Haunt Chapter 2: The Every Key
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The old and scarred wolf looked at the false eye on his desk dejectedly as he rolled it from paw to paw.
"This is no good at all!" he said, "We need something that can be used by anyone! The only people who can use your talking eye are you and Thad! Now if you could make a stick shoot lightening, or arrows that turn people to stone, then we'd have something. This is just a toy!"
Thad rolled his eyes and sighed. "Sir, we can't do something like that. If I could turn a sack of potatoes into a little marching army, I would. Something that is haunted can't hurt people. It has to improve the lives of those who use them."
"A set of bellows that blows flames would improve my life. Are you telling me we can't beat the Thissids with your haunted toys?" asked the old wolf.
Reginald, who had been completely silent, decided to step in. "It really depends on how you use them, sir. They're not just for fun. The things Thad and I can make really do have practical uses."
"I haven't seen anything too conclusive so far. What would you do with this, fox?" inquired the wolf as he, either unknowingly or uncaringly, held Frank upside-down.
Reginald thought for a second. "Ummm... you could leave it in the room of a suspected traitor and see if you can trust them. Or you could see around corners... or something..."
"Nope," said the wolf, "I don't see the worth of a thing only you and Thad can use. If this eye could talk to everyone, then you'd have something. This is just a strange paperweight. Keep it."
Thad took the eye back and said, "Yes sir."
"Now leave and don't come back until you've got something everyone can use."
Thad and Reginald made their way down the hall to the castle gardens. Neither of them wanted to talk due to the echo-prone construction of the castle. They had to wait until they were out in the open air.
Reginald loved the look of the gardens. He was used to more productive and edible plants, which the castle gardens did have, but it was also so much more beautiful to look at. All of the luxurious violets, watery blues, loving pinks, and vengeful reds in the flowers told a different tale. They sat on a stone bench where they occasionally enjoyed breakfast to finally air their thoughts.
"That went nowhere," said Reginald, "He wasn't like that when I first met him."
Thad sighed. "He just doesn't get it. He wants explosions and soldiers made of clay, but it doesn't work like that. They can't do harm. That's how the ghosts got stuck in the first place."
Reginald looked up at the autumn sky. Its hues told him that it was time to harvest, but he had no need to do that at the castle. For a split second, he almost missed the farm. But as he sat next to Thad, the only person he had ever met who really understood him, those feelings went away.
"Do you think any of these things we make have any practical purpose," asked the fox, "or are we just fun at parties?"
Thad laughed. "Don't worry about that. They do have a purpose Reginald; they make people happy. Any sword can kill, but we can make belt buckles that persuade, pens that write beautiful poetry, or eyes that see around corners. I've seen enough of swords in my life. I want things to make people happy and keep them safe."
"Me too," agreed Reg. "By the way Thad, what do the Thissids do? I would imagine they would be trying the same things."
"They do it wrong," was all the wolf offered.
Thad's reluctance made Reginald eager to pry. "Well, what exactly are they doing? Why is there even a problem?"
Thad looked away from Reginald and at the flowers. He seemed to Reginald be trying to think of what to say. He had a few false starts, then finally turned back to Reginald.
"They're building a wall. It's a really big one. Taller and longer than anything you can imagine. And every single brick and stone is being haunted, every one. It's part of a religion they have. It's a passage about a "Heart Wall" bringing internal peace and happiness. Any scholar here will tell you it means your heart," with this Thad placed his paw on Reg's chest causing the fox's own heart to pound, "and my heart being guarded. It doesn't literally describe a wall made of hearts surrounding something physical."
"How do you know this?" asked Reginald.
Thad looked away again as he struggled with whether he wanted to say anything at all.
"I believe in a heart wall," he finally blurted out, "The Thissid religion is very prevalent in the Eastern Wastes. Through years of trading, everyone adopted it."
"I didn't know that," said Reginald, "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable or anything."
Thad smiled and said, "It's fine Reginald. I trust you. You're in my heart wall."
Reg felt a clenching in his throat as he let an "aww" escape his lips.
"It's really a lovely bit of work. You should get it from the library, or just ring the bell and have them bring it to you," said Thad.
