American Mustelid Alpha
Episode 9, “Bring Me To The End, Dude” - Part 2
It’s the calm both before and after the storm in the Burrow, with the four guys mostly minding their own businesses. Eddie is quick to dive in the pool to cool off after the heavy effort of the first challenge, while Kenneth trains on his own at the opposite side of the weight room. Zakee on the other hand, rests alongside Andrew after burrowing through the fridge’s contents for an afternoon snack.
“The house always used to get kinda silent and tense and shit, but it’s even more pronounced now that there are only four bastards in it. I hate when it gets boring, so I need to like, fuckin’ live up for the rest of ‘em somehow.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
The hog badger calls for the three others as they happen to walk into the common living room. “Y’all… I got an idea. Who here wants a paint job from your very own Boss Hog?”
“Uhm, dude… not sure if you realized, but there’s not much to work on here,” Eddie quips, poking in the fridge to get himself a can of Coke.
“I can still cover my paw with dye and give the ol’ cueball head a...” the hog badger snorts as he does a quick slapping motion. “I can try, could make a nice design...”
The otter makes a face. “Sure you can,” he says in a sarcastic tone. “I’ve given up on my hair before it could give up on me. But I’m sure Andy and Ken will be more than eager to pick up on this stunt…”
Andrew winces. “Eh, I ain’t feelin’ it. Maybe in another time another place, but I’ve always been more… grunge on the style.”
“Well, ‘s alright,” Zakee mockingly pouts, before turning towards the badger. “So, Ken, you got hair for all three of us, what says you?” he smirks.
The badger makes a face at the other three. “I mean, I have never done shit to it...”
“Can ya at least let it down from that bun and give us a show?” the hog badger asks Kenneth, a big grin on his muzzle.
“Oh you just wait,” the roofer quips, loosening up his usually tight man bun and shaking his head to make his shoulder-length hair fly around. As the whole group lets out a collective gander, Eddie visibly scoffs, his features curling into a mocking grin at the display.
“Alright, music video chick...” Andrew taunts the badger.
“I’m not, like, super eager to put my mane in Z’s paws, but like… hear me out. At this point, it pays to keep a decent relationship with the other folks in the house. We’re not like, needing to be at each other’s throats outside of where it counts, which like - doesn’t mean I’m going to be buddies with Eddie, of course, but it can pay to play nice with the other musties, you get me?”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“I wonder if ya chop it off, you lose yer talent and I can get further in the comp...” Zakee comments in a playfully evil fashion.
“Ya probably should...” Eddie adds.
“Wait wait wait…” Kenneth quips, getting up from his chair and turning towards Z with a visible scowl. “Don’t do any funny business, ‘kay? If you mess with my hair, you’re done for. Know that.”
“So that’s a no?” the hog badger asks.
“I mean… I ain’t gonna do the whole thing fire engine red, if that’s your plan.” Kenneth replies.
“Bright pink sounds like a plan to me, right Z?” Eddie says as he fixes some pre-workout for himself.
The badger turns toward the otter, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Will you shut you trap for a damn minute, man?” he says, before addressing the hog badger again. “Whatcha suggest, dude?”
“I mean, if ya don’t wanna commit,” Zakee snerks. “I can do this....” the hog badger grabs one strand in front of Kenneth’s shoulder. “Dip the root on both sides, boom, boom.”
“So you doing just like, that one streak?” Kenneth retorts, a lot less confident now that the hog badger’s paws are clutching his hair.
“Yah, like a skunk stripe,” the hog oinks in approval. “Just imagine how it’d pop out. Your hair’s pretty dark as is, so like, a fair streak would look downright Alpha on you.”
“Blonde or yellow. Not negotiable...” the badger says.
“Damn, you going for it, Ken?” Andrew asks in awe.
*the badger blows a strand of hair from his face, exasperated* “I can’t believe I’m doing this. I haven’t even touched this in like fifteen years, and I’m trusting the firecracker with it. But well… maybe some change could be at play. I haven’t looked different since for fucking ever, so… let’s.” *Zakee quickly makes his way with a box of dyes and paints, as Andrew and Eddie leave the scene to continue their business*
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
As Zakee starts to work on Kenneth’s hair, the otter and the polecat head towards the gym to blow off some steam of their own. They walk into the locker room, standing at opposite sides as they change into their workout clothes, barely acknowledging each other. Soon enough they’re pumping heavy weights on the machines, loudly grunting and exhaling as they drive the motion of barbells and plates. Secretly stealing a glance every now and then, each other’s achievement prompting the other to push further.
“If the last challenge had any worth, then I would have placed last and Andrew would have won immunity. Hell, I could have been sent home just for being last. At this point, I can’t risk slipping before anyone else, and I don’t want to end in a ‘him or me’ situation, not until the final two, and with Andrew at some sort of advantage, he could put my rudder in that situation.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
Suddenly, as Andrew is busy tackling the shoulder press, Eddie sets down his barbell with a loud thud and walks towards the polecat, quietly pacing behind him while he centers on the task at hand - too focused on the motion and the giving of the heavy load to notice the lutrine bending his head close to his ear.
“There ya go, kid,” Eddie whispers, startling the polecat in the middle of a rep. “How much is that, 150?”
Andrew lets go of the machine with a loud bang. “Jesus Christ, Eddie, don’t fucking stalk!”
“You’re still so green,” the otter chuckles at the polecat’s obvious scare. “Lesson one, kid: keep aware of your surroundings. You were so focused on that lift you couldn’t hear me coming from a mile away,” he says, before taking a peek at the weight Andrew loaded on the machine. “And lesson two… you ain’t gonna get any gains with such tiny loads. I was pulling 150 before I got hair on my junk.”
“It’s endurance, not gains,” the roadie sneers at the otter. “I know you’d rather have me getting hurt before the next challenge, but I ain’t giving ya the satisfaction...”
*Andrew leers at the otter* “Welcome to the Eddie show! Dude’s being annoying again because he’s pissy or bored or mad he came last or whatever, but does that mean you gotta start shit with me and I gotta take it?” *pause* “Shut up!”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“I’m just offering some help, kid,” Eddie retorts, arms crossed over his chest at the polecat’s defiant display.
“So now I’m a kid when back then I was your ride or die? Now that I can get rid of yer ass, you wanna be petty and call names?” Andrew asks.
The lutrine scoffs. “Seriously, calm the fuck down,” he retorts. “You won the challenge, you’re the mustelid of the hour, and you can’t even take a little ribbing? Just pointing this out, dude. You’ve won yourself the advantage, you really don’t want to fuck this up, you hear me?”
Andrew steps up and walks away from the gym area, visibly scoffing. “If ya want me to promise you a final two spot like you did to the wholeass house, guess what, ain’t happening...” he stomps to the living room. “Z told me all about it, and I know y’all were gunning to get me out in the Bahamas.”
“What gunning?” the lutrine retorts, frowning. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Y’all’s wanting to get rid of me!” Andrew replies. “Eddie, maybe try not lying for once, it may stop you from being all those fucking duels!”
From their corner, as Kenneth is looking at his drying new hair color, both badgers turn their attention to the ruckus that is happening.
“Lying? Who the fuck is lying?” Eddie growls, his voice rising an octave. “You really gonna try gettin’ me to believe you gonna honor the deal we had?'' he asks Andrew. “You’re feeding us just as much BS, kid…”
Andrew turns to the other two mustelids, somewhat agape at the scene. “Z, did he promise you final two?” the polecat says, pointing at the lutrine as he storms into the room.
