Sonic hadn’t always been this scared of changing the future.
The hedgehog was always about trying to change it. After the events of the war with Eggman and his army, Sonic wondered a lot whether he could’ve done something differently or not to prevent the war from ever happening.
What if he had fought some more against Infinite and the other fakes? What if they had gotten wind of Eggman’s plans sooner than when they actually caught notice of it? What if Sonic had actually been where Tails and the citizens were before the attack?
Not once did he ever blame anybody else. It was always himself. Never another. Him. He truly believed he was the reason as to why the war happened.
Because he was weak.
It terrified him for a long time during his traumatic recovery. He had gone through several rounds of breakdowns, crying spells, mood swings and screaming about the six months of torture he had gone through while being captured on the Death Egg during the war.
Now, two years after the war, and Sonic had grown a lot from his past. However, the trauma of the war had not faded away. Maybe a little, but it was still evident by the way he reacted to the anniversary of the war, or whenever he saw a documentary about it on the TV.
Often, he’d have to leave the room. He was always frightened of emotionally hurting those he loved from raising his voice or doing something he might reject. If he could, he’d never stay in the same room as them whenever something about the war was on.
Tails was one of the few people who knew his trauma had not left him. Sonic never liked anybody finding out about his deepest, darkest feelings. He never liked to be vulnerable around others. He hated it. Despised it.
It was during one night where the hedgehog could not sleep. Tails had long gone to bed at this point, leaving Sonic to occupy himself through the silent, dark night.
They had been watching a comedy previously a couple of hours ago. The brothers liked to have a day where they could binge watch their favourite programs with snacks and forget their troubles. Today had been one of those days.
Normally, it worked. It’d normally cheer them up, help them to sleep easily. But tonight? It hadn’t helped Sonic.
He had gone to a counselling session a few days ago. Something about it had been on his mind, though what it was, was anybody’s guess. Sonic was so private these days with his personal life. Tails was pretty much one of the few people to ever hear about his day truthfully.
A soft sigh escaped his mouth.
“Gotta love those nights where you can’t do anything but wish you could remove the past.” a mere thought to himself. A soft whisper, volume gentle enough not to wake the sleeping fox upstairs in his own room.
The hedgehog then turned on the sofa, laying on his hip, facing the window with a blank frown. He was somewhat worried about having another nightmare again. He had been having those as of recent. He believed it was to do with talking about it with his therapist.
She encouraged him to write down thoughts. Speak to loved ones. Find new hobbies to enjoy and have fun.
It was all so hard. He truly, honestly, wanted to change for the better. He wanted to be better, to feel better.
He had noticed the others’ behaviour lately. They all seemed to be acting like they were fine, as if the war had never happened in the first place.
It began to make him question whether it had actually happened. Whether it was all in his head? And they had been going along with him to make him feel better?
Another sigh this time only a little deeper.
“Ames seems to be leading the New Resistance well. She’s doing an amazing job of being the leader. Then again, she was born to play that role. She just knows what to do.”
How he envied her. She had remained her innocence it seemed. He wished he had his.
“I wish I could do something to be of use. Yet, I just can’t seem to do anything right without worrying I might mess it up.”
Sonic sat up. He pressed his palms against his forehead. “Stupid, stupid, stupid! Shut up, shut up!” the thoughts were back. Those nagging, evil thoughts, never leaving him. Haunting thoughts. Dark thoughts.
Familiar thoughts.
You’re a failure.
You can’t do anything right!
“Shut up!”
Admit what you did! Admit you were wrong!
You are the reason they were all killed! How buddy was injured! How he lost a leg! Your fault!
“N-no--!”
You, you, you, you, you!
“Shut up!”
“Sonic?”
He gasped when he saw the lights had been turned on. Sprung from the sofa, he noticed the familiar orange fox standing the stairs, tiredly rubbing his eyes.
Sonic looked horrified. Damn it, another night where he had woken up Tails with his thoughts.
“I-- I-I’m sorry, I just-- I-I--”
“It’s alright, Sonic. It’s alright.”
This was going to be a long night.
