“Life” in beta testing.
Chapter 9
Once I was finished with the notes I left for the others on the ship, I packed up some of my share of money, my most important tools and devices that grew to define me and put it all in a small bag. With it, I hid somewhere in the hangar. Being a white wolf, its kinda hard not to get spotted, so I wasn't gonna risk it. Though eventually, the ship started. … And it left. My friends: leaving. Probably not even knowing just yet that I was gone and not just locked in my room.
Though I was tearing up as I watched the only home I had at the time leave. But, there was no time for my sorrow right now.
I had to hurry to get on the passenger ship we brought the rescued hybrid to, before it left without me. So I did and soon I was on it. Just in time too.
There weren't many people in the ship. Though alone now, I knew exactly where to go. When the driver asked, I picked the station we came from a week ago. The one where Talina now lived. Able to pay for it, I just sat in one of the seats the furthest back in the passenger area. The ship was like a bus. Long, many seats and really primarily just to bring people from one place to another. Once the ship took off, I left that station behind as well.
With that, my life once again took a turn. Though while I usually always knew if I liked or disliked the last two changes in my life … this one left me uncertain... Sure, I disliked it! Tarry, Jey and Rorik were my friends! … Closest I ever had. Those people cared about me... and I hope they know I left because I do the same. Though this is why it was the right thing to do. I'm not worth that spot in their crew. My skills in combat are non-existent and my abilities clearly not reliable.
I sighed, wondering what I was gonna do once I am at my destination... With me, I took a bunch of my basic stuff and tech. A bag of things, not too much to carry or make a big fuss about. Of course, my clothes were also part of it. But I may just get rid of a lot of this soon. … I was no technician, just some guy who happens to have had luck with the stuff he tried to build. Anyway, off I was, to my not so certain future...
Though expecting my travel to be boring, especially since there were two stops on the way my destination, I soon found out that the ship was equipped with some stuff for entertainment. Being mostly focused on travel, this ship had quite the formidable engines. It would only take about a day despite the stops to get to where I wanted to go. But … I wasn't having a lonely travel either.
One passenger took interest in me. … Quite a thing I should have expected really. The boy we saved! He walked up to me, paws fiddling in front of him a little, showing off his intimidated, nervous and scared self. Though despite that, his gratitude towards me seemed to be stronger than that. He soon managed to get a few word out: “H-hello! Y-You are Percy, right?”
I just stared at him with my usual look. Was I ready for a conversation? Collected enough for a shy dude like this? … Well, it would be worse to tell him off I guess... “Yes … hey there.” I replied.
“S-sorry for the comment, but you seem a lot s-smaller in person. Why are you here though?” he wondered, sitting down next to me.
Was he really gonna make me talk about this? … Well, fine. With a sigh, I replied: “I have decided to stop being such a burden on the few people who care about me. And to do so, I need to leave the crew. … Anyway, let me get rid of that collar of yours”
His eyes widened at that suggestion: “Y-you can get it off?!”
Giving him a reassuring nod, I got the screwdriver out and gestured him to turn around. The lock is behind one's head. With that, I got to work on that.
“W-wow, thank you! You are amazing. Where did you learn all that? You look younger than even me and I have been through that genetic thing.” he said, unaware still that I have been in the same situation. Well, I was about to change that: “I am everything but amazing. … Though to your question: I have been through all this. … My arm? … They blew it up. I was a lab rat for four years. I am seventeen years old, even if I look younger than you.”
The hybrid almost ripped himself away from me in surprise. Not on purpose of course, but still nearly made me have to start over.
“Y-You too?! D-damn...” he replied, staying still again. With a nod, I focused on the collar. Moments later, the lock sprung open! I did it. Not that it was hard, considering I have looked into it plenty after getting rid of mine back then.
Once it was off, I put it in my bag. Neither of us had a need for it, but we couldn't leave it just lying around. The guy was just feeling out his neck, now that he was free of the collar.