“What?” the hog badger retorts. “Well yeah, he struck me a deal that we wouldn’t like, go against each other if we could help it. Right after Chayne left,” he says as he carefully washes his paws in the main sink. “And he mentioned that we could get to the “rudder-end” of this if I helped him strike down Ken and Arron.”
“Next thing, you gonna tell me the badger rivalry was a ruse, and Ken’s been a buddy ever since...” Andrew rolls his eyes.
“Nah, he hates me for real...” Kenneth shrugs, careful to not mess with the balled up foils on his sides.
As the three mustelids discuss Zakee’s revelation, Eddie doesn’t even break his composure, leaning against the edge of the main sofa in a clearly unfazed demeanor. “Y’all are such a bunch of hypocrites,” he says. “Four of us are left and the other two will be cut before the final. Will anyone here dare to admit you’re not gonna do your best to drag the weakest in there?” he asks rhetorically.
“If us four are still here, then we’re the strongest of the four. If you wanna go around ranking weak, look at the last challenge...” Andrew retorts, with Z and Kenneth letting out a collective snort.
The lutrine lets out a huff. “Then bring me to the end, dude,” he says, motioning towards the polecat. “You got the big advantage, you’ll probably have to make that choice. If I’m the weakest in here, prove you can dominate the weakest for good, will ya?” he asks, before scoffing in a sarcastic tone.
“I’ll wait whoever y’all stands tall,” Andrew postures, unmoving.
“As will I,” the lutrine replies, undeterred. “So let’s just drop this act and bring it where it counts.”
“It’s getting tense in the end, but c’mon… Eddie’s going haywire because he kinda realized hey, maybe mindfucking isn’t gonna cut it anymore. But he’s right: Andrew’s in an amazing position right now so if I don’t do my best to counter that, I’m fucked.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
Greasy Z smirks as he removes the last piece of tinfoil from Kenneth’s head. “You can take a look now,” he says, pointing towards the main mirror on the opposite wall.
“Well shit...” the badger looks at the newly crafted color embedded in his mane; two light blonde highlights standing out in his dark brown locks, gradually going from brown to blonde as it goes down to the tips. “Yanno, you ain’t half bad at this, Z.”
“I mean, I’ve been doing my pals’ hair since junior high,” the mechanic chuckles, visibly satisfied with his job. “Too bad I love dabbin’ with engines and exhaust pipes so fucking much, because I could have made a decent living out of this, too…” he ponders. “But yeah, this looks downright kickass. Bet honey’s gonna dig it, whatcha think?”
“You know, dude, I think I might keep it. Right, guys?” Kenneth nonchalantly asks Andrew and Eddie, still cooling down from their feud.
“I mean, I thought you were looking forward to opening a CrossFit box, not becoming a teenage popstar…” the otter sneers.
“Aw, you should try it somed- oh...wait...” Kenneth replies, pretending realization. Andrew gasps as he chokes on a laugh.
Eddie makes as if to retort, but ultimately decides against it. “You know, buddy, you ain’t even worth it. Laugh all you want, but you gonna join Arron before this is over. And I sure as hell hope it’s by my paws.”
“There’s so much at stake for me here, and I don’t want to fuck this up in the tail end. I just know that pretending to be buds and shit won’t cut it. Two of us are gonna get the chop before the final and only one of us four is going to win.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
***
March 17, 2020
12:30 PM
“Come on in, guys…”
Ludwig’s voice is almost soothing as the four mustelids walk into the challenge arena, ready to go battle for the two spots in the big final. They all step in and stop in front of the stoat, barely acknowledging each other as they wait for the instructions.
“So, here we are,” the host begins. “The second individual challenge of this cycle, the one that’ll take one of you closer to the title of American Mustelid Alpha. How hard have you been anticipating this? Andrew?”
“Between since forever and not at all...” he chuckles. “I know I have a leg-up, but that’s not a guarantee lock, so I’m going to have to tackle it as if I had a disadvantage.”
“We’ll see pretty soon,” Ludwig nods. “And you, Eddie? You’ve gotten last place in the triathlon challenge. At this point, there’s nowhere to hide, and you’re facing your entire competition through every step of the road. Are you even the slightest bit concerned about your positioning in this group of four?”
Kenneth’s eyes peel at the question as he stares into the ground, trying not to show his amusement. “Heh, why should I be?” the lutrine shrugs. “We’ve long learned that each challenge here requires different skills, and I’m pretty sure we’ve exhausted our cardio quota for this round,” he says. “If they want to count me out of this, they’re doing so at their risk and peril.”
“So you’re not counting Eddie out, right Ken?” Ludwig asks, noting the badger’s earlier reaction.
Kenneth tosses back his freshly-dyed hair as he looks sideways at the lutrine, then towards Ludwig. “I don’t see why,” he replies nonchalantly. “Any of these three would make a hardass final opponent for me, that I can’t deny. But if I can choose, I’d rather go with the one who’s placed last in all individuals so far.”
Zakee lets out an amused snort. “It’s all a darn dick measurin’ contest back in the house ever since we got back from the beach, Lud. You wanna join up?”
“I’d rather keep watching from the sidelines,” Ludwig chuckles, amused at the hog badger’s statement. “But what do you really feel, Z? Do you think keeping out of these dynamics can still make you a worthy contender for this title?”
“They won’t get rid of me that easy...” the hog badger smirks. “That didn’t stop ‘em from trying tho! But I’m here to stay for the long haul,” he says, his remark causing the rest to crack up.
“Well, I take it as y’all are ready to rumble,” the stoat host chuckles. “This challenge is called Brute Bedlam, and will require every ounce of strength and stamina you still got left after 26 days battling on this turf,” he says. “This is going to be pretty straight-forward. You’ll have to flip a 250 lb. tire, carry a 500 lb. yoke frame and drag an anchor and its long metal chain weighing a combined 1000 pounds over a distance of 50 yards,” he points out at the arena’s open field, two black lines marking the start and finish. “Make no mistake: this is gonna be grueling. This will deplete you of any drop of willpower you got left at this stage. But it’s gonna be worth it for one of you four, because the first to drag all three items across the line... will be the first finalist of American Mustelid Alpha.”
“This is the challenge to win, no questions about it.” *rubs his paws* “It’s a tall order for each of us four, but at this point, it feels good to shift the collective focus from strategies and low blows to pure mustelid grit and perseverance. I’m focused on the task, and I know no matter how long it takes, I can do this faster than the other three. Final two, I’m coming!”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“And remember,” the host points out. “This will determine the first finalist… but will also tell who will be the ninth contestant eliminated from the show.” the statement hung across the place, the air heavy. “Whoever is in last place will immediately be out of the competition, and the last two remaining contestants will size up in the final Duel of the season to decide the second finalist. There’s no hiding now...”
“Holy shit, this is big…” Z mouths towards Andrew, both growing concerned at the impending task.
“This is the one to do or die, so if any of y’all three were plannin’ a lucky escape, scrap that shit now.” *shakes his head* “It’s time to flip the script and nail that finalist spot, ladies, gents, pigs, hogs and y’all...”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
“Before we begin, there’s still some piece of business to take care for. As you know, Andrew won the qualifying challenge and the advantage that came with it,” Ludwig says, addressing the polecat in earnest. “You can choose which of the three items you want to have reduced in weight by 25%,” he says. “It may seem small, but this can make the difference between earning your way into the final and going home, so choose wisely.”
