, 1 week ago
this was absolutely beautiful and heart wrenching. May she rest in peace.
4 months, 1 week ago
My wife's grandfather died today. He might not be my grandfather, but I liked him. We also shared the first name and for these 20+ years me and my wife are married, we often visited him. He was one awesome guy and I will miss him.

My condolences for your loss. Even if it was a long time ago, I know how it can still hurt.
4 months, 1 week ago
yeah I rememmber this pain when my own grandmother passed away.  It was so painful but the worst was the first year after she passed, hte normal things she would do at the holidays, her sitting at the stove for hours on end near christmas to make dozens of batches of fudge for us kids. the pain lessens year by year but it never truly goes away sadly
4 months, 1 week ago
I lost my grandmother a year ago January 9th... I was her caregiver these last ten years. It was... indescribably hard... watching her slowly slip away a little at a time, never knowing if this down turn, this hospital visit, would be the last time.... in the end it was covid that took her from me. About ten meters from where I'm sitting right now... In her own home, where she wanted.... with me holding her...at the end... I won't describe the things I saw after that.... the feelings I had... the pain... The pain never really stops.. like a phantom limb, something you know should be there, feel it's absence so acutely... It grows less.... after the crushing weight of time... but it is always there.

Know this.... No one who's absence could bring you such pain could ever not know how much they meant to you. remember her, remember the joy, and remember it with joy, because she would not want you to feel pain at her memory, only love. It's hard... It's something I'm still struggling with...But I know she loved you every bit as much as you loved her...

There's nothing else I can tell you that won't cause you more pain, so I shall stop. But know that for you to love her so deeply, she surely loved you every bit as much.
4 months, 1 week ago
I know the feels. My grandmother has been gone for.. about 16 years now, still miss her.

Sorry for your loss.
4 months, 1 week ago
This was very heart felt.
4 months, 1 week ago
Heartbreaking, my friend. My deepest condolences. I work in hospice as a grief therapist and these stories never get easier, especially when they're so beautifully portrayed and written. It's not much, but if you ever wanna talk, I'm more than happy to lend my ability as you've lent yours through your art. Even if you just have questions of what's normal and not during grief, I'll answer it all.

Also, if you ever wanted to speak to a counselor in a more professional setting, I can teach you where you could get free counseling (Assuming you're in the states)

Wishing you and the family well.
4 months, 1 week ago
I've lost both my grandmother's, and yeah, it's so strange now that they're gone. Let your feelings run, it's good for the heart.
4 months, 1 week ago
Beautifully heartfelt.
4 months, 1 week ago
All I can say is that this hit pretty hard.  My grandmother died the same way; cancer is common in our family, and she was a trooper for so many years - shrugging off cancer again and again.

My mother and I still talk about my grandmother weekly on our weekly calls.  My mother has cancer too.  She worries she'll be a burden; the last few months with grandmother was hard, but we wanted to keep her at home as long as we could, so it went from just being a carer to managing drips, tubes and other unpleasantries you have to deal with when someone is so fragile.   We did it; we didn't care.   And we tried to be with her as much as we could.

Death becomes a release towards the end; I like to think she is now in a better, happier place.

But it doesn't mean we don't miss her.   It's been well over a decade now.  It still feels like it was just a couple of months ago.

Sorry for your loss Lope; you have done a commendable job remembering her. <3

4 months, 1 week ago
A beautiful piece of art.
4 months, 1 week ago
I feel your pain 😥
4 months, 1 week ago
Lost my mother just over 10 years ago to cancer. She died quite young, could've still had a good number of years left if it wasn't cancer that did it. She beat it the first two times but it got her in the end.

I still think fondly of her and hope she knows just how massive an influence she was on me becoming who I am today. She had back problems, knee cap shattered and never healed properly, legally blind, obese, horrible chronic allergies, etc etc. She was always hurting and tired, but she didn't let it stop her from getting everything done and never whined about it. Groceries need to be bought so she made the trip, hurt knee or no. Doctor needs to be visited, so she'll wait 4 hours round trip on bus rides getting there because it's the only way. Money is tight, but she makes sure we are all comfortable before tending to her own needs. I didn't find out till years later that she routinely skipped meals when I was a kid to save money so I could have something nicer to eat than beans and rice.

