First, it was his family.
Eliza Bronson HAD enough of Echo, and most of her sons went with her. Sydney stayed behind, his friends and especially his boyfriend not worth abandoning.
Then, Jenna and Chase departed. Carl did, but he returned.
Then, his aunt left. In her place came a red panda, Injy, who was if was anything better company. But still, Sydney could help but sigh.
Finally, and worst of all, was TJ.
They had talked about this plenty, and Sydney accepted it from the beginning. Who was he to rob his beloved of the college he always dreamed of? Besides, they could always talk through the phone, his old computer or Injy's laptop if the panda was feeling particularly generous. Sure, maybe not all of the time since the CCU could potential kick TJ out if they found out about his relationship to another man, but three or five "I love you"s per day were enough. And they could always meet halfway during the holidays.
Sydney sat besides TJ at the bus stop and waited with him for an hour, acting as casual as any other outing, making stupid jokes and talking about the latest rock albums and playing with his cheek tufts. Once it was time to leave, he gave him a strong hug and passionate kiss and an "I love you", but still he treated it casually even as the dread began to grow inside. Later that day, they texted together for a while, before TJ had to stop lest someone get suspicious.
Sydney was used to sleeping alone, and for the first night, things were alright. As he dozed off, though, ht swore having seen a trout, darting through the air.
Days turned into weeks, and Sydney was still fine. He joined Flynn and Leo in having a job: he got admitted for several wrestling acts in Payton, and as he took the bus he occasionally had time for lightning fast chats with TJ. Just an exchange of "I love you" or emojis, but that was enough for him. Finally get the job of his dreams was excitement enough on it's own, and his theatrics made him an excelent heel. Of course, being the unproffessional rings as they were, he often came back home bloodied and bruised, but the pain might as well have not existed, and he almost scared a few old folks to death with his cheerfulness while his nose and throat were red.
On Fridays and Saturdays, he was able to shoot the shit with Leo, Carl and Flynn. Yet, even that was not to last, as something happened between Leo and Flynn, leading to him rarely hanging out with them anymore. At first, Sydney was bothered by it, like yet another loss. Flynn didn't seem to want to explain it for some reason, and it pissed Sydney even more.
When Sydney met TJ again at Thanksgiving, things were fine. And they were definitely fine for the following two months, with TJ only having to leave for the December exams.
The second round was decidedly less fine. Leo began hitting on him, and in response Sydney hit him back and told him to fuck off. He still hang out with Carl at his mansion, with Injy at home and with Flynn wherever, but his world became a bit more claustrophobic. He didn't make many friends at his job; most other wrestlers were either unironically swept up by his heel antics or too drugged out of their minds to be good conversation. Sydney didn't mind, because he was on top of the game.
Until he wasn't.
El Tonalli, Mastagax, Cody Altaro, all of them had one thing in common: muscles that a proper diet couldn't explain.
Sydney got by with his theatrics, and sometimes even won through guile. But the audience comes to see blood, not the reenactment of a Reynard story. He made by as a heel, but few voted on him, and was almost laid off twice.
He consulted TJ on proper diets to build muscle better, and this had the side benefit of allowing them to talk for longer periods of time, since TJ could easily rationalize it as helping a "friend" be healthy. Sydney worked out with Carl at his gym or with Injy at home, and ate almost nothing except for the fish Flynn provided him with. This kept him in track with other wrestlers, though Cody still dominated the ring unless a sponsor wanted him to lose.
And when TJ took advantage of Memorial Day festivities to stay for a while, things were still fine.
And they stayed fine, for a while....
***
Sydney wasn't entirely sure he slept that night.
He closed his eyes, but he could still see.
His body relaxed, but he could still feel.
He tried to close his eyes harder, he tried to open them again, but it was as if he had no eyelids.
The air became increasingly thick, like water, and moving it in and out of his lungs became harder, which combined with paralysis meant he couldn't move.
Darkness surrounded him, but it was thick and cold, like the abyss. His room dissipated, becoming a black void, striated by white beams of light.
He was underwater.
Trouts swam past him, then a pike, then things that didn't swim in the oceans anymore, but Sydney still recognised from a shitty pulp novel or two. An Archelon and a plesiosaur fought above him, their viscerae falling on Sydney like silk ribbons.
But amidst the schools of fish, something lurked. It was red, like many deep sea things, but it didn't belong there. Its claws weren't made for swimming, though it's eyeless face might be at home in the place with no light.
Others like it glided, suspended in water, but they were white. They circled above Sydney like eerie marionettes, until one alone stood atop him.
Its flesh twisted painful, until it became a splitting image of the otter's younger self, drowned, eyes empty like those of a fish.
"I'm not dead!"
Sydney shouted, and the sea gave way to his room, flooded by morning light.
"Dude, you're okay?" asked Injy, waiting at the door.
"The fuck does it look like!?" Sydney sobbed, "It never stops..."
"What doesn't stop?" Injy asked, "Can I come in?"
Sydney didn't answer. It didn't stop Injy anyway, who carefully opened the door.
"Do you want to talk about what it was?" Injy asked, "It helps a lot to let things out. I promise I won't judge you."
For a moment Sydney considered doing so, but by that point he was pretty much conditioned to only have heart-to-hearts with Tj and, on rare occasions, Flynn. To everyone else, he could be decent, sometimes even a sweetheart, but never vulnerable. And, in these trying times, he couldn't afford to be weak.
