American Mustelid Alpha
Episode 6, “Don’t Die Frozen Over” - Part 1
Apopka, Florida
March 3, 2020
10:00 PM
The clock shows it’s late in the evening as the eight mustelids make their way into the Burrow, a dejected Eddie way ahead of the rest, reeling from the hard duel he just endured.
William looks up, “Congrats Ed-” but the giant otter dismissively waves at the voice on his way upstairs as if to shut it, to the surprise of others.
“I get that Eddie’s still angry about Crispin leaving, but see… he came in the Burrow thinking he was the Navy SEAL Superotter and that he would steamroll his way across us.” *the polecat casually waves at William as they both settle down for a drink in the kitchen* “Safe to say my little gamble paid off. If you’re faltering this bad just because others tried to have a jab at you, well… suck it up, buttercup. ”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“I’ll tell you, Ken, it’s a goodass jacket...” Chayne pats the badger’s back, chuckling, as he tries on the leather garment he won as a result of the tense individual challenge.
“You can say that again, blondie,” Kenneth nods appreciatively. “They got my size to a T, and I don’t get to splurge on clothing this nice.”
“You deserve it, brother,” Arron chimes in, slinging an arm across his friend’s back. “Don’t wear it out too fast…” he says, head nodding upwards.
Meanwhile, Eddie sits in the common area of the second floor, clearly still affected after the grueling duel that sent his friend Crispin home. John and William lounge around the otter, as he starts to explain his train of thought.
“I’m pissed. I’m just feeling... destroyed, and furious. Furious honestly more so at myself. I just knew I could not trust Arron and I still sincerely believed we would have bonded as the game moved forward.” *camera shows Arron, Kenneth and Andrew chatting in the kitchen* “I honestly thought we were on good terms, and I really tried to be good with him, and he just... decides to backstab me in the worst possible way as he hangs onto Kenneth once again.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
The giant otter takes a sip of a glass of water he was clutching. “I’m telling you guys, they were saying one thing to your face and then doing another. They all knew of Crispin’s need to be here and they just put us there to… humiliate like that. Are you kidding me?”
“I am not surprised they did. After all, we got a game afoot,” William shrugs, matter-of-factly. “Things were all nice and fun up to now… but it is a competition, and anything in the rules goes.”
“But to lie and backstab? William, they went after Crispin after Arron just told me how Kenneth is the shitty one, and when the moment comes, they band and they're gonna take it out on Crispin?” Eddie asks out loud, before throwing his glass to the floor with a resounding smash, making John and William’s ears stand up in shock. “That’s my response...” the giant otter said in a calm rage, patting the spilled water off his arms as he gets up.
“Eddie, cool it!” the weasel exclaims, worried about the angry scowl upon the lutrine’s face. “This is not gonna bring Crispin back. Don’t get yourself into trouble, it’s not worth it…”
*the stoat looks at the scenario unfolding before him* “No one knew that Eddie went talking to Arron about anything, hell I thought both weren’t even eye-to-eye across this whole thing, the otters keeping together and shit... I now see that Commander Caprio is workin’ overtime, keepin’ tabs on his allies and weaving strings to pull around.”
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
“Don’t fall for his bullshit...” Eddie pointed at the two mustelids. “This badger is such a fucking conniving... I just… I can’t be in the room with Arron, can’t do it.”
“So you went through all that shit in the Navy, years of training and being cool, calm and collected, and now all it takes is a challenge move by someone else to get you off the rockers?” John prods the lutrine.
“John, you can’t go backstabbing and doing shit like that, that pisses me off,” Eddie replies, getting up and going down the stairs. “I’ll be going out outside, I need to clear my head.”
The otter’s heavy steps resonate on the floor, as he makes his way down to the living room where, to his annoyance, Arron and Zakee were lounging around and speaking. The hog badger notes the new presence in the room.
“You good?” Zakee oinks.
“It’s just...” Eddie starts talking, but then dismisses the mohawked badger with a handwave.
“I know it was a tough thing to go through...” Arron chimes in.
The giant otter shoots an icy glare to the honey badger, shutting him up instantly. “Fuck if you know,” he says, his tone calm but dead serious as he points a fingerclaw at the firefighter. “You don’t know shit about why Crispin was here, and what this entire deal meant to him. You should have acted how you told me.”
“How I what?” Arron asks, perplexed.
Eddie gestures with his arms to make emphasis in his points. “When you tell me to my face how SHIT Kenneth is, and then you don’t act up on those words to do your part in eliminating him, I’m gonna think you’re fucking me over!”
“What even…” the honey badger blurts. “When did I say that to you?”
“Arron, you did,” Eddie sneers. “Cuz back in Tampa you told me Kenneth was fucking your game up. And after you chose me and we won that challenge, I thought you got that point loud and clear.”
“Eddie was protective of Crispin, and I think excessively so. He feels I didn’t lay as hard on Kenneth as he thought I was going to, for whatever reason. I think it was a big misunderstanding in the end.”
~Arron, 28, Honey Badger, Firefighter
“I said I was gonna hear your points and not play biases blindly, not that I’d drag your tail all the way to the end,” Arron retorts firmly.
“I don’t need any help getting to the end!” Eddie cuts the honey badger, his voice booming. “Why didn’t you act how you told me you were going to… in front of them?”
“I didn’t make any promises, excuse you. If you chose to believe any big complex plan regarding whoever, well that’s on you,” the honey badger raises his voice as well, “I ain’t gonna get dragged into this drama over something that wasn’t even set in the first place.”
Eddie leers at Arron, a cold pause lingering on the air. “I’m telling you, going against your words is gonna cost you...” the lutrine points out. “I don’t play that shit, and that won’t come across well back home for ya.”
Arron immediately gets defensive. “What you implying there, brother?” he asks.
“When you say shit, back it. I always do, now will you for once in your life?” Eddie shrugs the honey badger off, turning away from the confrontation.
“Wait, what…” As Arron tries to follow him, Greasy Z puts a paw on his chest, effectively stopping him from going after his opponent.
“Let ‘im be, man...” the hog badger says, looking out of his eye’s corner to make sure the lutrine has left the room. “He’s pissed off we knocked out his pal. I probably would be too if I was in his place…” he tells, his paws still planted on the firefighter’s chest.
Arron takes a deep breath. “If he’s speaking about my family or my beliefs, he’s dead wrong,” he replies to Zakee, still heated.
“Just don’t make a big deal, it don’t matter,” the mechanic firmly grabbed the firefighter’s shoulder in order to placate him. “Tempers and shit are running high now, but Eddie’s an adult, he’s gonna be civil again once he’s slept on this…”
*sighs* “Thank the Lord I was in that room, I didn’t know who was gonna rip who’s head off first, Arron or Eddie… Shit was gonna go zero to a hundred faster than a friggin’ dragster...”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
In another area of the house, Chayne and Kenneth catch wind of all that transpired. “What was that all about?” the marten cocks his head.
“I don’t care...” Kenneth chuckles. “Like, people gonna leave as the game goes on, right? What’s the big deal about Crispin?” he asks.
“I don’t think Eddie got that there is only one winner and one big prize in this show, and I’m pretty sure Crispin would have eliminated Eddie four times already if it got him closer to the win. We all got our hardships in this game, you ain’t special cuz you making a tantrum about it...”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“And like, I know he goes on and on about Crispin, but like...” Chayne looks up as he sinks on the couch. “Too bad, so sad, but we all got dreams and shit, too.”
“Exactly!” Kenneth nods, sitting on an armrest. “Everyone here’s talking about their own motivation as if it’s gonna take them further than their own skills, but like… to me, it sorta feels like they’re asking for pity points. I don’t want this to become a contest of who’s the most deserving or who needs the money, because every mustelid in here deserves that kinda money.”
“What would you do with the cash?” Chayne asks out of the blue, leaning back on the sofa.
“I mean, same things everyone would, right?” the badger scoffs. “Chicks, snazzy clothes, Rolex watches, and I always wanted a brand new Porsche-”
“‘Same as everyone, sure...” Chayne chuckles at the badger’s musings. “I think you want more things than just every man wet dream ever, right?”
Kenneth huffs, shaking his head. “Jokes aside, dude… you know how I’m actually balancing myself between construction work and teaching CrossFit, right?” he sighs. “If 250k fell on my lap, I could ditch my dayjob and open my own CrossFit box and focus on fitness 24/7. I know it ain’t some super-noble shit, but it has always been my dream, you know? Everyone got those,” The badger turns towards the marten, ears perked at his fellow mustelid as he nods along. “And you? Whatcha gonna do if you win this?” Kenneth asks.
“Anal bleaching and surgery to get rid of my gag reflex...” Chayne says, making Kenneth pause and feel a chill through his spine, before the blonde marten breaks into roaring laughter.
“I hate you, dude,” the badger facepalms, elbowing the marten in the ribs and making him flinch.
Chayne winks. “Just kidding… I lost mine years ago.”
“Just so you know, I’m literally inches from stapling my ears to my head until the day you leave this Burrow,” Kenneth says.
“Can’t handle a little talking, honey?” Chayne asks cheekily. “But for real, I know I can’t work in a bar forever, but this club circle is what I love doing. This prize and title would help me to propel myself in that LGBTQ plus plus world, you know? And I may go from working at a bar to being the owner of a place as iconic as Barracuda or the Cock. Help up the gays, yanno?”
“Heh, that’s actually pretty cool…” Kenneth smiles. “But like, in a way… this sorta reassures me, you know? I didn’t want to tell anyone about the CrossFit business from day one because I was afraid people would peg me down as a meathead, and like, some of y’all already thinking as such...”
