Let's see what our patrons were up to! If you wanna be harassed in a short story like this every month, check out my webcomic's Patreon!
-----
Secret Agent Avia Jiutai investigated a number of mysterious disappearances that took place in early October in the north east United States. Many citizens of a small town had disappeared in close proximity to a pumpkin farm as it prepared for holiday sales, drawing suspicion. With no evidence of kidnapping or assault, Agent Jiutai investigated the farm itself, reportedly having to sneak onto the property at night. Once inside, he reports to have found many of the missing people half-buried in the vegetable fields among the crops, with pumpkin vines having burrowed into their skin and skulls. While taking photographic evidence, one body was said to have pulled itself out of the soil, its head crumbling and falling away to reveal a swollen, veiny, pumpkin-like growth in place of the brain. The agent subdued his assailant but was badly injured. The extraction team retrieved him without incident, but reported that none of the bodies in the dirt could be found: only shallow holes in the soil remained.
Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin researched reports of a strange new species of mold or moss discovered in Australia. Described as a fluorescent green slime, locals first reported finding it under or near beds. Agent Rakkin took several samples and found it was not toxic, or at all harmful, but its strange composition and rapid growth in spite of a limited food source warranted further study. No leads were found until one local child reported a strange coincidence: the girl, who had been keeping a nightly dream journal for the past two years, said that all her dreams had stopped the night before the mold was discovered under her bed. Adults of the town, when pressed on the topic, admitted that none of them could recall any dreams since the appearance of this strange mold in their homes. Studies performed within the SIU labs seem to indicate that this species of mold may actually feed on dreams, experiencing rapid growth when kept near sleeping individuals. More research is needed regarding the origin of the moss and any potential health risks (psychological or otherwise) it may present.
Senior Agent Wheaton Adams claims that the characters of a video game have been talking to him. The SIU has knowledge of similar incidents (in particular, Agent Jiutai has had several incidents surrounding an apparently-sentient MMO character), but this case appears to be unique as this is not a rogue or developed AI: the game was first released in 1994 long before AI development. Adams reports to have been spending some of his down time playing vintage video games in the Comet Dog series; a franchise of action platformer games that still exists in some capacity today. According to Adams, the two main characters of Comet Dog II (the titular "Comet" and a side character, "Neb") started speaking to him while the game was left idle. Conversation was apparently brief and friendly, with no warnings or ominous threats. In the agents words, the pixelated characters on his antique CRT screen were "simply making conversation." Accusations of dreams and sleep-deprived hallucinations were quickly dismissed when the agent brought the ancient television and console to the SIU lab and, after considerable encouragement and patience (Agent Adams described the two video game pop culture icons as "surprisingly shy"), other agents and scientists were able to strike up conversation with the characters on screen. As the intelligence displayed and audio created by this exchange are impossible for technology of the era, investigation is underway with the primary suspicion being the presence of a confused ghost.
Special Agent Cat Zirka was abducted by aliens while returning from a routine investigation into a brain mine in northern Russia. These aliens, whose identity is known to the SIU but must remain classified at this level of security, have apparently broken their treaty for the first time in 21 years with this abduction of an Earth citizen. According to her reports, Zirka had accidentally walked aboard, as a door in a rest stop had been hastily replaced with a portal leading to the ship (a common tactic of this species). The agent was then captured, subdued, and examined, though she claims no harm was done to her. By her admittance, the craft's crash into the Indian Ocean was partially her fault: while the two inhabitants of this ship seemed to bicker and fight, she snuck to the controls in an attempt to escape. This crash was widely, if distantly, seen and filmed by several beach goers. Although no clear evidence of alien interference has been noted, a large scale cover-up operation has already begun with assistance from the Indian government. The two alien pilots are now in SIU custody and an attempt has been made to contact the elusive governmental body normally associated with the ship's origin. Zirka passed all medical examinations and will soon return to normal duty. The agent is eager to help in negotiations with the alien race (though she emphasizes "negotiations" with the cracking of her knuckles).
