Playing House
by J-Raz
commission for Shade_Koopa
“More tea, Papa?”
It wasn’t that Shade didn’t like Cynthia, the little neighbor raccoon he’d sometimes babysit when her parents had to go out for a few hours.
“Why yes, Mama. Thank you.”
And it wasn’t like Brandon wasn’t a good playmate from time to time, even though the larger husky pup had a tendency to get a little too excited when playing and bowl him over.
“And what about you, Baby? Would you like some more tea?”
And he didn’t even necessarily hate having to be the baby while playing house…
“Mama asked you a question, baby, aren’t you gonna answer?”
It was the pink tutu that he really drew the line at.
“Mo’we tea, pwease, momma,” the little yellow koopa mumbled around his bottle, his frilly bottom rustling as he adjusted himself in the too-tight high chair, his soggy diaper squelching as he moved.
This was admittedly not the way the young reptile had wanted to spend his day.
And it had all started so innocently, too…
It had been raining all week. Brandon’s mom was at work today, and his dad was fixing a leak in their garage roof, and he’d wanted Brandon out from underfoot, so he’d asked Shade to play with him at Shade’s house for for a bit. They’d played some of Shade’s video games for a bit, the more age-appropriate ones for the younger but larger pup.
Then Cynthia’s parents wanted to go grocery shopping, and she hadn’t wanted to go with them and her little brother, so they’d asked Shade if he could watch her until they got home. They’d even said that Brandon could come over too, so that he could keep an eye on both of them at the same time. That was fine too. The two kids were pretty friendly, complete with what Shade was sure was a childish crush on one another.
So, all he’d had to do was keep them from causing problems for an hour or two, while the renewed rain kept the three of them cooped up inside Cynthia’s house. He was sure he could get them to play nicely.
It only took five minutes for the problems to start. Cynthia unknowingly fired the opening salvo.
"Let's play House!"
"Ugh, House is for girls, yuck!"
"No it's not! My friends at school play it with me, and they’re boys! You’re just dumb!"
"Yes it is! And no I'm not!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
Shade sat back on a bean bag chair in the den, keeping an eye on them. Well, they weren’t actually fighting, so it could be worse. This debate continued for a while before they realized that they already had a tie-breaker present.
"Shaaaaaaade!" Cynthia whined. "Brandon's being mean!"
"No I'm not!" Brandon protested. "She's making me play house!"
"Nuh-uh!"
Shade waved his hands, trying to forestall round two of this particular argument. "Guys, guys! Relax. No one's making anyone do anything."
"But, but..."
"Guys, it's okay." Shade found himself having to play peacemaker between two ancient factions in the war of the sexes. "Look, Cynthia, not everyone likes to play house. And you should always ask people nicely if they wanna do something first.”
"… okay."
"And Brandon," he said, cutting off the pup's gloating before it could really get going, "there's nothing wrong with playing House, it's how you practice being a daddy or mommy.”
“Or being a big sister!” Cynthia supplied helpfully.
"Oh." Brandon paused to consider this new perspective. "I guess that makes sense. I'm sorry, Cynthia.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too.”
"There, isn't that better?" Shade asked.
"Yeah, I guess…"
"So," Cynthia looked a little shy, “Brandon, do you wanna play House with me? Please?”
"Um, sure, I can give it a try.” The pup nodded.
"Yay! So, I'm the mommy, and Shade's the daddy, and you're the baby~"
"Wait," and Shade could hear the sulk building in Brandon's voice, "how come I've gotta be the baby?"
"Because Shade's older!"
"But I'm bigger than him!”
That part was frustratingly true. Koopas grew slower size-wise than a lot of other species, at least until they neared adulthood. And he was a little on the short side for his age. He’d long since lost track of the amount of times he’d been mistaken for being Brandon and Cynthia’s age, or even younger, by people who didn’t know his species. And his ‘little problem’ didn’t help either.
Brandon pressed on. “And Shade's gotta wear diapers, so he should be the baby!”
Cynthia went quiet, trying to ignore the words that shouldn’t have been said. Shade shifted a bit, his cheeks hot with embarrassment. Everyone could hear his pants crinkle in the stillness.
Awkward.
Shade’s little ‘problem’ was a well-known secret in the neighborhood, as well as among some of his classmates at school. He’d never gotten the hang of toilet-training for various reasons, and so he was basically diapered 24/7. His failed attempts at graduating to ‘big boy pants’ — as his grandma still insisted on calling them, to his never-ending embarrassment — had only resulted in wet pants and dry day charts full of frowning faces and unused gold stars.
