Chapter 4: The Bandit From The East! Seishuku Ongaeshi Approaches!
Rider's Log, we'd just returned to the maiden who sent us for some Salamander Salve. Mogano was still upset about the cow pie. The maiden instructed us on how to remove the silver hands as Puss read the instructions of the salve.
Mogano stood outside of the maiden's hut, rinsing his foot off with a hose. Shrek and Rider removed the silver hands as Puss prepared a cloth for the slave and applied it to the stumps where the maiden's hands were. Miraculously, a pair of organic hands sprout from her arms.
"Well, this stuff may come in...Handy!" Shrek said, he and Puss lightly chuckling before realizing nobody else laughing, "Tough crowd"
"Now, remember" Puss added, "Your new hands must take at least six minutes to settle before any vigorous use"
"I thank you kindly, my friends" the maiden sighed, caressing her new hands. "Your valiant deed shall not go unrewar...You know what, screw it. Thanks is what I'm trying to say, what'd you like for helping me?"
Everyone was caught off guard, including Mogano who was drying his foot off with a towel.
"Uh, think nothing of it" Rider said, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, I was just doing that forlorn maiden bit because you adventurers usually go for that kind of cheese" the maiden admitted, Rider and Mogano muttering to each other.
"And, uh, what will become of the hands you were using?" Mogano asked.
"Take 'em" the maiden said, her son entering the room, "Have one for a keepsake, sell 'em for some dough, I could care less! Oh, and, you can keep the rest of that salve if you want, I don't think I'll need it again anytime soon"
"Well, silver IS up right now" Rider commented, picking up the hands.
"You've acquired Silver Hands!" The Mirror claimed, popping up from behind Shrek's seat.
"JEEZ, GIVE A GUY A HEART ATTACK, WHY DON'T YA!?" Shrek said in surprise and annoyance.
"These creepy items should come in 'Handy' for some extra cash!" The mirror commented.
"Heh, good one" Rider replied, putting the hands in his satchel.
"Oh, but, when I said it, everybody acts like I just killed a pixie!" Shrek said in mild annoyance.
"Well, to be fair, Mr. Shrek, your timing may have been a little off" Mogano pointed out, "That, and, you tried to make light of a situation that didn't call for it"
As our heroes leave the hut, a king arrived, looking fresh from a crusade.
"Does a maiden with silver hands live here?" asked the king.
"Right inside" Rider answered, pointing his thumb at the door.
Our heroes were soon on the road once again. After a few hours, they find themselves at a news stand next to a sign that read "Meriolde, 50 miles as the Pegasus flies"
"Oh, would you look at this" Shrek said, looking at a copy of the Meriolde Gazette, "London Bridge fell down again"
"Did it now?" Rider asked, looking at the map, "You'd think they'd have found something stronger than iron bars at this point"
"Aye" Shrek replied, flipping the page, "Well, it says here they're going to try silver and gold next. It also says that the annual Fiddler Games are starting in a few days"
"Ah, yes, I've heard of these games" Mogano responded, tuning his lute, "The Kingdom Of Meriolde's most famous sporting event of the year. A series of three-on-three gladiator-style battles for a coveted prize of great value"
"Well, according this rag" Shrek continued, "This year, only those invited by Mother Nature herself are to participate"
"Well, I guess we know our next leg of the journey" Rider said, pulling the trinket from his pocket momentarily before folding the map. "Alright, boys, we're movin' out!"
"...You have been uncharacteristically quiet since the factory" Puss said, noticing Donkey as he was paying for a magazine in his arm, "And we have not gotten into our usual back-and-fourth since the dispute of the chocolate bunnies. You are worried about Dragon, yes?"
"It's all this uncertainty, man!" Donkey replied, "I don't even wanna THINK about what Charming could be doing to her!"
"I am sure whatever the Charming has in store for her, she can handle it!" Puss replied as they made their way to the carriage.
Our heroes continued on their journey for another hour.
"Oh, there's PLENTY of difference between a bandit and a highwayman" Rider said.
"Example?" Mogano asked.
"Well, a bandit is basically a landlocked viking, pillaging and plundering and all sorts of...Unpleasant things" Rider replied, "Whereas a highwayman simply stays in one area on the path, ready to ambush wayward travelers like us"
"So, what category does THAT gentleman before us fall in?" Mogano asked, pointing at a large, hooded man dressed like an executioner.
Rider pulled on the reigns, stopping the horse.