So much of my levelheadedness and calmness in a bad situation was from seeing her do this sort of thing when I was younger and knowing if the half blind crippled woman can weather these problems without complaining I've no right to not suck it up and deal with it myself. Seeing her in hospice was brutal. Some of the last words she ever said was she just wanted the pain to stop. Coming from a woman who spent her whole life in pain and enduring it without complaint, that really broke me inside. I can't imagine how bad it was if even that stoic woman would say such words.

I'm just glad she isn't hurting anymore. I didn't say everything I wanted to say to her, couldn't think of the words and couldn't bring myself to just blurt them out for the sake of saying so. But I hope she still understood how important she was to me. Thanks for sharing your own experience, it's comforting to know some people can really relate as more than a hypothetical or a 'I can imagine.' They really can't until they experience it themselves, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
4 months, 1 week ago
I am truly sorry for your loss, my grandma meant the world to me as well...she still does, even though she passed away 14 years ago, she was just like your grandma: passionate caring and overall a loving and great person. At times I can still hear her calling my name, telling me how good I'm doing and how grown I've become as an individual. I do find myself crying before I fall asleep, remembering the times we had together...its like every night shes beside me telling me I'm ok, and that things will be alright. She was the reason why I didnt commit suicide, 3 times actually, once at 8 years old and two after she passed. It's like I've got this drive to make her proud of me

In the end I dont have any solid advice to give you on this one, as losing someone who meant the world to you often leaves an empty hole in your chest... I guess try your best to remember that she lives on in spirit and that she wouldn't want to see you give up just because shes not technically by your side anymore. She loved you, and im sure you knew this.

Keep your head raised high, she'd want you to stay positive and keep going forward in life, I'd know because it's what my grandma would have wanted

If you need someone to talk to I've got a messenger I can link you, or even my number just to chat if you need it
4 months, 1 week ago
It makes me happy to see that you had such a great relationship with your grandmother.

The grandmother I would've loved to get to know more, died when I was still very small. My mother went out of her way to hurt that relationship as well.

Her mother, the grandmother still alive, we definitely do not stay in touch. I can see where my mom gets it from.

Like I said, I'm happy that you had a wonderful relationship with your grandmother. The sadness you feel at her loss is painful, but remember that you couldn't possibly feel that sad if she didn't make you feel just as strongly, just happy instead of sad. Grieving is not a bad thing, and sometimes it feels like it's never going to go away, and in a way it doesn't. But having these wonderful memories makes it a lot better than it could be.

I wish there were more grammas in the world like yours.
4 months, 1 week ago
You should share more stories in your art like this R3D. Porn is nice and all, but this has the feels, and more substance. <3
4 months, 1 week ago
Dang, just dang😭
4 months, 1 week ago
4 months, 1 week ago
I think all of us here have been touched by death at one point or another, and I think we all take away our own lessons from it. For me, death is never easy, nor should it ever become so, but it's a magnet for memory, good and bad. It's a process that never ends for those it leaves behind, even if it does get easier. The pain of loss will always ache, but at least for me, it also brings out the warmth of the good that was there as well.

I lost someone very close to me the day before Thanksgiving, and while I still cry, I also remember every good moment we shared along the journey we took together, and that makes the pain worth it, I think.

I hope that, for you, the warmth of cherished memories wards off the cold of loss.
4 months, 1 week ago
*hugs* Glad you were willing to share. Had similar thoughts about one of my Grandmas when she passed (never met the other whom also passed before I was born but I share my Birthday with her). It's hard when it still feels like yesterday that you were hanging out and just chatting and know that things are different now. Just know that they still love you no matter where they are.