“Lucky bastard…” Kenneth mutters under his breath as Andrew ponders over his choice.
“I know I’m not choosing the yoke frame midway, and it’s all about whether it is best to start strong or end strong...” *the polecat taps his chin, before rubbing his temple* “Just give me some time to think, a quarter of a million dollar decisions are never routine...”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“I’m choosing the anchor, Lud,” Andrew says abruptly. “One thousand pounds is really no small feature, no matter if you’re The Mountain or some other asshole who can lift and pull for a living.”
“Is that final?” the host asks one last time, the roadie nodding convincingly. “Alright, you’ll be dragging a 750 lb. anchor-and-chain set, with a slightly lighter anchor and less chain rings,” he says. “We’ll see soon if your advantage pays off. Y’all can go warm up and get ready, ‘cause this will be a battle for the ages…” he rubs his paws together in anticipation.
“I’ve let many challenges that should have been mine slip away over the most minute shit...” *the otter stretches his upper back* “And the way to make up for lost ground is to let these three fight for the scraps as I sit in the final two before any of them. This’ll be the dealbreaker.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
Andrew, Eddie, Greasy Z and Kenneth are standing behind the starting line, all ready to start flipping their strongman tires. “You guys ready?” Ludwig calls out, the entire group grunting determinedly in response. “GO!”
The four mustelids burst forward as one, pushing back their hips as they grip the heavy pneumatics underhand in order to perform the first of many flips. Hips push up, muscles tensing and exploding in motion as the contestants drive up the tires to vertical only to topple them over.
Kenneth lets out a loud grunt, immediately picking up the tire for a second flip as his opponents are still recovering. His experience in the field immediately shines through as he builds to a quick lead, speeding through the first section of the field while the other mustelids are still trying to figure out the required task’s mechanics.
“And Kenneth is opening an early lead!” Ludwig points out, the badger flinging his long hair away from his snout as he puts in another flip.
“THIS I got a legup above the rest. I call it Tuesdays and Fridays...” *chuckles* “They can taunt me for being the CrossFit nut, I’ll 100% take it if it means I get more moments like this.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
Despite it being the first of the three legs, the mustelids are slowly falling into struggle as they attempt to keep up the momentum despite the increasing tiredness. The camera hovers over Andrew, Z, even Eddie as they take pauses, leaning against their tire after struggling to get it upright. All the while, Kenneth never stops flipping, soon building a huge lead as he crosses the line with one last, decisive push. “This is turning into a blowout!” Ludwig roars, himself in awe at the badger’s strength feat.
“Have I done this before when guys from Hick County come wantin’ to get their tractors checked? Yah. Does it get any easier? Hell naw.” *the hog badger is shown straining to get his wheel across* “But I can trust muh’ muscle memory to kick in and kick these guys to the dirt. At least one of ‘em suffices for me.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
Kenneth is quick to run all the way back to the start, stepping under the massive metal frame stacked with weight at all corners. With a big huff, he pushes up with his upper back and slightly lifts it from the ground, testing its yield before starting to slowly walk forward. He can spot the backs of his opponents, still finishing the first leg as they flip their tires onto the last section of the course.
“Andrew has it! Eddie has it!” Ludwig yells, as the mustelids get past the line in quick succession, immediately tossing their tires and running to the start. “Zakee has it!” The hog badger has not even the strength to toss his usual snarky comment as he sees the heavy pneumatic toppling over for the last time, immediately running behind his opponents with a focused expression on his features.
“This is a fucking nightmare right now. I knew Ken would know some of this flipping cuz of his background, but right now he is fucking… light years ahead of the rest.” *the polecat is shown stepping under the yoke, briefly testing his grip before getting tight and squatting it up* “I’m not ready to give in just yet, and I know and hope… the last hurdle will do all these three in.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
An overhead shot displays the size of Kenneth’s lead, him continuing to stretch his lead even into the challenge’s second leg. The badger’s neck veins are bulging out as he keeps walking, his sight on the finish line in front of him, never speeding up but not slowing either. “Kenneth is making quick work of the yoke, too!” the stoat comments as he walks down the line, looking back to see what’s happening behind right as the Pennsylvanian roofer gets across the finish line. Sure enough, Eddie is gaining ground - his weightlifting experience and greater weight paying off during this section as he easily passes Andrew, briefly acknowledging the polecat with a nod of his head while passing him on the right.
“You might be ahead now, prettymane, but once this sailor gets ahold of the anchor you’re dead meat.” *the giant otter breaks away into a significant advantage over Andrew and Z*
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
“It’s Andrew versus Zakee in a battle to stay alive in the competition!” Ludwig points out. About forty yards in, the roadie needs to stop for a breather, his rival taking it as the opportunity to inch past him and move into third. “Andrew came in with an advantage, but he’s now fighting for survival!”
“Let’s go Boss Hog...” The mechanic mutters under his breath, taking one quick glance at his struggling friend before setting his yoke down and running to the final portion of the race.
“I see Zakee starting to get hooked to his anchor and, while I’m going to fight until I can’t anymore, mentally I’m telling myself, telephoning my folks that… this is it.” *Andrew’s shown straining his body on the final stretch of the race under the heavy frame* “All of this turning to shit at the worst fucking possible moment.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
The final task is by far the most grueling, the contestants needing to carry the heavy anchor and the long stretches of metal chain in several rounds. “Shit!” Kenneth’s falls to the ground, his body finally protesting over the extreme exertion it went through, the badger heavily breathing and attempting to go forward by any means.
“Kenneth drops, can he recover his strength?” Ludwig asks. “Eddie’s feeling the weight on his shoulders also, and Z’s still looking for the best way to pull that thousand pound anchor!”
Eventually, the youngest contestant in the competition manages to complete the frame carry, rushing back in a hurry to take on the final task. “Andrew’s hooked to his anchor, will he be able to regain lost ground with his advantage?” the host points out. “All four are in the final section, striving to be the first finalist of American Mustelid Alpha and save themselves from instant elimination!”
“This is legit the toughest shit I’ve willingly set my sights on in my life. We have to move forward the anchor a bit, pull on the chain a bit, then pick up the anchor again, and every cycle is tougher than the last.” *the lutrine’s back contracts as he pulls on the heavy chain, his webbed paws hooked on the metal* “I don’t even pay attention to the others anymore. No matter how much it takes I’m making it through, and I will do it ahead of someone. Count on it.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
“Kenneth’s dead, but he’s far away, and Drew could gain ground with his light anchor and shit...” *camera pans from the hog badger to the giant otter* “Sorry Ed, but if me survivin’ means curtains to ya, so be it.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
Andrew huffs, tears welling in his eyes from the effort. As the roadie looks up and sees his three rivals struggling to even advance an inch with their anchors, invigoration runs through his veins. “RRRRRRRARGH!” he roars loudly, stepping decisively inch by inch, not losing steam, in order to gain ground above everyone else. It is clear the lesser weight of his anchor-and-chain set is helping him, as he manages to reach Zakee in little time before stopping for the first time at about one-third of the distance required.