“So, that's that. Whats your name anyway? And where do you plan on going?” I asked. The guy rather unsure what to answer for a second: “I'm Kazuma. … Uhm, … I dunno though. P-Probably just gonna recover and find out how I gonna get back home to my family. I-I'm not as courageous as you, I shouldn't get involved any further.”
“Fair enough, though I do not deserve that flattery.”
“I-I think you do, but I wont press it! … Thank you Percy.”
With that, I just decided to relax a bit. … The guy was nice, it would be just fair to keep my attitude a little more positive for him. Not to mention, he just escaped like I did a while back. No need for more depression...
We had a bunch of chats, even played some games together to kill the time. Turns out he wasn't on my school, but on a planet not far away from it. Though that still was a little far away for this transporter. For now, Kazuma decided to come along to the station I went to. Although, shortly after we reached it, we parted ways. He was a shy dude, so I let him contact me if he really needs the help. Meanwhile, where I went from here, was very obvious...
Talina was already off work, in her apartment. A rather nice place with a view out onto the planet the station orbited around. She was just done showering, when her door-bell rung. A little surprised, she headed right to it. Opening the door, the woman froze in shock as she saw me of all people, randomly standing there. Still a blanket around her head in a typical fashion, which nearly fell off because of that.
“Percy?! … What are you doing here?! … And where are the others?” She wondered, understandably so. Meanwhile, I just shrugged, starring blankly at her. Knowing I had to explain myself sooner or later, I already could feel my feelings bubble up again...
“I don't know. Can I come in?” I asked, raising a brow and doing my best to keep my voice sounding normal. The panda nods, stepping aside for me: “Sure, stay as long as you like, but... could you explain?”
Walking in and taking a seat on her couch... I almost immediately began to break out in tear...
Struggling to pull through it, I explained everything to Talina, all the while she tried to calm me down. It wasn't very effective though. Only letting it all out was gonna make me calm down eventually.
With that, I stayed with my friend for the time being. She found I was wrong about things, but its not like that was gonna change my mind. … Nor would it matter. I wasn't able to return to Jey and the others anyway.
Not planing on becoming a burden to Tal, I soon went to get a job for the time being. Technician? … No, fuck that. I went with a job at the bar as a waiter. Tal was a guard on the station by now. And she more often than not ended up around the bar area, seeing me at work. Was I happy? … Not really. Though I wasn't getting in the way of people that were important to me. And that is all that matters...
For a week, I worked at that new job. The pay didn't matter too much, as long as I could pay for my food, Tal wouldn't have to support me too much in my eyes. She didn't care. If it was up to Tal, I didn't have to do anything! But … I didn't avoid getting in my friend's way, just to bother another one. But sometimes, the job really sucked...
It was a bar, so of course there were gonna be assholes from all over the place coming to visit. Not to mention what alcohol does to many people. Every now and again, some guy couldn't leave their hands off of me. … I guess Rorik wasn't the only one who thought I was cute. But with a paralyzer and Tal nearby, any assault was rather quickly stopped.
One day, when I had a late night shift, I got home to a rather … suspicious situation. I got back, and heard Talina hastily talk to … something? Before she then got out of her room. It sounded like she was hanging up on a call or something. Who was she talking to? Though she didn't seem to wanna talk about it. Any attempts at asking, were met with quick dismissal. If it was something bad though, shouldn't she be more nervous about me noticing? For now, that was enough for me to just ignore it for the time being. It stuck in the back of my head though and every now and then, got me curious. When I noticed her doing it again a few days later, I grew a little too curious though...
Acting like I didn't even notice it, I used the day off I had the next morning, to plant a recording device in Tal's room. I should trust my friends? … Yes, but at the same time, I have been through too much. If she wasn't going to trust me enough to tell me, its just my right to have my doubts.
