Lil late with this posting, but here's what our special agents were up to during November! You can join them on my Patreon.[hr] Senior Agent Wheaton Adams has become a sentient website. During experimental treatments for the accidental body swap between Agent Adams and Agent Gates, Adams was apparently "lost" somewhere in a digital transference of consciousness. Adams was not found until two days later, when a new website on the company server appeared. Hand-coded (and definitely not SEO compliant), the text of the website appeared to narrate Adams waking up without a body in a strange digital space. Once a user interface was installed, communication regarding classified personal information confirmed that this was indeed the real agent. Interaction with the website code has allowed us to make Agent Adam's digital experience more comfortable for now. Research is ongoing as to the agent's return to his physical body, or at least upgrading him to HTML8.
Secret Agent Avia Jiutai was asked to investigate sightings of a dinosaur in what remained of the Congo rain forest. Several reports from lumber workers in the area indicated the presence of a long‑necked herbivore. After exploring the area, the agent discovered not a real, living dinosaur but an animatronic robot left over from the filming of a 2031 children's film starring a dinosaur. The robot claimed to have gained self awareness after being lost during a shipwreck after filming, washing ashore and hiding within the receding Congo forest. The “dinosaur” is now being transported by Agent Jiutai to a discrete Egyptian location for study and political asylum.
Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin was assigned to continue regional investigations into UFO sightings in Myanmar. After a considerable trek through deep wilderness, the agent discovered what they believed to be the culprit of the UFO sightings: a vast colony of glow worms that had taken residence in the forest hills. After some photography and experimental observation, Agent Rakkin reports that the glow worm colony, as a whole, may be sentient and able to communicate through the collective flashes and hues. Further investigation is planned and Secret Agent Avia Jiutai is scheduled to attempt contact with this colony due to his experience with sentient non-humanoids.
After news reports of the revival of gang-related clown activity, which mirrored reports from the late 2010s and early 2020s, Secret Agent Victor was sent to investigate a small town in southern Germany. After a very thorough investigation, and several false leads, a local cult of clowns apparently jumped the agent in the dark, capturing him. Local reports are conflicting, but a gunfight is said to have broken out in a local bakery shortly after the agent's disappearance. With several gang members slain or apprehended, Secret Agent Victor reported back to the agency. He is unharmed, but medics are still unable to remove the fur dye or brightly colored wig forced upon the agent by gang members.
Special Agent Chaz Gates was restored to her original body after her accidental swap with another agent. However, during the process, her body was somehow split into five smaller versions of itself. Chaz appears to act as five bodies with one shared conciousness: each is able to communicate with the full autonomy and memories of the original form, even when all subjects are kept in separate rooms, however there are some limitations. Communication and individual thought appears to be difficult when all bodies are asked to perform tasks at the same time (such as speaking), despite recall being perfect and the experience of one body being perfectly recalled by another: this has lead to a hypothesis that all physical forms may be sharing one central brain to process commands. After several tests and experiments, the agent's body count has now been reduced to three. Further work on this problem will continue.
Special Agent Arukino was swallowed by a shower drain this month. During an investigation of a reportedly haunted house in Tasmania, the agent was following trails of what appeared to be hair woven into the carpets of the old mansion. This trail lead to a walled-off bathroom, featuring a fully functional sink and shower. Testing the shower reportedly caused the agent to slip and, by their words, “fall into the 1.5-inch diameter drain”. The spacial mechanics of this incident are not well understood, nor is the cause of the agent's reappearance in the upstairs closet. The bathroom itself has not been re‑located within the house.
Special Agent Kouroth was on patrol in the American mid-west when they reported strange activities with scarecrows. By their report, several similar scarecrows were spotted at different rest stops along the agent's journey, identical in outfit and pose, down to minute, specific details. The scarecrows weren't visible to the agent upon arrival, only after they left each stop along the highway, and seemed to increase in number with every stop. This strange anomaly apparently ended once the agent, in an undisclosed incident, set fire to several of the scarecrows and a local abandoned barn. Most disturbingly, Agent Kouroth reports that the scarecrows were all wearing copies of their mother's clothes; unfortunately, all photos of this anomaly have been lost.
Special Agent Cecilia was requested to investigate a man who had fallen into a coma while using a “Dreamscape device”, which allows users to enter a virtual space during REM sleep. Doctors expressed concern that disconnecting him from the machine may cause psychological damage, and thus an agent was sent to enter this digital dreamscape to find the man. What follows was reported as a "hectic, psychological hellscape". The abstract fever dreams of the man in a coma were said to create a realm of extremely hard-to-understand shapes and unconnected images, a labyrinth of created images and hurdles between Agent Cecilia and the man's consciousness. The full report from the agent is kept on file although, ironically, despite its frantic detail, no other agent has managed to finish reading it without falling asleep.
While overseeing repairs on a new deep-sea exploration probe, Special Agent Neo and the repair team discovered what may be the world's largest and oldest lobster. Local papers reported on this event, revealing "Uncle Bones", a 35 kilo lobster which was entered into the record books with an estimated 250 year age. However, footage taken by Neo hints at a much larger specimen only briefly seen on the ocean floor: suit cameras captured a truly massive organism with a thick, barnacled shell which was mistaken for a coral reef near the site. If estimates are correct, this organism may have weighed over 2 tons, making its age incalculable but undoubtedly one of the oldest living creatures ever discovered.
While on vacation leave, Special Agent Erik Fischer reported strange occurrences on a Polynesian cruise. Traveling with a friend, the agent reported hearing their friend's voice outside of the boat at night, as if coming from the waters, despite the friend being asleep in the cabin beside him. This continued for several nights, though no other passengers or crew members could corroborate this story. What passengers could report was that, on the final night of the cruise, Agent Fischer was seen diving overboard in an attempt to rescue what he thought was his friend, despite his traveling companion watching safely from deck. When the agent was rescued and brought back aboard, he was carrying the body of a child apparently lost at sea during a shipwreck several nights prior. The child is in intensive care, but is expected to make a full recovery.