“We get it, you do Crossfit...” Chayne states dryly, before laughing, putting his hand on the badger’s lap. “Chin up and it’ll come, yah?”
“Same to you,” the badger says, getting up. “And just so you know, you’ll always be welcome at my box if you want to work some serious sweat.”
“And you to the bar for the same reasons, but you’ll turn the invite down, I feel...” the marten sips from his bottle of water, Kenneth shooting a look. “They like them with cute hair.”
“You’re just jealous that I’d put ya and the rest of your crew out of business…” Kenneth chuckles as he leaves the room.
“Chayne’s right, to be honest. We are all here for a dream, something deeper: realization, proving, bragging rights, all that shit, but this can really change lives up, and with me only being able to work on roofing only for part of the year, this would be my ticket into being… stable for once in my life. A lot is hinging on me for this, and I need to turn my luck around.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
Meanwhile, Andrew is rummaging through in the kitchen, still famished after the long day. As he’s fetching himself some supplies from the half-empty pantry, he notices a sealed envelope lying on the shelf, apparently untouched. Curiously, he slices it open with a claw - his eyes scanning the text as he goes over the first sentence. “Guys, come here!” he yells. “We got news!”
After a pause, the mustelids barrel down the second floor to see whatever was Andrew yelling about. “What now, kid?” John asks.
“This says we’re about to leave again…” the polecat says, motioning to the note he found inside the envelope. “Lookit here… Congrats on making the top eight, but don’t rest on your laurels. Pack up your bags, because we’re gonna leave to Orlando International at sunrise tomorrow… and don’t forget some clothes for the chill!” he reads.
“For the chill?” Greasy Z wonders, rubbing his chin. “I reckon we headin’ outta Florida then…”
“We visitin’ Montana Michael?” Chayne snarks.
At the bartender’s words, Eddie lets out a huff, absentmindedly scratching the back of his neck. “Wouldn’t mind reminding the big lug who’s boss…” he scoffs, making the entire group chuckle. “But I reckon they’re bringing us to something better than Buttfuck, Montana.”
“It doesn't say where we going...” Andrew chimes in. “But no one better forget shit this time, else someone’s ending like the guy from The Shining…”
The group scatters away, all the contestants going back to their rooms and starting to fill their suitcases with whichever warm clothes they brought along to the Burrow. As some are still emptying their bags, Chayne is already dragging his packed one outside of the room, setting it at the top of the staircase to have it ready the following morning.
“The scenario seemed pretty set, but apparently they’re throwing us a curveball and sending the whole group somewhere in the mountains - which could really end shuffling the entire deck, you know. Don’t wanna toot my own horn, but if there are snow sports involved, I believe I’d have a leg up. Got plenty of experience from Upstate New York on my paws, and like, you’d be surprised at how much tail a good snowboarder can get… And I don’t mean the back of the board!” *chuckles*
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
***
March 4, 2020
Orlando International Airport, Orlando
8:30 AM
It’s early morning as the whole group jumps out of the single-deck bus, bags in tow, the airport’s massive terminal ahead of them. Cameras follow as the eight mustelids walk through the main lounge, marveling at the façade of the Hyatt Regency hotel and taking in the multitude of furs bristling with activity around them.
“Wish I could have said hi to Gisele and the kids,” William mutters, the Orlando native having taken the chaperon role among the group. “They’d hate it if they knew I was so close to them and didn’t let them know…”
“They’ll be fine. Dad is just going to fuck if we know for some days to freeze his tail off...” John snarks in reply. Everyone laughs, the weasel trying to join in jest but looking visibly worried.
“It’s hard enough as it is to put a pause in a full-job, five-kid life, and now we’re going to… honestly John’s right, fuck if I know. If we’re going to deal with snow, it’s going to be a new experience for most of us.”
~William, 34, Least Weasel, Personal Trainer
Meanwhile, Greasy Z walks around like an excited kid, his mohawk freshly retouched and dyed in a strong blue hue. “Y’all ready to get taught a snowboarding trick or three?” the hog badger asks. “And I can show how it's like to jump off buck naked from a roof to a pile of snow…”
Eddie shoots a look at the hog badger. “Why would I even-”
“Guys, it’s Ludwig!” Andrew cuts the crowd’s talk. Sure enough, the stoat host is waiting for them, standing under the giant American flag adorning the hall. The group takes little time to huddle around him, all mustelids anxious to get any details about their imminent trip.
“So, I see you made it,” Ludwig chuckles. “I guess you’re all wondering what’s the big deal about me dragging you here on so little notice…”
“We ain’t going to Tampa again, I guess...” Chayne replies.
“Fair assumption,” the stoat nods. “The next round will take place in Squaw Valley, California - a village nestled on the western shore of Lake Tahoe and one of the largest winter sports areas in the United States,” he says, the entire group nodding along. “This set of challenges will test your ability to deal with altitude, rough weather, cold temperatures and all-around mountain skills. Nothing a true Alpha should be worried about, am I right?”
The group nods along. “So we just going to be thrown in the wild and see who gets to eat each other’s frozen remains first?” Kenneth replies sarcastically.
“You’d be the easy target if that was the case,” Eddie retorts. “If I was a city dweller like you, I’d be thanking my lucky stars if I got back to the Burrow with all my fingers intact…”
“The wilderness of New Jersey, am I right?” Kenneth says, not missing a beat.
“I mean, I’ve survived advanced cold weather training in Alaska while with the SEALs…” the otter scoffs. “I’m talking a full 30-day training course. You’d be throwing in the towel after what, 30 minutes?” he chuckles, openly poking fun at the badger. “Nevermind that on my turf, that mop on your head? Gotta go.”
“Guys, enough with that…” Ludwig interrupts the two. “I see you’re raring to go...” he points out the obvious. “So, see you in a few hours, let’s get started...”
“Eddie can taunt all he wants, but I’m pretty confident about my mountain skills and I can’t wait to take ‘em to action.” *the whole group is shown passing through the security check, Kenneth removing his belt and setting it aside before stepping under the metal detector* “People think they had it easy this far, but it’s time to turn this game on its head.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
Cameras follow as the group reaches their designated gate, sitting in the waiting room like tourists about to head out on holiday. It’s early enough for the lounge to be still rather empty, a few businessmen walking around with briefcases in tow and a family of lynxes likely coming home from their Florida vacation not paying much attention to the crowd of burly men and the TV crew following all of their movements.
“I’ve been through the wringer in this competition. Being the eldest still surviving right now, in some ways I feel it could be my last shot of making something big with myself for Bruce and for Lindsay.” *the stoat flicks his tail, pensive, as the group makes his way in the plane* “Tucson is not exactly the coldest place in America, but I’m confident I can control this new element and bag my fourth win.”
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
“What seat you got?” Arron asks Kenneth, moving across the aisle of the Boeing 737 while trying to peek at the badger’s boarding pass.
“Guess we two for two on each row… I just hope it ain’t next to someone who snores,” the roofer scoffs. “We can trade seats anyway, right? I don’t think I’ll survive six hours straight next to Mister Navy,” he says, his voice lowered, as he motions towards Eddie.
“Fair.” Arron nods, looking down on his aisle, where Chayne sat. “Seems you at least got out of Eddie, Will’s there, but you’ll bud with old man John for a while.”
The badger checks his own pass, the seating arrangement confirming the firefighter’s words. “Not bad…” Kenneth shrugs, flicking his head towards the white stoat.
“Annoying neighbors get demoted to the wing, alright?” John says to Kenneth in a sarcastic way.
“Yeah, so heed up,” the badger answers with a chuckle, letting down his hair before taking his seat next to the correctional officer. “Won’t be much of a bother, really… To be honest I plan on catching up on all the sleep I can before getting to Cali.”
Soon enough the plane is called to the runway, beginning to pick up speed before taking off in the crisp morning air. The stoat flickers his ears at an idea in his mind, looking at the long-haired badger who’s trying to doze off, oblivious to the roar of the 737’s engine and the loud chit-chatter picking up among passengers as soon as the plane is airborne.
“I don’t know how exactly the bonding is working in the Burrow, but I know Chayne and Z are dead on arrival, Andrew and William may side with them, and Eddie is somewhat of a pariah. That leaves Kenneth and Arron. They ain’t all that powerful of a power duo, but if I can find a way to work some magic, I will. There’s more to this game than just the challenge du jour, and I’m going to exploit it.” *John taps his temple with his index finger*
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
“Pretty crazy the whole fight with Eddie, you heard of it?” John whispers to Kenneth, as discreet as he can be.
“Mhm?” the badger answers, his eyes shifting to meet the stoat. “Yeah, right? Guess he’s feeling cornered after Crispin left. Which to be fair, I reckon is pretty accurate,” he sighs, stretching his sinewy body. “He can play all the mindgames he wants, but I’m not scared of him.”
“I think Eddie’s moreso threatened because he got no subordinates now, right?” the jailer chuckles.
“He’s certainly trying to bend everyone to his will,” Kenneth confirms. “And as far as threats go, he’s the biggest one in this game. I don’t mind the taunting, I can take him being his insufferable self for other two weeks if I have to… but the day he walks out with his rudder between the legs is gonna be fuckin’ glorious.”
“Listen, there’s no guarantee that Kenneth or Arron will be captains again, but just want to throw a good word or two if we ever meet in the trials so we can save each other up and fuck over the rest. If anything, I’m good with Eddie as well, so if that ship goes south, I got a lifeboat.”
