Every day we get closer... at what point does it become too close? At what point do we cross that title of friendship and risk it all? I can feel how easy it is to lose grip of that strength. I know how difficult it can be at times. Often not I can catch myself placing my hand on her hips... or holding onto her hug just a little longer. There are many a days I crave to nuzzle her little soft cheeks. I'm starved to know the feel of her soft hands on my body, more so... I crave to have a taste more than anything else.
I can tell she struggles as much as me sometimes. I've notice the slips and said nothing. Why would I? I've wanted them. More times than I can count she'd hold my hand without realizing it at first. She always pulls her hand away in embarrassment and I play it off like it's nothing. But we both know it's something.
We hide it for the public, we hide it for our friends. We hide for her family... our jobs... we hide it because it's frowned upon. We don't want the looks as we stroll the streets. It is an unspoken rule of ours. One that needed no words, no explanation, just as a fox and a rabbit we understood these boundaries.
Yet on the daily I can't help but get lost in her eyes. And at any given moment we are at the hands of temptation, strung along like it's puppets without a single ounce fight. Whether we go out for drinks, or go out on a run to keep our bodies up to shape. Sometimes we would wind down in each other's apartments. That's temptation toying with us. Any time we find each other alone we constantly tease and torture each other. Whether by the slip of a wrist... or perhaps her pants riding a little lower... or my shirt riding a little higher.
We would lay down on the floor panting after some playful wrestling... anything our minds can think of we did to soothe that itch without leaping... without crossing that invisible line of no return. Whether it be the innocent act of wrestling... or perhaps taking a nap between shifts. Just like any coworker or good friends we cuddled up together. It's what any of them would do... right? We would drink from each other's straw, share a beer or two. Though out of being a tease, I think I win the trophy when I stole a treat from her very lips. Of course I didn't kiss her... but gosh were they close to hers. I believe she gripped my shirt tight. The act could had easily been seen as anger... wanting to punch me. But I knew... I felt that strong tug in her grip that I resisted so hesitantly. She was angry I didn't go the whole way. She let me go... her face flushed as she excused herself to the bathroom. Easy for us males to hide our excitement... I don't think females have that same luxury.
We were smart enough, we knew the consequences and in our heads we battled all the pros and cons... while our minds kept us in check... our hearts strongly retaliated and revolted. So we find ourselves in these... vulnerable positions. Sometimes we do it on purpose just to rekindle that longing our hearts require. We have grown bolder each passing day.
"To you I say, I'm sorry Carrots. One day I will repay you for all of the teasing that I've done. Even if it takes a lifetime."
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