To know that my brothers have the same feelings as me was a huge relief for me. But I still had my worries and anxieties about everything. When we started, uh, I guess the word is dating, I often started to second guess our choice. `Should we really be together like this? Isn't it against everything that Splinter taught us? Against Bushido?'
These thoughts often plagued my mind while I meditated on what we should and shouldn't be doing. I try to hide, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. That was until one day, Mikey and I were cuddling while I read a book and he read his comic in silence. He shifted his position so he could look at me.
``Leo, are you happy?''
To say that didn't catch me off guard would be a false statement. I was actually quite stunned that my brother would ask if I was happy. `Do I not look happy?'
``Of course I'm happy Mikey. Why do you ask?''
``Because you've got this dark aura kind of thing going on and your kinda distant with us. Like, your body may be here, but your thoughts are somewhere we can't reach. Is there something upsetting you? Do you not like being in relationship with us?''
Those were some deep questions. How was I supposed to answer those without upsetting my youngest brother? But the more I was looking at Mikey, the more I realized I wasn't just talking to my youngest brother, but I was also talking to my youngest boyfriend. This was a different playing field with whole new rules that I hadn't yet comprehended yet and I need to tread carefully. Normally, I would just hide the fact of my distress from Mikey with a smile and comfort him as a big brother.
But these questions were being asked by someone who should be treated as an equal, not as an innocent that needed to be protected by their big brother. I set my book down and sit up a little straighter so I could look him in the eyes.
``To be honest Mikey, I've been thinking a lot about what we're doing. Are we sure we want to change what we already have? Do we really need more than our bond as brothers to be happy in this world? Don't you feel like we're betraying Master Splinter with doing something that goes against the Bushido code?
I mean, I know I've been enjoying what we have together. Heck, I even noticed that Raph and I don't fight anymore. We actually talk. Its so surreal and strange to have our family dynamics changed because we want to try something unorthodox, but it seems so normal. But it also doesn't feel normal because of how family dynamic used to be. Do you get what I'm saying Mikey?''
Mikey just sat there quietly while I spilled out my thoughts, fears and worries. The concerns I had. Well, not all of them. I would probably get my other questions answered if the few main ones that I vented out were answered. After a little bit of time, Mikey hugged me, nuzzling the side of my face, not saying a word.
It confused me a bit but I hugged back all the same, nuzzling with similar affection. He then turned his head towards me and gently kisses me. It wasn't urgent and demanding like Raph's and it wasn't methodical and searching like Don's. It was sweet, slow and reassuring. Something that just mimicked Mikey's personality so perfectly. And that's all he did. Soft, gentle kisses, one after another with similar feelings and meanings behind each one. Reassuring, understanding and acceptance. It helped me calm down, soothing my worries to the back of my mind.
After a time, we finally broke apart, soft breaths gliding over both of our lips. His soft hands gently cup my face and rubs it soothingly. It was kind of nice, not something I would expect from Mikey's hyper nature to come up with. I was far more relaxed now than the few moments I would achieve during meditation.
``Did that feel unnatural to you? Was that weird to you?'' Mikey whispers softly as he continues to caress my face.
I was far to relax to say anything bad about the treatment, so I declined both of the statements that Mikey had asked. It makes sense if you put it at face value.
``What we have is unique and special only to us. No one will understand the bond that we have, as brothers and lovers. We are the only four of our kind and we need to be there for each other, emotionally, physically, psychologically and romantically. You're right, Splinter didn't raise us to do these things, but he did raise us to turn to one another during our more grueling and harsher times. To trust one another with our lives and live happily.
And who better to trust your life to than not only your brothers, but those who love you more than a brother. I understand your concerns, but things have changed. Our previous family dynamic was when Splinter was alive and guiding us through our hardships, there to pick us up should we fall. Its different now. We have only ourselves and this life is quite lonely without the feel of anothers love directed towards you.''
