Ant and Four 6 - Heart
by Winter
Midday had passed, but the sky was still filled with stars. It was a sight Ant thought he would never get tired of, and it was even more spectacular at night. If it could even be called night. He had never heard of star clusters before, and now he was in the middle of one. Here the stars lay so close to one another that some of them looked like bright little moons.
For someone like Ant who, for most of his life, had only known artificial light, the absence of darkness was almost unnerving at times. Even now, with Aguila's sun up high, Ant barely cast a shadow. Light came from everywhere.
And the heat! He had thought the beaches on New Mérida were hot enough. Here, there was very little escape to be had. Even what wind there was, felt like a blowdrier, though it did help a bit when it rustled Ant's light brown wolf fur.
It hadn't taken Ant and Four long to mimic the locals, and buy umbrellas. Mini parasols, really, Ant thought. To protect from a downpour of sun, rather than rain. The two of them never wore more than shorts and, in Four's case, a pair of sandals. Ant had also had sunglasses customised, to fit over his muzzle. Four, of course, could adjust his eyes automatically to keep the intake of light at a tolerable level.
It was their second week in Oceana, a small town on the east coast of Aguila's largest island, and by now the curiosity was beginning to die down. People who saw the two boys for the first time still did double takes, but most simply smiled and nodded, or greeted them politely. At first they had only meant to make a brief touchdown to pick up supplies, but then Four stopped to look at a store display, filled with candy and baked goods and plushies and toys and all kinds of things, shaped like or decorated with stylised hearts. The store owner told them about the upcoming All Hearts' Day festivities, celebrating love and romance.
Ant wasn't really interested, but when he went to pack up their purchases, he felt a tug on his arm fur. Four seemed reluctant to leave the display, and when he glanced Ant's way he had a slight pout on his lips.
"Do we have to go now? Can't we... can't we stay? Please? To see the festival?"
"You wanna see all that hearts and love stuff?" Four nodded. "Okay, sure. We're not in a hurry."
Ant didn't fully understand what the fuss was all about, but the smile that lit up his friend's face made him wonder if it might be worth investigating.
During the months he and Four had been travelling the galaxy they had met a lot of interesting people, and made a few good friends. Some of whom they still kept in touch with, using their datapads. But Ant couldn't really say he loved them. And he certainly wasn't interested in doing romance, with any of them. Not in the way it happened in movies and books. Romance seemed to be when you left everything else behind and spent all your time with just one person.
That wasn't something he wanted to do. He wanted to keep travelling, to meet people and see new places and try new exciting things. Like surfing. A few weeks ago they had found a world with a really large moon, which made for epic tidal waves. Ant had spent most of his time falling off his board, while Four played on the beach with local kids and other tourists, along with a few pet dogs. Their game was to stay as close to the water's edge as possible, then run away when the next big wave came crashing down, hoping not to get drenched. It had been a lot of fun for both of them.
And what about making toys? Ant loved all the time he spent in the workshop with Four, coming up with new ideas and trying out new designs. Toiling and tinkering, while Four made suggestions for improvements, and finally brought his creations to life with his vibrantly bright colours. He couldn't bear to give that up, not for anything. Or anyone.
The novels he read sometimes, seemed to suggest that 'settling down' was the high point of life. Of romance. Make a home for yourselves and then never move again. When Ant tried to imagine it, he saw himself and Gina, a girl he once met in a grocery store and who seemed to be interested in him, together in a little house with a little garden and very little to do.
Maybe a life like that worked for humans, but not for a wolf who had spent most of his life cooped up, and was now free to roam. Free to let his nose catch the wind and his feet give it chase.
* * * * * *
Ant looked around to see if he could find some shade, but even the alleyways between houses were lit up by starlight. Nowhere to hide. Ahead of him, Four called out, and in the crowd Ant spotted a bright red umbrella bouncing up and down. His ears perked up, and he grinned. The ferry boy had been really excited over the last couple of days, and now that All Hearts' Day had arrived he just couldn't stand still.
When Ant joined him, he was met by a wide smile. Four pointed excitedly down the street, back the way they had come. The parade was on its way. Ant had already heard it, but he acted surprised. This was more Four's day than his, and he wanted to let his friend have all the joy.