“Andrew’s strategy is starting to pay off!” the stoat says in awe, looking over as the polecat picks up his anchor from the ground and starts walking forward again in a resolute manner, already tackling Eddie’s second position. The lutrine briefly breaks his composure to shoot him a look, immediately growing worried as he sees the youngster gaining inch after inch on him.
“None of these guys know the day to day of carrying shit, dragging shit, building shit from fuck-all into a brilliant stage in three hours tops as I do. And pretty soon, that’s going to be what carries me… no, what I WILL carry into that final, and those three can go the fuck home for all I care.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
Ahead of the group, Kenneth has struggled through the anchor carry but utterly refuses to give up. The lead he built in the first two legs is holding up, albeit diminished, as he carries his heavy burden through the last third of the field. Andrew is the only one making decisive gains on the badger, Eddie and Greasy Z slowly falling behind as the challenge progresses.
The stoat host acknowledges the polecat’s prodigious comeback, his eyes never leaving the leading pair as they huff through their feat, hearts beating a mile a minute. “Andrew’s running out of wiggle room, can he make a move and reach Kenneth before he gets to the finish line?” he asks rhetorically as the roadie keeps inching closer to the roofer, both mustelids locked in the very final rush of their labor. “The stakes have never, EVER, been this high!”
Kenneth can sense the polecat gaining ground on him, exploiting the lighter weight of his anchor to cover longer stretches at a time. Looking ahead, he gauges the distance dividing him from the line - about eight to ten yards from where he last dropped his chain. With a heavy sigh, he picks it up and starts walking forward in an attempt to cover the whole distance in one go - the metal chain slowly unraveling behind him and adding to the weight as all muscles in his body tense up in the superhuman effort.
“I’m the most dead I’ve been since forever, and here comes the golden boy wanting to fuck my lead over. I need to shake this shit off and get to that finals before he does… Let one of the other two handle him.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
As soon as he crosses the line with the anchor, he sets his down and starts pulling on the heavy chain - dragging it with strong yanks of his biceps, length after length, his massive chest rising and falling with every motion. Andrew is forced to look powerlessly as Kenneth completes the task, the last thread of the chain slithering across the line just as the roadie walks across it with his own anchor. Soon as the task is completed, the badger falls back in utter exhaustion, fighting not to lose consciousness as his arms and legs curl up on their own volition.
“AND KENNETH IS THE FIRST FINALIST OF AMERICAN MUSTELID ALPHA!” Ludwig shouts as the badger lays on the ground belly up, the rush of emotions colliding with his exhaustion and adrenaline, the realization setting in. “WE STILL GOT TWO PLACES LEFT FOR A FIGHTING CHANCE, DO NOT GIVE UP!”
Andrews looks back, noticing Eddie and Zakee still in the middle of their own effort and his sizable advantage on both. Picking up the chain from the ground, he begins hauling the first section at a solid pace - eventually stopping midway to move further down the line and drag a shorter length. He rushes the last section across the line with a defeated look on his face, collapsing on all fours immediately after right before his badger opponent.
“I survived, but… this wasn’t about that...” *the polecat sulks as the camera focuses on Kenneth* “I had all that it took to punch a ticket to the final and now that’s as good as gone. Now my path depends on one last do or die, one last endall… I hate this.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
Kenneth and Andrew are still struggling to get up from the ground as Eddie and Z are entangled in their task, huffing and puffing with a single goal in mind - crossing the line before their opponent to nab the last safe spot in the competition.
“Ed, you can’t drag that anchor, that tail and that ego for long, I just know it. Kiss this gig bye bye.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
“The moment I’m out of this competition is when this stops being American Mustelid Alpha. I’m sad to report it’s not yer time, Texas.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
Eddie looks over at the next lane, noticing the hog badger is taking longer pauses - completely overwhelmed by the immense feat of strength the show required of him. With a feral grunt, the lutrine lifts up the heavy anchor, moving across the field inch by inch only to stop a few yards before the line. He risks darting another glance back, realizing the mechanic is lacking the strength to retaliate.
“Can Eddie win the last spot in the final Duel, or will Z make up for the lost ground?” Ludwig asks out loud.
The giant otter turns towards him, barely cracking a grin. “As good… as mine…” he grunts, picking up the anchor and dragging it forcefully across the finish. He immediately runs midway through his stretched chain, taking up a huge chunk in his paws and walking over with it before letting it fall with a loud clang. He keeps repeating the motion, his progress strong and deliberate, until just a few yards are left - which he drags across the line with a triumphant yell, Zakee dropping the chain and letting himself fall to the ground as soon as he realizes his defeat. “AND EDDIE MAKES IT THROUGH!” Ludwig roars, the otter soon joining Kenneth and Andrew in the heap of beat up mustelids.
*huffs in relief* “Saving myself by the skin of my teeth in the most important challenge is… well, not what I was hoping for. Yet I’m still here, I’m alive and kicking tail, they’ve thrown everything at me and I’m still standing tall. Bring on the duel, I’m ready to go.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
The hog badger finally stands up, looking first at Ludwig, then at the other three finalists as they all realize what happened on the field. While two look solemn about his exit, Andrew barely holds it in, crouching, heavily breathing as he tries to not completely break down.
“Greasy Z, I’m sorry…” the host addresses the mechanic, genuinely heartbroken at having to relay the outcome to him.
"Hold 'em words…" The hog badger stops the host on his spiel, walking over the tearful polecat. “Drew, now now. This is insane,” Z tells him, laughing half-heartedly. Both Eddie and Kenneth were even touched at the display as the hog badger crouches to face his friend.
“I didn’t want to end this w-way…” the polecat can barely utter, tears streaming down the sides of his face. “Fuck all of this show, really…”
“Fuck no, dude,” the hog badger retorts as he grabs his friends shoulder to reassure him. “You’re still in. Win this shit and bring the quarter million to Texas.”
*struggles to look into the camera, still sobbing* “Man, seriously… this is f-fuckin’ hard, you know?” *tries to regain composure* “See, man, these people will screw over anyone at every corner, but I believed that Team Texas would stand tall at the very end of this. I truly did.” *camera shows Greasy Z as he keeps consoling his friend* “To have your closest pal snatched away, the best guy in all of this competition like this is the worst fucking thing there is.” *Andrew looks away to the side*
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
After a while, having managed to calm Andrew and pick him up off the ground, Z goes back to his spot to face Ludwig. “Had some… bizz to take care of first, Lud...”
“No problem,” the host replies. “As you clearly realized, Zakee, I have to announce to you that you’re the ninth eliminated out of American Mustelid Alpha.”
“Ya sure?” Z asks jokingly, making the room chuckle and laugh, “Just wanna make sure you don’t say shit you regretting and that you double check and shit, ya sure?”
“I’m sure, Z, unfortunately” Ludwig smiles at the wisecracking badger.
“It sucks bein’ this close, I’ll tell ya...” the hog badger nods.
“I’ll let you know, you’re an absolute rockstar, and you oughta be proud of your time at the Burrow - from winning the opening challenge to reminding us every day how you can be Alpha while still being 100% true to yourself and your personality...” the host smiles warmly. “Greasy Z, you got it… and I want you to go out there and take this world by storm, cuz ya got what it takes. Might wanna oink around for gigs in Houston, even. There’s some good motherfucking stuff outside of Porter ripe for ya to pick, alright?”
