Holy hymnals, Batman! It's a wall of text about Psalty!
I draw obscure animated/children's characters a hobby. It's fun, as one never knows what fan art of a little-known character will bring from the internet ...and believe when I say, my scribbles have gotten some odd (and even some risque) responses ^^;
Every now and then, I'll choose a subject who has a truly dedicated fanbase---characters such as Leah the Grymp, Muffy Mouse, Sawtooth or any of Kevin Gillis's characters. Some of the aforementioned are understandable (e.g., 'The Raccoons' was aired on Disney for several years), yet others are not so much.
Included among those would be Psalty the Singing Songbook. I uploaded a gag ACEO of the character, which spawned several requests for more Psalty ...who could've guessed?
Anyway...
Psalty is a man-sized anthropromorpic hymnal who teaches children how to grow in the Lord, primarily through music and song ...hey, I can accept this: I've seen talking toasters, kangaroo-bunnies who never grew, and ice cream cones turned into Pokemon---a singing songbook isn't something I'm going to question!
There are many iterations of Psalty to keep track of (spanning several decades), but 'Psalty's Missing 9' is the main story ...and boy is it complicated!
'Psalty's Missing 9' was a ten-part tale told through audio recordings, with each part being its own album. However, per events in the story, the tenth album was released (real-world) before the ninth. During the plot of the tenth album, the ninth album was stolen by the series's villain: Risky Rat. In other words, the tenth album was an explanation for why there wasn't (yet) a ninth album. When the ninth album was released (real-world) its plot was about reclaiming the ninth album from Risky Rat. Unfortunately, Risky managed to destroy the ninth album in-story ...so what was the ninth album being listened-to in the real world? ...It was an improvised 'replacement' made by one of the story's protagonists: a compilation of the songs and lessons learned during the other parts (the original, in-story ninth album was itself intended to be a collection of songs about believing in Jesus). That is, the ninth album audiences listened to wasn't 'the' ninth album, but 'a' ninth album, resolving the cliffhanger of the tenth (which was about 'the' ninth album). Are we confused? ^^;
TVTropes.org describes this mess as,
"...the most bizarre example of [Anachronic Order] in existence, and applies simultaneously on a meta level and Played for Drama in-universe"
All right, so that existed, but what is it we're looking at today?
This review is of 'Psalty's Salvation Celebration: the Movie' ...Oh my, this has 'the Movie' in the title (never a good sign, that).
I cannot be completely sure, but from what I understand, this 'movie' (which is just under 40 minutes runtime) is a live-action reimagining of the first album of 'Psalty's Missing 9'.
The story begins with Psalty and the kids trudging through the jungle, on the trail of the 'Master Tapes' stolen by Risky Rat (said tapes are this story's 'ninth album'). Psalty and the kids are captured by headhunters ...and cue flashback to "two weeks earlier...". :P
So, we truly begin with Psalty and his friend Charity Churchmouse at an Amtrak station in CA. Our heroes are waiting to board 'The Gospel Train', which will take Psalty and his choir of kids on a whistle-stop trip all the way to St. Louis, where some 'Salvation Celebration' is planned. En route, the train will stop at various rally points whereat the choir will perform. Additionally, each member will be expected to speak their Christian testimonial before their audiences.
Alas, Shelly, one of the lead singers has yet to arrive at the station. As they wait, Psalty and Charity engage in some exposition describing the master tapes mentioned at the beginning,
PSALTY: "(the recording) teaches kids how to grow in the Lord and become strong Christians! I really wanna play a few of the songs at the closing rally in St. Louis"
So, the tapes contain recorded songs performed by the kids... Are they planning to lip-sync?
Either way, we see Risky Rat is hiding near by, eavesdropping.
Enter Shelly.
PSALTY: "Oh, there you are, Shelly---I didn't think I'd seen you yet. Wow! you just made it!"
Shelly's lateness is consequent of her anxieties about the trip, specifically the part where she and the other kids will be expected to witness to the crowds.
SHELLY (worried): "...you're going to expect me to talk about the Lord in front of a lot of people"
Psalty assures Shelly all will be well,
PSALTY: "...I usually find that when somebody loves the Lord, they get so excited that they can't wait to tell other people all about it!"
Hm. I'm a large, 37-year-old man who would be apprehensive about doing such a thing. Airing my theological laundry on the internet is one thing, but doing so candidly before a live audience? No thank you!
The train departs.
PSALTY (to the kids): "So, our first stop will be Albuquerque... it's where we'll have our first performance of the Salvation Celebration Whistle-Stop Tour!"
ZACH: "And our first chance to tell folks about Jesus!"
PSALTY: "That's right, Zach! And let me just say I'm so proud of each of you---you've worked so hard learning all the new songs and routines"
CHARITY: "And I appreciate all the time time you've put in at our extra rehearsals!"
