Toes bumping against his shin brought Steven's attention back to his plate. He looked at the cat that nudged him.
“You okay, Stevie? You spaced out there for a second” Jim said. The young tom smiled at the dog.
Steven glanced down at the dessert he'd been lingering over—Jim's mom had made lemon cake. He'd been remembering the chocolate chip cookies she'd baked last week, when he and Jim had celebrated their 'A' on their report in Health. “I'm okay. Just thinking.” He brought another forkful to his mouth so he wouldn't have to answer any more questions, thought about two weeks ago, when he and Jim had rehearsed their report. That week, they ate ice cream.
“About what?” Another push tap from Jim's foot. “Tell me!” But Steven pushed back, so Jim's attempt to get him to talk gave way to a giggling game of footsie.
Steven somehow managed to finish his dessert amid the horseplay. “I'll get that,” he said, plucking Jim's empty plate away as he pushes away from the table. The canine padded into the kitchen and ran some water, rinsing off the plates for the dishwasher. Three weeks ago had been the first time he'd been in Jim's house at all, but he already felt comfortable as he did at home—maybe more.
“Guests don't have to clean, you know,” said Jim, close behind Steven's tail.
“I want to.” It was funny to him. At home, he'd balk at washing the dishes, but here he didn't seem to mind the chore. He dried his paws, unable to hide his smile from Jim.
“What? You're acting strange today,” said Jim, although his smile matched the dog's.
“Maybe. I'm happy. You invited me over.”
Jim laughed. “Well, yeah. I like having you over.”
And that truth was what made Steven so happy. This was the first visit to Jim's home that wasn't related to their school project together. His paw reached out and gripped Jim's, gave a squeeze, though he let go just as fast. The feelings he felt towards Jim still seemed both wonderful and frightening all at once.
As Steven released Jim's paw, the kitten's smile softened, and he could hear the soft purr from Jim. Those were the things that made it more wonderful than frightening.
The doorbell rang, breaking the two out of their quiet moment together. “Steven, your mother's here!” called Jim's mom, a moment later.
Steven's ears dipped back. “Time to go, I guess.” His ears went upright again. “See you Monday?”
“Yeah. Hey, wait.” Jim ran past Steven and up the stairs, back again by the time Steven had gone into the hallway. He had a marigold-colored xerox in his hand. “This is for you.”
Steven plucked away the paper and read it. “Dance recital?” he asked, frowning in confusion.
“My dance recital,” said Jim. He scuffed his toes on the carpet, paws behind his back. “I think it'd be great if you could come. I've been working hard on it.”
“Oh, uh...sure. Sure, that'd be great.” Already, Steven could picture his father and brother teasing him for even asking to attend the recital. But he could picture what might happen to Jim's sweet smile if he said no. “I'll ask.”
In the car, Steven's mother noticed the paper clutched in his paw and beat him to the start of the conversation. “Jim's mother said you're invited to his recital next week.”
Steven sighed in relief. At least his mom got the hardest part, the start of the conversation, out of the way for him. “Yeah. Can I go?”
“I don't see why not.” Steven's mother smiled. “I bet Jim will be happy to have you there.”
“Yeah. It's just—“ Steven bit his lip. “Don't tell Dad, okay? Or Dewey. Especially not Dewey.”
Steven's mother looked at him with a small smile as she pulled into the garage. “Your secret's safe with me,” she said. She turned off the car and plucked the flyer from her son's hand. “They won't even see this.” She tucked the paper into her purse.
*****
Monday morning, Steven saw Jim hanging out by the front door of the school and headed in his direction. He could tell what the kitten wanted to ask just by his expression. “She said yes.”
Jim's muzzle broke into a grin. “Yes! This'll be great.” He touched Steven's wrist with his fingertips.
Steven flinched at the touch, hand drawing back, and he looked around to check if anyone had seen. “Yeah, it's great. I have to go finish my math homework, okay?” He left Jim there, looking faintly puzzled.
The dog rubbed his wrist as he stepped into the school lobby. He could still feel Jim's touch, wished he could hold hands with the cat, but he couldn't. Being together at school wasn't the same as being together at Jim's house. Here, people could see them.
The rest of the day, Steven kept just enough distance from Jim to prevent the excited kitten from getting too affectionate in the middle of school. There was a fine line between keeping Jim's affections in check and ignoring the cat outright, and by the time school let out, Steven felt stressed from the effort of walking that line, and guilty for even doing so.