Zakee nods in a deferential motion, obviously pleased with Ludwig’s words but still struggling to deal with what just occurred. “I’m onto that, man,” he smirks, his usual act sort of breaking his composure. “It may take a while, and I sure was looking forward to the big purse and the prize ribbon… but maybe it wasn’t all about the money to start with. I got tons of fun stuff to do as soon as I get back to my family and pigs, y’know. And I legit wish the best luck to those three motherfuckers…” he says, motioning towards the three surviving mustelids. “Can’t wait to see who can snatch the big ‘un.”
“And promise me this...” Ludwig adds. “Stay Greasy, yeah?”
“Guaranteed...” the hog badger smirks before giving a reassuring oink and stepping in between the host and the top three. “Now y’all, I know ya want me to give my little show n’ dance...” he taunts, Kenneth being the first to crack up in laughter. “From Porter… to every corner of the fuckin’ nation… This has been Greasy Z, and this pigsty just became a lot lamer without me...” the hog badger slowly makes his way away.
“Okay, so to recap this…” Ludwig starts his spiel to the top three. “Kenneth won the…”
All of a sudden, a voice interrupts the host. “Ayo hey, don’t start with yer routine corny talk just yet, Lud!” Zakee resurfaces, making everyone burst into laughter. “Y’all gonna get philosophical and shit ‘b out me, but just wait, cuz one of y’all can bust a leg and they gonna need me to return to really show ‘em up!”
“Oh my god….” Eddie snickers.
“What’s there to say, but y’all three are in the race, and it’s between this teenager and this salty sailor to go against pretty boy here, right?” Zakee points at each of the three competitors. “They betta know what’s at stake or else they end in my sitch, right!? There’s only one step before the finale, so don’t DARE fuck it up, yah?”
Ludwig is left with no comeback, still laughing. “Well, well, if you put it like t-”
“And THAT’S how you make the point clear, Lud, take notes, ya gonna thank me later! Cut me a co-host gig, aight?” Zakee jokes one last time before finally making his way out.
“You’re the best, Zakee!” Andrew shouts back.
“Wait, we sure he’s out?” Kenneth asks, a last series of oinks echoing through the arena in answer to his question, the laughter of the room non-stopping.
“Well… couldn’t have put it better myself…” Ludwig shrugs. “Kenneth is the first finalist of American Mustelid Alpha, and will face in the Gauntlet whoever of you two emerges as winner of the final Duel,” he says, the camera focusing on Eddie and Andrew. “Be sure to rest and recover as much as you can, I assure you’ll need it…”
“Can’t be worse than what we just faced, right?” Andrew replies, his paw encompassing the entire arena and the huge items they carried still standing at one side of the challenge field.
Individual Challenge #10, “Brute Bedlam”
To the Final: Kenneth
To the Duel: Andrew, Eddie
Eliminated: Greasy Z
*the hog badger is shown entering the Burrow* “I guess I’m like halfway between happy and destroyed. Bein’ so close to the final, like, I could legit picture my ass in that Final Two.” *Z packs his bags* “I might not have won the dollar, but I’m proud of all the shit I did and knowin’ that, me being who I am got me this far, and got Lud sayin’ shit to me that for sure he didn’t tell no one else. I’m ready to take this world ten times over, and they better know what Greasy Z got in store for y’all.” *oinks*
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
Zakee hauls his huge suitcase down the stairs, clad in the anthracite T-shirt with which he presented himself to the group about a month earlier. “Came in as the Boss Hog, will leave as the Boss Hog…” he chuckles, serving himself one last Red Bull from the communal fridge. “And I’ll say this... none of those motherfuckers will take THAT title away from me!” he mockingly cheers, before gathering up his possessions and making his way out the front door.
***
The top three enter the Burrow following the elimination of their boisterous roommate and one of the most grueling challenges to date.
“Grats Ken...” Andrew mouths to the badger, while Eddie gives little response as he rubs his sore thighs.
“It’s only now just hitting that I’m in the top two of all of this. I’m in the fucking final!” *grins* “Coming into this competition having this goal since day one and having a rough start on the way just makes it more unreal, but now that I’m here, whoever of these two stand before me, I will decimate him.” *the three sit down on the common area*
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“It feels… so fucking empty right now, talk about a ghost town...” Kenneth looks around.
Andrew’s features curl into a slight pout. “It still doesn't feel real that he left,” he muses rhetorically. “That freaking hog could fill the entire mansion, right?”
“The air he could fill for sure...” Eddie replies back.
The roadie slumps into the couch. “Man, you know… you know the gym bros who think they own the place, and think they’re Mr. Olympia, the delusional assholes?” he raises his paw. “That’s how I felt coming in the challenge and then…yeah… the fact my friend’s fucking out of here makes it all the worse.”
“Oh bro...” Kenneth replies, rubbing Andrew’s bicep.
“Now shit’s coming back to me like… have I fucked it all up royally? Am I not as good as I’ve shown overall?” the polecat asks loudly to himself, worries slowly engulfing him. “Impostor’s eating me alive bad now...”
“Drew, it’s gonna be fine. You’re here this far over a lot of the other losers, you gonna be a tough motherfucker to beat in the final...” Kenneth tries to console the roadie, Eddie scowling at the badger’s slight unintentional stab.
“Doesn’t surprise me one bit you’d go the easy way,” the lutrine casually interrupts the badger. “No disrespect to the kid here, but I ain’t gonna give you the satisfaction, y’know.”
“Eddie, this ain’t about ya...” Kenneth sneers. “Not everything’s about you.”
“It is, man, ‘cause you’re propping him up before the duel and building him up in the hope he pulls off the upset,” Eddie replies. “This is a competition, dude. And I don’t give a damn about who I gotta beat between now and the end…”
Kenneth waves off the otter dismissively. “Well, of course you don’t, ‘cause you gotta kill us both and YOU don’t have the power to decide shit now...”
*blank stare at the two, before staring directly at the camera in disbelief* “I’m… DONE. I’m so fucking done.” *pause, feeling flustered* “I’m here thinking about how I’ve fucked up my chances in this competition and mourning my friend… and all these two asswipes can do is bicker like two babies in a kindergarten who shat their pants at the same time?”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“You’ve never gone in a real one on one against anyone, and when you did in teams, you sucked. You expect it to work in a final?” Eddie scoffs. “Be real, Ken.”
“You be real, Ed, cuz right now, you’re being ridiculous...” Kenneth replies.
“I'm kinda losing it here, you shitheads? Can’t you take your petty feud off the burner for ONE fucking second and leave me be?!”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
The polecat steps up from the couch, looking at Eddie and Kenneth argue once again. “Psh...” he scoffs, before making his way to the now empty room and flopping on his bed, looking over to where the hog badger used to sleep.
After a while, someone pokes his head in. “Hey, k… Andrew… ” Eddie’s voice calls inside the room.
“Dude, I don’t wanna talk to any of you right now,” the polecat’s muffled voice comes from inside. “Go get some rest or whatever, I ain’t in the mood for this shit…”
“Just as an aside, it’s important...” the otter insists, sitting down to the bed next to Andrew.
The polecat looks up with prejudice at Eddie’s eyes. “But your rudder’s gonna butt in anyway...” he scoffs, before laying down again.