According to the locals, it had been a tradition in Oceana ever since its foundation, to hold this annual parade which these days included a marching band, and several large floats. It inspired people from all over Aguila, as well as several local star systems, to pay a visit. Which in turn made businesses bloom. Ant had briefly considered renting a table, to sell toys, but in the end he decided against it. They were there to have fun, not to work.
Four jumped up and down, his red umbrella bumping into Ant's blue one, as he tried to get a good look. The whole sidewalk was crowded with people, and even Ant could only see the tops of the floats. Poor Four probably only saw backs. Folding his umbrella and hanging the handle on his arm, Ant crouched down and hoisted Four up onto his shoulders. The boy squealed in surprise, then cooed happily. From his elevated position, he kept up a running commentary.
"The first one's really nice, Ant. It's like a... a pink bedroom, with balloons and hearts everywhere, and a man and a woman who are holding hands. They're waving at us, wave back, Ant!" He tried his best to give a half-wave, but it was difficult to do so and still keep Four up, since the ferry boy's arms were wriggling wildly. "There's a big bed, with lots and lots of pillows, it looks quite cosy. They've both got crowns on their heads, I think they are the prince and princess from the dance last night. Remember?"
"I remember." The dance had been a lot of fun. Being a temporary local celebrity, Ant had been passed from person to person, until it felt as if he had danced with the whole town. Four kept mostly to the younger crowd, but the two of them had made sure to dance with each other a few times, as well. Two couples, one from the local college and one from the retiree home, had been elected All Hearts' Day royalty, and Ant had clapped along with everyone else even though he didn't really understand why. "They're not naked, are they?"
"Noo! Bad wolf!" A small fist bopped Ant between the ears, and he chuckled. "It's about love, not... that other stuff."
"What's the next one. It looks like a mountain."
"It is. With a stream running down the side of it. Looks like real water, that's so cool." Four bounced in his seat, and Ant had to take a step to keep his balance. "Am I too heavy?"
"Nope." Ant didn't know with what metal Four's frame was built, but he weighed about as much as a human boy. "Just squiggle around a bit less."
"Sorry. There's a log cabin at the foot of the mountain, and there's the king and queen from last night. You know, the older ones?"
"Yeah, I remember them."
"They've also got hearts and balloons, and crowns on their heads. After them comes the band. I'm sure you can hear them with these." He grabbed Ant's ears and pulled on them gently. In return he got his feet tickled until his sandals fell off. "Hehehe, stop! I gotta tell you 'bout the last floats."
By then the band had reached them, and Ant couldn't quite hear what Four was saying. It didn't really matter, because this close up he could see most of the parade. There was a float filled with flowers, followed by two which Ant assumed showed Oceana history, a few that were clearly representing local businesses and sports teams. The school had a float, and then came a last one which looked like a candy store. On the back end of it was a rig of hoses, but instead of water they sprayed candies of all colours and shapes. The grip on his ears tightened, as Four squirmed to get down. Ant helped him to the ground, then nodded as the boy looked up at him and tilted his head expectantly. In a flash, Four was out on the street, joining a gaggle of children trying to snatch candy from the air or picking it off the ground.
Ant smiled. Every time he saw Four play with other children, it tugged at something inside him. He had come so far from the polite but impersonal onboard ferry computer Ant had met, back at the hospital station. Now he was jumping around, shouting and laughing as all the kids mock-fought to find the best treats. It made Ant so happy, to know that he had played a part in Four's evolution. And the best thing of all was, that no matter how much Four's personality grew, their friendship stayed a given.
That last thought almost made Ant's eyes water.
* * * * * *
"Ooh, that was fun," Four said as he dumped two handfuls of candy into Ant's folded umbrella, then searched his pockets for more. "Did you see where my shoes went? I almost forgot about them."
Ant handed him the sandals, and Four slipped his feet into them. They watched the parade as it continued down the street and out of sight, while Four waved goodbye to his new-found friends. Around them people either joined in the parade, which would continue all the way through town and out into the suburbs, or went about their business. Soon the street looked no different than it usually did, except for the odd missed or trampled candy. Four beamed as he held up a pink, sugar-smelling one.
"Here, this is for you. It's a wolf."
"That's a dog," Ant said with a snort. "It looks nothing like me."