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
“But there’s more to it. You see he’s playing the clique game, that’s why I had to help save you fellas in that individual.” John nods. “I tossed the idea around to help you and Arron instead of the otters to Andrew and Chayne, and hey, it worked.”
“So you think Andy and Chayne will stick by us if they have to?” the badger lowers his voice.
The stoat curls his lip. “I can’t speak for them. I’m just saying I tossed the plan to save you two, and know that if it gets competition out, I’m open to do it again. Plus, you two need team captain wins, and I’m three for four,.” John winks. “If you make it as caps, you got my support, and vice versa too.”
“You know, dude… this ain’t a bad plan,” Kenneth smiles. “Once I get Arron on my side, promise you’re my next pick whatever goes.”
“If Eddie can, I know we can try too. And you can let your buddy know as well.” the stoat grins. “But unlike him, know it ain’t personal when I need to beat you.”
“Hah, you wish!” the badger chuckles. “But seriously, whatever goes, I’m not making a scene. And once we’ve got this one in the bag, we can let the otter stew to his own fate,” he says. “Now let me get some R&R before we out on the battleground, aight?”
“A few bad apples can spoil the bunch, but if you control and take those bad apples, they can work their way into some amazing cider. Toast to the title, motherfuckers!” *grins widely*
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
“It’s the top eight, so I know furs all around may try to play some games and make some deals. No way in hell I’m throwing myself into the arms of the first guy who tells me a battle plan, and no way any of them have “Kenneth wins it all” on their final step, but I do. John, I’m going to smile and nod at your proposition, but this isn’t a marriage to the end. We know well what happened to the last guy who did that.” *camera points to Eddie*
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
On the other side of the aisle, the mood is equally cheerful as Andrew and Greasy Z are engaging in an excited chatter. “You weren’t going home anyway, I had it all planned,” Andrew tells the hog, recalling the events of the day before. “Guys like you too much and hate each other enough, so I knew you’d stay safe.”
Z huffs, propping his bare paws up the seat in front. “T’was a wild bet, Austin, glad ya pulled it off. Though I woulda liked that darn jacket!”
“Hah, I’d never have pegged ya down as the leather kind,” the young polecat smiles, pointing at the hog badger’s T-shirt emblazoned with the Texan flag. “You looking forward to impress your friends when you get back to Porter?”
“I am the leather kind if leather costs like a thousand dollars!” Zakee laughs. “But I don’t think they gonna be impressed. They saw the application of the show with me, and they were like ‘this shit was made for you!’ and I was like ‘I know, right?!’”
“Well they do have a point, dude…” Andrew chuckles, closing his eyes as he leans against the headrest. “You gonna be the star of the show when this thing goes out, you know that? You gonna get enough new customers to put every other shop out of business…”
Z sighs. “It’s everyone’s dream to make it big, but makin’ it stable works as well for me. I know it ain’t the case with ya, ya probably gonna be crammed in a bus building rigs for singers right? Or you wanna sing there too?”
“It’s hard enough to have your entire life planned at 22 when you’re haulin’ ass across the States instead of getting a PhD or some shit, you know what I mean?” the polecat responds. “All I know is that I got the chops to make a name for myself. I don’t know if my singing skills are up to par, though not for lack of tryin’...” he chuckles. “But moving up the road crew ladder sounds pretty good as is. And if you make it as a good stage manager, well, there’s a lot of money to be made there...”
Zakee shoots a look, smirking. “What’s the matter, Drew? Texas is too big of a stage, or you too stage shy to start singin’ it out?”
“More like, dude…” the polecat sighs. “I don’t want you to think my parents hate me or some shit. But even when I told them I’d signed up for this and got the call back, Dad was shrugging me off and calling it a waste of time,” he says. “No matter what I do, no matter how hard I push myself, it’s like I’ll always be their little Andy and I gotta go ever growing lengths to prove I’m a man…”
“That’s how it be with every parent, you ain’t new,” Zakee can’t help but smile. “Pops and Ma still poke me over to help them with the farm, still think I might just return to raise pigs, but we still good, yanno? If they see you be happy, they don’t care as long as you happy,” the hog badger muses, as he shifts in his seat, pushing his paws next to the polecat’s thighs as he tries to lay down across the row of seats. “Why are planes always so cramped?”
“That’s what you get if you don’t upgrade to First,” Andrew chuckles at the mechanic’s futile attempt to get into a comfortable position. “I getcha dude, I mean, me and my parents are totally cool,” he says, letting out a sigh. “I’m just like… I wonder how they’ll take it when they find out about what I did here. I know I gave them enough material to disown me if they want…”
“Man, I could tell you things...” the hog badger snorts, before putting his paws on top of Andrew’s lap. “There, I’m good now.” he smiles widely.
“You getting comfy there?” the polecat replies with an amused snort.
“Fairly. Now stay like that,” Z chortles, moving his paws. “But yeah like, kids become men and they lead their own lives. They trust you to not make bad decisions and all that. Like… eventually, the piglets need to grow and be sent to the fair, and that’s all good and normal. If you raise the piggy good, they get the ribbons.”
“While I just got the ink and the jewelry,” Andrew chuckles.
“I see the bad decisions thing was ignored...” Zakee jokes, both Texans laughing. Eventually, Andrew grows tired of playing the ottoman, pushing the hog badger’s feet to his side of the seats. “Hey, c’mon, Drew!”
“I can’t take six hours of you using me as a mat for your ugly, dirty paws, buddy…” the polecat retorts, finally free to stretch his long legs. “And you wouldn’t want me to get to destination all cramped, right?”
“I don’t know how Z can just hit the nail in the head so spot on sometimes. If I’m doing what I like, and not doing any damage to myself or loved ones, who even cares? However, I can’t wait for my old folks to see a new and powerful Andrew eventually, and winning this will cement that fact.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
***
March 5, 2020
Squaw Valley, California
37° F
It’s early in the morning as the eight mustelids walk out through a snowy field, dressed in heavy overcoats, headcaps and winter boots. Light snow flurries interspersed with rain are drizzling through, some of the contestants openly wincing as they take in the sight of their surroundings. In the middle of the field, a huge obstacle course has been built, with several stations standing one ahead of the other across about 300 yards of length.
Suddenly, a snowmobile heads out of the forest and speeds past the group, stopping with a drift a few meters ahead. The driving fur takes out his helmet, revealing himself to be Ludwig - the stoat sporting a winter camo-patterned set of trousers and parka.
“Gettin’ from Florida to this is… a bit of a shock. *William is shown pulling up his coat’s zipper, his face barely discernible across all the layers* “I’ve never in my life seen quite as much snow all together, not to mention the chill… But I’m here to compete and make my kids proud. Bring on the freeze, Ludwig!”
~William, 34, Least Weasel, Personal Trainer
“Welcome to Squaw Valley, California,” the host greets the competitors, all mustelids loudly cheering and clapping to work some circulation in their bodies. “How was the trip, y’all? Are you liking the place so far?”
“Anyone else’s tails turning blue?” Zakee asks around out loud in response to Ludwig. “Eddie, your butt log good?”
“My rudder’s seen worse,” the lutrine shrugs, swishing it back and forth. “Feels like I could push out one hell of a frozen lump, though…” he says, the whole group letting out a laugh at his words.
The stoat host rubs his paws together. “All aside, guys… this is Mountain Week. We gonna play the entire round outdoors, and you’ll have more than enough time to get accustomed to the snow, the ice, the freezing cold and anything else nature can throw at you.” Some people let out a grimace, while others roar determinedly in anticipation.
“I’m out for the win. I need to pick myself up from the fiasco of last elimination, and I feel this one is the challenge set for me to succeed. I got plenty of experience in less than favorable territories, so I’m well suited for whatever is bound to happen.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
“Before we get to Team Challenge, I figure there’s some small business we need to take care of,” Ludwig says. “We still haven’t chosen our captains for this cycle, am I right?”
“I volunteer!” Chayne raises his paw up, almost instantly, to get a reaction from the group. Arron instantly turns towards the marten, his mouth agape. “You serious, dude?” he asks.
“Now now, you should know by now it doesn’t work like that,” Ludwig shakes his head. “Nice try, though...”
*Chayne sheepishly shrugs* “Hey, it was worth a shot!” *laughs*
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
“So, like, given that we’re facing a new environment, I thought it’d be nice to give you a little chance to gauge how your opponents may take to it with a little competition to warm you up,” Ludwig grins, motioning to the obstacle course behind him. “At the signal, you’ll dash forward and run towards those three 8’ walls. You have to climb over the first, crawl under the second and squeeze through a tiny window opening in the third,” he says. “Next up, you gonna get down to the ground and crawl under 100 feet of barbed wire.”
“Once you out, you’ll get to the next station - a 45-degrees inclined wall you will climb up and over with the help of a rope. Then you’ll have to dig into a huge heap of snow and recover the hammer you will use to smash a wooden door enough for you to pass through,” he continues. “Finally, you gonna swing across a rig using flying rings - rocking your body back and forth while releasing your grip and grabbing onto the next until you can ring the bell on the other side of the rig. Make no mistake there, because If you can’t traverse that beast in one go, you’ll have to head back and do it again...” he says, some of the contestants looking up in a worried grimace.
