Your amygdala is enlarged, and the neural pathways to the prefrontal cortex are diminished or inhibited. You find yourself constantly overtaken by thoughts of sex: remembering past sexual experiences, fantasizing about new ones, and the like. You find yourself imagining people naked, constantly wondering about their sexual practices. You minimize your own senses of guilt, shame, and worthlessness by fixating on a state of arousal. This same state of arousal, however, has become diminished. You find that you are not enjoying sexual encounters like you used to. You find that you are irritable and can often feel totally distracted. You miss vital information in your day-to-day life because of your anxieties and ruminations on sex. You spend hours and hours of your life looking for sex, watching sex, drawing sex, wanting sex.
But you cannot fill the void in your life with sexual encounters. There are emotional, intellectual, and social aspects of sex that you have been neglecting, and sex is not fulfilling without those components. You look back and see how you have objectified yourself and how you have objectified yourself. You start to see through your own obscurations, and you notice how damaging your behaviours have been. You reflect on how dangerous your behaviours have been. You grow dismayed at how often you have practiced infidelity. You admit to yourself that many of your behaviours were probably illegal and often dangerously public. You start to look inward and see the missing pieces of your own life that you are trying to fix and satisfy with sex and thoughts about sex.
In a single moment of clarity, you decide that you have had enough. You admit to yourself that you are a sex addict, and you realize that sex alone can never satisfy your cravings and lack of self-worth. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step. Now you are on the road to recovery.
In the furry community and in the LGBTQ+ community, we have often been taught that sex in and of itself is a shameful, dangerous act that should be repressed and subdued. While being far from the truth, it's also important to realize that sexual activities all carry with them emotional, intellectual, and social components to them. It can be even more important to realize when you have a problem and when you need to find insight and help. Not all sexual practices are healthy or fulfilling, but together, we can all begin to heal our shame and to understand the necessary contexts for healthy sexual interactions that can bring a lasting sense of gratification, connection, and peace.
Sex is not to be condemned. But not all love making is created equally. Sometimes, it can be a problem.
For additional resources, please consider taking the Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST) below or consider simply watching the videos below to see if this is something that you are struggling with also. End the stigma. Get help if you need it.