“Alright.”
Leonardo said as he placed supplies in front of Raphael on the table. There was a pencil, eraser, exercise book and ABC book. Eyeing them in suspicious way Raphael listened Leonardo sitting down, moving his chair closer to the table.
“We will start from the beginning. First alphabets.”
Encouraged by Leonardo Raphael opened the book, seeing page full of letters. There was 2 of each of them in big and small form. Leonardo calmly moved his hand, pointing an “A”.
“This is letter A. Right next to is A too but in smaller form.”
“Why? Won’t one A be enough?”
Leonardo smiled. “We need them both, Raphael. You see, sentences, places and names start with big letter while other words to follow are written with smaller letters. Like Arizona. It’s a place so its name is written with big A even if it would appear in the middle of the sentence.”
Raphael let out deep sigh through his nostrils, confused look in his eyes.
“But don’t worry about any of that yet. Let’s focus on learning alphabets first. Next letter is B.”
Leonardo escorted Raphael through the alphabets one by one, then going back to the letter A. This time he asked Raphael to repeat the letter after him. Embarrassed at first it took a little bit time before Raphael said the letter, following Leo’s example. Raphael had no issues in the end of pronouncing them, but learning to remember them in their specific order would take a while for him to remember.
Next Leonardo asked Raphael turn the page. There was short sentences, but the words in them were cut in syllables. Leonardo patiently and slowly explained everything to Raphael before reading the first sentence, asking Raphael to read it too with him.
It wasn’t easy for bigger turtle and he was clearly sweating, his eyes jumping back and forth.
“Calm down. Relax. No need to panic. This is something what we all go through and it’s difficult at the beginning. But you are doing well.”
When Raphael said nothing Leonardo changed his teaching tactic.
“How would you feel about practicing some writing? Like your own name?”
“I… I would like that more, I think. This reading. I don’t like it.”
Leonardo chuckled softly. “I know. It’s difficult, but you will learn. Besides we have no rush so don’t feel any pressures about learning quick.”
Opening exercise book there were lines on the paper, but otherwise paper was empty and clean. Moving it right in front of Raphael, Leonardo then opened alphabets page from ABC book.
“Alright. What I want you to do next is to write your name on those black lines. You can either write Raph or Raphael, the choice is yours. So let’s start by searching letter R. You still remember which one it was?”
Raphael swallowed, eyeing the letters. His heart was hammering and he was so afraid of answering wrong. He didn’t want to embarrass himself, but he bravely pointed a letter.
“This?”
“Close. That’s P. R looks very similar to P, tho.”
“Then it’s this?”
Now he was pointing the right letter. Leonardo nodded with happy smile.
“Very good. Remember, you need to draw it in big form since your name starts with big R.”
Raphael eyed the letter and then the paper, but he had no pencil in his hand. Leonardo gave it to him, but Raphael had issues of holding it.
“Let me show you.” Leo said softly as he took the pencil, holding it in his right hand. “This is how I hold a pen. Gently, but firm enough so that it won’t fall from you hand. Now you try.”
Leonardo watched how Raphael struggled to hold the pen, not getting it to stay right in his hold. Pretty soon Raphael growled in frustration, throwing pencil hard away. Leonardo sat silently as he watched bigger turtle pant fast, anger shining in his eyes.
“This is stupid! Why I need that damn stick in my hand ta write!?”
“Because that’s how it works, Raphael.”
Leonardo replied calmly standing up, going to pick up the pen from the floor.
“I know this is frustrating, but are you willing to give up this easily?”
Leonardo offered the pencil back to Raphael, who eventually took it back with a small snarl. It wasn’t meant for Leonardo, however. Rather to the stupid pen. Sitting back down Leonardo watched how Raphael struggled again, moving closer to help other turtle adjust his fingers right.
“This finger here like this – and this here like this, so that the pen is here between them, staying still and not falling. See? Good, like that. Now, don’t hold it too hard either. You will exhaust your fingers.”