Once that kind of conversation she had occurred again, I eventually retrieved my recording device. I headed out to the local bathrooms somewhere on the station, when no one was there to listen in on me. That's when I checked the recording. It was Talina's voice that got picked up, the others just impossible to understand:
“... He is alright, guys. No worries. I told you, the job isn't that rough and I'm always around. … Shush, Tarry, you cant come here for a date anyway~. Now, can you guys stop calling so often? Its kinda hard not to have him notice, you know? I just told you that he is here against his will, because I didn't want you to worry. Percy is smart, hes gonna find out if you aren't careful. He nearly caught us once already.”
I simply stopped the recording there. … She was talking to Jey and the others? … I thought I made it rather clear I didn't want that! A little aggravated, I headed back for her place...
Once back, the Panda was sitting on the Cough, reading some of the news, before waving to me upon my return: “Hey Percy! The laboratory you told me about seems to have gotten shut down yesterday, after a supposed robbery left them unable to fund any further research. Damn liars.”
I didn't reply, just holding up the recording device in the middle of the room with a rather straight face, letting it speak for me.
Once hearing herself speak with the mercenaries, the panda sighed in defeat. Putting the tablet away she read the news on: “I … see. … I'm sorry, Percy. Though I couldn't help it! Those guys care so much about you! When I heard you left without telling them anything about where you gonna go and such, I thought they must be worried sick. … And then they kinda didn't stop checking in on me. Though Jey refused to talk to me...”
“Tal, I told you. We are going separate ways! I care about them, they care about me, but that doesn't change anything about the fact that we have nothing to do with one another anymore!” I replied. … But I could tell Talina wasn't happy with my repeated mention of this. I told her a few times why I didnt want to stay with them and now I knew why she kept asking.
“... Why, Percy? … You keep saying that you are incompetent, you are getting in the way, worthless and whatever. Why do you keep saying that?!” she wondered, growing a little loud even.
Why did I think that? I thought I made that clear often enough: “Tal, I am NOT a benefit to any of them! … They have to protect me whatever happens. They have to do all the hard work. They did this stuff for years before I even joined their group. If they NEEDED me, they wouldn't have been alive until now!”
“... Part of that may be true, but boy, you just focus on the bad stuff!” she countered.
“Bad stuff? … You mean, all that I bring to the table? Like failing at my only damn purpose even?” I returned with gritted teeth.
The Panda grew notably more angry now. She got up, suddenly grabbed me and, not at all gently, dropped me onto the couch: “Listen here, Percy. I don't give a shit if you have this time in your life where you doubt yourself. But dammit, you take it too far! You failed? … Once! Fucking once! Back when we met, you failed only one damn time! That was even before we met. You couldn't know how the facility was programmed! The second time, you saved both of us through that blast-door. Shut up about how that wasn't “legit” as you put it! Who the fuck cares? You did it! That's what matters! And the last time that day? You literally did it! It wasn't even something you had any say in that broke the terminal.”
Not gonna lie, she was intimidating me a bit. … Maybe that's why I couldn't stay stubborn enough to just ignore everything she said...
“You told me all about your supposed failures in the lab before you left them. I admit, yes. You failed a few times. … But why? I watched you the few days I traveled with you guys. Do you think the others didn't notice and mention how you weren't working on your tech like usual? You changed! You grew displeased and oversensitive with the most minor of failures! If something didn't work straight away, you snapped and made it even worse, which became a real failure!”
I fucked up, what does it matter how and why? I still fucked up...: “Yea, and? Its still my fault! And my incompetence is not...” She didn't even give me time to finish, slamming her hand onto the table with a loud bang: “You fucked up, yes! Why!? Because you expect yourself to be perfect! How can someone with so much self doubt, not understand that they are not perfect? You aren't! Jey isn't! Neither are Tarry and Rorik. No one is perfect. You know what your only true failure is?”
Her direct question between all the yelling left me quite speechless: “ … I … don't know?”