"I need to be alone right now."
***
"You sure about this?" Carl asked, "I mean, what would TJ think?"
"He'll understand" Sydney said, a bit impatiently, "Our relationship is built around both of us being able to be ourselves. It's not like I'm cheating on him, I'm just trying to get myself stable so he'll come back to a me that's not fuckin' nuts."
"Aw" Carl said, "But you do realise I'm going to tell him about this, right?"
"Go the fuck ahead" Sydney opened his arms in bravado, but there was doubt in his voice, "Like I said, he won't judge me for this."
They walked head to Jasmynn Street, Sydney wincing as the amount of shards and needles increased. Waiting for them was Jeremy, already smoking weed.
"Well well well, look who's here" he said, mildly amused, "Thought you were straight-edge? Then again, not straight in the first place..."
"Aw, the guy who greeted us in his underwear at his house thinks he has the highground" Sydney cooed, his theatrics made malicious by his anger and frustration, "How did you get so fat anyways? The junkies here really pay you enough for tripple burgers or somethin'?"
"Alright alright" Jeremy said, mildly hurt, "I got weed, coccaine, meth and horse tranquilizers. Any of them is gonna cost ya, and I don't take blowjobs as payment."
"I'm flattered that the image of me sucking you off is in your mind, but you're not my type."
Sydney took off a hefty $55, then handled them to Carl.
"Alright, this is my side of the equation" he said to the ram, "Now you can pay the rest, right?"
"Yeah" Carl said, taking out the rest of the money, "The usual, with something for my friend to not have hallucinations."
"So anything except for weed?" Jeremy asked.
"Y-yeah" Carl said, turning away.
"Alright, since I do hope to see you pay me more often I'll give you the horse tranquilizers first" Jeremy said, "They just slightly more expensive than what you gave to your friend, but I'm feeling like you'll be a regular so I'll accept this for once."
Jeremy then handed over a brown jar with a white lid, alongside a clean needle.
"Wanna test the merch?" Jeremy said, taking a whiff of his weed.
Sydney nodded.
That night, he slept soundly.
***
Even with steroids, Cody Altaro - or Rico Renaissance, as he wet by now - defeated Sydney, failingly.
The otter saw it coming each time, but it didn't made it any less painful.
As soon as he left the ring, eh went to a secluded place where nobody could see him, and sobbed bitterly.
Often, he felt asleep there, until some janitor spotted him and kicked him out.
It'd been a week since he last took the bus back home. He slept on the street, sometimes in a homeless shelter just so he could at least brush his teeth. It didn't help with his breath at all, however, which was just one of many ways his body was rotting. A few of his fur patches had fallen off, including incriminating ones in his arms which he took great pains to conceal. His fur was oily even for otter standards, and blisters ejected pus. On his insides, he felt pain in his guts, and his heart raced way too fast, as if it was about to stop at any second.
His mind was not much better. The visions went away - ironic, considering the effects of half of the drugs he took - but he felt as if he was submerged, like his limbs moved through water. The air around him seemed whiter, his vision blurring at times. Getting rid of the visions was simply trading a set of strings for another.
He felt awfully thirsty and hungry, but didn't dare to catter to either need. Dropping dead wouldn't be such a bad thing.
He missed TJ, all he wanted was to see the lynx's face one last time, to kiss him and cuddle with him one last miserable time, before giving the drowning visions their satisfaction. But he knew he would be disappointed in him, that he let himself be ruined in ways that were frankly absurd.
Sydney took every wrong choice availiable to him. How the hell would Toby not be disgusted by what he became, let along still love him?
His nihilistic trance was halted by a honk, then doors opening.
"Jesus fuckin' Christ!" Flynn said, rushing towards Sydney.
The otter barely looked at him and Injy before passing out.
***
Sydney woke up in the hospital.
"Oh thank fuck you're awake!" Flynn said, sitting next to him, "What the hell were you thinkin'!"?
"Fuck off" Sydney said, "You don't know what it's like on the ring."
"Then maybe you shouldn't be a fuckin' wrestler!?" Flynn said, exasperated, "And I seriously doubt that's why you're taking pretty much every drug there is."
"Yeah man" Carl said, taking a sit nearby, "Believe me, I know what you're going through-"
"Oh fuckin' yeah!?" Sydney interjected, "Do you feel like you're dead all the time too? Do you feel like you've been dead, all this time, that you've drowned years ago? Do you dream every night of fish swimming past you, nibbling at your rotten toes!?"
Sydney sniffed.
"Do you ever feel like reality is a lie, that you're not real? Because that's why I took the drugs, they're the only thing that anchors me to this life. Otherwise, I just feel like not even a ghost, just a shitty imitation of one."
"Jesus Christ..." Injy said, Sydney noticing he was waiting at the door.
"I do know what's that like" Leo said, "I, I don't really my senses either. But fuck it dundo, you don't just overdose and then run away! We could've helped you!"
Sydney sighed.
"You told him, didn't you?" he asked.
"No fuckin' shit we did!" Flynn said, "He, Chase and Jenna are on their way."
"Great. Seriously, fuck all of you."
"You're welcome you stupid, bullheaded little shit" Flynn sighed.