Raphael nodded as his focus turned back on the books in front of him.
“First draw a line from up to down all the way to that black line, but not over or past it. Like this.”
Leonardo had his own pencil and small piece of paper where he drew first line, letting Raphael watch. When he stopped, Raphael started to draw his own line. It wasn’t as straight as Leo’s, but it was still better than nothing.
“Good, very good! Then you draw upper part of the R here like this.”
Once again Leo showed how and Raphael followed his lead.
“Then, this spot where the lines connect is the spot from where you draw the last line, R’s leg so to say.” Leonardo explained as he went for the last line. His eyes then turned on Raphael who drew the last line. Of course this too wasn’t as straight as Leo’s and it was upsetting bigger turtle.
“Why mine is so ugly?”
“It’s not ugly. It’s good for your first R. And it just keeps getting better and better when you keep writing it over and over again.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” Leonardo smiled, gently giving few taps on Raphael’s shoulder even that they made big turtle move a way from him a bit.
Then they moved on a small letters. Drawing them wasn’t any easier than big R to Raphael, but he followed Leonardo’s example who repeated himself as many times as needed for Raphael to see what he did, and how.
Leonardo smiled widely clapping his hands fast with excitement and joy as Raphael finally finished writing “Raph”.
“Wonderful, Raphael! Wonderful! You did so well! I’m very proud of you.” Moving closer Leonardo eyed those letters. “My gosh, I can already tell you will have so beautiful handwriting when you just keep practicing it.”
Now big and shy turtle smiled a bit. “Yeah?”
“Of course. Just look what you just wrote and how. It’s beautiful.”
There was this new sensation in Raphael’s heart. Something what he had never felt before. Never. He was smiling, his heart was hammering and his eyes were tearing up.
“Awwhh, no need to cry, big guy.” Leonardo softly whispered while rubbing Raphael’s shoulder carefully. “Why do you cry?”
“I don’t know. I always have cried because I’ve been feeling bad inside, but now… It’s not that. I’m not feeling bad.”
“You are feeling happy. Those are happy tears. You are happy and proud of yourself and what you just did.” Those bright blue eyes were so full of warmth, proud and kindness as they kept staring in Raphael’s eyes.
“And you have all the reasons to feel like that. Just imagine how happy and proud you will feel when you learn to write more, to read, to count. There will be many happy tears.”
Raphael was smiling as he eyed his name what he, himself, had wrote on the paper. He was so happy and the thought of feeling even better when he had learned more… It excited him.
“Your name.” Raphael whispered, turning to look Leonardo who looked rather curious now. “How I can write your name?”
Leonardo smiled as he moved even more closer to the other turtle, starting to teach him how to write “Leo” first. He would teach more later.
**
Leonardo spent about 2 hours on teaching Raphael since he didn’t want to overdo it and frustrate big turtle with too intense studying. However Raphael wasn’t done. He wanted to stay in the library to practice more and Leonardo allowed it.
Later in the evening, after everyone had gone to bed already, Leonardo came in the library room before hitting the bed himself. Much for his surprise Raphael was still there, but not writing anymore. Poor turtle was leaning on the desk, resting his head on his arms.
Leonardo smiled as he approached sleeping turtle, taking a peek of the exercise book. Raphael had spent so many hours on learning to write “Raph” and “Leo” - and he was getting very good at them in such a short time. Leo was so happy for the turtle.
Looking at the big turtle, part of him wanted to wake him up and tell him to go to bed, but Leo knew it could be dangerous move. Even putting throwing blanket on Raphael’s shell and shoulders could be dangerous, so Leonardo did the only thing he could – leave him there to sleep.
Hours later Raphael woke up slow, library being bright with full lighting. Clock on the wall was showing 00:30AM, but Raphael didn’t know how to read a clock, but since the house was quiet and there was darkness outside he was sure it was night. Standing up he stretched his arms high in the air, releasing deep sigh. He left his supplies to wait him on the desk as he left the room, turning off the lights.