...This in mind, we know Risky is going to steal the tapes. My question is, "So what?" Psalty said he wanted to play a few of the tapes' songs at the closing rally, as opposed to throughout the tour ...songs the kids will sing live through the rally. Why couldn't they do likewise in St. Louis?
PSALTY: "...each of you will have a chance to tell the audience the good news: that God loves them! After all, that's the whole point of this trip"
...So why, again, are the tapes important? :P
Psalty and the kids are interrupted when Risky Rat enters their carriage. ...The characters do not recognize Risky because he is wearing a hat as a disguise. :P Risky is pretending to be a talent agent named Ricky Rasmussen, but I'll be referring to him as Risky.
RISKY: "So this is where you're hiding! Ever since I got on this train, everybody's been telling me about this group of talented young performers! ...I'm recruiting singers and dancers for a big show this summer in Nine Flags Theme Park, and I can't believe that we just happen to all be on the same train. ...[to Zach] So tell me, kid, how much are they paying you for this tour?"
ZACH: "...Uh, nothing, actually---we're not doing this for money"
RAY: "Yeah! I saved up my allowance for a whole year, just so I could pay for my ticket!"
...to tell other Christians about God? That's hardcore! :D
That aside, Ray's statement tells me Psalty's tour isn't sponsored by any church---it's entirely independent. How was it organized? Moreover, none of these kids are replaceable, given their especial training, 'learning all the new songs and routines' ...So what if any of the kids couldn't afford a pass?
I suppose the master tapes were Psalty's Plan B: no choir? Just press 'play'!
Yet Psalty has a choir, so the tapes remain unimportant.
Anyway...Risky replies that he'll be paying $500 a show: 13 shows, $6000. To add, the last of these shows would be filmed for a network TV special. $6000 seems oddly specific---it was probably the budget of this production. :P
Risky takes his leave, believing he's accomplished something. His 'scheme' is to take the kids away from Psalty, for to ruin the tour ...Why? Because villain!
RISKY (to viewer): "...Was it just me or did Shelly Barnes completely fall for that story? You gotta love it!"
Shelly expressed no verbal or outward interest in Risky's offer...she'll change her mind when the plot needs her to.
The following morning, the train makes a stop in AZ.
RAY: "How come we're stopping!? Phoenix isn't one of our whistle-stop cities!"
Calm down, Ray---I'm sure whatever passengers the train picks up will enjoy your sermon just the same.
...well, two of the new passengers, anyway: Ralph and Rhonda---two child siblongs who recognize Shelly as an old neighbor.
RHONDA: "Shelly? Shelly Barnes! Is that really you!?"
...Has shelly lost weight or something?
Shelly isn't too interested in reacquainting with these old friends, as the two interrupted her daydream of the prospects of Risky's proposal. ...but I can think of a better reason,
RHONDA: "Shelly, what is the purpose of convening a songbook, a mouse and these young people on a high-velocity rail vehicle?"
No, that wasn't the set-up of an unfunny joke, it's simply the way 'smart' characters in poorly-written, cliche TV specials talk (think 'Albert, from Twas the Night before Christmas', or 'Eugene, from Adventures in Odyssey'). Ralph, contrariwise, uses normal speech, but pronounces his words as if he were a baby Looney Toon.
What are Ralph and Rhonda doing in Phoenix?
RALPH (to Shelly): "We live here with our mom now"
...Sounds reasonable---kids like these could take a toll on anyone's marriage. The two are on board to visit their father in St. Louis, so Shelly will be enduring them throughout the tour (and so will we, by extension). :P
Times passes aboard the train. Ralph and Rhonda are given an opportunity to watch Shelly and the other kids practice their song ('Born Again') and steps. A break is called.
RALPH (to Shelly): "...I don't understand the words to that song---what does it mean to be 'born again'?"
PSALTY (to Charity): "Charity! Look! Shelly has a chance to share the gospel with Ralph and Rhonda!"
So let's gawk! ...small wonder Shelly doesn't want to do this on stage.
Unbeknown to our Heroes, Risky Rat is eavesdropping over the train's intercom.
RISKY (to self): "Uh-oh! Shelly, don't tell them about the Lord!"
Risky gets his wish, as the plot whisks Shelly away.
RISKY (to viewer): "Whew! that was a close one! I definitely don't want anyone giving their lives to Jesus on this trip!"
...Why? Ralph and Rhonda have nothing to do with Psalty's tour, and everyone who is part of the tour is a Christian already.
RISKY: "Ralph and Rhonda's interest in the Lord could ruin all of my plans!"
...to steal tapes that don't matter? To kidnap a child? *shrugs*
Eventually, the Gospel train arrives in Albuquerque. Psalty and the kids detrain and begin performing before a crowd of (mostly) little kids and their moms.
The song is 'Born Again'...
"Verse 1 My daddy was born in a wheat field, My momma was born on a railroad track. My sister was born in a black Ford, And I was born in Hackensack. But I tell you that it makes no difference, No, it makes no difference, It makes no difference ‘cause we’ve all been born again!"