“You’ll be divided into two heats of four, the top two finishers from each heat moving on to the final round where they’ll play for the right to pick and lead their team,” Ludwig says. “Go ahead and get changed into your challenge clothes, then we’ll get started…”
*Z sends a thank you gesture up above* “Finally, obstacle courses! I aced the one that got me in the final twelve, so for me it is matter of who ends up second and I’m captaining against. It’s done!” *the hog badger grins from the sideline*
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
“I don’t know snow that well, but I’m open to destroying the competition. I’m tired of being the support, I need to snatch that captainship and get that notch on my belt, it’s the only way I get a legit shot at winning it all.”
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
Eventually, the cameras hover in front of the first group of runners, the mustelids having donned beanies, gloves and several layers of warm athletic gear.
“Okay, we’ve drawn lots and gotten our two heats. William, Zakee, Andrew and Arron will run in the first leg, while John, Eddie, Chayne and Kenneth in the second,” Ludwig says, grinning as the first group gets into a running stance. “You guys ready?” he calls, bringing out his familiar airhorn. “GO!”
The first four dash forward, running a few yards before getting to the first station. As predicted, Greasy Z is the quickest out of the gates: the hog badger tackles the walls with relative ease despite the icy ground. Andrew and Arron are right on his tail, while William is already slipping behind - the weasel clearly not used to the terrain as much as the other competitors.
“Oh my god, Z is blowing my mind. I know he already does this on the side, but he makes it look like riding a bike.” *Greasy Z is shown as he throws himself to the snowy ground and crawls under the wires at full speed, soon putting some ground between himself and the rest* “It is a matter of who’s second place now.”
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
The mohawked hog doesn’t waste time running up the inclined wall, grabbing the rope midway and pulling himself over the top, then sliding down on the other side with little care for safety. Without any hesitation he dives head-first into his snow pile, easily finding the hammer and smashing the wooden divider with a few blows. He’s the first to tackle the rings, Arron and Andrew still gingerly looking through the snow.
“Watch this!” the hog badger calls playfully, gloved paws taking a firm grip on the first couple of rings before he takes off. The hog badger swings from a ring to the next, never missing a beat, completing the entire length in one go and ringing the final bell before jumping down with a thrilled howl. “Z is through!” the host yells, just as Arron blows through the door and gets ready to tackle the flying rings. “We’re looking for one more!”
“I’m here doing the rings, pretty much set to at least advance, I’m taking my time...” *the honey badger is shown taking a leap to the next set of rings* “...and I fall flat.”
~Arron, 28, Honey Badger, Firefighter
“Arron’s down, he needs to go back!” Ludwig points out, as the honey badger resurfaces with a snow-filled muzzle and an angry scowl on his face. Just as he walks back to the beginning of the rings, shaking off the snow from his body, Andrew starts tackling the final obstacle - the polecat swinging from ring to ring in a slow, practiced fashion, eventually daring to dangle with just one paw as he lunges towards the bell and punches it.
“Andrew’s through, we got our finalists!” the host raises his paws, some of the mustelids openly celebrating as the young polecat jumps down from the rig, bumping fists with the hog badger then thumping on his chest in celebration. Chayne is the first to reach him, the two mustelids exchanging a quick hug before the marten heads out to the start of the course.
“With Zakee and I with a shot to win another cap round, we could really turn the tides around… but damn, I want him in my team.” *laughs*
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“Second heat, you ready?” Ludwig calls out, the four mustelids grunting a nod. “Remember, the top 2 move along and go facing Greasy Z and Andrew in the final round…” Bent forward in the classic running stance, Eddie shoots an icy glare to Kenneth - the badger shrugging him off as he mimics the lutrine’s bearing, long hair tied back and crammed under a grey skull cap.
“So I got two who hate each other and would rather kill themselves on the snow featuring a fruit. I guess I’ll walk to that second round, thank ya.” *the stoat grins*
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
As soon as the horn blares, the four sprint towards the first obstacle - Kenneth exploiting his technique to jump over and under the walls, while John and Eddie struggle to maneuver their bulky frames through the small, window-like opening in the last structure. Together with the badger, Chayne opens to a small lead as the couple crawls side-to-side under the barbed wire, careful to not get stuck but quick enough to maintain the distance between themselves and the others. Exploiting his military training, Eddie makes quick work of the barbed wire, leaving John behind as he gains ground on the leading pair.
“I’m fairly accustomed to snow, so I do believe I got a shot at winning this. My other competition would be Ken; Eddie’s got sent to warmer countries, John is from Arizona, this is likely the first time he sees this outside of a shitty souvenir snow globe.”
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
“YES!” the marten screams as he manages to dig his hammer out of the snow, Kenneth and Eddie still searching through their piles while he breaks through the wooden panel. His arms shake in anticipation as he takes a first go of the rings, slipping almost immediately as his bare paw loses its grip on the slightly moist material.
“Uh-oh, Chayne’s panicking…” Greasy Z comments, slightly concerned as the bartender rushes back to the start, immediately getting ready for a second go as he sees Kenneth lunging through the door.
“I see Chayne ahead of the rest, and a battle between Ken and Eddie in the meantime. I’m hoping Kenneth can rebound; an Eddie captainship would spell disaster for me.”
~Arron, 28, Honey Badger, Firefighter
“Gotcha!” Eddie yells as he pokes out of the gigantic snow pile, hammer in his paws, snow matting his shaven head and dripping off his whiskers. With a single blow he tears through the door, getting to the rings just as Kenneth and Chayne are starting to tackle them - John right on his tail, whipping through the snow and coming out with the weapon without too much hassle. The badger is quick to swing through, reaching the bell in mere seconds, while the marten decides to take his time - fully knowing a mistake would open the door to the lutrine and the stoat. But on the other set of rings, the long-haired badger quickly made work of the obstacle, sending him to the end.
“Kenneth’s through!” Ludwig yells, to Chayne’s frustration.
“Slow and steady, Chayne!” Andrew yells, wishing Chayne forward just as Eddie and John take off in the next two rows - the marten not daring to look back as the lutrine swings his legs forward to propel his motion, trying to angle his swing towards the blonde New Yorker in order to throw him off. Summoning his last strengths, the bartender manages to complete the crossing, ringing the bell a few seconds before the NAVY veteran can take him out - Eddie taking a Hail Mary leap off his rings in order to grab Chayne’s midsection and pull him off, but falling into the snow underneath as he fails to connect.
“And Chayne’s through, we got our final four!” Ludwig points out, both John and Eddie peering at both winners.
“Advancing? Good. Leaving Lieutenant Ass and Eddie Awesome to bite the dust? Priceless!” *grins* “It’s far from over still. I need to conquer one more.” *the marten fistbumps with Kenneth*
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
“Shit, this is not what I needed. Hours to retrieve that fucking hammer, while Chayne got his out of sheer luck.” *Eddie is shown scoffing as he pats snow off his clothes* “Depending on how the final goes, I could be in the position of being turned down by both captains. I didn’t come here to play the lone wolf, but if that’s what destiny’s got in store for me, so be it.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
Heat 1
Greasy Z - 1:37
Andrew - 1:53
Arron
William
Heat 2
Kenneth - 1:57
Chayne - 2:21
Eddie
John
Cameras zoom in as the four finalists are back to the starting line, shaking off their limbs in anticipation for the final run. “Alright, we’re playing for captainship here,” Ludwig reminds. “For this final round, we’ve made things a little bit tougher. You’ll have to run up the incline wall without the help of a rope, and the flying rings will be 50% longer,” he says, players nodding as the modified sections are put into display.
“Remember, the winner of this round will get to pick first as we build teams for the next challenge. The runner-up will still have a chance to lead a team, while the other two will join the ranks of who’s gonna get picked,” the host concludes, motioning towards the four sitting on the losers’ bench.
“This might be my last shot at captainship, and I need it way more than these guys. It is my ticket to finally shake off this team challenge rut for good and get into the winning side my way once and for all.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“Y’all ready? GO!”
The four mustelids run forward towards the walls, Greasy Z immediately exploiting his agility to take the early lead while Andrew takes a hard tumble as he falls down the second obstacle. “Andy’s down already, can he pick it up?” Ludwig asks, the polecat already on his feet as the leading trio is quick to maneuver themselves into the opening in the last wall and under the first section of barbed wire.
“Z’s gonna win again. It’d be his third time, no?” Arron asks the group, somewhat in awe, as the hog badger tears through the low crawl.
“Piggy’s starting to make a case for himself,” John says reluctantly. “I just feel everybody here should have a chance to lead, you know?”
“If he gets it, he gets it. Means he put in the work,” William shrugs off the stoat, who stares back at him with a menacing glare.
Meanwhile, Greasy Z is the first to tackle the incline wall, his combat boots slipping off midway up and sending him back to the bottom on his butt. The added slipperiness from the morning snow is making it a challenge for all four to build enough momentum to climb the wall without pulling themselves up with the rope, everyone taking multiple falls as they try to work out a strategy to overcome the obstacle.
“Ludwig, a little help here?” Andrew turns towards the host, a frustrated look on his muzzle as he sits in the crushed snow after a hard fall.
“You’ll have to figure it out for yourself, young buck…” the host chuckles, watching intently as Chayne loses his balance and falls all the way down the structure.
“I just know I’m smokin’ all of these fellas.” *the hog badger looks up at the incline, then grins* “It all depends who is gonna be second place, and Andrew… as much as I want ya to kick ass, I hope it ain’t you. I need full Texas on my team to win this.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
The hog badger walks a few steps back, looking at the obstacle with a determined look on his muzzle. Taking a running start, he dashes all the way up, tumbling forward to put both arms over the upper edge and pull himself on the other side with a satisfied grunt. “Z is up and over!” Ludwig yells, as the hog badger runs down the structure and tackles the snow pile head on.. “You three better pick it up if you wanna reach him!”
