"The eyes can't decide, to which of the two screens to stick to. Sadly they wish it could be the other one. In the end, when eyes and bodies can't make themselves move to the one they choose, pretending they have the ability to choose is as useless as trying. Even though that may not be quite right, after all, they do have that ability, they just convinced themselves they don't. Or most likely, didn't even think about it.
Going in circles is something no one likes. So as his eyes go back and forth from one screen to the next, hoping to get fired up, for something he will want to die after a bit.
The explanation is fairly simple, but like most people, they just can't accept it. It HAS to be something complicated, there HAS to be a bigger meaning, but there really isn't, maybe that's the biggest mistake one can make. Sometimes things are way simpler, the solution is right on your nose, but you can't see it, because complexity has blinded the perception of simplicity.
Maybe that's the biggest problem. It is really funny when the answers are right there. But no one can assure you those answers are true, this isn't two plus two.
So what's left but to cross your fingers and hope the answer is right. It has to be more complicated, doesn't it?
In the end, it was done. I didn't even realize. But it helped me understand the simplicity of things, so here I find myself again. Perhaps this time it won't be that easy, beacuse now I know what I'm doing. Perhaps it's clear I don't care about being understood. Because I'm complicating it too much, even though I could say it in a sentence.
Sentence...the things people say. Death sentence? because someone said it. And as it is said, it is done. So here's me saying it, hoping for the best. knowing it worked to the letter before, hoping it will this time. Maybe the key was that last time, I didn't know it worked. maybe knowingness kills it. I sure hope not.
Everything seems to be in order, everything is quiet. But that quietness makes the mind louder, doesn't it? And as it gets louder and louder you realize what you've been missing. I know you didn't read them.
The city was abandoned for a while, even the safe haven needed a rest, from itself. The brain needs to shut down some times. It tells me, no one can tell you if you're in the right path. If you believe you are, then you are. But believing is impossible.
I didn't believe the words would come to life, I didn't realize words do not come back void. So I wasted them and made life hell for myself. But that's ok, because now I believe, sentences happen.
Quite familiar with making the wrong calls, quite familiar with chasing the shiny object, that had a trapdoor just beneath it in plain sight, you fell. Distracted, the eyes fixated on the object, and the the ears were shut to the one that was once loved, you stepped on it. The eyes could've seen them differently, but this time you made them believe you wanted to see something else, even when misery was right there.
One sees what one chooses to see.
And now, suffering. crying, looking at the wrong screen, one that might jsut be a memory, or maybe the longing that what you see could be you. And the same heart that's broken has a wide, evil, disgusting smile. As satisfying as it is frustrating. The fall broke their bones, their mistakes carried on their back just made the impact that stronger. Screams of pain! something I longed to hear, but now that I do, I realize I never wanted it.
And as they stare, empty, feeling like a failure... I wait. The buildings won't come down, and the ocean won't dry. Letting out a smile and a scoff, I turn my eyes to what I want to see.
In the end, all that nonsensical effort was for nothing, was it? It only broke you more. and as you lay, back where you wish you never ended it, a promise can be made to the blackness. The one some people didn't have the guts to make, one that an empty heart refused.
By my words shall I be condemned, to see what I chose to see. and I did.
In the end I did. And I chose to go the easy way. One didn't, and one fell, one broke their heart and one broke themselves. All to come back, full circle.
And your eyes, now firmly placed in what you refused to see. I never left."
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2 years, 9 months ago
17 Jul 2021 09:30 CEST
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