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The wonderful few days of silence that Reginald enjoyed following Frank being haunted ended. It was as he sat at his desk with the diamond lens that he became aware of a new voice inside his head.
{Finally! I simply can't stand looking at the regular folk all day. Now you are a man of sophistication. Living in the tallest tower of the castle makes you high society!}
"And what's your name?" asked Reginald.
{You can speak?! Why this is wonderful! My name is Madam Karen Barnum.}
Reginald was not in a hurry to become too attached to Karen. She seemed ever so snooty after years of pirate nonsense.
"That's great, nice to meet you Madam Karen. I'm Reginald. The only reason I can hear you is because you are dead and you did something in your life that you regret. It's possible for you to work off your guilt, if you so chose. Otherwise, I would ask that you leave me alone."
{That's no way to talk to a lady. Here I thought you were a man of class…}
"I was a farmer, but now I'm a haunter. I'm sorry if I offend you; I'm just talking the way I know how."
{I don't think I like you at all.}
Reginald growled a quiet growl of discontent. He really missed Frank for once, even if he was pretending to be Captain Death Knuckles.
"You're stuck with me. If you want to stay dead and lonely, that's just fine."
{No need to be like that. I'll do whatever you say.}
"That's better. Now, what were you like?"
{I was a simply wonderful woman. Very affluent. I was quite beautiful and rich.}
"And modest too," groaned Reginald.
Reginald's concentration was broken very easily since he had a new voice attached to his mind. It only took a few cries and whooping laughter from Thad to snap the fox back to his senses.
"I've done it! I've done it! Oh this is amazing Reginald! I've never been without voices until now!" shouted Thad.
"What do you mean? Where's Caramine?" asked Reg.
"Why, he's right here!" jovially explained the wolf. He held up a small and rather plain key. Reginald could right away tell that it was haunted, by Caramine no less, although he couldn't conceive of a use for it.
"That's just a key, Thad," he said, "I know they don't usually look like much, but what does it do?"
"It's not just any key! It's an every key!" exclaimed Thad, "Here, watch this."
He walked out the door that leads to the winding stairs and closed it, all with a triumphant smile and a spring in his step.
"Now lock it behind me," were Thad's muffled instructions.
But, as soon as Reginald locked it, it was quickly unlocked from the other side. Thad stood proudly as it swung open, still basking in his own glorious silence. Reg checked to see if their room key was still on its hanger, which it was, just to be sure of what he had witnessed.
Reginald was speechless. The implications of a key that could open any door in the world were enormous. In the wrong hands, it would lead to utter chaos. However, such a little key could also be used for a daring escape or rescue.
"I can't believe it!" he said, "There is no way the general won't like this!"
"Isn't it grand?" boasted Thad, "I thought that Caramine might be able to melt and mold metal since he used to be a blacksmith, so by putting him in a key, he can shape it to fit any lock!" Thad beamed for a while longer before he asked "Oh, and Reginald?"
"Yes?"
"Silence is golden. I've never felt this good in my whole life."
{I prefer some light music actually.}
Thad let out a great heaving and burdensome sigh once he heard Karen. His tail stopped wagging and his ears drooped in disappointment.
"And now, my mood is ruined," he said "Just who is your new friend Reginald?"
{I am Madam-}
"Please!" Reg interjected, "You are no madam anymore. You're just Karen until we can find a place for you, which will be soon, trust me."
{I don't like you're tone.}
Thad raised a paw to his face as he said, "The sooner the better Reginald. I'd prefer nearly anything over this."
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"I don't want to unlock doors! When my troops are done with a place, there are no doors left to unlock! Yet again you haunters let me down!"
Thad simply stared at the older wolf. Reginald knew that wastelanders govern themselves under a strict meritocracy. If someone is unable to do a job to the best of their ability, they are replaced on the spot. If they refuse, which is rare, there is a duel with poisoned daggers; less mouths to feed that way.
"Sir," growled Thad in a threatening manner, "You have no idea how this works."
"Don't get smart with me you savage! I don't care how it works! Can you make me a hundred swords that stay sharp forever?"
"Well, you see," said Reg, seemingly the only voice of reason, "we would need to come into contact with a hundred souls of soldiers or blacksmiths to do that. We can't pick and choose who we find, they find us."