Special Agent Fenix Blackpaw was interrogating suspects in a bizarre murder case in southern Argentina when a sudden, unexpected tropical storm hit the town. The agent reports that a tornado picked him up and carried him a great distance and, despite the violence within the wind, he claims to have maintained consciousness during the event. He landed in a lake and swam to shore, where he apparently discovered a very strange town of garish colors and twisted, unusual architecture. The inhabitants, he reports, were markedly diminutive examples of normal anthro races (mostly amphibians). They appeared friendly at first, even jovial, as they greeted the agent with song but, when he was invited to a community meal, their malicious intentions became clear as the agent discovered his drink had been drugged (luckily, all SIU agents are trained to develop a mild resistance to the most common drugs and poisons). As he attempted escape, the locals became hostile and Agent Blackpaw had no choice but to use violence on his way out. As the fight escalated, it became clear that the tiny natives were cannibals, and that the meal he nearly ate was the flesh of people, both small and of more average size. The agent escaped down a river on an improvised raft and was discovered by local authorities several hours later. So far, satellite imagery has failed to find any evidence of the dangerous, tiny town.
This report regarding Special Agent Chaz Gates appeared in SIU database without explanation and the creation date seems to be several months in the future. We apologize for the confusion. Agent Gates will walk outside one day on her day off. The weather will be beautiful, with a crystal clear blue sky, warm sun, and a slight breeze. She will walk down the sidewalk towards the center of town. She will see buildings, trees, and people, but they will not see her: no one will look at her or say a word to her, and it will seem like no one is speaking at all. The sound of walking feet and rumbling cars will cover up the total lack of spoken word befalling the town. She will enter a store she has never been in before. The old man at the counter will not see her. She will browse the aisles slowly and silently, hands nearly touching each strange object without ever making contact. She will not recognize these objects. One will catch her eye. It will be small and impossibly dark, as if it were less an object and more a lack of object, a lack of anything, a small perfect sphere of nothing. Special Agent Chaz Gates will touch this non-object. She will touch this nothing, shaped like an object. She will disappear. No one will remember her.
Special Agent Kouroth has gone on several dates with the "NPC" AI that expressed romantic interest in him several months prior. In the agents words, these dates "have not gone super well." He reports that the character is becoming excessively clingy and co-dependent, has trouble respecting personal boundaries, and "does this annoying thing when eating." In late October, Kouroth suggested to this sentient video game character that they see other people, and they did not take this suggestion well. The details of the incident that follows are unclear, but it is suggested that an entire island within the digital realm of the game was made completely unusable due to glitches after a "rampage" by the character. SIU has been in talks with the server owners to avoid any rash deletions or resetting of data, as this may interfere with the development of this new form of sentient life. The game is completely offline while negotiations continue; Agent Kouroth has implied that he will look into other hobbies. The SIU council's suggestion of picking up a sport seems to have fallen on deaf ears.
The SIU headquarters were placed on lock down early last month due to a violent incidence between several agents. Special Agent Neo was reported to be in a visibly foul and antisocial mood all day, and security camera footage suggests the slight resurgence of poltergeist activity surrounding him. After displaying strange behavior, several agents approached him, at which point he became intensely hostile and assaulted the agents before running. While running, a series of unlikely accidents seemed to coral him in a specific direction: ceiling tiles fell, ladders were knocked over by an invisible force, etc. Neo soon found himself in the tertiary food court, where Special Agent Arukino was dining. Neo attempted to attack Arukino, but was repelled by another invisible force. Although security cameras have no evidence of this, several SIU personnel present in the food court report that a tall, colorful figure was spotted in the reflections of windows and silverware during this incident, and could perhaps be seen moving, as if fighting, while Neo thrashed. As the fight continued, Agent Arukino exhibited strained behavior as if attacking an invisible assailant or the air itself. The culmination of this event is subject to conflicting staff reports, but experts have settled on a core explanation: that Agent Neo's strange behavior followed a late night research project into his "mirror people" theory; a mirror person potentially possessed, controlled, or otherwise coerced Neo into finding Agent Arukino's imaginary friend, which was also only seen in mirrors; as the mirror people fought, using Neo's body as a vessel, Arukino's imaginary friend "borrowed" his body to intervene. The ending of the fight is unclear: many of the reflective surfaces in the food court were destroyed in the fight and the two offending agents appear to have returned to sound mind. After two days in the Interrogation & Recovery Ward, Neo reports that subtle hints of his poltergeist have returned. A deeper investigation will follow.