That afternoon, there were a couple of hours when he could be home while Dewey had football practice and Dad worked. Steven took out his stuffed bear from its hiding place in the closet and stretched out on his bed. He held Foo Bear above his head, looking up at him. “What do you think, Foo? Is it always going to be weird like this for me?”
Foo Bear didn't say much. But Foo specialized in hugs and listening, not advice. So, Steven gave the toy a squeeze while he whispered to him the day's worries. Eventually, he just rested with Foo, eyes closed tight.
The sound of the front door slamming came down the hall, and Steven opened his eyes. “Darn it! I fell asleep,” he murmured to himself. He leaped up and ran to the closet, getting Foo Bear shut in there before Dewey came by to bother him.
*****
“Where are you going, dork?”
Steven froze. Mom had kept up her end of the bargain, mostly, until her motherly instincts kicked in and she had insisted he dress in nice clothing for the recital. What better way to make himself a target for Dewey? He set his jaw and glared at his older brother. “None of your business.”
Dewey laughed. “What? Got a hot date or something?” He peered at Steven's suddenly flattened ears. “You do, don't you? Is she cute?” He grabbed Steven in a headlock and noogied him. “Come on, tell me!”
“Dewey!” barked Steven's Mom. “Let your brother go. Steven, your ride is here.”
Dewey let up, but still laughed. “I want details later,” he said, as he backed away.
Steven smoothed the fur on top of his head into place and stomped towards the door. Dewey wouldn't forget to bother him about it later. So much for keeping secrets.
He climbed into the minivan and slid the door closed, hoping that his sour mood wouldn't be noticed. “Hey, Stevie,” said Jim. He looked wound up, tail curled around into his lap and tip twitching. “You're going to love this show. I worked so hard on it.” Steven let Jim talk the whole way to the performance hall, thankful that the kitten's excitement provided enough distraction.
Then, at the theater, it came time to separate from Jim. Going off with the other boy's family felt odd. Jim's parents were friendly and polite, but even the way that they talked to him felt different from being with his own folks. Steven kept quiet, for the most part, and read through the program, always returning to the spot where Jim's name had been printed.
And then the lights dimmed. But the performances didn't begin with the more experienced students. First came the beginners classes, little girls barely old enough to walk shuffling in tutus. Inwardly, Steven groaned. If all the performances looked like that, he'd feel so embarrassed for Jim. How could he face his friend?
Each successive performance displayed slightly older groups of students with more elaborate routines. Still, Steven found it hard to get interested in girls prancing across the stage wearing toeshoes. His finger slid down the page, line by line, following the names of each performer as the groups came to the stage, and only bothered to really look up when it came to be Jim's turn.
Even the way that Jim walked onto the stage, clad only in a pair of loose white pants, showed controlled movement. Steven leaned forward, attentive. And then the music started, slow at first and soft.
At first, the way that Jim danced seemed closer to what Steven expected, gentle leaps and turns that fit the kitten's gentle nature. But the music began to grow louder, faster, and Jim's dancing changed to match it. The jumps became more powerful and the turns made it look as if Jim might lose control of himself. But he never did. Steven could see how careful Jim held every part of his body. Even his fingers moved as part of the choreography.
The music stopped and Jim dropped to the ground, as if collapsed. The hall remained silent until Jim stood and took his bow, and then the applause shook the room.
Steven could see his friend's chest heaving as he bowed. The dance took as much effort as any athlete would give in a game.
Around Steven, the audience rose to give an ovation. They'd done it for every routine, really, even the little girls at the start. But Steven practically jumped to his feet. He meant every clap.
There only remained one routine after Jim's, one where the teachers and assistants danced. That, too, was more interesting than most of the kids' routines, but Steven found it hard to pay attention. He couldn't wait to see Jim.
After the lights came up, Jim's family went to find the kitten, who was milling out near the doors to the backstage area. Steven hung back until Jim's parents stopped congratulating their son and turned to talk to Jim's dance teacher.
Jim eased around the cluster of chatting adults and came close to Steven. “What'd you—“ Jim began, cut off as Steven wrapped arms around the kitten in a tight hug. It seemed the best way for the dog to explain his feelings. “That was awesome,” whispered the dog.
Steven heard a few girls giggling around him, and he let go of Jim again, looking a little embarrassed. But he laughed off his own warmed-over, blushing face. “I never knew that dancing could be so...wow.”
Jim laughed. “It was that good, huh?” He grabbed Steven's hand and pulled. “Come on. Mom promised we'd go out to eat after and I'm hungry!”
Steven glanced, startled, at Jim's parents looked right at them, holding paws. But they seemed, if anything, pleased at the sight. So, Steven held on. He might as well enjoy it while he had the chance. Why worry about who could see him?
