About the Drawings 1. freeform lines 2. how long 3. freeform lines 4. i am god 5. life itself 6. freeform lines 7. i feel i have little control and i must surrender to the greater being // it might be god but it is definitely the stars the stars are speaking // writing // the trip goes as i say and i say take a shower and transcend 8. the world as known (?) // i can't do anything that i meant to the new consciousness 9. clothing dye splatter left 10. the beauty of creation // yes (clothing dye splatter right) 11. 700 mg DXM robotablets be like be like be like be like 12. my art must not be disrupted trip 700 mg freebase DXM 13. 2s 14. it feels like the world recededed outwards and we died // undertale chill 800% mind shredder // paulstretch dissociation // i am stuck and embedded in another reality and i will try to escape or embrace it but i must // 22222222 // number // math 15. future // no // dream of co(?) 16. no water no shower no future the future the future does not exist // and i am stuck in an alternate reality where nothing is the same // when i sit back i fall and 17. memory of a bygone time thank you // but i feel good scribbling then keep doing it log everything the pausl // would i look at the last ones paulstretch 18. will sit here // water, shower forgotten // water, shower, forgotten // no self // no control // lose // how do i do that // i might help // try try try try // i can't read the time and have to concentrate when tma (?) i write 20:12 // feels super ialehts (?) // i can't i ca 19. i could sit here doing this all day but my thought is: what next? Time Dilation but I am paralyzed and I can feel some dumb shit come on when i am tripping balls i should have a trip sitter but i donnnnnnt // breath // time // whatever something will happen // no bitch you 20. never know me // never love me // never know me // never // the brain is such a fragile thing
The Trip Report Contains some verbatim excerpts from journal. 540 mg of freebase (700 mg HBr) DXM administered at 18:17. Watched some youtube videos to chill out. Plans were to shower, go for a walk, listen to music, play LSD Dream Emulator, and document the trip. Meditate if anxious or nauseous. At 18:36, my stomach feels like it's itching or burning. Back of neck itches. Sign of nausea? I always vomit. Listen to "The Bend" by Real Estate, Paulstretch slowed down by 800%. Nothing very major at 18:43, just have to wait and the entire world will be different in about an hour or two. The drunk sensation = meditate?
19:08. I tried meditating and failed and instead vomited like fuck the lo mein I ate earlier. My eyes are watery. AND I FEEL LIKE WRITER scratching the fuck out of my temples & scalp. Difficult to porefoorm tasks i want to listen to concept 11 still life coc kodommmmm log ever gotta take a shower otherwordly experience The body load is massive, I feel paralyzed & don't want to move a muscle more were (?) the nausea fucked up my throat. I ask myself twice why I did this. Sweat & vomit again extreme discomfort I could write in here forever.
After failing to meditate, then doing a primordial-sounding dry heaving and vomiting/purging, coming to my computer to listen to Kodomo's Concept 11 on repeat to calm myself down, then purging again, I finally become more lucid and the heavy dizziness ends. I get bored and try to think of something to do. I don't want to play LSD Dream Emulator. The heavy dissociation, the peak, begins at a vague moment where I focus and I feel like I have someone else's glasses on--double vision, and very difficult to read. A matte grayish, bumpiness comes in my vision. I am paralyzed to my chair while listening to Paulstretched music like this (mentioned in drawing #14). I make frenzied, uncontrollable drawings and cryptographic writings in a sketchbook I found beside my desk alongside a sharpie. Stuck in limbo type of reality similar to this or this, a grayish-white solitary infinity between mortality and the afterlife. I am trapped into the sketchpad. I am God. In this alternate reality in which I am stuck in, there is no future, the past is a vague mystery, and there is only the present moment where nothing is the same. Time is dilated four times; when I felt I was in the chair for 4 hours, only one hour had actually passed.
I vaguely remember what follows but I gain lucidity and come down from the peak. I am free of the body load and I can walk, but I do a typical robowalk--shuffling my feet robotically to move around. I finally take a shower. Not as pleasant (nor unpleasant) as I thought. Felt like a third person view or something and the water's effect or heat did not feel as prominent on my skin as I expected it would. I clean up my room and still feel a lingering "foreignness" or deja vu as continue. I have low energy. I want to watch Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas and try to but can't. Try to sleep. Can't sleep without lingering hallucinations (or rather, pervasive imaginations) coming and going. The jackets hanging on my closet door look like people. I close my eyes and I am a toy in a Toy Story type of scenario. Lie down and do nothing until I actually fall asleep.
Woke up 3 times during the night. The afterglow in the following morning is poor. Sluggish and lethargic. Achy muscles.
Post-Trip Thoughts Would I do this again? Not for a very long time. This being the 5th or 6th time I've tripped on DXM, the vomiting is inevitable. It is intense, with extremely uncomfortable but short-lived burning for a couple minutes. You have to deeply respect the power of DXM in a high dose trip. The insights are very surreal. From a variety of trips, high and low, I have 1) felt like an actor or video game character, with other people as NPCs, 2) been present in the room in multiple places simulataneously, 3) been larger than the universe, looking into it like a bubble, 4) been a drop of water, fell into the ocean and became the ocean, 5) had vision widen, turn into a sphere/fisheye lens, or with letterboxes around it, and 6) communicated with stars. The value of these trips I get from these surreal experiences, the grand and dissociative nature of them. I do not recommend people take this at this high of an amount unless you have had it before at lower ones.