"Ten gets you twenty this guy's neither" Rider whispered.
"Thelonious?" Shrek asked, leaving the vehicle.
"Hi, Shrek!" Thelonious said, waving to him, "Lovely afternoon, isn't it? Great day for bounty hunting!"
"You know this guy, boss?" Puss asked, his sword at the ready.
"Oh, aye" Shrek replied, "He used to work for Farquaad. Apparently, he got a new job since then"
"Yeah, I'm a bounty hunter now" Thelonious replied, holding up a wanted poster of Rider, "And the Good Fairy's payin' a pretty penny for your friend in there"
"Not so fast!" A rather nasty voice called out.
Suddenly, a gang of unsettling-looking men arrive.
"There's a Jewel Of Containment in the glove box" Rider whispered to Mogano, "Smash it on my signal"
"Sakura, sakura, noyama mo sato mo. Mi-watasu kagiri, kasumi ka, kumo ka?"
"MOTHER OF GOOSE!" one of the highwaymen cried, "I know that song! It's heard every time HE arrives!"
The highwaymen scattered, leaving Thelonious and our heroes.
"Sh-Shreeek!?" Donkey shrieked, noticing a tall, humanoid crane in what looked like fancy pajamas and a large straw hat standing on a nearby tree branch.
The stranger said nothing as a loud slash is heard, cutting the branch down as he lands still standing on it.
"Bottom floor" he said in a lightly raspy voice, approaching the gap between Theloneous and our heroes, "Sporting goods, ladies' unmentionables...Human-wolf hybrids"
"Now, just a moment, I was here first, mate! You can't just-" Before he could finish, the pubescent hitman punched Thelonious into the air while jumping and doing a little spin and proceeded to doing a series of lightning-quick attacks on him before letting him hit the ground, face-first. "I probably...Deserved that" he claimed weakly before losing consciousness.
"Okay, so, we're doing THIS now!" Rider said, exiting the vehicle, "I make it a habit of mine to know the name of my opponents of your caliber. Can I get yours?"
"Ongaeshi Seishuku" the attacker answered, realizing what he just said, "Apologies, you put your first name in front of your surname in the west, don't you? Seishuku Ongaeshi. You and I share a similar parentage. You know of a man in the east who married a young woman who turned out to be a crane who went ill from using her feathers to create silk to support them? Before you stands the son of that couple. I was sent here by Ms. Foofu to bring you to her alive"
"Could've lead with that" Rider said casting his sword aside, "What do you say we settle this like the men who's DNA we share?"
"...I am honor-bound to oblige" Seishuku replied, disarming himself.
"You sure about this?" Donkey asked panicking, "This guy's wearing socks with HIS sandals and he STILL looks like a badass!"
The battle began with both fighters exchanging blows.
"I see you're a practitioner of martial arts as well" Seishuku noticed.
"I learned a few moves from a guy who smelled like peaches" Rider replied, "Then, he gave me one of his dumplings and went on his way"
The two continued their fight. Puss noticed Shrek pumping his fist.
"Boss, what are you doing?" Puss asked.
"My punching arm's agitated" Shrek answered, "I thought this would help!"
The battle continued as the sun sank low. Rider transformed, pausing Seishuku's assault.
"So the curse IS real" Seishuku mused, "By day, one way, by night, another, this shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then, take love's true form. Such a beautiful, tragic thing"
"Feel free to grab that sword now" Rider said, raising his fists.
"No" Seishuku replied, raising his leg in a kicking position, spreading his arm...Wing...Thingies, "It goes against my honor to break the set rules in a dual. Besides" he continued with a smirk, "This just makes you a bigger target"
Rider studied Seishuku's stance, the latter's face looking incredibly focused. Rider took a few looks between Seishuku and his remaining leg on the ground. He then ducked and swept the leg, Seishuku to fall onto his back.
"Gonna hurt you now" Oh, and Rider has Seishuku in a giant swing! Oh, GOD! He just threw him into the air! What's this? He just used his Huff-Puff Glide and grabbed Seishuku by the ankles! Now he's spreading his arms with his feet! IT'S N OGRE DRIVER! AN HONEST TO GOD OGRE DRIVER!
"The narrator is getting WAY into this"
Shut up. WHERE'S THE REF!? THE REF'S GOTTA STOP THIS BEFORE-OH! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JACK RIDER HAS JUST GIVEN SEISHUKU ONGAESHI THE WORST NECK PAIN IN HIS LIFE!
