I have to admit, at first, it was an obsession. The way his condition made him look exactly like a human was driving me crazy... but now?
I don't even care for the way he looks.
It'as been more than a year since he got here, and about as long when I started to realize the kind of person Mike really was, beyond the way he looks, there is something a lot better.
It's the way he is, how he's not afraid to say what is on his mind, his selflessness, his massive heart, his… I've never felt something like this before.
It was easier back when it was just for the looks, lots easier, if I didn't have him I could still go for any other good looking guy, I know I could, but now... Now I don't care about anyone else, no matter how they are, they are nothing like him, and now, now it hurts. There's only one Mike, and he doesn't even look at me in the same way I look at him. Every day that goes by, every time he agrees to watch cartoons with me, or join me for a jog, or at the gym, I'm just another one of his friend. I'm not special. I'm just like anyone else. Why? Why do you have to be like that? Why do you have to be so friendly with everyone? Why do you have to be so nice to me? Why? Why do you have to be so perfect? Perfect for me, Why you... Why? I... I think I love him.
Peanut invited Mike and Beanie to watch the new "Legend of Bob" movie at our apartment. I downloaded it a couple of days ago and it has been sitting on my computer since. I just didn't feel like watching it, to be honest. Not even as an excuse to be with Mike. Hell, if it wasn't because Peanut asked for it I wouldn't have mentioned it.
I have to maintain the appearance that everything is OK, but now it's getting harder and harder. Now I get so nervous when Mike is near me and I don't know why. We've watched every new episode every week for almost a year now, and for the last month I can’t even ask him to come. I'm afraid he will start to notice. Thankfully, Mike as always been a bit oblivious.
They get here at almost the same time, Beanie brought some beers and Mike bought some bags of chips. Peanut made a mess in the kitchen earlier today and the end result was a big bowl of dip, and I got a bag of baby carrots in the fridge that I hadn't opened yet... I guess that will be good enough, I... I didn't feel like leaving the apartment today to go buy something...
Look at me, what have I become? Where did all of my energy go?, I’m becoming a shell of myself, all because I can't stop thinking about Mike. I hate this. I hate that I'm like this now. I hate how he changed me. I hate him. I hate that he is like he is, I hate the way he acts, I hate that I love the way he acts, I love, he, I love him, I... crap...
We connect the computer to the TV and put some old school music videos as background noise, everyone talking about how their week went, Beanie and the store and Mike and the night shift. Beanie makes fun how he looks like just woke up and we all laugh. I have to force my laugh. I can't think straight. Thankfully nobody notices how fake it was. We make space on the coffee table, and after a bit we start to watch the movie.
This is not healthy. Back then when I had just a small obsession for his looks I could just watch whatever I wanted with him and it was not a big deal, but now I can't focus on what is on the screen, I can't stop looking at him, the way he reacts to the movie, how he drinks from the can, peering over it with his eyes catching the reflection of the TV, his lips, his everything... now I feel sad. why am I sad? why can’t you see me in a different way? Why did I had to act like a dumb teenager when was near you? Why I was so immature around you? Why? Now you'll never see me any other way. Even now, you're here only to watch cartoons, because I don't have anything else to show you, like I'm some kind of child, I had my chances and I blew it... Why?
The movie ends and everyone starts to make comments about it. I just nod and laugh with them, as I don't know one thing about it other than the opening scene and what I saw on the trailer.
After a while Beanie excuses herself and goes back to her apartment, she apparently has to do a thing tomorrow morning or something. Peanut tells that he is feeling exhausted and goes to bed, and Mike… Mike asked me if it's OK if he stays a little bit longer. "I dont have to work tonight" he says, and he isn't feeling tired yet because of his sleeping schedule.
Why did you have to ask me this? I can’t say no, but if you stay here with me... I don't know, I feel like I'm going to explode.
“Hey, I've been waiting for you at the gym this week, did something happen?”
“I… I have been feeling a bit sick”. Please believe me.
“I hope it's nothing serious”, he says.
“Yeah, it's just some mild headache, I got a doctor appointment for this on Monday” I mumble
“I see… Hey, wasn’t it amazing when Bob used his power punch to destroy Piccoco’s armor?” he asks me.
“That was great”. Please believe my lies.
“What about when he uses the soul of his master to release his full potential?” he adds.
“Oh yes… It was one of my favorite parts”. I keep lying.
“...Bonbon...” He pauses for a second "Those things never happened in the movie…”
oh no... OH NO
No. No please no. You have always been so oblivious to everything, why you have to notice that?! everything is crumbling, I'm feeling it. I can see it in his eyes, he thinks I’m still obsessed with how he looks, he thinks I'm just an immature girl! I'm panicking, Is not like that Mike, it's really not like that anymore! Mike!...
“Bonbon, I'm not an idiot”.
“Mi-Mike I… I can explain, I...” and before I can say anything else
He says “you don't have to...”
Mike hugs me.
At that moment time stops. I can't breathe, I can't hold it anymore, I let everything go. I hug him back, I hug him, I hug him firmly, I’m crying and I can't stop. Every fear, all these feelings I had, everything explodes. It felt so heavy, and now he is here, with me. This is not a dream, this is not just a friendly hug, this is more than that. I can feel it, it has to be, I know it.
“You haven't been yourself lately, I was worried I did something to upset you.”
“Mike, You, you never do anything that could upset me, that's why I-I.. I swear, Mike, it has nothing to do with how you look, Mike you, I…” I can't stop crying. I hold him tight as I can, I don't want this to end, I don't want him to go away.
But... He slowly starts to pull me away from him... no, Mike, please...
He carefully pulls my head out of his shoulder and carefully lifts my chin with his finger, I think he is looking at me. It's blurry, can't stop crying...
He says to me “I don’t know if I can do this”
Mike PLEASE DON’T...
“But I will try my best”
He leans forwards, and presses his lips against mine…
He kisses me.
We kiss.
We keep kissing.
I…
I'm finally with him. All that weight, is lifted from my shoulders. I no longer feel fear and now I am...
I am Happy.