"But it kinda does." Four held it closer to Ant's face, while he pointed out the tiny sweet's features. "Look, it's got big ears, and fluffy cheeks, and a growly face, just like you."
"I'm not growly," Ant said in a low voice. "And I'm not a dog."
"It could look like a wolf, with a bit of imagination."
"Fine." Ant peered into his umbrella. "Did you find one shaped like a butt? 'Cause I can imagine that's you."
"You're so bad," Four giggled and swatted Ant's arm. "It's a wonder I turned out sophisticated with the likes of you around."
"A sophisticated butt is still a butt. And you're a cheeky one."
"Aant!"
"All right, fine!" Ant let out a very exaggerated sigh, setting off fresh giggles. "You're a true gentleman."
"Gentleferry."
"Gentle whatever you want to be." He laid his arm across Four's shoulders and pulled him close. The boy leaned into the half-hug. "How about a gentle friend?"
"I like that." Four's voice was little more than a whisper. "I like that a lot."
* * * * * *
That night, after they both had their fill of sweets while watching a couple of romantic movies on the local telenet, Ant found himself unable to fall asleep. Part of it was all the sugar, but he also kept going over the day in his mind. He wormed his way out of Four's arms, careful to not wake him up, then paced the room. At some level, he knew, Four could still see him through his cameras, but when he was asleep only the primal functions of his programming were active. Four could keep the ferry on course if they were in space, or detect any kind of danger in an instant, but his thoughts and memories were resting. Sometimes he dreamt, but at the moment he seemed to be sleeping deeply.
Ant stopped at the fish tank and greeted Trevor the robot fish, who swam to the surface and rubbed against his finger. One of the first toys he had ever made. Next to the tank stood the clockwork wolf Four had named Li'l Ant, a much less complex construction who could only wag its tail and bark. Which would definitely rouse Four, so Ant didn't wind it up, even though his fingers itched for something to do. He felt restless. If the ramp hadn't been so noisy, he would have lowered it so he could sit on it and think. He liked doing that, especially during dark and cold nights. But it wasn't dark out there, was it? Or cold. Like all the worlds inside the cluster, Aguila never knew fully dark.
Ant's mind was drawn back in time, before Four. Before even the Morning Calm. Back to his time in the caves underneath the habitat dome where he had been born. The memory had become fuzzy. Had it been a month he spent down there, alone in the dark, or had it been a year? Two years? Time had been counted differently back in the Mining Belt, which made it even more difficult to tell for sure. By his own count, Ant was just over five years old, but in standard years he was more like fourteen-and-one-fifth. Any which way, it had been a long time. Just him and the dark tunnels. And the cave ants, who were harmless and curious and kept him company, and from whom he got his name. Thankfully the caves were natural hollows inside the asteroid; if they had been mine drifts, the residual radiation from the ore would have killed him. And they were pressurised by the same technology that created the dome, otherwise he would have died right away.
It was odd, that the lack of darkness outside brought back those memories. But in some way, he had felt safe down there. The foremen, or slavers as Ant had come to think of them once he learned just how badly they treated his people, wanted to turn him into a deep digger. A miner working the bottom of the shafts. Procuring raw ore from the heart of the asteroid. The same place where his mother's rad suit had ruptured. And to get him inside one of those suits, the foremen would first cut off his tail. By comparison, the tunnels had really been safe. That was probably why the constant light made him feel uneasy.
It was dark here inside the Fourtitude, though. Of course, with his sensitive wolf eyes, Ant could see well enough by the faint indicator lights that showed the ferry's status. All green, while the ferry itself lay on the couch, fast asleep.
Ant walked up to the viewscreen, and touched one of the panels right next to it. If he were to open it, he would find an access port to the onboard computer's main circuits. Four. Sometimes he found it difficult to remember that Four was more than just the robot boy, and that much of him still lay embedded inside the ferry's walls. Then again, most of the time Ant didn't think of Four as a robot or a computer at all. Just as his Four. His friend. A sudden thought struck him, and he reached for his shorts, which lay tossed on the floor next to the couch. In the back pocket, he found what he was looking for.