Best wishes~
4 months, 1 week ago
So touching. Reminds me of my grandma. Great art!
4 months, 1 week ago
You are a wonderful grandson, remember that, and never forget she will always love you.
4 months, 1 week ago
I am sorry for your loss, it's great art and she sure knew how loved she was
4 months, 1 week ago
We've never met and probably never will but I want to give you a hug. I feel this so deeply. Much love from this random internet stranger.
4 months, 1 week ago
I lost one of my grandmas to cancer a few years ago... *HUGS*
4 months, 1 week ago
She sounds like a beautiful lady.
She meant a lot to you and your brother and that is awesome.  ^.^
When someone creates that much love in your life, they leave a big hole.
I'm sorry for your grief, but glad she was such an positive force in your life.
4 months, 1 week ago
She'd be proud how much love she inspired in you.
4 months, 1 week ago
*cries....just cries*
4 months, 1 week ago
This hits very close home despite the fact that i haven't lost my grandma yet. She is lucid and relatively healthy but still aging.
I cant imagine life without her, even after i move on and live elsewhere, grandma is just too amazing, she is like a mother to me really.
I can't say i understand the pain you went through but boy do i understand what is to have an amazing grandma so i can only imagine how it must be like.
4 months, 1 week ago
My heart goes out to ya
4 months, 1 week ago
This is very touching and well done. My best wishes to you and your family.
4 months, 1 week ago
i know that feeling i lost my grandmother when i was young i still miss her so much
4 months, 1 week ago
I lost my mother to cancer last year. I understand the pain and wish you the best to get through it.
4 months, 1 week ago
I have no words.      I'm sorry for the empty space in your life now only full of memories.  *hugs*  
4 months, 1 week ago
I clicked expecting something... different

Then this... and not upset. Well am upset, bawling my eyes out as I never met her but already miss her. She knows she is loved by you and everyone this picture series touched.

Now we wish her the next great journey as you made us aware that she deserves it...
4 months ago
This is such a beautiful tribute. <3 I miss my grandmother every day. <3
4 months ago
Absolutely beautiful, my condolences to your and yours.
4 months ago
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said, but I'd still like to. Thank you for this. It's terrible that this is such a common expierence, whether it's ones grandma or another family member. Fuck cancer.

Thank you for sharing this art.
4 months ago
I remember good times with my grandma. While she still lives, there have been many health scares in the last several years, from cancer a couple of times to a couple of bad falls and passing out. Always wondering, goodness is this going to be the one?
Many of my family members died in the past couple of years. Almost lost my mom and sister twice last year.
What hurts is how I don't have the ability to see them yet when I want to, either because of a lack of money, or my car not being up to par. And it scares me that by the time I'm able to, it might be too late.
Many of them look at me strangely because I didn't go to funerals. I just don't like the atmosphere of it, especially when I was already dealing with bad depression. I hope to goodness they know that I do care about them.

I've always wanted to make good memories with the people I care about. It sucks that we can't always do that.
So sorry to hear about your grandma *hugs*
3 months, 1 week ago
The only thing I remember about my paternal grandmother is her funeral.  I would have been about 2yo at the time, and I remember the ugly pale green and brown wallpaper, and the lack of a window in the viewing room, just the yellowish incandescent light, which makes the memory feel like an early '90s photograph.  

Someone lifted me up so I could see into the coffin, and she was there.  I didn't feel sad, but I remember thinking she looked strange.
Not long after, someone said that I shouldn't be there, so they set a folding chair in the hallway outside the room and sat me down on it.  

Since then, I inherited the position of "family historian" from my paternal grandfather, and "Grandpa Jack" passed me all the family photos, most of which were had hand-written labels in the back, written with pencil in her thin, spidery handwriting, which is how I learned about how Grandma Marion was a swimsuit model in the 1920s, and how she loved to cook (I still have many of her recipes), and how she and Grandpa Jack traveled around the world after the Korean war, often times taking cruises to Spain and the Caribean.  They also show other, unintended things, like how she chain-smoked and loved champagne.  It also shows how much my grandfather must have loved her.  Many fun photos of him surprising her as she comes out of a room, or from over her shoulder as she turns toward him.  

More I've learned from talking to my parents.  For instance, she had a very specific way in which she judged people - first impressions were everything, and if she had a reason to not like you, she carried that feeling forever, something I may have inherited.  Yet if she liked you, she was generous and friendly, and never forgot your birthday.  
I also learned about her fight with cancer (brought about by her smoking and drinking), and the last few photos of her show how drastically the disease affected her.  My mother still has a handmade Christmas ornament that was a gift to her from my grandmother, a simple little card glued onto a wooden block with a handwritten message.  Made just a few days before she died.  

I'm sorry I never got to know her, but I at least know a bit about her from the memories she left with those people whose lives she touched, and that's a wonderful legacy.
3 months, 1 week ago
Aww dude, sorry for your loss. This was beautiful and heart breaking. RIP
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