There had been some humiliating ‘incidences’ that Shade still didn’t like thinking about. The neighborhood kids had gotten a lecture from their parents. And now everyone just sort of ignored it and didn’t bring it up around him. Unless they forgot. Or decided to be mean.
Cynthia coughed, playing with her big tail out of embarrassment. “Brandon, we’re not supposed ta make fun of him…”
“But he does!”
“But Brandon…”
“I even bet he’s wet right now,” the pup said huffily, crossing his arms.
The two of them turned on Shade, and he felt himself wilting under their gaze.
“Huh,” Cynthia said. “Ya know, Jeremy’s just started potty-training, I guess that does make Shade the baby…”
Oh, wow, that was so totally not fair. He even remembered when Jeremy had been born, and now the little raccoon kit was gonna get to wear underpants before him? Aaaaargh.
“Can I, like, be a cousin, or something?” Shade pleaded, not that he thought he could win this debate. They outnumbered and outweighed him, even though he was in charge.
“No, that doesn’t make sense for House,” Cynthia explained. “There has to be a baby. Please, Shade?” She batted her eyes at him, trying to be cute.
“Yeah, come on, Shade, if I’m playing House, you’ve gotta play too!” Brandon insisted.
Well, she’d said please. And whatever they came up with, it couldn’t be much worse than the stuff his grandma and mom made him wear, even around town.
“Fine, I’ll be the baby.”
“Yay!” Cynthia squealed. Oh, ouch, that actually hurt his little ear holes. This was going to end badly. She tried to pick him up, but couldn’t quite manage it. “Papa,” she said, turning to Brandon, “could you pick up our baby so we could get him dressed, please?”
“Sure thing, Mama,” the pup said as he strutted forward to show off his strength. He easily lifted Shade up out of the bean bag chair, making the koopa huff at the treatment. “Aww, who’s a huffy baby?” Brandon asked as he started to rock Shade. He could hear the pup’s tail swishing back and forth.
“Now now, Papa, it’s not time for baby’s nap yet. Baby needs his snack first, then we can rock him to sleep.”
“Aw, okay.” Brandon settled for patting Shade’s head. “Such a good baby.”
“Open wide, baby,” Cynthia said as she offered Shade one of Jeremy’s old pacifiers.
Oh, yeah, definitely regretting this already. He shook his head, keeping his lips pursed.
“Baby!” Cynthia said, stomping her foot. “You’ve gotta be good, or you get a timeout!”
You can stop this right now, Shade, you know you can, he thought to himself… “EEee!” he squealed as Brandon rubbed his sensitive tummy through his shirt. “No tickles~hrmf!” Cynthia popped it in just as his mouth opened. Shade looked down at the offending plastic mouth guard, and taste the soft rubber bulb in his mouth. And then his mouth betrayed him, and he started sucking on it. He didn’t really want to, but years of baby treatment by his grandma — and pretty much everyone he met — meant that he still had a fairly well-developed suckling reflex. And it was so hard to spit the pacifier out once he got started, it was usually easier to just go along with it. It sucked. No pun intended.
“Aww, look, he likes it!” Cynthia said as she gently rubbed Shade’s horns. “Such a good baby.”
“I wonder if the baby is grouchy because he needs a change?” Brandon teased.
Oh crap. He didn’t actually know if he was wet or dry right now.
“Well, maybe we should check, and then we can get our baby ready for tea?”
“Sure!” Brandon laid Shade on the carpet, and undid his pants before he could even attempt to protest. The husky tugged them down and out of the way… “Oh, wow, Shade’s wearing a onesie!”
Shade felt his face burning red. His mom tried to get him to wear them, since it kept his diaper in place even when he was wet, and his grandmother only encouraged her. He liked the designs she found for them, but he hated the babyish garments, as comfortable and useful as they were. It just made it easier to mistake him for a large baby… which admittedly, he kind of was right now…
“Aww, he’s so cute!” She actually gently pinched his cheek. Shade shook his head to escape the gesture. “I’m gonna see if any of my little brother’s stuff will fit him!”
“Okay!” Brandon pulled Shade into his lap and started to rub him tummy, making him sigh and flop loose. He did like tummy rubs, they always made him so relaxed…
“Um, I don’t think any of Jeremy’s clothes will fit him,” Cynthia said apologetically.