Leading up to All Hearts' Day, the stores in Oceana had been handing out all kinds of freebies in the spirit of the festival. Among them, heart-shaped stickers. Glad that he had saved a few and not just stuck them all onto walls and windows and signposts and Four and himself, he peeled off a red one and placed it right in the centre of the panel. It looked perfect, and he smiled to himself. He knew that Four's heart did not reside in any one single place, but it still felt right.
His mind more at ease now, Ant decided to go into the workshop for a while. He closed the door behind him and turned on the light at its lowest setting. A human would have had to feel their way around the small room, but to him it was more than enough. At first he thought he would work on one of their latest toy projects. Like the duck pond he had promised to make for a man back in Wishing Well, the town where he and Four had first started selling their wares. The base had been easy to make, by carving the pond and its immediate surroundings out of a piece of wood. It was already polished and Four had painted it. The troublesome bit was to make the ducks work as he had planned. They were supposed to move around inside the blue-coloured pond as if swimming in real water, and every now and then they would waddle up a slope and go down a slide back into the pond. Only, he couldn't make them do it. They bumped into one another and fell over, or they got stuck against the edge of the pond and just stood there quacking. Or they toppled going down the slide and piled up in a heap.
But no. His mind was too tired to tinker with tiny, fiddly electronics, though not tired enough to sleep.
Since he and Four started making toys, Ant had tried other crafts than just metal work. Wood carving was one, another was sewing. He wasn't very good at either yet, but when he set his mind to something, he didn't want to stop until he perfected it. At least, to the best of his abilities. So, he walked over to one of the shelves that lined the workshop, and found his recently purchased sewing kit. A couple of needles, really, and a set of spools with differently coloured threads. He poked at them, trying to choose a colour, then he had an idea. It was simple. It was perfect. Now, if only he had the right fabric...
* * * * * *
Ant awoke when Four sat up in the couch. A smile crept onto his muzzle when he heard a slight intake of breath. Not quite a gasp, but close enough. He opened one eye and watched as Four went over to the heart sticker, and ran his fingers over it. This time, the noise was a sigh. A happy sigh, Ant knew from the sound of it. He sat up, stretched and yawned, and by the time his arms relaxed he could wrap them around the boy suddenly sitting in his lap.
"Mornin'."
"Yes it is. And a good one, too."
"Do you like it?"
"The sticker? I love it. I..." Suddenly, Four's smile shifted a bit, almost too subtly for Ant to notice. "I like it a lot."
"Are you sure?" Four looked down, but Ant placed a finger under his chin and lifted it up until their eyes met again. "Tell me if I did something wrong. Please."
"No, nothing's wrong. It's just..." He sighed, and this time it was the wrong kind of sigh. "I'm just being silly."
"You're not silly, Four. Talk to me. We always talk things out, remember?"
"I..." Four broke their gaze, then leaned his head against Ant's chest. After a little while, he reached up and ran a finger against the scar where a laser had burned right through Ant. He liked to do that from time to time, and Ant let him. "I love listening to your heart. I'm so happy it's still beating, after..."
"After I got shot." Four nodded. "I've got a scar on my back, too, the docs called that one the exit wound."
"I know. You almost died."
"Almost, but not quite." Ant grinned. "I'm a bit miffed you didn't come to visit with me, in my hospital room."
"I didn't know you back then!" Four giggled. "Otherwise I would have brought you flowers. And books for you to read and fruits for you to eat."
"Flowers would just have wilted. Did you know I was radioactive back then?"
"I know. You've told me 'bout most of your life."
"Must have been boring."
"Never." They sat in silence for a long time, but it felt like a good silence. When Four spoke again, though, Ant could tell that there was still some sadness to his voice. "I'm glad you're alive, Ant."
"Me too."
"Please, I'm not making a joke. I really mean it. I just wish..."
"What do you wish?"
"I wish..." Four's voice, little more than a whisper, was broken by a sob. "I wish I was alive, too."
"You are alive." Ant tightened his hug. "At least, I think you are."
"I just celebrated All Hearts' Day, but I don't have a heart." More sobs followed, and Ant felt his own eyes tear up. "Thanks to you, Ant, I've learned how to think for myself. And to feel. To... well, lots of things. But I'm still a machine. I don't know if I feel what I feel because I feel it, or if it's just programming."
"You feel it in your..."
"Don't say heart! 'Cause I don't have one, remember? I've got circuits and electronics. And a sticker."