Having taken notes from the hog badger’s successful feat, the other mustelids try to mimic it by taking longer run-ups - Andrew and Kenneth managing to climb the wall on the next attempt, just as Z manages to extricate the hammer from the snow and dash through the door.
“Greasy Z is smokin’ through this once again!” Ludwig announces, the group on the bench watching with bated breath as the hog badger jumps on the rig and effortlessly swings from one ring to the next, crossing through the distance in one go. “And just like that, Z is our first captain!”
“Outside of Z and his fucking asbestos hands, it’s everyone else’s game for that other captainship spot. I feel my fingers are going to turn blue and snap off, but I’m giving whatever it takes to get that nod.” *the group claps and cheers as the marten finally gets over the wall* “Whatever goes, I’m not giving up.”
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
Just as Chayne is starting to dig into the snow for his own hammer, Kenneth and Andrew jump through the door at the same time to face the final rig. The polecat doesn’t waste a second as he tackles the first ring, Kenneth taking a moment to shake off his arms before following through.
“Kenneth and Andrew are locked in a race to the finish!” the stoat host exclaims, all mustelids cheering them on as polecat and badger swing their bodies through the rig. Eventually, though, Andrew’s arms begin to falter - the roadie needing to slow down in order not to lose his grip on the rings, while Kenneth smokes past him and lunges for the bell a couple seconds sooner. “YES!” he yells as he comes down, chest still heaving from the effort - openly celebrating as he realizes he’s managed to win a captain spot for the very first time.
“And Kenneth got the second captainship!” Ludwig exclaims.
“I got it! After FUCKING FOREVER, I get that nod!” *laughs* “I finally gained control of my destiny in this game, no matter if Z picks first. This is my turn to call the shots, and Kenneth Geib is not here to shoot blanks.”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
Final
Greasy Z - 2:05
Kenneth - 2:44
Andrew
Chayne
The group is standing around, their clothes still damp as they face the host and the two captains in the middle of the field. “Zakee, Kenneth, congratulations, you’re our two captains for this challenge. And be warned, it’s not going to be an easy one,” Ludwig says. “Today’s challenge is named Patrol Relay, and will test your endurance as well as your collaboration skills and your ability to tackle different new skills over an unknown terrain.”
All mustelids cheer and nod along, waiting for the full explanation with focused grins. “This challenge will have you compete in an adventure race taking you all the way around the North Lake Tahoe area. You’ll take a 4-kilometre loop on cross country skis, run all the way down to the lake and paddle with twin kayaks all around Dollar Point and to Tahoe City,” he says, taking in the worried expressions of some with a grin. “Wait, it’s not over… what comes next is a 9-kilometre trail hike on a 500 metre climb, leading you to a shooting range where each of you will have to fire five rounds at targets using a shooting rifle. Each missed shot will add two minutes to the whole group’s final time,” he goes on. “And finally, you’ll take on mountain bikes and ride all the way down to the finish line on Forest Protection Road. The team that takes the lowest time to complete the course is safe from elimination.”
“I’ve taken on a number of expeditions when in the Navy, enough to know I’m not exactly the top contender when it comes to sheer endurance - especially if I’m pitted against folks who do this kinda stuff competitively. However, I know I have the grits to survive whatever hardship they put us through, and I know for experience that such a challenge will have a few furs on their knees way before it’s over.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
“Okay, Z,” Ludwig takes the floor once again. “As the winner of today’s mini challenge, you can pick the color of your team and your first teammate. What’s it gonna be, Team Black or Team White?”
“No brainer, I don’t wanna lose my fuckin’ teammates in the snow, so I’m going black,” the hog badger jokes, his remark causing a smirk on most guys. “As for my first teammate, also a no brainer, hoped I could get this guy and I did. Drew, let’s win this shit,” he says, welcoming the polecat over.
“Z and I just click like that, and I feel that’s the most important thing on team challenges like this. And hey, going first is an ego bonus, right? Can’t wait to kick some tail.”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“Kenneth, team white, who you gonna choose?” Ludwig asks.
“I finally get to be asked that, Ludwig, don’t be so dry...” Kenneth replies jokingly. “This guy picked me first on the last round, so I guess it’s only fair that I return the favor. Arron, come over…”
“No surprises there,” the host chuckles, as the two badgers share a quick hug before turning towards the rest of the group. “Z, it’s your turn…”
“Think this guy got more experience on the rough-n-tough side of things, and think Kenneth would rather eat yellow snow than pick him, so...” Z shrugs to the badgers’ laughter, the giant otter nodding as he got the point. “Come here, unless you rather go with Ken’s team, Eddie. I can arrange somethin’...”
“I’d rather gorge on half a pound of rotten fish…” Eddie snarks, walking forward to bump fists with Z and Andrew without even looking at the opposing captain. “But I’m sure we’ll do great. He can talk all he wants about me, but these two are tough as they come,” he says, earning a pleased chuckle from the mechanic.
"Yah, Eddie and I butted heads in the last few challenges, but bet he’d love me back after not putting him in the same team as Ken and Ron. It’d be fun to see them kill each other, not gonna lie, but I need that elbow grease I know he got.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
“Kenneth, next pick,” Ludwig addresses the roofer. John is shown looking at him expectantly, mindful of the “pact” they struck on the earlier flight.
The badger turns to whisper to Arron. “Chayne did better and knows snow, but John is winning them all to date… what you think?” the captain asks.
“This might be Chayne’s territory, like Eddie’s on water week,” Arron replies.
Kenneth shakes his head. “But… I need to pick John, dude. If we leave him to Z, I know for a fact he’s gonna fuck up our game.”
“You think he’s going John?” the firefighter asks, cocking his head.
“I dunno, but I can’t take the risk,” the badger sighs. “Just… trust me on this, alright? I’ll explain later…”
“So, what’s it gonna be?” Ludwig prods the badger.
Kenneth looks up. “Okay… I need to win this one, and John has worked out in team challenges, so I’m going John Blake.”
*camera shows the stoat grinning, taking his spot* “And let the Blake magic begin!”
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
Ludwig looks at the pensive captain. “Alright, Zakee, you got one more mustelid to join your team. Who’s it gonna be, Chayne or William?”
“Well, after kicking ass on the course, I can’t ignore his efforts. Love ya William, but I gotta pick Chayne for this one.” Zakee oinks in approval as the marten steps forward.
“That means William will join Kenneth, Arron and John on the white team,” Ludwig says.
“Ever since I was the captain in the first challenge, I always got chosen towards the end. I’m not saying I deserve anything more than the cards I was dealt, but it’s disheartening to feel these people are not considering me as worthy to have on their teams. Once I win this one, however, it’ll be the one I feel I can make my turning point.”
~William, 34, Least Weasel, Personal Trainer
Ludwig saw some of the mustelids break formation, heading to the van that’ll take them to the challenge’s starting point. “Oh, before we go, one more thing,” he says, his voice making the eight stop in their tracks. “You don’t think I’ll let you dive in without telling you of the reward, eh?”
“Yeah?” Greasy Z immediately brightens up. “Do we get to shred some gnarly on the slopes back in Squaw?”
“Actually, the winning team is going to Squaw Valley… to spend the night in a luxury chalet,” Ludwig grins. “I’m talking a private, scenic retreat with incredible views and top-notch amenities such as a hot tub, a fire pit and a fully fledged game lounge. You’ll get served a hot, hearty meal and will get to enjoy a good night of sleep in comfy king size beds. Pretty much the perfect way to recover after a day of grueling challenges,” he says. “Oh, by the way, the winning captain will also receive the usual $1000 cash tip.”
*camera focuses on the weasel* “That’s the minimum I need after surviving this death challenge in this death weather. Orlando doesn’t dare to get this cold, and seeing this area in the comfort of a luxury home is a tempting prize, I’ll give Ludwig that.” *laughs*
~William, 34, Least Weasel, Personal Trainer
“But, for the first time in this America Mustelid Alpha journey,” Ludwig’s tone becomes more sober. “The losing team will have to… face the music.” the host notes the ear perking and the dumbfounded expressions. “They will have to make do with this.”
Kenneth and Zakee gulp as the stoat host digs in the trunk of his snowmobile, getting a rolled-up tent and sleeping bags - everyone immediately getting the point loud and clear.
“You wouldn’t dare…” Chayne immediately shakes his head. “I dunno about you guys, but I don’t wanna become food for wolves.”
“The unlucky four will spend the night… reconnecting with mother nature.” Ludwig quips, shrugging off the marten’s reaction. “Tents, sleeping bags, water and rations just like you remember them from the barracks.”
“I’m like… is this even allowed?” *looks concerned* “I really don’t want to be the first to pussy out, but we been here enough to know it could hit the low 20s overnight. If I get frostbite and lose all my fingers, I won’t be able to return to my job!”
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
“Stakes were already high enough, but this final bombshell has me willing to lay everything on the line to get this win. Sure, I got John and William to shield me from a fucking bear attack, but I’d rather win the chalet and leave the black team to deal with that, thank you very much...” *chuckles*
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“Bullshit,” John scoffs, amused and in disbelief. “You’re pulling a prank on us, Ludwig. Just say so…”
“I got the tents here to prove it’s not a joke, Blake,” Ludwig nods. “If you want to skip it, you know what you gotta do.”
The stoat returns to his game face. “I’m just saying, I know the pig here may not mind, he might just find camping out on the dirt like a throwback to his home.”