*****
“That's not an answer. Do you like him?” Tammy asked, peering down at Jim's head as she loomed over the kitten, her body close enough to keep his back against the row of lockers.
Jim bit his lip, sucked on a fang. He tried to look disinterested, but he couldn't. His grin came through. “Yeah. I like him.”
Tammy squealed and grabbed Jim's shoulders, shook them hard enough to make his teeth click together. “That's so cool! I knew you'd find someone you liked.” The lioness looked at the cat with predatory intensity. “Does he like you? He's totally different around you lately.”
“Well, yeah. I think,” said Jim. “We haven't exactly talked about it, but...”
“But you have to! Or I could ask him for you. Oh, my gosh! It's just like in manga. The angry ones always end up falling in love, just like Stevie and you!” Tammy's tail lashed excitedly.
Jim knew, after years of being in the same dance classes as Tammy, that this was a dangerous time to be around Tammy. The longer he stayed, the more plans she would make for him. “Look, uh...there he is! I'll be sure to ask him myself. Talk to you later, okay?” Good timing on Stevie's part. At least he had an out now. He slipped out from around Tammy and rushed away.
The dog smiled when he saw Jim approach. “Hey.”
Jim fell into step beside Stevie. “What's up?” He grew tense as the pair passed Tammy and he heard her giggle.
“Nothing. Something the matter? Tail's all puffed out.”
“Nah, just...cat thing.”
“Oh. Want to check answers on the math homework?”
“Sure.” And then the talked turned to the nuts and bolts of algebra. In the last few weeks, Jim had found that doing homework became fun if he did it with Steven. And, best of all, when they were together, Steven smiled. Jim couldn't remember a time that he'd seen Steven smile before a few weeks ago.
The pair separated after second period, in different classes until lunchtime, and that's when Jim's day began to drag. It used to be that periods three and four brought a break from Stevie's bullying, but now those classes seemed dull without the dog around. Jim spent that time looking forward to seeing Stevie's smile again.
But, when he caught up to the puppy at lunchtime, Stevie didn't look happy at all. “What's the deal with this?” he asks, shoving a folded-up scrap of paper towards Jim.
Jim looked at the paper. It had Steven's name written on it. When he unfolded the paper, it read, “Do you like Jim? Circle yes or no.” He recognized the heart-dotted I’s. He folded the paper back up. “Oh on,” he mumbled. “Tammy.”
“Did you ask her to do this?” asked Stevie.
“No!” said Jim. “I wouldn't.”
“But you told her about me and you, didn't you?” said Stevie. “I saw her whispering to some other girls, too. Jim, this is bad!”
“You're making too big a deal out of this,” said Jim. He frowned. It didn't seem so bad to him. “Tammy's just—you've never dealt with her before. Once she gets an idea in her head...anyways, she's in my dance class. All of those girls saw us together at the recital, so it's not like it's a big secret.”
“She's going to tell everyone!” Stevie looked around again, as if suspicious of the other students around.
“She won't. She'll calm down soon enough. Um, probably.”
“Hi, Jim. Hi, Stevie.” A pack of girls passed by just then, Tammy at the lead. They giggled as they turned the corner.
Stevie sighed. “You see? They're going to make fun of me. Of us!”
“That's not making fun. They'd be much worse if they were.”
“Let's just eat lunch.” Which they did. The whole time, Jim watched Stevie, who kept his eyes on the table, chewing in stony silence. Returning to class was a relief after that.
Jim only managed to catch up with Tammy halfway through the afternoon classes. “Stevie's pretty freaked out about the note you sent him,” he said.
“Why? I was just having fun.”
“It's not fun for him. He's—look, he thinks you're teasing him. Stevie's...more sensitive than you'd think.”
Tammy rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You'd think he didn't bully you for years. And now that he's hanging out with you all the time? People are talking about it anyways, not just me.” She shut her locker and stomped off.
Jim sighed. Now two friends were mad at him. But he knew Tammy would get over it, eventually. If only could be sure that Stevie would as well.
After school, Jim finally caught up with Stevie. “Sorry, I took too long at my locker,” he said. “You were gone by the time I got out,” he said, as he fell into step with the puppy, walking out of the front doors.
“Yeah, I guess I was.” Stevie's tail hung down with the same lack of vigor as his voice.
Jim tried a smile. “Your mom say it was okay for you to come over again on Saturday? I want to show you some of my favorite movies.” He though that if anything could get Stevie to smile, the promise of a visit would. He seemed so happy when he came over.