"I was gonna say mind, Four. You feel it in your mind. Hearts... they're just... hearts." Ant tapped his chest, right next to where Four's face burrowed into his fur. "They're muscles. Blood pumps. We don't feel with them, we feel with our minds. Our brains."
"I don't have one of them either."
"Sure you do. Yours is just electronic. The principle is the same. Just electricity, hopping back and forth and... doing stuff."
"You don't know." A tiny giggle. "Do you?"
"Not really," Ant admitted. "Knife showed me some anatomy books, but mostly so I'd know the best places to hit people. Or, get embarrassed 'bout the, you know, reproduction and things. I didn't read the rest of them much, They were a bit boring."
"She liked to mess with your head, didn't she?"
"Yeah. Nobody could rile me up like her. Then knock me down when I took the bait." He sighed, suddenly hit by a pang of nostalgia. "I don't know why it feels like our emotions come from our chests. It's just weird. Where do you hurt?"
"Huh?"
"When you feel sad, where do you feel it?"
"I... I don't really know." Four had stopped crying, but he stayed deep in the hug. Ant patted his back, then ran his fingers through Four's blonde hair. "It feels... inside my thoughts. When I'm in my body I feel it in here. When my mind is inside the Fourtitude, I feel it in there."
"Your mind."
"But... why all the hearts? Why... I mean... it seems like, you know, love and stuff, is all about hearts."
"I don't know. It's tradition, maybe. Symbols."
"Symbols of love?"
"All kinds of feelings. They're what's important, you know." Ant stroked Four's cheek, and the body in his arms began to relax. "The fact that you have feelings, and thoughts, that's what makes you a living person in my eyes. Whether or not you have a blood pump, doesn't matter."
"It's just a symbol?"
"Well, not just. If I didn't have a blood pump I'd be dead. But as far as feelings and emotions go, then yeah. Symbol."
"And the symbol on my access panel?" Four leaned back and met Ant's eyes He was still frowning a bit, but didn't seem upset anymore. "What does that mean?"
"I just thought it was a good place for it." Ant squirmed a little, trying to find the right words. "And it's to... to show how much I care. How much you mean to me. You're the best friend I've ever had."
"You're my best friend, too." Four gave Ant a kiss on the cheek. It wasn't the first time that had happened, but this time his lips seemed to linger. "I... uhm... I wanted to buy you something. For my own money. An All Hearts' Day present. To show you how much I care. But then I thought about, you know, not having a heart and all that, and it got in the way."
"It's okay." Ant smiled. "You gave me a candy wolf. Which tasted like a sugary strawberry."
"It was a dog, remember?"
"Woof!" Ant barked, and Four laughed. "Seriously, I'm flattered that you thought about me. And I didn't buy you anything either. Because, well, I can be a clod sometimes."
"No, you're not. You're my sweet Ant, and you're always thoughtful and kind to me."
"Actually, I did get you a present. But I didn't buy it, I made it myself."
"You did?" Four squealed. "You really did? You didn't have to."
"I know, but I couldn't sleep last night, and I thought... I wanted to try..." Ant bit his lip, suddenly feeling insecure. "It doesn't look exactly like I wanted it to."
"I don't care. Where is it? What is it? I wanna see!"
"Stay here." He stood up and let Four fall off his lap and down onto the couch, then he went into the workshop. When he returned he held his hands behind his back. "Like I said, it's not perfect."
"Don't tease me, lemme see!"
"Well, here it is."
Ant showed his left hand first, which was empty, and he smiled when Four let out an impatient groan. His right hand held a heart, or rather a stuffed toy in the form of a stylised red heart. The shape was a bit off, making it uneven and more rounded than he had wanted. None of that seemed to matter, because Four clasped it to his chest, jumped to his feet and did a happy dance. Then he threw his arms around Ant's neck and doused him with kisses. It took all of Ant's balance to stay on his feet.
"Do you like it, then?"
"Love, love, love it!" The last kiss was on Ant's lips, and it stayed longer than any of the others. When Four took a step back, there were happy tears in his eyes. "You're the best."
"Like I said, it's not perfect."
"It's got character, is what you mean." Four ran a finger over the cotton fabric. "Is this... is this your red shirt?"
"Yeah. It was the only thing I could find, that had the right colour."