“You messed up. … Yes you did, it happens. But to get mad at yourself, to punish yourself for not being the way you want to be, instead of learning from the mistake and growing closer to your goal. … That's where you really failed. And that's the only failure. Leaving your friends was the ultimate punishment for yourself, for not coming up to the standards you projected onto yourself and expected to be met. … Percy, if you cant manage to use what I told you just now to THINK about it all, and let your stubbornness get in the way of your own progress and growth. … You gonna have to look for another place to stay at...” she said, and with those last words, the Panda left to her night-shift.
Tal left me outright out of words. Not even Jey talked to me like that before. To be fair, she had some anger issues, so that may be why, but … fuck... Though she was way too serious about this for me to just … block it off. Perhaps that was what I needed?
I mean, sure, … I did a few things good. My configs work, my drone worked even. Not to mention, where would I be without my Force field generator? Well, not alive for sure. I would be a bloody paste in the sand of that desert planet a while back.
Sitting there on the couch, I thought. All the things I have been through with my friends. No doubt, a few more tears ran down my cheeks, but … I did what Tal wanted me to. … I thought of the good things I did. Repairing the ship, building a barrier that can protect oneself from the harshness of space itself. Deployable barriers for combat. Repairing multiple equipment, both, from the ship and the equipment of the others. … Hell, I nearly forgot about the time I saved Rorik's … life …. I did that, didn't I? I actually saved one of their' lives. … It didn't quite occur to me, but without me, that hyena would be dead by now. HE would be the bloody paste.
Am I really that wrong about myself?
Contemplating the panda's words a bunch more, I headed for a stroll through the station. Tal was … right. … The only real failure, is giving up on improving yourself. One doesn't happen to be what they want to be. You become what you want to be, through mistakes and learning to avoid them. That's how you get somewhere. My failures... they should not be ruining me. … They should be what makes me want to become better!
As I was thinking and philosophizing about these things, some light and mild noises of frustration drew in my attention. It was a general tech store, offering repairs of pretty much all kinds. In it, there was a elderly coyote. He was trying to fix some strange mech-suit looking machine. Staying in the door, I watched for a good bit. I couldn't see the details or anything, but the guy couldn't find the issue with the suit. Soon, they gave up with a notable sigh, finally noticing me. Though instead of getting mad that I watched, he chuckled, sitting back against one of the tool-chests.
“Good evening. It is past closing time I'm afraid.” he said, idly cleaning off his paws.
I just starred for a moment, mostly at the machine, before then at the coyote: “... Seems you have trouble repairing that … thing.”
The guy got a little more serious when I mentioned that: “Yea, I tried all day already... Someone brought it here, paid me to fix it and here I am, unable to do my job. … Heh, that is going to be some bad publicity I tell you~”
For someone who clearly was frustrated and disappointed, he had a awfully cheerful attitude. … Someone who didn't let his failures drag them down, eh? “... May I give it a shot?” I wondered, raising a brow and took a step closer.
“You? … I mean, go for it, boy! Cant get much worse than it is.” he commented with a chuckle, leaving me to it.
Kneeling there in front of the mech, I began to evaluate it. Inspecting it for a good few minutes. I could tell the store-owner didn't have much hopes. However, once I began screwing, welding and fiddling around on a specific part of the thing, he sure watched again. … I swear, those eyes grew bigger and bigger too.
No surprise though, since silly old me understood exactly whats wrong and how to fix it. A short, circuit busted some cables, the smell of it still in the air. Quite surprised he didn't catch on to that. At one point, I finally was done and went right into the suit, testing it. … It worked formidable! A older model of tech, but still very much reliable!
“This good enough?” I wondered while leaving the suit again.
Only now I remembered: I looked like a teen. The guy probably thought of me as such: “Boy, how did you do this?! I was checking all day for the problem and you just … find it straight away? Not only that, you also fix it!”
