Due to atrocious render times this took a while. Apparently it seems that map lighting is either very intensive or not very well optimized in SFM, yet the map is from Garry's Mod and runs fine there. Cubemaps had to be disabled when rendering as they're broken in SFM.
There was a previously released version of this with lighting disabled, the genitals were removed in this version because I decided to render it without them first and didn't really want to wait for the version with genitals to render before posting this.