“I’m serious, dude. Everything aside, I really wish we’d been the last two mustelids standing,” the lutrine says. “We’ve been taunting each other since the beginning, and like, we gonna keep competing and butting heads throughout the duel - but really, just know I got no ill will towards you. You’ve been kicking my tail just as much as I kicked yours, and all for a good reason… ” he chuckles. “To be honest… Kenneth’s no match for either of us. The way I see it right now, you’re the one I gotta beat.”
“I mean literally, Ken’s a finalist and we are the only two standing...” Andrew replies, matter-of-factly.
“You don’t get it, dude…” the otter shrugs. “Who wins this duel, gets the 250k. We ain’t fighting for second place here, but for first… so let’s give each other our best shot, aight?”
Andrew pauses, looking at Eddie after a while. “Bet,” he says, extending a paw to shake the lutrine’s webbed one. “I still gotta come back at you for every time you called me kid, y’know?”
“From what I called others, they wish ‘kid’ was all I woulda thrown at them...” Eddie snickers. “Just saying, dude. We both got our strategies, and for us to find ourselves in the top three out of 40 and more, it worked for both of us to an extent,” he tells the polecat, before scooting closer and pulling him into a reluctant hug. “Whatever goes, that’s out of the window. It’s me against you now, so may the best mustie win…”
*the otter makes his way to his own room* “This is my fourth duel, and it doesn’t get much easier. Now with the added pressure of going into the final against prettyboy Ken here, I need to do all that it takes to take out... quite possibly my largest competitor yet.” *camera focuses on Kenneth relaxing in the common area* “I do believe whoever of us is left standing will have a clear shot at the title, be it me or be it this prodigy of a rival I hope to beat.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
***
4:00 PM
An overhead shot is showing Ludwig as he stands on the edge of the big pool where the swimming competition took place during the first selection process. A huge, cage-like steel contraption is suspended a few feet over the surface of the water, held up by a crane and some rubber cables. Kenneth is sitting on the winners’ bench, looking over in earnest - his expression in a balance of both excitement and nervousness.
*hands over his face* “This wil determine who my final hurdle will be at that quarter million and the title and I for one… can’t fucking wait. Andrew’s shown the most prowess and I know he’s a jack of all trades to be wary of. Eddie on the other hand, refuses to go down at any turn, and somehow always finds a way to land on his paws, and it’s no secret he’s targetin’ me. Whoever ends up next to me in the final, it’s going to take a whole different approach from me to conquer over them.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“Come on in, guys…” the host announces, Andrew and Eddie walking in and marveling at the set-up. “This looks downright badass…” the otter mutters under his breath, nudging the polecat as they walk along the edge of the pool to stop in front of Ludwig.
“Species wise, I got the upperhand when it comes to water stuff, but I know it won’t be that simple.” *the camera pans over the enormous setup* “Any edge that Andrew can win over me outside of the obvious element means game over for me. I need to keep my guard up.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
“I’ve gone too far to have my path cut short right now. Eddie might think he’s all that because we’re in the pool, but let’s not forget I had leg-ups over him in multiple challenges, including water-based ones. He’s up for a rude, Texan awakening.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
The stoat host rubs his paws, motioning to the two mustelids in front of him. “Eddie, Andrew, welcome to the final Duel of the season,” he says. “In a few moments, you’ll be tackling the most important challenge yet, the one that will give the winner a ticket to meet Kenneth in the Gauntlet.” The camera pans over to the badger, a faint smirk on his face as he nods to the two.
“This challenge is called Cage Escape, and will test your endurance, your tenacity and your ability to overcome panic,” Ludwig continues. “That cage has a glass ceiling, with just two round holes on top where to breathe from. In a few moments, you’ll be locked inside and fully submerged under the water surface. You’ll dive down and get to unscrew the twelve wingnuts keeping your respective door closed shut,” he says. “The first one to open the hatch, swim out to the surface and ring that bell wins the challenge, and a spot in the American Mustelid Alpha finals.”
“Holy shit…” Andrew mutters, looking over and then at the lutrine as he breaks out into a massive grin. “So we like, going down in that thing together?”
“Pretty much,” the host confirms. “And please hear me on this - I know the stakes are high, but your mutual safety is worth more than that. Any kind of voluntary physical contact between the two of you will result in instant disqualification from the challenge. I’ll be the final judge of that, and believe me - I really don’t want to be forced to act against either of you,” he says in a stern voice, both contestants nodding along. “If you want out of the cage at any moment, you’ll pull a lever on the ceiling that will release a bigger blowhole. In doing so, you’re effectively taking yourself out of the competition. Understood?”
“Yes, and it won’t be of use, no worries...” Eddie nods, grinning, putting his most confident façade forward. Next to him, Andrew doesn’t even dare to take a look at the massive contraption, clearly overwhelmed by the thought of what’s required from him.
“Well, if everything’s in the clear, you can get down to your swimsuits and we’ll lock you in,” Ludwig advises the two. “This is the most important challenge yet, make sure to give Kenneth a statement, aight?”
“As much as I tell myself how scared shitless I am, I need to remember… chances are Eddie’s also a virgin on this shit, so he’s gonna be as scared as I. And hey, this is pretty close to building a stage...” *the polecat takes off his shirt and shorts, loosening his shoulders as he gets ready to dive into the pool* “I’m not gonna show anything he can use against me. I’m going to those finals and I’m gonna beat me some badger ass on the way.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“This challenge is straight out of my playbook. I got plenty of underwater training experience, certainly more than your average Texan concert roadie.” *Eddie is shown as he climbs from the pool into the cage through the open door, getting on his feet as the production staff locks it up behind him* “More than anything, I need to stay calm and work my way through this. It won’t come down to who’s the better swimmer, but to who can withstand pressure and oxygen deprivation the best - and that’s what I’m focused on right now.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
“Andrew, Eddie, are you ready?” Ludwig calls out, both mustelids bumping fists as they brace for the cage to be fully submerged. “For a spot in the Grand Final… GO!”
Slowly, the crane begins to lower the heavy contraption in the pool’s depths, otter and polecat holding onto the bars as they go down. “Here we go…” Kenneth comments out loud, unable to refrain his excitement and nervousness at the battle about to take place underwater.
The two duelists wait until the last second before drawing a plentiful last breath. As soon as the water creeps past their shoulders, Eddie lets out a small growl - his brow furrowed in utter determination as he looks towards his opponent in the hope to psych him out. The polecat stays focused as the cage keeps going down, water slowly filling his senses and blurring out the world outside until the two mustelids slide under the surface.
“I know where the screws are, I know how they’re supposed to work. and I’m sure once I get my paws on them, it’ll be all muscle memory from there. Eddie, this fourth shot will go through the head.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
As soon as Ludwig’s airhorn blows and echoes around the pool, Eddie and Andrew dive down to the bottom of the cage, immediately going to inspect the placing of the wingnuts and how they are meant to be unscrewed. They cling to the thick bars at opposite corners, anxiety soon setting into both as they realize their task is not easy as predicted.
“These little shits are TIGHT. I almost gotta... punch them to get them to nudge the tiniest bit...” *the otter grasps the white wingnut, working his paw out of the cage to pry the screw loose* “But I got all the time in the world to figure this out, after all, otter lungs last for long!”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
Andrew is the first to figure out the challenge, wrapping his tail around the cage bar to keep himself buoyed as he uses both paws to unscrew the first of his twelve black wingnuts. As soon as he drops it to the bottom, though, he shoots to the top of the cage to get a lungful of air - Eddie looking dumbfounded for a second as he realizes the youngster is ahead of him, the lutrine struggling to apply the necessary strength with a single paw.