Not having a ego anymore at the time, I was a little flustered at the positive surprise of his: “I am seventeen, I have been dealing with these things for a while, you know? … Scientific technology, repaired a spaceship, built my own tech from scraps. Hell, I wear my force-field generator with me at all times.”
Saying that, I activated it, just to prove it. All that sure left the guy quite speechless.
After a bit of shock, the coyote chuckled to himself, beginning to clean the machine as he threw me a smile: “Thank you, boy. If you need something, let me know! Maybe I can help you out.”
Giving him a nod in return, I was about to turn around and leave … but then I got a idea: “Maybe … there is something. … May I work here?”
He starred at me again, just surprise in his expression: “What? Why? I … cant exactly afford the pay for another employee, you know?”
“I just need a few bucks for food and drink. I … want to learn. Just a few weeks?”
“You want to learn from me? Boy, you are the one who repaired this thing in the blink of an eye.” he said, though I shook my head in return: “No, nothing like that. I … have some issues. … When I fail, I get mad at myself. I punish myself. … Just knowing, is not enough to improve this kind of mental problem. You on the other hand? Not a sign of anger directed at yourself. Maybe working with you a week or two may improve me?”
Knowing my reasoning, the coyote thought about it some more. … Eventually he smiled kindly, nodding: “Alright, come here every morning for a few hours and you can help out. I pay you ten bucks per day only though. This isn't exactly the most profitable job.”
“Oh, that's fine! I will come back tomorrow then! … Thank you and 'till then!” I called out, a little happy for a change. With that, I went back home! … Time to rest if I wanted to be ready for my new job. Also had to quit the job at the bar in the morning.
Early in the morning, before any shop was even gonna open up, I was already up. Tal was too, just relaxing on the couch as she looked at me, raising a brow: “Where are you going this early? Job's not starting until an hour from now.”
“Yes, but I still have to quit my old one.” I replied, knowing full well she didn't know what I was talking about.
“Old one? … You got a new one? Preparing to move out without a second thought or something?” the panda asked, clearly still rather tense about yesterday. Couldn't blame her though: “Actually, I got a temporary job at the tech-shop down the left wing of the station, near the hangar. I have to improve somehow, don't I?”
My expression and the tiny smile on the edge of my maw more than enough of a indication for the panda woman that I very much thought about what she said. … And I decided she was right. She almost jumped at me in joy, hugging me tight: “Yess! I knew you weren't lost yet, Percy!”
I struggled quite a bit, handling that grip of hers: “I-I will be if you squish me!” I began, after which Tal let go of me, “Well, I will spend a bit each morning in there, trying to improve mentally. But … Talina? I have two favors of you to ask. One small, the other more noteworthy.”
She backed off a little, blinking curiously: “Oh? What would those be?”
“Do NOT call, or receive any calls from my friends. … If anything, I will be the one talking to them next. Unless there is a emergency of course.”
She grumbled a bit at that: “Mhh... fine... Whats the other?”
“Well...” I started, “you know what I could really use? … Combat training. … I do not want to be a soldier or a pro, but I want to know what I'm doing out there, when I actually do have to fight. I want to be able to support myself if it comes to reaction and physical ability and knowledge. No, I don't want to do this to not rely on my friends... I want to do this to be able to actively help them!”
The panda wasn't sure at first, but the more I said, the more she liked the idea. Nodding affirmatively to the proposition and patting me on the head: “You know what? Why not! … When you are done with work and I am not currently busy with work either, we can train some! … But It wont be easy.”
“Tal, I do not give a flying fuck about how hard it is. I have to work to become what I want to be. … I think I made that clear enough by now.” I replied with a slight, confident smirk, before then leaving to the bar.
First, I quit my job at the bar. Then, I headed for my new job. The tasks my new boss gave me were rather … easy. Like, I finished everything in few minutes. The coyote was awfully impressed for sure, soon trusting me with more important matters in just the first few hours of me working there. Though I wasn't there to learn how to do tech-business after all.