"There's no coming back from THAT one!" Rider said, dusting his hands off in succession.
"Puns? Really?" Puss asked.
"It's my trademark in these one-on-one fights"
"Like you did with that guy at the pizza place" Shrek pointed out, "...You know what, this sort of feels like a reverse of that"
"Maybe a little bit" Rider said with a shrug, "C'mon, there's a wagon stop up ahead where we can park for the night"
Our heroes left Seishuku's unconscious body and rode off.
"...Is it over?" Thelonious asked, lifting his head.
The next morning, our heroes are seen at a table at a roadside diner. The waitress approached the table.
"Mornin', boys" the waitress said in a bored tone.
"Good morning...Liza" Rider replied, reading the waitress's name tag and placing the left silver hand on the table, "This should cover our check"
"...Alright, what'll ya have?" Liza asked, wincing for just a moment.
"I'll have some eggs" Shrek said, "Extra runny. And, some waffles for my donkey and some milk for the cat"
"Whole...Dear Liza" Puss added, tipping his hat to her.
"...Don't go talkin' 'bout holes, kitty-cat" Liza replied, "I've had a long day with that yesterday. And the puppet?"
"Marionette, madam" Mogano responded offended, "Some crepes and a cup of coffee, please"
"I'll have some bacon AND eggs with a side of toast" Rider added, "Oh, and, maybe a few pies to go"
"Trust me, sugar, no, ya won't" Liza said with a small tremble in her voice, "HENRY! BUCKET'O'BACON FOR THE WOLF AN' KEEP IT COMIN'! How'd you like them eggs?"
"S-scrambled" Rider replied.
"Mm-hm, and, is the duck in the fancy PJs out there with you?" Liza asked, pointing to Seishuku standing outside, sans hat.
Rider stood up, walking out of the diner.
"Am I the only one getting a sense of the deja vu?" Puss asked.
"I've come to role with it at this point" Shrek replied.
Meanwhile, outside, Rider stepped up to Seishuku, his face unchanged.
"What do you want now?" Rider asked, ready to fight? "Here to start your day with round 2?"
Seishuku then fell to the ground on his hands and knees, the tip of his bill touching a cobble stone.
"I made a vow on my honor long ago to devout the rest of my life in serving under the first man to defeat me in battle" he said finally, "As of today, I wish to make good on that vow. If you decline, I must terminate myself"
"Hmm...Alright, you're in" Rider said, thinking about it, "Under two conditions"
"Anything, master" Seishuku replied, lifting his head.
"Right there, that's the first condition" Rider said, pointing at Seishuku "I don't want our relationship to be that of master and servant. Instead, it should be more like...Brothers"
"As you wish ma...Uh, kyodai" Seishuku replied, standing, "And, the second?"
"You said something about 'Terminating' yourself if I said no, correct?" Rider asked, Seishuku nodding, "Well, the thing is, I don't know what it's like in the east, but around these parts, suicide is frowned upon"
"I see" Seishuku said, pondering this information, "Then, how else shall I repent should I fail you?"
"Nobody's perfect" Rider responded, "Just do your best, that's all I ask. After all, that's a hero's way of doing things"
"...Very well, my kyodai" Seishuku replied, "I vow to follow these principles from this day forward!"
"CONGRATULATIONS!" the mirror said, floating down from the roof of the diner, the same music playing when Mogano joined, "The wandering burglar of the east, Seishuku Ongaeshi has joined your party!"
Inside the diner, Puss gave Shrek a coin which he casually takes from him.
"Burglar, huh?" Rider said, "Could've used one of those back back in Wonderland. Would've made the Rattle Caper hella easier"
"...I see some modern traditions have made it to the West" Seishuku commented.
"Hailing from the mysterious East, Seishuku is one young man...Crane...Guy not to be trifled with!" The mirror continued, showing a painting of Seishuku attacking with his sword and various blades surrounding him outwardly, "His dangerous 'Thief Of The Night Slash' will leave your opponents with a nasty gash on them, believe you me"
The mirror then flies into the carriage.
"So, anyway" Rider said with a pause, "Why don't you come on in? We were just about to discuss our battle plan for tackling Meriolde"
"You may need my assistance, kyodai" Seishuku said somberly, "Bunny plans on ambushing you there"
The two entered the diner together.
Our story continues in Chapter 5: Welcome to Meriolde.
