January 2-
I messed up.
I didn’t mean to, the thought of seeing them touching made me want to scream. They hate me now, everyone else was fine with it. Fine with them. I’m the outcast here. I did this to myself.
I need to talk to Father about the mess I’ve made. I don’t know where to start fixing this. I want them to be happy, they deserve it. I can tell by looking at them that they’re in love. I wish I could have that.
I don’t deserve it. This is all my fault.
I’m so sorry.
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Leo woke up in the middle of the night. He didn’t mean to fall asleep, he desperately wanted to see Raph and apologize. Leo sat up and stretched before glancing at the clock. It was a few minutes past three, so the others were most likely asleep. Leo got out of bed, shivering when his feet hit the cold floor.
He stepped out silently and made his way towards the kitchen. The lair was dark and the main living space empty with the exception of April and Casey. Leo looked down at their sleeping forms with a frown. April wanted to talk, but there wasn’t anything to talk about. He had to apologize and clear up this misunderstanding. That’s all.
Leo stepped into the kitchen and almost jumped when he saw that he wasn’t alone.
“Hey,” Mikey whispered, his mouth full of leftover pizza. Leo calmed, happy that it wasn’t Raph. He wanted to plan out his words before he apologized, he owed Raph more than a half-assed apology. Mikey set down his midnight snack and leaned against the counter.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Mikey asked. Leo nodded in response and opened the refrigerator to grab a water bottle.
“Yeah, arguing with Raph usually keeps me up.” Leo sighed and took a sip of her water. Mikey nodded as he eyed his oldest brother carefully. Leo’s reaction was definitely confusing. Mikey really wanted to know what Leo’s problem with Raph and Donnie was.
“Wanna talk about it?” Mikey asked softly, hoping he could get Leo to open up. He frowned with Leo looked away, ignoring that Mikey had even said anything. “You’re gonna have to talk about it soon anyway. I promise to not tell anyone.” Mikey stated seriously. Leo looked up at him, a bit of shock and curiosity gracing his features. Mikey grinned and stepped over to his brother.
“Are you okay with them being together?” Mikey stood beside Leo and took another bite of his pizza. Leo smiled softly and nodded.
“I really am happy for them,” Leo murmured. Mikey nodded and waited to see if Leo would continue. Leo sighed. “It’s just strange I guess. I don’t mind it if they keep their hands to themselves.” Maybe talking to Mikey would help. Most would find Mikey dumb, but Leo knew not to underestimate him. Mikey was brilliant when it came to emotions and art. Something that Leo admired and was a bit jealous of.
Mikey nodded and finished off the rest of his pizza. “Is it because they’re both guys?” Mikey’s mouth was full and Leo had to stop himself from scolding his younger brother about talking with his mouth full.
“No, it’s not that.” Leo smiled, how hypocritical would that be? He was changing for a reason, wasn’t he? He wanted, no craved, to be with someone. Anyone at this point, it didn’t matter if they were male or female, mutant or human. “I just don’t like watching anyone be intimate.” I can’t even stand the thought of someone touching me. Leo sighed heavily and set his water down.
“I get it, PDA isn’t for everyone.” Mikey grinned and Leo nodded. PDA? That wasn’t it. Touching without people around made him feel even more uneasy. Being that vulnerable with someone, alone? Nope, that wasn’t Leos cup of tea.
“It just makes me uncomfortable,” Leo stated with a frown. “I didn’t mean to look at them like that.” Leo’s voice was barely above a whisper as he looked towards the living room. Mikey pulled him away from his thoughts by taking Leo’s hand and pulling him out of the kitchen.
Leo followed his eyes glued to their hands. This touch wasn’t bad. Leo could handle this, it felt good. He followed Mikey, stopping once they got to Leo’s room. Leo looked at Mikey with a look of confusion.
Mikey smiled and pushed his brother inside. “Go back to bed, I’ll make sure Raph is calmed down enough so you can talk it out, okay?” Mikey chirped, his blue eyes practically shining with determination. Leo smiled, an uncomfortable warmth spreading over his chest.
He watched the door close before collapsing onto his bed. Mikey could be his savior sometimes and Leo couldn't be more grateful to his youngest sibling, even if Mikey could be a childish punk. He sighed deeply and turned int his side. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. With Mikey’s help, he could fix this.
Everything was going to be okay.