“Are you kidding me, John? When do you ever go camping in like twenty inches of fresh snow?” Greasy Z turns to the jailer, glossing over the full extent of his jab.
“Never, and I don’t intend to today,” he replies, not looking at the mechanic..
“Me neither, dude,” the hog badger shoots back. “Just so you know, I’m gonna do my damnedest to make sure you freeze your balls off tonight. It’s just how it is when you ain’t nice to people, bud…”
“I can tell the stakes are higher than ever,” Ludwig pokes in, interrupting the quarrel between the two mustelids. “It’s fine for it to be that way, you know. As we get closer to the end, any challenge could help you build your Alpha claim - and forcing half the group to a night in the wilderness is a good way to boost that cred,” he says. “Your gear for the challenge is waiting for you in the back of the van. Jump on and get prepped, I’ll see you in a few…”
The camera pans out as the group walks out and boards the vehicle, following from behind as it rolls on among the aspen-dominated hardwood forest.
“Only you can prevent forest fires...” Arron mindlessly quips, looking out the window, making the others chuckle.
“As we weed out the competition, it starts to become more real. Winning this could get Yvonne to college, could get us to a nicer house, could ensure Dominique a safety net, which given my job, it’s a relief, I’ll say.” *the honey badger is shown resting his head on the window* “You could say… honey badger cares about winning this gig. Much more than these others.”
~Arron, 28, Honey Badger, Firefighter
***
11:30 AM
39° F
A snow flurry is blowing across the track as the two teams position themselves behind the starting line, all clad in gloves, skull hats and high-performance winter running gear. A few briefly test their cross-country skis, kicking forward with gliding strides to make sure they’ve got a hang of the movement. “This ain’t gonna go well…” William muses, spitting out a mouthful of snow as a hard tumble sent him to the floor, quickly making his way up.
“Once you get the hang of it, it all works out...” Andrew replies, trying his best to keep his balance, impaling the ground with his poles.
“Black team, white team, are you ready?” the host shouts, both groups focused in the snowy path ahead of them. “GO!”
The eight mustelids begin kicking forward at once, captains leading the way as they begin to move out of the starting zone. Zakee is quick to shore up his patrol, motioning them to keep on the left side of the path and move forward together in a straight line. The white team is looking a little less organized, Kenneth and John immediately propelling themselves to the front of the pack as Arron and William start lagging.
“Ken! Wait for us, brother!” the honey badger yells, watching with disconcert as the Honduran weasel tentatively skids on the icy surface with little balance - their two teammates fully oblivious to his struggle.
On the white team, Chayne steps up as a guide to the rest. “If you set your skis straight on a slope, you gonna eat dirt,” the marten tells Andrew, turning to the otter. “Watch the tail, ya gonna get road rash there!”
“Easy for you to remember, your tail weighs a tenth of mine…” Eddie huffs, propping himself upright as he closes the quartet.
“What I DO know in this environment is the skiing part, no short thanks to plenty of vacations around New England and upstate New York...” *grins* “It’s a crash course to get these three guys on track, but it’ll be key to get way ahead.”
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
As the road imperceptibly begins to inch up, Z’s team is clearly starting to gain on Kenneth’s - William clearly holding back the rest of his teammates, his technique decidedly rougher than the other’s. Noticing the personal trainer’s trouble, Kenneth resolves to go back and stay with him - helping him move forward by showing him the correct technique and instructing him to stay on his tail. The small climb is actually a blessing for the weasel, as less skiing ability and more sheer power are required to move uphill - the group progressing from the classic skate skiing to a more sustainable herringbone.
“Do you want me to describe this team in the honest way or the Christmas way?” *pause, replies completely stoic* “Miracles can still happen… Kenneth, if we end in the duel, I’m ending you so fucking bad.”
~John, 36, Stoat, Jailer
“C’mon, dudes! They’re lagging behind, we can build on this!” Andrew urges the rest of the black team as they reach the top of the small hill.
“Shit’s tiring, what the fuck...” Z grunts as he reaches Chayne by the summit.
“As a team we’re doing a pretty darn good job to cover for each other’s weak spots. Chayne’s climbing forward like a darn goat, me and Drew are covering his back and Sergeant Caprio’s bringing up the rear like the good ol’ soldier he is.” *the black team briefly waits at the top for the lutrine to come, getting ready to tackle the downhill section* “Really, I couldn’t ask for a better patrol! Even if… Eddie has the grace of a semi-trailer...” *chuckles at his own joke*
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
“Now be careful, guys…” Chayne warns the rest of the group as they begin to gently glide down the downhill, skis bent in a V-shape. “Don’t go too fast, don’t overdo it, just focus on where you’re heading to and face that way. If you need to curve, slightly shift your weight to the outer ski and you’ll start bending…”
“Easier said than done…” Eddie grumbles, his rudder pressed against his back as he tests the marten’s indication by leaning on one foot, then the other. The group starts to tackle the mostly-straight downhill, Chayne constantly looking behind for any signs of distress from any component or the other team catching up on them.
He doesn’t need to be worried yet, as Kenneth and his team are just about to get to the highest point on the trail. “Hurry up, kids!” John admonishes Arron and William, a hint of growing fear detectable in his tone.
“We’re going as fast as we can!” Arron retorts, getting increasingly annoyed at John’s charging. “If we fall, we gonna lose a lot of time!”
*the weasel tumbles and struggles to not have his knees buckle on the show, impaling the ground with the ski sticks to find balance* “No bueno… No… bueno.”
~William, 34, Least Weasel, Personal Trainer
“GUYS! Big turn left!” Chayne yells, looking over with increasing worry as he notices his teammates have caught more speed than what they might be able to manage. Granted, the marten is quick to perform the turn, Andrew slowing his glide just in time and following his lead while Z and Eddie are caught by surprise and end up careening towards the fresh snow on the side of the trail - the hog badger tripping over himself in a bid to overcorrect, Eddie barely managing to avoid crashing into him as he runs over and into where Z was.
Zakee looks at the otter that fell on top of him, both staring into each other’s visors. “We have to stop meeting like this, least ask before canoodlin’...”
“You ain’t funny, pig,” Eddie snorts, working his shoe back into the binding that got torn open in the ruinous fall. “All good, guys!” he yells towards Chayne and Andrew, using his rudder to propel himself upright as the two look over in apprehension.
“I’m a master at a whole lot of things, but skiing ain’t one of ‘em.” *lets out a grimace* “Having your weaknesses being put on display for anyone to see is not a good feeling, I’ll tell you that. But…” *camera hovers on the black team resuming their motion, then the white teams as they tentatively begin to tackle the downhill, way back on the trail* “As long as there’s someone doing worse than me, I got nothing to worry about.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
Slowly but surely, after a pretty taxing flat section, Zakee and his team are starting to approach the changing zone - Ludwig waiting for them in front of their changing station. They all skid in front of the stoat host, tossing out their skis and boots to put on their running shoes.
“Come on, William, step it up!” John growls, looking over his shoulder in a bid to help his teammate to close into the final section of the uphill trail.
“Hey, this is new shit for me you focus on yourself, we can’t rush this!” the weasel replies, as Arron takes the curved slope down first.
“Guys, can it, we gotta regain the pace, else the others win,” a frustrated Kenneth interrupts the two. “Now, go down here, and do it slowly, else someone’s gonna eat shit...”
The four white-clad mustelids begin to tackle the downhill, picking up speed in an uncontrollable fashion as they struggle to control their motions in a bid to catch up on their rivals. Soon enough, they get to the sharp left bend where the black team crashed before - Arron being the first to trip over his feet and face plant as he falls forward, prompting a loud curse from Kenneth. William sits down on his tail as soon as he sees the honey badger falling, while John tries to steer left but spins sideways out of the trail.
“Just in case you don’t know…” *camera focuses on John* “Snowball over here in white means the team can’t make up where he is half the time unless he complains.” *grunts as he picks himself up* “I hope there is not a Winter Olympian on the other team, I want to get to the other sections quick.”
~William, 34, Least Weasel, Personal Trainer
As the battered white team reaches the changing section, anxious to finally drop down their skis, the black team is running through the streets of Tahoe City to make their way towards the lake. Eddie has taken command of the operation, leading the group in a straight line as they jog along North Lake Boulevard - cars and pick-up trucks passing them left and right as they go, a few bystanders looking intently at the four mustelids and the camera operators following the group.
“How ya feelin’, guys?” Z asks between huffs, trying to keep up the team’s mood. “I bet Ken and the others are still trying to find each other in a ravine…”
“So far, we goin’ good here!” Chayne laughs between tired breathing. “You, Andrew?”
“Super duper here!” the polecat winks back. “Even better when we send ‘em sleeping in the woods!”
“Oh, here’s the path to the lake!” Eddie yells, as the state highway opens to a small private road heading downhill on its right. The four mustelids tackle it with redoubled energy, soon reaching the shore and the twin quadruple kayaks waiting for them.
“Think we got a better chance if we just tie the kayak to Eddie while he tows us swimming?” Chayne jokes as they don the life jackets and get in the long inflatable canoe.
The lutrine chuckles, taking off his skull cap and putting it in his pocket. “If you want me to die of hypothermia, sure…” he says, his rudder swishing back and forth to test the water temperature. “Now get in and pick up your paddles, I’ll push the kayak in…” The four mustelids comply as Eddie shoves the boat forward, water lapping midway up his legs before he decides to jump up, balancing the kayak from behind with his superior weight.
