Lost friendship, life imbalanced [Heartbreaking vent]

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by DiaperFox777

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Cole Shifuta

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Hey everyone...
I am sorry that I have been absent, especially with my art with the promise that I would at least finish the poll winners, upload the other pics, including the 10,000 pageviews special.

Please listen to me right now!

Other than a busy year in 2018, however... this year we're in right now as I uploaded this picture, 2019 is my biggest struggle right now. And one I never had this severe before!
To those that don't know my current situation, it all started back in 2019, that my entire world would be flipped upside down the moment that one of my best friends online decided to end the friendship with me before he started his road of recovery by getting rid of his electronics on the same day we last roleplayed together.
THAT is what is making me so silent right now. Ever since that fateful day back in Jan 29 of 2019, I am most miserable!

I am used to losing friends... BUT LOSING A BEST FRIEND?! THE ONE THAT I HAD FOR ALMOST A DECADE WHOM I LOOKED AT AS MY BROTHER?!
When that happened... I died inside!
The death of a friendship with a best friend is like the death of a family member...

I cried for days and days AND DAYS!
It felt like a nightmare that I just could never wake up from because the harsh reality is that he truly ended the friendship.
I felt like it was my fault... at the time I felt like roleplay ruined the friendship and just gave him the boost to just leave his electronics behind.
I did NOT mean to hurt him during the RP, despite he did forgave me. (Please don't ask how.)

I feel like NO ONE on the planet understands this huge painful heart ache that I am feeling right now!
Try living through life with the AUTISM disorder with such raw emotions that literally feels painful and lose a best friend!
Because of that day, I also felt BITTER!
With so much conflict I have been feeling lately about life, this is why you are seeing these 3 different things in the pic that is happening to represent the current unstable mind.

What I wish I could do? Just disappear from existence.
What I feel like doing? Destroy everything! (Cole's "Shifting Legendary Super Saiyan" form, everyone!)
What I would rather do? Cry myself in bed every day until I eventually succumb to death by broken heart... even beyond the realms of death I am still worthless, not worthy at all.

Roleplay is dead to me too, by the way, so please, NO MORE ROLEPLAYS, I mean it.
Every time I do the RPs, now I keep thinking back on THAT DAY during them, and that makes me miserable.

I don't know what else to do right now... other than I wish to be alone at the meantime, and cry over this lost I have.
I'm sorry so everyone, I am nothing but a fucking failure, a mess up, a FAIL FRIEND in this life, I wish I can fix my problems and anyone's problems, but I just can't.
Because of all of that, I can still have friends but I don't wanna be TOO CLOSE and end up losing another best friend again, I cannot handle that!
I am having trust issues, low self-esteem, and I just feel so dark, lost, bitter, angry even, and most sorrowful right now, and I just cannot get a damn break!

I just want this all to stop... I just want it all the stop! I WANT IT ALL TO STOP!
And please, don't try to make me feel any worse--ever, I don't need anymore unnecessary drama or wars from anyone to each other, besides needing to know that I am crying my broken heart out right now!

That is all you needed to know, so here's the pic!
[crying]

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