Stevie did expression did brighten, a little. “Sure.” But the budding smile faltered, and the canine stopped walking. “Hey, Jim. I overheard a couple of guys from the football team. They heard about whatever Tammy's been saying.”
Jim's ears flattened. “Oh. Oh, wow. I'm sorry, Stevie. I did talk to her about it. I guess it got around too fast.”
“I guess. It's just, I dunno.” Stevie glanced at Jim. “You know we're friends, right?”
“Yeah,” said Jim. He felt his tail wanting to frizz up, and something about Stevie's tone made his stomach feel leaden.
“Well, maybe we should...” Stevie shrugged, voice holding brightness that his eyes did not. “Be like...secret friends. And we could pretend that we're not, when we're at school.”
“I, um. If that's what you want,” said Jim. He didn't know what else to say, except for the “No!” that he wanted to shout.
“Well, I—I'll see you Saturday, right?” Steven's muzzle twisted into another failed attempt at a smile, and then he hurried off.
*****
“I caught the end of rehearsal tonight,” Dad said that evening, as they drove back from Jim's dance class. “You didn't seem like your usual self. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I'm fine,” said Jim, before he sighed. “No, that's not true. It's Stevie.”
“Did you two have a fight?”
“No. Yes.” Jim nearly hissed in his frustration. “I'm not even sure.”
Dad pulled into a parking lot and stopped the car, gave Jim his full attention as the kitten explained what had happened at school. Afterwards, he reached out and stroked over the kitten's head. “You're worth having as a friend. You know that, right?”
“I know. But why'd he have to...to...” Jim searched his father's face for an answer.
“I can't say for sure. I think he's just trying to find out who he is, and he's having a hard time with that.” Dad squeezed Jim's shoulder. “He might need that time.”
“But it's just being friends. What's the big deal?”
“It might be a big deal for him,” Dad said. “But, you have the right to be treated kindly by your friends. If being friends the way that Steven wants makes you feel bad about yourself, that's not good.”
Jim closed his eyes tight, ears plastered against his head. “This sucks. Why can't it just be easy?”
Dad laughed, but the sound came out sounding gentle and a little sad to Jim's ears. “Sometimes things turn out complicated like that, especially the older you get. Let's go home, all right?”
Even at the end of the evening, when Jim went to bed, he still didn't have a good solution to his problem. What did he want out of his friendship with Stevie?
By the time the weekend approached, Jim still didn't have an answer.
*****
“What do you mean, you're not going?” Dewey bounced the foam ball he held off of Steven's head.
“That's pretty easy to understand, right?”
Dewey reached over and grabbed Steven's ear, and as the puppy braced himself for the twist, the older dog dropped his fingers to his shirt collar and pulled there, instead, urging the shepherd out of his chair. “You're going. I'm tired of watching you mope around the house. You're no fun like that.” He lifted his muzzle and raised his voice. “Mom? Can I borrow the car? Steven needs a ride to the school dance.”
Mom poked her head into the room, eyes scrutinizing Dewey, sharp and knowing. “Any excuse to drive, right?” She sighed. “Go ahead. But, you can pick up some things at the store on the way home.”
Steven shook Dewey's paw off. “Whatever. Let me change.” Steven knew that Dewey would use any excuse to get a chance to make use of his new driver's license. At least he'd be too busy operating the car to be much of a pain.
When Dewey pulled up the curb at school, Steven stopped, one foot out of the car. “Wait, when are you coming back to pick me up?”
“I don't know. Use your phone when you're ready or something.” Dewey reached over, pushed Steven fully out of the car, shut the door and drove off quickly.
Steven sighed. “Thanks, Dewey,” he mumbled. Big help.
Inside the gym, music blared while bored chaperones looked on. It was easy to tell which kids were from Steven's own grade, even without looking at faces. They tended to hang close to the walls. The older students, who'd been through the same awkwardness in previous years, did most of the dancing.
Steven found a place along the wall to wait out the evening. He felt like he shouldn't have come. He didn't have any friends here; he didn't have any friends at all. Except...and there Jim was, laughing with the girls that were his friends. Jim's group was the only one that had students Steven's age dancing in it.
Steven didn't know Jim would be at the dance, too—hadn't even considered it, since he hadn't planned on attending, himself. He didn't expect the pang of jealousy he felt, watching Jim dance with the girls. He grabbed a cup of punch to distract himself. It tasted awful (who thought sherbet, ginger ale, and fruit punch were tasty together?), but sipping it gave him something to do. He did his best to stay out of Jim's line of sight.