“Well, we need something for our baby to wear, we can’t just have him in his onesie.”
“Um, how about one of my old tutus?” Cynthia said, holding one up. It was pink, and see-through, and it had ruffles on it.
What.
“A tutu?” Brandon asked, making a bit of a yuck face.
“Boys can be dancers too, ya know,” Cindy explained.
Shade struggled, but he couldn’t get his arms out of position to pull the pacifier out and say No. Brandon and Cynthia ignored him.
“But they don’t wear tutus,” he pointed out. “Well, maybe he’s a baby girl?”
Cynthia gave this some thought. Shade violently shook his head. No, no, no…
“Well, I always wanted a little sister…”
“Okay, we can have a baby girl!” Cynthia held the tutu out and pushed it up and over his legs and onesie, until it was settled around his diaper area. Brandon pushed him to his feet, and he stumbled across the floor, tutu rustling as he moved. It was a little tight around his tail and butt, and he couldn’t get it down, no matter how hard he tugged.
“Our little baby girl is such a good dancer, isn’t she, papa?”
“You’re right, mama.”
Well, this was humiliating. Well, at least they’d forgotten to check if he was wet…
He took another step, and felt his diaper squish.
… oh for the love of…
“Okay, tea time, then our baby needs his, I mean, HER, nap!” Cynthia said as she clapped her hands together. “I’ll get the tea, if you get the high chair for her!”
“Okay! Come on, baby.” Brandon tugged him along towards Cynthia’s play corner, the poor confused and crinkly koopa forced to waddle in his wet diaper after him. Hopefully, they wouldn’t notice until he could get rescued, because he really didn’t want either of them to change him…
“Okay, up and in, baby koopa!” Brandon said as he lifted Shade into Jeremy’s old booster seat that was now being used for Cynthia’s dolls. His butt and now-soggy diapers were apparently a bit bigger than Jeremy’s had been, because it was a really tight fit to get him in there, with his tutu sticking up in all directions. But Brandon managed to force him in, and then clipped the table-top around his waist, locking him in.
Argh. Not even Grandma did this to him anymore, and she was the worst at the baby treatment. She at least let him sit on a proper chair at dinner, even if she made him wear a bib…
… and Brandon tied a bib around Shade’s neck.
Yup, this was officially a bad idea.
“I’ve got the tea!”
Tea turned out to actually be a big container of apple juice and a bunch of cups. Well, hopefully she wouldn’t spill any while he was stuck in his high chair… oh, good, she didn’t. And then she pulled out a baby bottle that probably used to belong to Jeremy but was now also for her dollies. Oh no… yup, she was pouring juice into the bottle. She spun the lid on it, and pulled Shade’s pacifier out with a quiet ‘pop.’
“Come on, baby, drink up!”
“Aw, come on, guys, don’t make me do this, please?” he pleaded.
“You’re the baby, and babies drink from bottles,” she explained. “So, drink up so you can grow up to be big and strong.
I swear, when I grow up, I will be payback, somehow, Shade thought.
“Fine.”
“Yay! Now, open wide for your baba, baby…”
He did, and she slipped the nippled into his mouth. She held it for him until he got the message and held the bottle himself, then she patted his head and called him a good boy again, which did not help his mood. Again, his suckling reflex betrayed him, and soon the cool sweet juice was flowing down his throat and into his tummy. Well, it was tasty, at least.
Brandon and Cynthia sat down at the play table with their own cups of juice, and dug in.
“So, um, what do we do while we’re drinking tea?”
“Well, we talk about our days, of course. Just like mommy and daddy.”
“Oh, right! Um, you start, I guess.”
“Well, I’m a powerful titan of industry, and you’re a stay-at-home dad.”
“How come I’ve gotta be the stay-at-home dad? Why can’t I be rich and successful too?”
“Ugh, fine, we’re both rich, and we have a nanny for our baby.”
“But we then we’d need a nanny to play with…”
“But since we’re both home today, the nanny doesn’t have to be here, right?”
“Uh-huh!”
Shade sighed internally. Well, at least they were playing together…
“More tea, Papa?”
“Why yes, Mama. Thank you.”
“And what about you, Baby? Would you like some more tea?”
“Mama asked you a question, baby, aren’t you gonna answer?”
Whichever set of parents got home first, it wouldn’t be soon enough.
“Mo’we tea, pwease, momma.”
j-raz who did a very great job. ^^