Source: psalty.com (12/12/2018)
Too many questions (and this review is long enough as it is)...
Risky is seen among the crowd, seemingly enjoying the show (he even claps). After the song, Psalty makes an announcement,
PSALTY: "You know, the Big Book (the Bible) says, 'Today is the day of salvation'. And since this is a Salvation Celebration tour, I'm going to ask each of the kids to come up here and tell you why they asked Jesus to be their savior"
Shelly sneaks away, but is followed by Risky.
Risky butters Shelly up with flattery before offering her the lead role in his summer musical.
RISKY: "Shelly, I need your answer by the time we get to St. Louis---and we'll be there the day after tomorrow"
We cut to a montage of the train going from stop to stop (including one in Kansas), with the kids performing as they go. Nothing seems to be going wrong... save for Zach playing indoors with a Nerf football...
CHARITY (to Psalty, after the montage): "...and it's all because of that talent agent. Shelly would never be acting this way if he hadn't come along ...and it doesn't loo like Shelly's going to talk to Ralph and Rhonda about the Lord"
So you do it. Either way, haven't Ralph and Rhonda been watching the shows?
...Anyway, did we miss something? During the montage, Shelly was only seen looking in a mirror ...I guess Shelly's vain now ...or maybe it was she who bought Zach that football? In Psalty's world, such calls for intervention.
PSALTY (to Shelly): "You're doing a great job in our musical performances, Shelly ...but we're concerned about what's going on inside your heart"
CHARITY (to Shelly): "We know you've been too nervous to talk to Ralph and Rhonda about the Lord, but they really admire you. We think you can be the person to lead them to Jesus"
Shelly says nothing, but she is clearly conflicted and troubled.
The big day arrives. We cut to the Salvation Celebration in St. Louis...
And it's here where the story remembers the plot it set up at the beginning: the tapes are missing---stolen by Risky off-camera. Our heroes suddenly grow brains, realizing Risky has tricked them and (supposedly) sabotaged the closing show. Again, bummer, but Psalty and the kids could just perform as they have been---there really isn't a problem here!
...Ah, but my readers might say, 'Marten. It's clear the kids have been lip-syncing throughout the tour. They need the tapes!'
...Maybe, but I have a wrench to throw in. Recall how 'The Missing 9' was resolved in the original? During the course of the series the kids would burst into song whenever the plot needed them to---we even have an instance of that in this special (two if Risky's song counts). In the original, these 'plot songs' were recorded by one of the characters, therefore the songs the kids sing 'to us' are actually happening (without the need of a soundtrack). So while the choir 'is' lip-syncing IRL, they aren't lip-syncing in the story's universe. ...so, again, the tapes are a nonissue ...at the VERY least, it was these kids who performed the songs for the recordings... they can just sing them again.
...And that's exactly what they do. The kids go on stage and perform their songs. Nothing awkward or strange happens at all... Well, Shelly includes an improvised verse about her experience with Risky, but (again) this just proves the kids can sing.
Ralph and Rhonda later ask Shelly about her improv. Shelly replies,
SHELLY: "You guys, I know there's not much time before you dad comes to pick you up---but there's something I gotta tell you. ...Jesus loves you guys, and He has a great plan for each of your lives. But the main thing is that He wants to have a relationship with you..."
Shelly concisely explains who Jesus is and what His sacrifice was about. Ralph and Rhonda accept Christ on the spot. :3
...So how did everyone end up chasing Risky through the jungle?
RISKY (to viewer): "Well, if I couldn't keep Shelly from talking about the Lord, and I couldn't keep Ralph and Rhonda from receiving Jesus as their Savior, at least I could swipe these tapes that teach kids how to grow in the Lord! ...Where should I go on my vacation? Somewhere exotic ...and far away! I know---I've always wanted to visit Africa!"
...Yeah, 'cause Shelly sure needed those tapes to reach Ralph and Rhonda.
The film returns to Psalty and the headhunters. Psalty says he has faith that the Lord will work it all out. ...You do that, Psalty! You know, I wonder: did the kids have to pay for their trip to Africa? :P
I really don't care---we're reached the end of Psalty's Salvation Celebration. It's over; the Lord be praised! :D
"Verse 2 My family was born in a barnyard, Smack dab in the middle of a briar patch. Our front room was a chicken coop, And the baby sleeps where the duckies hatch. But I tell you that it makes no difference, No, it makes no difference, It makes no difference ‘cause we’ve all been born again!"
Source: psalty.com 12/12/2018
Yeah, I think it's clear these people needed Jesus. I'm glad they seem to have found Him, but I really can't recommend this special. Even the 'Missing 9' albums are good for nothing---the songs are fine, but the convoluted story gets in the way of them. For that reason, I say skip over anything to do with 'Missing 9' and check out Psalty's 'Songs for Lil Praisers/Kids Praise' series instead, as those albums/shows focus more on songs and music (the two things Psalty does best ...some silly lyrics aside). :3