His eyes got used of the darkness quickly and he was going to go in his room to continue his sleep, but his stomach was growling. Big male hesitated in the hallway. He didn’t know for sure was he allowed in the kitchen, but he was really hungry… Taking the risk Raphael decided to go there where the food was.
However, in the kitchen he faced another issue. He didn’t see food anywhere. Would it be rude to go look inside the cabins? Maybe… But he decided to do so anyway. First cabins had nothing more than dishes, next had flours and other dry ingredients, but nothing what Raphael would had wanted or liked.
Then Raphael accidentally opened a fridge and that sudden light from it made him jump, small scream escaping him. Slamming the door shut Raphael panted hard, leaning his hands against the cool door with all his strength. W-what the hell was this this?! It was growling at him too! Listening the sound a bit longer, letting his pulse and breathing settle down too, Raphael swallowed.
He moved his hand again on the handler of the fridge, slowly opening it. The light turned on again and it made Raphael stop. His toes felt cool air landing on them from the fridge, but otherwise nothing. Opening the door more Raphael peeked inside. His eyes widened.
It was full of food! So bright apples, salad, earlier leftovers about the chicken, potatoes, carrots, cucumbers… So many things! Raphael swallowed since he was drooling. He couldn’t decided what to take first, but when his hand finally rose to take an apple, he stopped.
W-what if he was forbid to take them? Leonardo had never said that he could go and eat freely… Loud angry grumble from his stomach commanded him to take the apple and eat it, but Raphael decided otherwise. With heavy heart he closed the door, stepping away from the fridge. What he should do? He didn’t want to get in troubles and be mean by eating without permission.
Looking at the clock again in the kitchen, even that he didn’t understand it still, Raphael wondered was it bad to go wake Leo up and ask permission? Would he get in trouble from waking Leo up? He decided to take that risk too.
For someone so big he moved silently from level to level, finally stopping behind Leo’s door. He knocked, but it was so silent that none wouldn’t had heard that for sure. Raphael silently entered Leo’s room, stopping when Leonardo moved on his bed.
Coming near the side of Leo’s bed Raphael looked down at sleeping turtle. He had never seen anyone sleeping… It was… Calming. And somehow it made him feel… Safe. Reaching his hand towards the area where Raphael assumed Leo’s shoulder to be, he pushed it gently once. Nothing. He pushed again, but this time twice and a bit more firmly.
Leonardo took deep and slow inhale, releasing it slow as he opened his eyes. His first reaction was to jump a bit, startling bigger turtle too who jumped away from him.
“Raph?” Leonardo managed to ask finally, turning to turn his nightstand light on. “What are you doing? Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“Am I in trouble?”
“Oh no, no. No you’re not. I’m just worried. Is everything alright?”
“I’m hungry.” Raphael said lowering his gaze before looking up the other turtle again. “I went to kitchen, but I didn’t know am I allowed to eat without permission or invitation.”
Leonardo smiled as he stood up, wrapping bathrobe around himself from the chair near by.
“But of course you are allowed to eat, dear friend.” Leonardo smiled as he stopped near Raphael, placing his hand on other turtle’s shell, slowly turning him around. “Come, let’s go see what we can find for you.”
In the kitchen Leonardo opened the fridge, Raphael waiting patiently by his side.
“You know...” Leo said as he turned to look bigger turtle, hearing how his stomach was angrily demanding food. “Eat whatever you like and find. This is your home so you can freely eat what you like and want. As long as you won’t eat all our foods at once, tho.”
“So I can have an apple?”
“You can have even 3 apples if you want to.” Leonardo smiled as he moved out of the way, inviting Raphael to take his place. “Take a look and pick up anything you want.”
Raphael hesitated a moment, but he eventually picked up small bag of chicken leftovers, 2 apples, small yogurt (even that he didn’t know what it was, but he was curious about it) and orange juice. Sitting down he watched how Leonardo too took yogurt and a glass for orange juice. His yellow eyes followed how Leonardo filled Raphael’s glass first and then his own.