“This is indeed a new experience for many of us. Steering the ship right ain’t easy, I can tell ya, and it took a while before we could get into some kind of coordination.” *the kayak is shown wobbling out of the shore and into the deeper, calmer waters of the lake* “It pays a lot to know that Ken and the others are still God knows where…”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
However, the white team has managed to make up a bit of the ground in the running section and is now getting ready to jump on their own kayak. Kenneth doesn’t waste time to direct the group, taking full command of the operations as soon as they reach the boating shore. “John in the front, Will in the back, me and ‘Ron in the middle. Hurry up, they ain’t waiting!” he says as he unhooks the string keeping the oars together, tossing them to his teammates without too many ceremonies.
Arron sits down in the vessel, his weight shaking the whole kayak. “Hey, watch it you gonna topple us over!” John reprimands the honey badger, clutching the sides.
“I was trying not to step on your tail, but by all means!” Arron retorts, tossing the stoat’s long appendage off his lap. “In case you missed it, Blake, all four of us gotta sit in this thing, and you ain’t making it easy…”
“Everybody shut up!” Kenneth commands from the middle seat. Using the pause he caused, the badger continues, looking behind at the one who readied the quickest. “William, you do this exercise constantly in your dayjob, so I trust you to steamboat us until we done, yeah?”
The weasel immediately picks up his paddle and starts treading water to his left, motioning to Arron to do the same while the other two paddle to their right. “It’s done, cap’n!” he exclaims, the group letting out a collective cheer as the kayak begins to move forward.
“You two in front better get a rhythm going and steer when I say, else we gonna end in the middle of the lake and drown, you want that?” Kenneth talks to Arron and John, as the kayak makes its way into the lake.
*passes paws through his face, sighing in frustration* “I’m about to have a full on anxiety attack...”
*camera focuses on a winded up weasel, coughing once* “...William’s about to die...”
*the white stoat rows on the wrong side, before regaining the rhythm* “...John Blake’s mentally all the way back in Arizona...”
*the honey badger moves his dreadlocks from his face, looking aloof at the others* “And Arron don’t care, he don’t give a shit! Please… I don’t want to lose five challenges in a fucking row...”
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“Can’t you keep this thing going straight?” Eddie addresses Andrew and Chayne, visibly annoyed, as the black team’s kayak keeps heading left and edging further and further away from the shore. “By this rate, we gonna cover double the road they do…”
“No, guys, do not row on the same direction! Darn...” Z huffs. “Straight line! And keep a steady rhythm, don’t speed up or slow down!”
Slowly but surely, the otter and the hog badger’s combined directioning starts to yield results - their kayak finally heading the right way as they double Dollar Point and begin heading towards the shoring point in downright Tahoe City. However, they can see the white team slowly gaining ground on them - all four rowers padding in perfect sync under Kenneth’s steady command.
“Easy does it… hey, no, right, right!” Kenneth instructs his teammates. “And don’t give out on me, Will!” A glint in his eye forms as he makes up the silhouette of the other kayak.
“We catching up on ‘em,” Arron says with a knowing grin, briefly turning towards his friend as he pads. “This thing ain’t over by any means…”
“Sure, they might have Eddie, but pound-for-pound we’re outmuscling ‘em by tons. From here ‘til the end it all comes down to who got more gas in the tank, and I know we can edge ahead even with the huge head start they had.” *smirks as he rows, his energies redoubled* “I’m so looking forward to that chalet right now!”
~Arron, 28, Honey Badger, Firefighter
Both teams saw the next checkpoint in the shape of a flag in front of the shore, putting more work in their rowing, trying to beat each other. “Guys, they’re closing on us!” Eddie yells, gasping as he briefly turns back to check the white team’s progress. Sure enough, he can now distinguish the look of pure determination on Kenneth’s muzzle, the badger yelling at regular intervals and setting the pace for his teammates. “On my go, speed up and put all you got for the final stretch! Two, one… GO!” he shouts. “Left! Right! Left! Right!”
The whole group redoubles their motions, Zakee being slightly peeved at the lutrine taking command of operations but choosing not to question him.
“I ain’t that I think Ed don’t knows his shit, but he gotta stop with the commandin’ sometimes, else it’s like ya don’t trust us in puttin’ the work.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
Eventually, the black team is the first to dock their kayak at Commons Beach, immediately jumping out and following directions on the asphalt road that leads onto the Tahoe Rim Trail. Finally on his favorite terrain, Zakee takes command of the operations, stepping in front of the line as the group begins tackling the hard hiking path that will take them well above 7,500 feet.
The white team isn’t all far behind, Kenneth and Arron looking over with confidence as they see their opponents disappearing in the distance. “We gonna catch ‘em up the trail, no doubt,” the roofer points out to the firefighter as John pushes the kayak to shore. Soon they settle on their chase, running through the small mountain streets of Lake Tahoe before finally finding the opening of the hiking path.
“Think we can scent track them to catch up?” Arron jokes to his captain. “I mean, with Z on their team...”
The long-haired badger chuckles, huffing slightly as the nature trail begins inching up. “He’s barely ahead,” he points out with a straight face, ostentatiously sniffing as the whole team opens up into laughter. “I think Eddie’s easier to track though...”
“How so?” John asks.
“Bullshit reeks stronger...” the badger quips, provoking more laughter from the rest of his team.
“Loose legs, guys, don’t cramp up just yet!” William exclaims, regaining his strength and managing to outpace the rest, more comfortable in this portion of the race. The weasel’s hiking shoes stride confidently over the snowy terrain, eagerly taking the slope in a bid to make up from his earlier faltering in the skiing section.
“I might be out of my elements compared to sunny Florida, but this is very much familiar to my endurance training. Once I get my heat up, I dare ya to stop me!”
~William, 34, Least Weasel, Personal Trainer
A mere hundred metres ahead, the black team is decidedly more concerned. Eddie’s huffing and puffing like a steam locomotive, the otter struggling to keep on Chayne’s tail because of his huge bulk and the added struggle of high altitude. Not wanting to show any sign of struggle, he’s brought himself to the peak of exertion - heart racing well over required in his bid to not lose contact from the rest of his squad.
“All good, Ed?” Andrew turns, his breath visible as thick smoke in the cold air.
The lutrine looks up, barely able to talk. “You’ll… need to slow down a bit there,” he concedes between pants. “You’re 22 and made of caffeine and hormones, so... I take you’re a natural at this…”
“We can’t slow down, guys,” Zakee raises his voice, not passing on the chance to call out the Navy veteran. “They’re on our tails, mofos, if they pass us by now, that’ll give ‘em extra energy to close it up!”
Chayne, ahead of the pack to keep a lookout, turns to his team, his expression changing into one of dread. “Y-you can say that again!” The marten points to the back of the team, making up a silhouette of another group in the distance - Kenneth and his guys, slowly inching closer to them as the path progresses.
John looks up, the white stoat taking his eyes out of the snowy path the team was concentrated on, a smirk forming on his features. “You see that?”
Arron looks up at the jailer’s words, changing his tired expression to a confident one. “Yeah...” he snickers. “It’s going to get real...”
“There they are, guys!” Kenneth yells excitedly, spotting the unmistakable shape of the lutrine a few metres above. He picks up his pace, jogging past William up the steepest section of the climb. “C’mon y’all, we gotta get past them!”
*pause, eyes darting from left to right* “...And then the shit hit the fan...”
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
“FUCKING CRANK IT! GO, GO, GO!” Zakee yells, the hog badger forcing himself to step up the trail faster. The white team has made a move all at a sudden, running forward to close up the deficit with Eddie in a matter of seconds. The lutrine’s body is obstructing the narrow path, yet he doesn’t show any intention of letting his rivals pass him, hands over his knees to help him keep up his slow, steady pace as his teammates start gaining on him.
“Outta the way, dude!” Kenneth growls, dodging the lutrine’s rudder as he tries to swat it in his direction.
“The hell I will!” Eddie snarls, positioning his thick tail by the badger’s legs in order to trip him up down to the snow.
“You know… they’ll still… have to wait for you at the summit,” the roofer points at the otter’s teammates, whose backs are becoming smaller and smaller as they move ahead of the second group. “You can’t have it, pal. Just give way like a good soldier…”
Eddie glares at Kenneth, noticing the stoat and the honey badger stepping off the trail and into the thick snow to get past him . With a swift motion, he swings his rudder next to John’s legs, sending him down to the ground in a flurry of swear words. “You too gotta wait, “pal”...” the lutrine snarks.
“These guys are surrounding me like fucking vultures. But forget about them...” *camera shows John being helped up by Arron* “Just because they can sort of hike doesn’t make them the winners of this race yet.”
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
Eventually, though, the whole white team resolves to use the same strategy in order to surpass Eddie. The otter has wasted a lot of energies in order to keep up a pace well above his abilities, and is forced to watch powerlessly as the group marches through the snow and back onto the trail. He does his best to keep up his pace, but it’s clear his opponents have got more energies left in their tanks. Soon they’re closing in on the other members of the black team, all of them having overexerted themselves and lost contact with each other in their bid to gain ground on their rivals.
“The black squad is crumbling before our eyes, and frankly I’m all for it.” *Kenneth smirks at Chayne as the white team passes him by* “They thought they had this in the bag after the skiing section, but they vastly underestimated the will power and grits of a badger on the prowl.” *the group walks past Andrew as he catches his breath, paws on his knees, midway through the steepest portion* “I so look forward to sending them to freeze their balls off tonight as we relax in that luxury chalet.” *the badger moves past Z with the biggest grin on his face, his whole team following suit as they walk past the highest point*
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
After a small descent, the white team reaches the makeshift shooting range - big smiles on their muzzles as they spot Ludwig’s figure awaiting them.