Meanwhile, the polecat is clinging on the ceiling, hooking his fingers inside the edges of the small blowhole as he pushes his snout in to draw a few long breaths.
“It is becoming harder… to breathe, and it’s pretty easy to just lose every sense of direction under there.” *the polecat’s muzzle pokes through the breathing hole, coughing, and trying to get the most air in before going down again, hooking his tail around the bar and loosening the next screw with his two paws* “But I’m confident in what I got going. If I time by breathing, then Eddie can’t do shit against me.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
Eddie’s huge bicep swells as he applies more strength to his wingnut, the fastener finally starting to yield and coming loose around the veteran SEAL’s pressure. As soon as he’s gotten rid of the first one, he immediately moves to the one below, a string of bubbles bursting out of his mouth and floating to the surface as he exhales for the first time since beginning the task.
“Andrew’s got a rhythm going on, and seems to time it well and knows how to unassemble a screw….” *the badger tries to intently look at the pool* “Eddie, you might know how to be underwater but... polecat’s coming for your gaaaaaaame...”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
The challenge soon turns to a battle of pure will and focus, as both contestants work methodically on their set of wingnuts and trade turns darting to the surface to refill their lungs. It is tough for both mustelids to gauge their opponent’s gains as they swim around the cage, their minds fully set on the next stubborn nut to screw off. Contrary to the expectations, they both seem to be quite evenly matched - Andrew being quicker and more deft to work his way around the screws, but having lesser lung capacity compared to the giant otter.
“Andrew’s coming back to breathe again, struggling to keep down! Can Eddie take advantage of this?” Ludwig asks out loud. At the bottom of the pool, the lutrine is tackling his fifth wingnut in an almost upside-down position, as he’s finally realized he needs to use both paws to apply more force to the screw. He lets another fall to the bottom before heading to the surface to get some air in, the underwater camera following both mustelids side-by-side as they try to get some respite from the nagging urge for oxygen.
“And they’re both gasping for air, but none seems to want to quit! Andrew’s halfway, Eddie’s one short of halfway, anything can happen here!” Ludwig exclaims. The polecat lets out a cough and spits out some water, spotting the huge shadow of the lutrine pushing his muzzle through the blowhole as far as it would go before plunging back down and swimming past him, his long, muscular rudder swishing close to his leg and almost startling him.
“This is the longest I’ve ever been underwater, and I’m so fucking cold and miserable, you got no idea...” *Andrew starts to breathe as rapidly as he can* “I need to mentally yell to myself that the water level is not rising,.. or is it?”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
Meanwhile, Eddie takes another dive - his muzzle locked in grim determination as he darts a quick glance to Andrew’s corner, noticing in disconcert that the youngster has managed to unscrew an entire row of six wingnuts. Anxiety starts to set in as his throat constricts, forcing him to let out a few more bubbles before he can move to his own sixth. Another glance to the top of the cage kinda reassures him, as the polecat is still trying to regain composure before diving down again.
“Fuck. Andrew got these shits figured out!” *the otter undoes his next wingnut, letting it fall on the depths* “If he manages to keep it together underwater, then I’m fucked. Extremely fucked. I gotta find the way to go for air as little as possible and start working.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
The polecat takes one last, heavy lungful before diving in one more time, pushing against the top of the cage to get some added momentum. He can see the lutrine unscrewing his sixth nut and using the bars to propel himself towards the other corner, immediately going to work on his seventh without the need for an extra breather. Sighing inwardly, he makes way to his second row of screws, his tail instantly wrapping around the corner bar as he forcefully twists his next wingnut - letting it loose without too much trouble and immediately going for another as he tries to offset the lutrine’s underwater gains.
Blood pounds into the polecat’s ears, his arms trembling as he tries to exert enough force to loosen the screw - a nagging, burning feeling across his chest constantly reminding of the impending need to breathe. Clouds of bubbles escape the roadie’s pointy nose, panic setting in as he realizes he hasn’t got enough in him to complete the task before drawing another breath. A second later he darts towards the surface, his nostrils emerging from the blowhole as he drinks in heavy gulps of oxygen.
“Eddie’s going to remount back if Andrew doesn’t shake off the underwater issue...” *Kenneth covers his muzzle with his hands* “At this rate, it’s all about who gets their shit together the earliest.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
Ludwig looks under the water’s surface, trying to figure out the progress of both mustelids. “And Eddie got his eighth, he’s just managed to pull ahead!” he exclaims, Kenneth frowning as he takes in his archrival’s progress. The lutrine is pretty steady underwater, letting his entire body float freely in a bid to waste as little energies as he can. He makes a stark contrast with Andrew, whose limbs are now flailing in the cage as panic begins to kick in.
“Uh oh, Andrew’s in trouble…” the stoat host comments, growing concerned as he watches the polecat taking in gulp after gulp of life-giving air.
Kenneth can’t contain himself anymore. “Hurry up, Drew!” he yells, oblivious to the fact the youngster can’t hear him as he tries to steady his breathing into composure. He looks at the bright red lever right beside him, the thought of pulling it and calling quits briefly darting his oxygen-deprived mind, before attempting to regain composure as he takes gasps of air, his paws clutching the bars close to him, helping the polecat relax momentarily.
“Five more wingnuts to unscrew… that feels more and more like a taller ordeal than what I’m able to do. Getting my shit together and going down again feels like impossible as fuck, but it’s the only way I can survive this Duel and inch closer to the finals. I have to do this.” *the polecat takes one last breath before diving down again*
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
An eerie quietness falls onto the pool, broken only by Ludwig’s recounting of both mustelids’ progress. “Eddie has nine!” he says, as the lutrine yanks another wingnut out of its helical ridge. “Andrew has eight!” The polecat is quick to answer the feat, exploiting his rival’s own air break to complete the one he’d left halfway. “Eddie with ten! Andrew with nine!”
Once more the two contenders find themselves gasping for air as they press their mouths against their respective blowholes, chests heaving due to the prolonged time they spent underwater. Noticing his opponent in mild distress, Eddie tries his best to steady himself and rake as much oxygen as he can into his lungs.
“Otter or not, this is already one of the longest times I’ve been in water, and I won’t deny I’m getting a lil’ claustrophobic in here. But as long as I focus on the task, I can push it out of my mind and keep it routine, as it should be. I believe I got these screws figured out, I just gotta make sure I get the 12.” *camera focuses on the two remaining wingnuts*
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
The lutrine strains against the hole, plunging his muzzle in for one last big gulp, before turning on his back and diving to the bottom of the cage with graceful, steady dolphin-kicks. He immediately goes to work on the next screw, muscles straining against the yield as he hooks both his webbed paws out of the cage and around the two metal “wings”. Kenneth can only watch in frustration as he tries to urge Andrew to go back down and make up the deficit.
“Shit, he’s struggling…” the badger mouths to no one in particular, looking over impotently as the polecat sputters through the hole in obvious discomfort. Despite his trembling muscles and disorientation, Andrew dives in to get his tenth wingnut loosened up, relying on his gradually fogging muscle memory, but can only get it out half way before needing to breathe again, going down to finish the job after a lengthy and costly pause.
