My heart and the machine (M.H.T.M #3)

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by NotHyperion

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Like all good things, the sun that rose over the waveless sea didn't last. I closed my eyes a couple of times and went back to being on an endless night. However, all this did leave some good things behind. The city, though on a perpetual night, is not cloudy for once. Unless I want it to be, obviously, but that's not how any of this worked in the first place.
Now I find myself contemplating the sea and the sky, on the terrace, with Hart and my Heart, quite often. I don't know when she decided to rip herself off of Hart's system. But she did! and let me tell you, for what it's worth, she looks beautiful as ever. I haven't had this peace in a while, even on this safe have of mine. Whenever I came here, running, I would always be thinking, and not exactly soothing things, to put it lightly. Though I was at ease from a trashy world, my mind wouldn't let me be calm, even when I was inside of it. And oddly enough, not even when I was inside a shell inside the shell of my brain.
But...things worked out in the end. Not because of me, sadly. And luckily at the same time, I guess.
Remember I mentioned how I never told you about the outside?
In order for this to conclude, I have to now.
I lay in bed, with a bleeding back. Because lets face it, no one who ACTUALLY wants to keep it hidden, chooses their wrists.
I scratched the skin out of my arms. Which really, isn't as bad as I make it sound.
I slit the happiness from the people around me.
I cut the hope of a restful night from the one that slept next to me.
I sliced the emotion out of the most emotional person I know.
I left everyone without saying a word.
Yet those people seemed to...understand. And if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have found my heart, and I wouldn't have been able to build a machine.
Now you get what this has all been about. Don't worry, I know you actually don't.
In any case, let's wrap this up.
The fight has been fought, and we are now in the recovery phase.
But now there is a huge virus ravaging the world, and much like everyone else, I'm scared. I'll be as honest as I have been for all this time and say: I am not concerned about getting infected, or dying, by extension. I am scared for society. Economic collapse? wars for resources? I mean, I crawled out of psychosis, having destroyed me and my life, and into a world about to break?
Most importantly though, how the FUCK did this turn into a talk about coronavirus? Well, much like everything stated in this trilogy, it's not fiction.
In any case. I rest. This has ended. I want to make things right, I really do...but it's not my call.
I want to do what I should've for the longest time. I'm not feeling, due to my scars. But I need to. I will go on...I hope. I can't say for certain.
What I am about to do, I should've done long ago. Now I have a heart, I have a machine, I have support. I won't waste it, nor will I let all of this go away. I am so grateful. So grateful. I give my heart to those people who were and still are with me, even though it is through a screen, and rather ambiguous. I'm ok.
Please be safe.
I love you, and I'm sorry.

The end.

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