"But that one's your favourite."
"It was just a shirt. I didn't want to wait for the stores to open. I needed to make it right away."
"You're gonna make me cry like a baby, aren't you?" Four pressed the heart against his face, but then a frown crept onto his forehead. "It smells like you. A lot."
"Yeah," Ant said, squirming a bit. His ears fell flat against his head, which he knew that Four knew was a sign of him being embarrassed. Kind of when a human's face turned red. "You know I've been shedding like crazy in this heat and, I brushed my fur. So, it's kinda... stuffed with my fluff."
"Wow."
"Not too gross, is it? We had a shower last night, so it's pretty clean." He bit his lip, and scratched his chin. "We can wash it if you think..."
"Don't worry, Ant. I like that it smells of you. It's perfect." Four grinned widely, and Ant joined in. "I can hold it when you're not around, and it'll be as if you're still with me."
Ant's tail started wagging, as he watched Four skip around the room, humming a happy tune. He stopped briefly at the fish tank, and Trevor swam closer to the glass to take a look at the heart. When he came back to Ant he stopped, and gave the heart another hug.
"Can we... can we go back to bed? It's still pretty early and the festival is over and we've got all our supplies and we don't really have to go yet, do we?"
"Sure."
"Just... just to cuddle a bit."
"Absolutely. I was up all night and I'm pretty tired."
"You're my favourite wolf."
"I'm the only wolf you know."
"Exactly." Four let himself fall down on the couch, and Ant crawled up behind him. "It was the best day of my life when I met you. And it keeps getting better."
"Wait, does that mean every day is your best day?"
"Mhm. 'Cause every day is a new one, and the memories make it even better."
They settled in, and Four pressed closely against Ant's body, clutching his arms while they clutched him. Yawning, Ant pulled the sheet over them, then closed his eyes. Sleep didn't come, though. Instead his mind drifted back through the last few days. He revisited his thoughts about romance, and apparently his restlessness was contagious.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Sorry. Didn't mean to keep you awake."
"It's all right. I'm not really tired, I just wanna cuddle. So what were you thinking?"
"Just stuff."
"Like what?"
"Romance."
"Huh?"
"You know. Like love and hearts and all that. And the movies we watched last night. And books and such."
"What about it?"
"I still don't understand it. All that one true love and settle down an' all that." Ant shifted a bit so he could lie on his back. Four followed, resting his head on Ant's chest. "Back in the Belt it was different."
"Different how?"
"The settle down thing. Us wolfs never did that."
"So how did you... uhm... become more wolves?"
"The foremen would tell us. They'd say you go and be with that one, so you can make strong pups. Strong miners."
"That sounds, I don't know, bleak."
"Yeah. Then I see everything about falling in love and moving in together and whatever, and it seems so strange to me. In the books it's always the ending. There's the story, and then they settle down and it's over."
"The book story is. I think the characters' stories continue beyond the last page." Four chuckled. "I bet it's the happily ever after that bugs you. I bet your story would say, 'and he kept getting in and out of trouble ever after'."
"That would be nice." Ant laughed, and squeezed Four to his chest. "You're so smart, you understand me better than I do. And you understand my feelings."
"Well, I've got a heart now." He wagged the stuffed heart in front of Ant's face. "Even though it's just a symbol, I know it means your feelings. And I know where my feelings truly lie."
"Where?" Four didn't answer. He simply ran his fingers through Ant's chest fur, pausing to touch his scar. "You're not gonna tell me?"
"Nope." They lay in silence for a while, and Ant thought Four had fallen asleep. But the hand on his chest wiggled a little, and Four spoke in a quiet voice. "So you're not interested in finding true love and settling down?"
"No. That sounds boring to me. I'd rather stay here with you." Ant heard a soft snort, like a suppressed giggle. "What?"
"Nothing."
"No, seriously. Did I say something funny?"
"No. It's just... you were right. You can be a clod sometimes."
"Wait, 'bout what?"
"Sleepy now."
"Four, what are you talking about?"
But Four didn't answer. He kissed Ant's cheek one more time, then he went straight to sleep. Puzzled, Ant lay awake for a few more minutes, trying to make sense of things. Then he yawned, and even though he still didn't know what had just happened, he joined his friend in sleep.