Though once we got to work together some, I got the opportunity to watch him at work again. He made many mistakes actually. Sure, he was good at what he did! … But mistakes seemed to be part of his way of working. Nothing ever bothered him though... This was what I was there for.
Of course, I didn't improve instantly. Though whenever I ended up messing up and showed signs of getting mad. My boss tapped me on the shoulders, reminding me on what to focus on. … It was awfully comforting.
Later that day, the first training session with Talina began! First and foremost, she worked on getting my mind more used to and set for combat and battlefield mentality. Tactic and putting myself in the mindset of others... It was important for when I wanted to be as less of a reliance on the battlefield. Also admittedly fascinating to see her viewpoint on things.
The following times we practiced, I got some basic weapon training. So I wont hurt my paw again just firing a gun. Aiming practice in a shooting range, some physical training and so on. It was a routine, but very useful over time. I was very serious about this, so I improved a lot over the first week alone.
My progress at my new job was going well too! After the first week of it, there was a moment I broke something outright. Nothing that couldn't be fixed of course, but still a clear mistake. Instead of getting mad though, I just looked over to my boss, who returned the look, and together, we just laughed it off! … It was ok to get upset and frustrated over mistakes, but loosing oneself in the anger would not go anywhere. To dwell on it, hinders progress! Both, in the project, and your own skill.
Similarly, my combat training came to a point, where Tal thought I learned much more than I needed to. I was a technician and hacker for the team, not the front fighter. Eventually, when we were close to hitting the second week, the panda approached me after the training. She seemed a little irritated.
“Percy? I kept my promise not to call the mercenaries, but … I got a text-message from them, that they were about to follow one of their biggest leads. No matter what happens, they wanted to keep us up to date, simply because they thought this could give the final hint to the plot that's going on behind those fake job offers.” she explained.
I raised a brow, stretching a bit: “And?”
“Well … that was a few days ago. … No word since. No confirmation, no sign of failure. … Something must have happened.” Tal said with a thinking expression
Not gonna lie, that was scary. I didn't want to think of something bad happening to them. Especially now that I was about to be ready to face them again! But they wont be able to come her now...
She put a hand on my shoulder, looking at me, mildly worried: “What should we do now?”
What to do? … Good question. … Jey and the others, they were more than just friends... I was part of their team as well! … Just the possibility they could have gotten into trouble, was making my decision very clear. I smirked at Tal confidently: “They will be fine. … All they need is some tech-support! … What do you think?”
The woman laughed a little, clapping her hands: “Couldn't have heard anything better from ya, Percy! Get ready 'till tomorrow morning. I gonna rent a ship. Meanwhile, you find out about their coordinates somehow. Can ya do that?”
“Easy, just gonna call them briefly and know where they are. No need for anyone to pick up. Anyway, lets get to it!” I replied with confidence this time.
Tal nodded affirmative and thus, we went to work!
The next morning, I did what I said, gathering the info I needed. Then my next stop was the tech-store. I explained the situation to the guy and he gladly let me go. … Not without a hug though, wishing me good look. There were a bunch of things I worked on over the last weeks in my free-time at the store too, which I took with me of course. Lots of it could come in handy! Though there was also one new invention I was not quite done with yet. … But I'm sure the time it would take to get to the mercenaries will offer me enough time to finish it! With my equipment, already dressed in the suit and such, I headed for the hangar. Sure enough, Talina did her part. Taken a while off of her job.
After a quick check through my equipment, we were set. And with that, the small ship took off! I sat in the back, Talina flew the ship and on our way we were!
No wasting time, I went right back to fiddling on my latest project. … I had my inspiration with it and it was a gift. A gift for my dear friends that may be in danger. For someone, to get one more moment to shine, to save them once more! Through me, the technician of the crew. Something I wont deny myself any longer and ever again.