“Remember, you get five rounds each…” the stoat host warns the group as Kenneth eagerly moves towards the rifle. “Each missed shot adds two minutes to your final tally, so take your time with it!”
Soon the cracking sound of shots is filling the quiet mountain valley, as the white-clad mustelids trade turns on the rifle in a bid to shoot down the five targets standing a few metres ahead.
*the honey badger cocks his head, confused. Kenneth flawlessly and quickly doing away with his turn at the gun* “Okay, we see you, Kenneth ‘I didn’t think mentioning I’m a hitman for hire was important’ Geib...” *chuckles*
~Arron, 28, Honey Badger, Firefighter
“Damn that last one…” the roofer says, shaking his head as he gives the rifle to the firefighter. Contrarily to the paintball enthusiast, both Arron and William take their time on each shot - way less confident than him with a shooting weapon. John closes it up, the stoat nailing every target without breaking a sweat. “And that’s how you do it, folks…” he chuckles as he sets down the barrel, the whole team watching the older mustelid’s performance in awe.
“Of course the cop gets ‘em...” Arron snarks at William.
“C’mon guys! The bikes!” Kenneth shouts, motioning to the rest of the group as they swiftly put on their helmets and jump onto their flat-tire mountain bikes for the last section of the challenge.
Soon Z and the black team also reach the clearing, heavily battered and discouraged after the long hike and the time they wasted in waiting for each other. Without many ceremonies, Eddie grabs the rifle from the rack, puts his earplugs on and gets in the classical shooting stance, already eyeing the first target ahead.
“I am sort of sure that, except for Z, the others may not have much experience with weapons, so by doing this swiftly and flawlessly, I can win lost time between the climb and their misses. I’m hoping the muscle memory from back at the Navy stuck!” *the otter takes aim and shoots round after round in quick succession*
~Eddie, 32, Giant Otter, Demolition Foreman
As soon as Eddie is done shooting, Z is quick to take over - the hog badger’s demeanor immediately turning dead serious as he focuses on the task at hand. He’s not as flawless as the lutrine, nor is Andrew - both Texans missing two targets apiece compared to Eddie’s straight five. The biggest issues arise when it’s Chayne’s turn to shoot, the marten obviously intimidated by handling such a large weapon.
“Hold it steady for the recoil, and concentrate!” Eddie tries to instruct the bartender.
“I’m trying!” Chayne replies in reflex, taken aback from the rifle’s rearward thrust after his first shot. “How can you even keep this thing steady?”
“Lean on your shoulder, don’t lean back and don’t shake it. Make it count!” Z tries to brush off his teammate’s worries.
*grunts as his shots end up going nowhere* “Listen, Z and Andrew come from Texas where this is a religion, and this was Eddie’s job for like 45 years. We don’t do this shit where I’m from! I appreciate their patience with this, but I’m this close to just shooting the five anywhere and making up for the deficit on the bike section.”
~Chayne, 28, Beech Marten, Bartender
Meanwhile, the white team is already speeding down the descent to Tahoe City on their mountain bikes, conveniently equipped with snow tires. Kenneth leads the group down the slope, careful not to mess up their sizable lead on Z’s team as he expertly rides his bike across the slippery trail.
“Stay on my tail, guys!” he yells to the rest of the group, briefly turning back and noticing John and William are falling behind.
The stoat looks up, his expression nearing bloody murder. “If we want to break a bone, sure!” he shouts back. “Slow down a little, they ain’t coming back anytime soon!”
“If we fall, it’s done!” William agrees. “We staying close, don’t worry!”
“Let them, Ken...” Arron nods, exploiting a slightly larger section to pull his front wheel ahead of the roofer’s. “We got this at this pace, you lead the way, cap.”
“You know… yeah. Plus, if John falls, we will spend the whole fucking night trying to find his ass on the snow. You seen him?” *camera focuses on John biking* “Lookit all this baking soda stoat here...” *snerks*
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
“Guys, this is it,” Greasy Z tries to pump up his teammates as they get ready to head out of the shooting range, Andrew fastening his helmet’s straps with a determined expression on his muzzle. “Down in one go. Let’s drive ‘em in, y’all!”
The black team is quick to tackle the narrow mountain path, the hog badger leading the way while Eddie brings up the rear - his rudder pressed against his back to avoid it brushing the back wheel. Chayne is finally able to contribute, zipping past Andrew with ease and pulling almost level with Zakee, his wheels skidding on the snow in a practiced fashion. “This is just like riding a board!” the marten yells excitedly, eager to make up the lost ground.
“Excuse me dude…” the mechanic retorts, tackling a corner by bending slightly his weight to the right, his arms up and elbows square, as if he were on a motocross course. “I could totally do this shit on a dirtbike!”
“Watch it, shit’s gonna get steep!” Andrew yells to the two in front of him. The hog badger stays unfazed, launching himself down the small downhill at full speed and pulling up once he’s riding flat. “This is better than Glen Helen, baby!” he howls, briefly looking back to avoid losing contact with his teammates.
As much as the black team is catching up, their opponents have managed to keep up a tiny lead on the last section of the downhill, the steep gradient declining to a gentler inclination and making a lot easier for them to keep their bikes going forward. Hearing Z’s booming voice from behind, Kenneth rides all the way forward, urging his teammates to follow his lead. “Last push, guys!” he shouts. “Up behind, full speed ahead, the pig’s doubling down!”
Granted, the black team is zooming through the last section, making up inch after inch in their bid to complete the challenge ahead of their rivals. It isn’t enough still, as the badger is the first to tackle the last turn left on Mount Watson Access - letting out a triumphant howl as soon as he spots the familiar shape of Ludwig standing just a few steps past the finish line.
The two badgers ride past the stoat host, stopping short after to exchange a high-five. “AND WE BEAT ‘EM UP!” Kenneth lets his bike sprawl, jumping off it and getting to his feet. Right as he’s celebrating, Z makes his way through the clearing and across the line, soon followed by his own teammates.
“It fucking sucks that we never managed to catch up after getting dropped on the big hike. But hey, there’s still the shooting to be factored in, and we came so close to them that it’s still wide open!”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
“Alright, guys… mad props for the effort. It was quite a close finish, you eight!” Ludwig smiles, clad in a heavy military coat and apparel. “But only one team will get the immunity and the chalet prize.” The two teams are hanging onto his words, still recovering from the effort, arms slung across each other’s shoulders as they await the verdict. “So here’s where we’re at,” the stoat points out. “Kenneth’s team finished forty-one seconds ahead of Greasy Z’s. Given that each missed target adds a two-minute penalty, the black team needs to have nailed at least one more shot than the white team.”
“Eddie was flawless, and me and Andy held on. Outside of John Blake, I don’t think the rest got enough experience there to make up for lost ground…” *Zakee looks at the other team, intently* “I know we can close this up.”
~Greasy Z, 29, Hog Badger, Automobile Mechanic
“Among the four of them, Eddie, Andrew, Zakee and Chayne have scored a collective eleven shots out of twenty.” Ludwig lets the silent tension hang in the air. “Kenneth’s team has scored… fourteen shots, which means...” Almost instantly, Kenneth bowls over, the rest of his squad visibly celebrating and jumping around with elation. “The white team wins immunity and the chalet reward!”
The badger stutters, barely able to make out a word in response, mouth agape, before getting up and turning to Ludwig. “Worth the wait, Ken?” the host asks him as he shakes his paw.
“100%,” Kenneth exclaims, struggling to contain his excitement. “Losing team challenge after team challenge was messing with myself big fucking time, and to finally not only win, but to do it as soon as I get to be the captain, well… that feels terrific.”
“Here’s the key to your reward,” Ludwig says, handing over a heavy, wooden keyring to the excited badger. “A warm shower, a good meal and a great night of sleep in one of the most scenic homes around Lake Tahoe. Sounds good, guys?”
“More than good!” John perks up, shooting a glance at the defeated team.
“It’s taken this long for me… and it’s just so worth it, man.” *the badger gestures with his paws, then frantically messing his hair up* “I got the cap win! I have put my mark on the map, and this is the high I need to keep me fueled and goin’!” *smiles*
~Kenneth, 24, American Badger, Roofer/CrossFit Instructor
While Z manages to crack a faint smile and nod at Kenneth, it was evident the black team were very much unenthused in having their punishment handed to them.
“Zakee, Eddie, Chayne, Andrew, this time, I do have something for you...” Ludwig points at the rolled up tents and camping supplies. “While your opponents enjoy their reward, you’ll be settling your camp and spending your night outside. And tomorrow, we will proceed as usual with the next Individual Challenge and the Duel, where one of you will be the fifth mustelid axed from American Mustelid Alpha.”
“This challenge was maybe the hardest physical effort I ever took in my life, and having it ending this way is nothing short of a straight up kick in the balls.” *shakes his head dejectedly* “I won’t even lie, what lies ahead is fucking scary - but I’m gonna put a strong front and show I can take it as well as Eddie or Z. I just hope the elements aren’t too harsh on us four…” *sniggers*
~Andrew, 22, European Polecat, Roadie
**
Team Challenge #5, “Patrol Relay”
BLACK TEAM: Greasy Z (captain), Andrew, Eddie, Chayne
WHITE TEAM: Kenneth (captain), Arron, John, William
White Team: 3h 04:24 (2h 52:24 + 12:00 of penalty)
Black Team: 3h 11:05 (2h 53:05 + 18:00 of penalty)
