Let's see what the agents were up to in April! Patrons can get a report like this by pledging to my Patreon![hr] Secret Agent Avia Jiutai traveled to Costa Rica after reports that one of their famed stone spheres had begun to communicate with locals. The Diquis Spheres are a number of large, nearly-perfectly spherical stones scattered across the Costa Rican Diquís Delta. They are theorized to be ancient decorative pieces, but their true origin and purpose still remains unknown. Upon arriving at the scene, Agent Jiutai was met with the sight of a 1.6 meter gabbro orb in a tilled field. The dirt had been disturbed and raised in a way that formed an intricate pattern resembling a cymatic sound wave pattern. Several days of intense observation and investigation led Jiutai to believe that this was not hoax or outside intervention, and that the patterns were created by subsonic frequencies emitted by the stone sphere itself. Scientists from Cairo University were asked to develop an algorithm to potentially translate these patterns back into sound waves. Research is ongoing, but preliminary results seem to suggest that the orb's first message is: "Hello world".
For the past several weeks, it has been impossible to film or photograph Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin. Photographs seem to either blur, distort, or incidentally obscure his face regardless of the device or film stock; digital video and film also appear to blur his face when filmed. Live footage of the agent offers brief, vague views of his face but otherwise seems to corrupt: regardless of device or media. The origin of this phenomenon is unknown; the condition seems to have begun overnight after the agent reported mild food poisoning from a local restaurant, but this was not the agent's first time becoming sick from that particular establishment. Audio recordings of the agent show no distortion and written word regarding Agent Rakkin, obviously, appears unaffected. Medical examinations have been difficult, as all manner of x-ray and MRI devices produce useless, distorted results. A local artist known for her realistic style has been commissioned to paint a live portrait of the agent; at the time of writing, the painting in progress appears to show great levels of distortion and abstraction. More study on this matter will be needed.
Senior Agent Wheaton Adams is being stalked by a duck. The agent reports that he has repeatedly seen the same feral duck following or watching him for over two weeks; the duck in question seems to be an unremarkable female specimen of the alopochen aegyptiaca species. No attacks have been made and Adams's life does not seem to be in danger, but several photos and videos from the agent's mobile phone show the duck watching him from windows, flying behind his car, or being shaken out of nearby trees or bushes. The situation recently reached an elevated level of caution when the duck was found in the bathroom of the SIU HQ, into which no entry for the wild animal should have been possible. The duck eluded capture and a second agent has been dispatched to investigate.
Special Agent Chaz Gates was summoned to Japan to assist in the search for several missing government officials after an unusually frequent series of earthquakes. In investigating underground caverns and tunnels created, or revealed, by the earthquakes, all of the missing officials were found alive. In further underground exploration, however, Gates and her team discovered a massive underground lake wherein a catfish of immense size was discovered and photographed: its length has been estimated at nearly 27 meters. Study into this creature will be ongoing, but Agent Gates herself has been flagged for the frequency in which she had discovered these unusual animals. Put in the context of her experience with a giant river snake, a colony of alligators, and metallic deer, her recent report of a giant underground catfish has caused some SIU supervisors to consider the possibility that there is a potentially dangerous pattern. No foul play or fabrication is implicated, as other SIU agents have reported similar sightings before, but this frequency may suggest a certain attraction or collusion around S.A. Gates. When asked what could have caused this unusual pattern, one SIU supervisor simply said, "pheromones”, and nodded silently for several minutes. The investigation is still ongoing.
Special Agent Arukino has reportedly tracked down one of the lost paintings of Indian artist and television personality Rayaan Chopra. Chopra's series of painting videos in the 1980s, known for the peaceful atmosphere and meditative attitude, gained a cult following with the rise of the internet, and groups of fans have made an effort to track the location of every painting made by the linsang artist. One of the few remaining unfound paintings was the product of an episode of the show thought to be an urban legend in which the artist, allegedly exhausted or intoxicated, painted an uncharacteristically dark and abstract painting. Thanks to internet forums, archived magazine articles, and the off-hand remark of a podcast host, Agent Arukino located what he believes to be the painting from this lost episode: a dark, chaotic painting with a pitch black circle among a torrent of wild colors and astral shapes. Upon studying the painting, Arukino theorizes that the painting may resemble photographs of the Messier 77 supermassive black hole, based on the abstract celestial patterns matching nearby stars and objects. Arukino was keen to point out that this black hole was not photographed until 2029, over 30 years after the artist's death. Fingerprints and DNA evidence from stray fur, however, confirm the authenticity of the painting's artist.
Special Agent Kouroth was rushed to the medical ward after symptoms of his jellyfish sting seemed to return and worsen. Kouroth had reported terrible depression and "a sense of doom" for the past few weeks, in addition to a loss of sleep and mild visual hallucination. Ordered on leave for psychological rest, he continued to report worsening symptoms until he was found incapacitated with gastric distress one morning. In the medical ward, Agent Kouroth violently regurgitated several thin, writhing masses covered in viscous film; as they dried out, it became clear that these masses were consistent with those of the jellyfish species that had stung him the month prior, apparently in a juvenile state. An enclosure is being rapidly constructed for the housing and study of the surviving jellyfish young. Agent Kouroth is expected to make a full recovery with a return to normalcy after the expulsion.
Special Agent Neo was assigned to investigate cult activity in a small suburb outside of Cairo. Cult member sightings had been reported near the scenes of accidents and murders, although none have ever been implicated the crimes themselves. Interviews of locals lead the agent to the headquarters of the cult, where a religious gathering appeared to be underway. Agent Neo reports being discovered, swiftly captured, and dragged into a more secluded area of the compound. Restrained, the agent was force fed an unknown, glowing fluid from one of several vials. Neo reports that the fluid created an intense sensation of euphoria and fullness, and that he rapidly began to hallucinate distorted voices and phantom memories. The cult members claimed that they had learned to capture and distill the souls of dying people, and that they had given Neo a taste of the outcome. Agent Neo managed to escape, but was in a highly delirious state when extracted by fellow agents. He is now in the medical ward, showing apparent signs of drug addiction withdrawal. No illicit substances have been detected in his system, however, and no evidence of the alleged “distilled soul" has been discovered.