“Is it kind ta fill other person’s glass first?”
“It is polite and it shows that you notice them, yes.”
To this Raphael said nothing, but watched in silence how Leonardo took small sharp knife, starting to peel Raphael’s apples. He had never seen such thing to be done to apples. In his childhood apples were eaten with their skins.
“Here you go. I like apples without their skin. They can be nasty and get stuck between your teeth.”
Raphael smiled. “Yeah. That used ta happen ta me a lot when I was small.”
“Tell me about your childhood.”
“There’s… No much ta talk about. My earliest memories, faint ones, are from the preschool times. I don’t remember having any adult in my life, taking care of me.”
“How did you survive then?”
“Most kids were nice. They shared their lunches with me. Otherwise I either begged food, stole it or dig trashes. And when I grew up more, finding food came even more difficult because of the new law. Almost everyone, in just a few weeks, had been taken away and killed so there was no food.”
“Then how you survived from there?”
“I ate whatever I managed ta catch while hiding and running from the ‘dogcatchers’. Rats and pigeons mostly. Or seagulls since there was a shore near by.”
Raphael stopped when he took a look of Leo’s face. Poor turtle had frozen in middle of peeling his own apple, a look of shock and disgust on his face.
“Y-you ate rats and pigeons?”
“Not very tasty, I gave ya that, but it was all. Ya do anything ta survive.”
Leonardo looked down releasing one heavy and loud huff. Damn, he had never thought anything like this. But he wanted to know more.
“What else? Tell me everything.”
Raphael went silent as he looked at the apple which was missing few pieces already, having Raphael’s teeth marks on it.
“I was caught by the catchers few times, but I managed ta escape. One time was very close call and… I don’t regret it, but I snapped one guy’s neck. With my hands.”
As Leonardo kept looking in yellow eyes, they turned more sharp, sparky, furious.
“You would do it again.” Leonardo almost whispered.
“Damn right I would. He deserved it. They all deserve it if I would get my hands on them.” Smirking a bit Raphael scratched his left wrist. “That’s why they all hate me. Because I killed one of ‘em. But they feel fucking nothing from killing so many of us and innocent people. They are fucking bastards.”
Leonardo was silent. He wanted to ask more or comment with something, but seeing how angry and tense other turtle was becoming, he decided to stay quiet. He didn’t want to add more fuel in flames.
“You said earlier you don’t remember having any adults in your life. What about your parents?”
“No idea. At times I’ve even been thinking do I really have parents. Maybe I don’t even exist.”
Leonardo didn’t think when he suddenly reached his hand, placing it softly on Raphael’s. He flinched, but let his hand stay under Leo’s.
“You do exist. You are very real.”
“Does it surprise ya if I say there’s times when I wish I wouldn’t?”
“I understand that. After you have gone through so much, most of them being bad things so wishing such a thing is no surprise. However, I wish that I and girls can help you and make you change that thought of yours. We wish that we can make you happy about it that you exist. We want you to see the beauty in life.”
Raphael’s eyes were slightly wider, slight surprise shining in them as his eyes turned more moist. Lowering his eyes back on his apple, Raphael sighed. He wanted to say Leo was too kind to him, but he couldn’t open his mouth. If he would had, he only would had made weird sob sound.
Sensing Raphael was in sensitive state Leonardo pulled his hand back, finishing his apple. Both ate in silence until Leonardo opened his yogurt. Raphael, now after calming down, was curious about the white liquid so Leo explained him what yogurt is, letting Raphael taste his since it was different flavored than Raph’s.
Yogurt was weird, but tasty. That was Raphael conclusion after first small spoon what he was learning to hold and use with Leo’s help. Holding such a tiny thing wasn’t easy and Leonardo was having fun while watching and teaching bigger turtle to use it. Leonardo was happy that Raphael had woken him up since, now, the mood and moment in the kitchen was precious.
It was warm, light and happy.
