WARNING: Although this particular chapter does not depict violence or cursing, future installments will. As this story is based on an adult parody of MLP called The Mentally Advanced Series. I would encourage that if you had not watched it to do so to get a grasp of the world in which this takes place. Many of the jokes, lore, and otherwise are in reference to MAS, not just simply My Little Pony. I have also made a supercut that includes every reference and appearance of Celestia in the series. In case watching the entire MAS series maybe too time consuming. If you find Celestia, or other canon characters, used in crude and unpleasant depictions offensive, this is your warning. However, I would appreciate that you take a look anyway with an open mind.
The morning sun shimmered through Valiance Ascalon’s window. The large pale horse finished packing her briefcase and donned her metallic purple and gold armor. Her parents, a large albino shire and a dusty unicorn, awaited her along with the whole town of Salo at its entrance for Valiance’s departure.
“... And remember to mind your manners, she is generous, but easily disrespected.” Valiance’s mother, the unicorn, warned as she stood on her back legs to give her daughter one final hug.
“I know, Ma. You’ve told me several times.” Valiance replied warmly, returning the hug.
“Don’t you forget about us either, write to us when you get the chance.” her father, the shire, said gruffly.
“Yes, Pa, I knooow.” Valiance teasingly replied as she also gave him one more hug, “I’ll be sure to write to you as soon as I get settled.”
“Hey, Valiance!” called a young colt who squeezed his way through the crowd, “I heard you’re going to Canterlot to work for Celestia. You better be nice, or she’ll have ya flailed!”
“Junior!” the colt’s mother barked, slapping him in the back of the head.
“Ow! What’d I do?! I was only telling her the truth!” the colt yelped, rubbing his head.
Valiance chuckled, adjusting her helmet on before kneeling to the colt, “Thanks for the warning, but I think I’ll be ok.” She gave his mane a good ruffling before rising to her hooves. Within a few short strides, all she ever knew was behind her. Then, for one last time, she looked back to the town and proudly declared, “Hail Celestia!”
“Hail Celestia!” cheered the villagers as they watched Valiance make her leave and waved goodbye.
The town of Salo was located on the dryer half of the Hayseed Swamps where its residents lived in relative isolation for generations. Its closest neighbor was Dodge Junction, and even then, the walk Valiance had traversed, had taken from dawn to the early afternoon. It wasn’t the first time she had visited the junction for its train station, however, this time was different. Whether it was with her parents, with her classmates, or helping any of the local farmers deliver goods, Valiance had seen her fair share of mainland Equestria, if but briefly and never alone.
Butterflies aggressively fluttered in her chest once she sat down in her seat on the train. The pony adjacent to her only quickly flipped through his paper as she attempted to gain his attention.
“Sorry,” Valiance blurted out, “I’m quite nervous, it’s the first time I’m riding the train alone, heh, what about you?’
The business pony shot her a look with half opened eyes, “Lady, it’s my job.” He flipped his paper to shield himself from the bizarre mare, yet her striking size and armor left his curiosity to be satisfied. Closing his eyes and taking in a sharp sigh, he threw his paper to his side and asked, “So what's your story?”
Though the stallion could not see her face underneath her helmet, a gleam in Valiance’s eyes shimmered and a smile grew on her lips, “Oh! I am on my way to Canterlot to serve no other than Princess Celestia herself!”
“That explains the getup, but why would you wanna do something like that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? What could be more meaningful in life than serving Celestia herself?”
The stallion paused for a moment before lightly chuckling, “I get it now. You’re one of those cultists, aren’t you?”
Valiance gasped, “I-I beg your pardon? A cultist?”
“Yeah, every couple of years some loons come outta the woodwork sacrificing foals in the name of Celestia. It makes sense too, since you’re here at Dodge Junction. You probably swam outta the Hayseed Swamps, didn’t you?”
“Well… yes. But I assure you, we’re not cultists. And we don’t sacrifice fillies. How could you say that to someone you just met?”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” He smiled while patting her shoulder, “I’m a cultist too. There’s a bunch of freaks and weirdos like us in the city. You’ll feel right at home.”
Valiance sunk deep into her seat, regretting opening her mouth. As the stallion returned to his paper with a comforted smile, Valiance hoped her new acquaintance's words were exaggerated.