Meanwhile, Eddie is making the most of his superior lung capacity, taking out his eleventh screw and immediately moving down to his twelfth and last. The otter exhales a few bubbles, not breaking his focus as he gives a decisive tug to both extremities - the wingnut slowly starting to come loose, then finally spinning around its helix under his guidance. Eddie untangles the top of his muscular rudder from around the cage bars before turning on his belly and floating to the bottom of the cage, pushing the heavy door forward until it yields open.
Blood pounds into the lutrine’s temples, the burning sting of chlorine and prolonged oxygen deprivation adding up as he swims out and immediately darts to the surface, his muzzle avidly gulping the vivifying fresh air. “Eddie’s out of the cage! He needs to swim over here and ring that bell, come on!” Ludwig roars, urging the Navy veteran to hurry up as Kenneth covers his muzzle with both paws. The otter doesn’t need to be asked twice, swimming over with what little energies he got before punching the bell with a balled fist as he grasps the edge of the pool - not even able to celebrate due to the herculean effort he just completed.
“AND EDDIE WINS THE DUEL!” the host yells, throwing both paws in the air just as Kenneth stares at the scenario in disbelief, jaw dropped and eyes peeled as the otter climbs out of the pool and lies face-up on the pavement. “EDDIE WILL GO STRAIGHT TO THE GRAND FINAL!” The lutrine acknowledges Ludwig with a nod of his head, his massive chest rising and falling with each deep breath.
“This is the fourth motherfucker I’ve bested in a duel in this journey.” *huffs* “I promised myself ever since I got to the qualifiers back when we were 44, that I would do whatever it takes to reach the final trial, and I am so…. fucking… proud I managed that. They threw me everything there was in their hell, and I came back standing stronger, prouder, and ready for more. Title, get ready for Eddie Caprio.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
It takes a while for everyone to remember about the polecat still locked in the cage, him having just gotten rid of his tenth wingnut while fully oblivious of the lutrine having already completed the challenge. The safety coordinator swims down just as Andrew is coming up for another air break, waving at him to get his attention and pointing at the open door behind and the bright light having just turned on at the top of the cage.
The polecat goes for the smaller blowhole, taking a quick gulp of hair, then dives back down to pull the lever and get the bigger one open. A second later, his soaked features poke through the glass ceiling, a defeated expression crossing his muzzle as he climbs over and out, then swims his way to the rest of the crew.
*visibly strains to contain sighs* “I’m… speechless right now, man. Getting so close to the final and stumbling onto the last hurdle is not how I expected to go out.” *the polecat sits on the pool floor, Eddie immediately going to shake paws and give him a half-hug* “I gave all that I had, but he had more than I did - and that’s so fucking hard to accept right now.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“First of all, guys…” Ludwig says to both mustelids, as soon as they’ve dried out a little and gotten back to their feet. “Congrats to both of you. This challenge was designed to get even the toughest Alphas to question themselves, but you both tackled it head-first and kept it competitive until the very end. You guys won the respect of many today, so massive kudos,” he says. “Eddie, you managed to win your fourth duel and survive in the competition. Come join Kenneth on the final spot,” the host directs Eddie to stand next to the badger, the otter’s stoic self not bothering to make much eye contact.
“I was born the wrong species for this duel...” the polecat scoffs half-heartedly.
Ludwig immediately goes to console the dejected roadie. “Andrew, I believe none here have had the journey you experienced,” he says. “The youngest finalist of all has beaten some of the toughest guys around and fought your way through to earn third place. The polecat I had in front of me when he came in for the selection, the one that stumbled putting on his clothes and running out of the barracks to match the rest of the crew, trying to catch up to most of them… you didn’t just prove your worth… you left your mark on the mustelid hall of fame, let me tell you. I got high hopes for you.”
“Heh, Ludwig…” Andrew sighs. “You’re totally right there, and I’m so freaking thankful to you and the entire team for giving me this kickass opportunity. But like... I was starting to believe I had this, and going out at this point feels kinda like getting woken up from the most amazing dream right when you’re getting to the best part, you get me?” the roadie grimaces, trying to hold back tears.
“One hundred percent, Andrew,” Ludwig says. “And let me tell you this. When I joined the Marine Corps, never for a second I expected to measure up with all the great stuff I was blessed with later in life. But I always believed I was made for greatness, and I went to prove it through hard work, commitment and thorough determination,” he says. “You got each of ‘em in spades, man, so don’t let this little setback stump you on the way. Go forward and shoot for your own greatness.”
Both Kenneth and Eddie break from their formation to pay respects to their rival, Andrew reciprocating the hugs and pats on the back from both.
“Fuckers wish they were half as epic as you…” Kenneth comments to Andrew.
“Ya gave me hell, young buck...” Eddie says back. “Up for a rematch whenever, man. You earned this.”
“Hopefully not in the water again…” the polecat winces, pointing at the submerged cage behind himself. “But really, guys… it was a blast. I wish I could stick around to see who takes this shit…”
Before leaving the premises, the young polecat turns towards Eddie and Kenneth. He nonchalantly shrugs. “Overall… wasn’t a bad first day at the gym...” the two finalists chuckling at the roadie’s quip as he walks out of the premises.
*the polecat looks up the ceiling of the Burrow, sighing* “I won’t lie, man, this whole thing is stinging hard right now. But that doesn’t mean I ain’t proud as fuck of my Alpha path and how I came this far over so many furs that… I believe many have guessed I would not last a second against, yet here I am.” *the polecat is shown immediately heading upstairs to pick up his belongings* “I know the missed opportunity with the advantage will be nagging at me for months to come, I’m just that competitive. But all in all, I got no regrets and I wouldn’t change a single second of this experience… other than winning the money, BUT other than that!” *chuckles*
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
The polecat picks up his massive gym bag and his roll-on suitcase, taking one last look at the jungle-decorated room before closing the door behind himself with a huge sigh.
“I’m coming out of here with a new resolve and new friends. Z, hold the phone cuz Team Texas isn’t over yet. Chayne, Will, I owe y’all a visit. And to whoever wins of the two… ya can lend me some bucks any day. Andrew McKnight NOT out… he’ll be right back.” *the camera focuses on Andrew leaving the Burrow*
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“Eddie, Kenneth…” Ludwig addresses the two finalists standing side-by-side, their chests filled with pride and determination as they face the host. “Over forty of the toughest mustelids in the country have entered one of the most intense experiences ever thought of, and right now, you two have reigned supreme amongst them all. There’s one more hurdle to be faced, and one of you will come out of it as the first ever American Mustelid Alpha,” he says. “You will soon face… the Final Gauntlet. Are you ready?” he asks, to the deafening roar of both competitors.
“I’m right where I want to be. Kenneth hasn’t got the faintest idea of what I’m about to unleash on him.” *the lutrine walks off, a white towel slung across his shoulders, not even paying attention to the badger as he makes his way outside the pool area* “I’m doing this for myself first and foremost, and I’ll be damned if I let this guy come out on top instead. I’m a wrecking ball on a warpath, and no one can stop me from swinging to the target.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
“It seems almost destiny that I will have to face Eddie in the biggest chapter of this journey.” *the badger walks alongside Eddie, his long hair bouncing with every step* “My first ever duel, and it will be the one for all the jackpot, to achieve all my ultimate dreams and to change my life for the best. Right now, that otter is the obstacle. This will be my game, set and match.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
Duel #9, “Cage Escape”
Eddie defeats Andrew and eliminates him from American Mustelid Alpha.