He felt like he did when he used to watch Jim jump rope on the playground, seeing the kitten having fun and wanting to share in that fun. Steven felt afraid, unable to close that gap between himself and Jim. He was getting tired of being afraid.
Steven had begun on his third cup of punch when he heard a voice behind him.
“What do you think you're doing?”
Steven turned, and his ears plastered against his skull. Tammy stood in front of him, looking none-too-happy. “Huh?” he mumbled.
The lioness prodded the center of his chest with fingertip. “What's wrong with being friends with Jim? You really hurt his feelings, you know.”
Steven drew his elbows in close to his body and clutched his drink close. He couldn't meet Tammy's eyes. “Please don't talk so loud.” he said, quiet as he could with the music blaring.
“I'll talk as loud as I want!” Tammy poked Steven again. “Why are you treating him like this? If you start bullying him again, I'll make you sorry.”
“No!” Despite all the punch he'd drunk and the urgent feelings he felt, Steven's voice came out as more of a whisper than anything else. He took a step back from Tammy, and his back bumped against the wall.
Tammy moved with him, giving him no space. “Then what's the big deal? It's obvious you like him. It's been obvious for a long time.”
“Wait, what does that mean?” Steven asked, suddenly surprised. Was he that obvious?
Tammy rolled her eyes. “Ugh! Boys are so stupid.” Tammy sighed. “You better talk to him soon.”She stomped off. Steven understood now that asking Jim to get Tammy to lay off was a harder task than he thought. That just made him feel worse, though, since he'd blamed Jim for Tammy's behavior before.
Worse, Tammy's outburst had drawn attention. Steven could see the whispering, and he even saw Jim looking his way.
A chaperone stepped closer to Steven. “Is everything okay?” the teacher asked, concern on her face.
“I'm fine,” mumbled Jim, and he crept further into the less-lit parts of the gym before he drew any more attention.
As time passed, Steven could little lights in the crowd, as students called their parents on their phones. The dance would soon be over. He reached for his pocket so he could call home, but his paw closed around nothing. Steven squeezed his eyes shut and growled at himself. He should've remembered to grab his phone when Dewey had hustled him out the door.
While Steven kept patting his pockets, as if that would somehow make the phone materialize, he heard the sound of a throat clearing behind him. “You want to just get a ride with me? My dad's on his way.”
Steven turned his head. Jim stood a few feet away, hands behind his back, a little smile on the kitten's face. The dog frowned and turned his head, unable to look Jim in the eye. “I'm fine,” he said. “I can ask a teacher to let me use the office phone.”
Jim's smile fell away. “Are you sure?”
“I'm sure. Just leave me alone.” Even as he said it, Steven knew he shouldn't have. The tone came out all wrong, too mean-spirited. He shouldn't take out his bad mood on Jim.
Jim's ears flattened against his skull. “All right.” He took a step back, then paused, and turned, tail lashing. “Wait. It's not all right. You can't act the way you've been lately and be friends with me. It's just bullying in a different way.” He began to walk away.
Steven reached out and caught hold of Jim's wrist before he even completely realized what he was doing. “No, wait.”
Jim stopped. “Why?”
The question made the dog freeze. He could feel the churning in his stomach, knowing that students around him could see him and Jim arguing. But he also felt sure that if he didn't fix things now, he might lose his friend. “I'm sorry, Jim,” he murmured. “You're right. It was mean of me to ignore you. I already miss spending time with you. In school, too.” He shifted his hold from Jim's wrist to his hand and gave it a squeeze.
Jim nodded. “I missed you, too.” He rubbed his thumb reassuringly against Steven's palmpad, then laughed. “I feel better now. I hate arguing with anyone.”
Steven's ears lowered. “Sorry.” But then he wagged his tail hopefully. “Can I still get a ride with you?”
“Yeah, let me just get Tammy. She's riding, too.” Jim let go of Steven's hand and waved to the lioness.
Steven looked startled, then nervous. “Oh.”
Tammy wandered over. “Did you guys make up?” She smiled. “Good, because you're cute together.”
Steven's eyes widened. “What?”
Jim laughed. “Tammy! Quit scaring Stevie. Give him time to get used to you before you say stuff like that.” He grabbed hold of Steven again, and he didn't let go this time. “Let's wait out in front of the school.
Steven tensed up, but then willed himself to relax and laced his fingers with Jim's. Wasn't so bad, if he pretended no one else was around. The only important person was the one holding his hand, anyways. As he walked out of the gym with Jim, his smile returned.