The general looked back and forth between Thad and Reginald. He was eyeing them like new recruits.
"I don't know why the king keeps you two magical stooges around. Get out of my sight. Don't come back."
They quickly left the room. Thad was ranting they moment they left the office regardless of the fact that the general could still hear him. As they walked back to the tower, the fox could see the explosive tension in Thad's muscles. He was primed to rip the old man apart. But, as Reginald knew, Thad was extremely tolerant. He didn't show it when speaking however.
"I'm telling you Reg, I'd kill him! A dagger right to his heart, and then I'd be running this! Magical stooges! That old fool!" Thad followed this with the most horrifying, murderous snarl of contempt Reginald had ever heard. Even though the anger wasn't directed at him, it still stopped him in his tracks.
Thad seemed to realize how uncomfortable he was making Reginald so he quieted down. As soon as he met Reg's gaze, he lowered his lips, his ears perked back up, and the tightness left his frame.
"I'm sorry Reginald," he said, "He really makes me hot though. And I'm sorry for calling you Reg. I've never done that before. I... am acting like a savage after all"
"It's okay Thad, really. He is a very hard to talk to. I don't want to see him again if all he does is belittle us. You're a nice person Thad. I don't mind if you call me Reg. That's what everyone calls me," Reginald thought for a moment about his friend. Though he was a rare exception, most wastelanders really are brutal savages. The wolf was overly polite, even more so than most of the castle staff. He was compensating for something.
"You're an interesting person Thad. You're from the Eastern Wastes, but you talk like an aristocrat. You're always very polite with me too. What are you hiding?" ventured Reginald.
"Nothing," said Thad, "I've heard how Caramine talks my whole life; I guess that rubbed off on me. I'm really not like that Reginald. I've seen enough of swords, like I said. I don't want anyone to get hurt anymore."
Even though Reginald was curious as to what Thad meant by "anymore", he didn't press on. Thad was Thad, and that was enough. If the wolf had things that made him uncomfortable, then it would probably be best not to pry. Wastelanders are very family centered after all. Any event which would force one to leave would have to be traumatic. Unlike Reginald, the general wouldn't know this because he had never read the book "Tribes and Traditions of the Eastern Wasteland" by Sir Adams.
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The next morning, Reginald woke up in his wondrous and warm bed. He heard a few cracks and a grunt and lazily opened his eyes to see Thad enjoying a morning stretch in the sunlight. Of course, a good stretch in the sun always feels best in the nude, which was exactly what Thad was doing.
Reg's momentary glimpse before he gasped was long enough to make him very uncomfortable. The reality of what Thad looked like under his clothes was even better than the fox had pictured. He had compact, but solid muscles and a large, white fur tattoo on his back. The meaning of the symbol escaped Reginald, but he knew he had seen it before and the process Thad went through to get it would have been very painful and expensive.
Thad jumped and grabbed some clothes that had been brought up for them. He used a ridiculous hat to cover his most private of areas, which helped to alleviate Reginald's pounding heart.
"I thought you were asleep!" he yelped.
"I'm so sorry!" whined Reg, "I thought you were asleep!"
"Well, just so you know," explained Thad, "I do not traipse around your bed naked during the night!"
That phrase put a picture in Reginald's head that he would rather have not thought about, but he couldn't help himself. His heart hammered again as Thad picked up more than just a hat and calmly dressed.
{Thad, I wholly disapprove of your disregard for-}
Both Thad and Reginald's voices rang out in a collective, "SHUT UP KAREN!"
Once Thad had gotten himself dressed, he looked back at Reg in his bed and let out a huff of breath since his embarrassment was over.
"Well, I'll have my breakfast in the gardens. Feel free to join me," offered Thad.
"Go ahead and have them start on mine too," said Reginald, "I'll take a quick bath first."
"All right then," said the wolf before he climbed down the ladder to the lower floor.
Reginald stayed in his bed until he heard Thad thundering down the stairs. He jumped out and hurried over to the finely tiled bathroom. Once inside and in some semblance privacy, he addressed Karen as he started to remove his shirt.
"Karen, you speak of this to no one."
{Speak of what? Oh, not you too... Stop! STOP! HAVE YOU NO SHAME!?}
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Next is Chapter 3: The Posh Hat