It was late afternoon when the train had finally reached Canterlot. The cultist gave a friendly wave as Valiance rushed off trying not to look back. She quickly looked towards the station’s clock and noted, ‘I better grab a room so I can hurry to the military signup office before it closes.’ She briskly booked a room in the closest hotel she came across and rushed to the castle. With five minutes to spare, Valiance slammed the door open to the enlistment office.
“Excuse me, there’s no need to cause a ruckus.” the front desk pony insisted as he shuffled a stack of papers, “How can I help you?”
“I’m so sorry, but I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to sign up.” Valiance panted, removing her helmet.
“Eager to enlist? Never heard of that before. Well, here’s the papers, be sure to read thoroughly and don’t pretend like we didn’t warn you.” the secretary grunted as he handed Valiance a stack of documents.
Valiance thought to herself aloud, “Wow, who would’ve thought it was so easy.”
“That’s what they all say.” the secretary winked, “Let me know how it goes in a month. They always beg to get out.”
Valiance’s signature sealed her fate in every document and with a smile stamped across her face, no less. Her stomach was tingling in excitement as the secretary looked over her papers.
“Welcome to the royal army, soldier.” the secretary remarked while stamping her documents, “You’re in luck, the next boot camp starts up in a few days. Here’s a card of where it will be and what time. Don’t be late, cause we’ll find you if you are.”
Valiance took the card while she giggled and jumped in place. Just that morning, she was back at home, and now she was working for the God Princess herself. Suddenly, she stopped, “Won’t I need a physical and mental examination of some sort?”
“Sure. But that’ll come when boot camp starts. Not to mention, you look healthy enough. But between you and me, everypony gets accepted. Where do you think the masked guards come from?” the secretary asked as he leaned in closer, “Just don’t ask them about that. In fact, don’t ask them anything, ever. Don’t talk to them.”
Valiance tightened her lips, “Thank you. I’ll, uh, be sure to keep that in mind.” Slowly she backed out of the office, wishing the secretary a goodnight, and into the evening air. With the amber glow of her magic, she wrapped her mane up as tightly as she could before placing her helmet back on. Despite the secretary’s warnings, Valiance didn’t feel any less enthusiastic about her success. She stretched and cracked her neck, wanting nothing more than to grab a quick bite to eat before heading back to her hotel room for some much needed rest. Thinking back to past field trips as a filly, she recalled the castle garden also led to the entrance and began to make her way through there as a shortcut.
Inside, beautiful plants of nearly every kind flourished. Contrastly, horribly disfigured marble statues with faces of pure fear and agony drew the eye from every direction. ‘I don't remember the sculptures in the garden being so… what was it? Avant-garde?’ Valiance thought as she looked at a statue of a goblin-like creature mooning her, a lone pigeon sitting right on its exposed bottom.
"They say that my work inspired the art of Jeffrey Dahmare." A low voice echoed from behind. Valiance froze at the sound and slowly turned to face the source. Towering over even her, hair glistening in the colors of day, stood the god princess, Celestia. A confident smirk graced her lips, “Do you like it, Pale One?”
Before Valiance’s knees could buckle from Celestia’s poise, she kneeled and lowered her head, “Your majesty, it’s an honor to be in your presence.”
“I couldn’t help but be drawn towards your armor. It’s a vintage design. Where do you come from?”
“The village of Salo, ma’am.”
“Salo, you say? My, it has been a long time since someone mentioned that name. One of the few populations I needed not show force for their cooperation. Your people’s naivete is amusing, however, your innocence is admirable to an extent.”
Valiance held her breath, unsure of the princess’ intentions behind her statement. Yet, after a moment, she replied with slight shakiness, “Much obliged, your majesty.”
“Tell me, why are you here, Pale One?” Celestia asked.
“As you said, our devotion to you is as strong today as when Salo was founded. To serve and to die for you would be my greatest honor.” Valiance replied humbly, “Today, I signed up for the royal army, in hopes of bringing glory to you, and the ponies of Salo.”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed and her grin grew wider. After a few moments of silence, Celestia turned away towards the castle. As she departed she called back to Valiance, “I expect nothing but the best from my soldiers.”
When Celestia left the premise, Valiance sprinted out of the castle grounds, heart pounding, and mind racing. Rushing to her hotel room, she threw off her armor, leapt onto her bed, and screamed into her pillow. Not a more perfect day could’ve existed for Valiance and in a few days her dream of servitude would begin.
Before then, Valiance pulled out a pen and paper and began a letter to home about her first day in Canterlot.