The words sank in deep, sending a warmth of love to tingle in my chest. `My brother is right. I should always trust in Mikey to see the things that I miss every time.'
It was a relief to hear all that, so much so that I sagged down on the bed and sighs softly. Mikey just chuckles above me. That's when I heard the door crack open. Peeking up, I see that its Raph, looking kinda concerned and curious. But rather than look at me to see if he can come in or to find out what was going on, he looked to Mikey with a questioning look.
Mikey simply motioned him to come and both Raph and Donnie entered the room with food, oils and candles. That caught my attention, especially the strawberries and cream. They knew that I had a weakness for strawberries. I sit up to get a better look at what they had brought in.
``What's going on?'' I question in concern, looking between my three brothers.
They just chuckle at me as Mikey gently pushes me back to lay on my bed.
``Nothing bad, we just want to help you get passed this fear you have. Trust us~'' Don soothes gently as he sits on my right and gently rubs my shoulder in a calming manor.
``I promise not to pull anything ya won't like Fearless,'' Raph murmurs softly as he takes a seat on my left.
I won't lie, it was a little unnerving to be surrounded by my brothers, but also quite comforting when they started to pet my body in such a loving manor. The more times that their hands had touched my skin, the more I started to relax into my bed and calm down. I barely registered the fact that they had started to strip me of my gear, never truly loosing contact with my skin. Mikey continuously touched my plastron and my arms.
Don focuses on my hands, massaging out all the stiffness in each individual muscle. Raph scooted down towards my legs and he was doing wonders on my thighs and calves. My brother slipped in some, what smelt like lavender, oil into the mix and it relaxed me even more, if that was even possible. They had manage to find knots in my body that I didn't even know I had. It was quite nice to be pampered in such a way.
I didn't know when I closed my eyes, but all I knew was when I finally opened them, it was because Donnie was lifting my head to lay on his lap. I noticed that they had turned off the light in the room in exchange light up a few of the scented candles. The smell was quite intoxicating to be honest, it helped me lull back into the nirvana that my brothers had created for me. I started to feel far more spiritually enlightened with soft touches and simple pampering that my brothers had provided than I had ever achieved from heavy meditation. It was quite enlightening to find that out.
Donnie started to put his expert fingers to work as he began to massage my scalp and temple. I could feel the frown and stress lines that had started to form when I first became leader slowly relax and fade away. There was a little thought in the back of my mind that I seemed to be missing a brother.
`Raph....'
Where did Raph disappear to? Those thoughts slowly disappears when I felt cool cream lightly brush my lips. I barely cracked open my eyes to see Mikey presenting me with a cream covered strawberry. I accepted it a little eagerly, my brothers chuckling humorously. I suppose seeing their worry wart, mother hen, overly stress brother and Sensei eagerly eating a strawberry like some sort of starving kitten. But they can't blame me truly, I just really like strawberries.
Anyhow, this continued on for a while, Mikey feeding me strawberries and Donnie giving my scalp a thorough massage that left me sluggish and completely relaxed. As the strawberries slowly disappeared from the bowl, I noticed that Don was slowing his touch on my head, which I can only guess meant that they were getting close to being done pampering me. I figured as much, they can't keep doing this for me forever, as much as I wish it were so.
I started to make a move to sit up, but they held me down.
``We're not done Leo, stay relaxed.'' Don softly commanded, guiding my head to rest on a pillow.
I decided not to argue and remained in my lax state. I won't lie, I was very tempted to just fall asleep now, being this relaxed and calm was doing wonders for my body. That was, until Don and Mikey started to roll me over onto my plastron. I was a little confused at first, giving them curious glances. But their smiles only held more promises of more pleasure and relaxation.
So I just made a cushion out of my arms and rested my head there, waiting there patiently for whatever was to come next. What I wasn't expecting was the exhilarating sensation of a bristle brush scrubbing against my shell. It had me gasping and moaning in pure delight at the sensation that vibrated through my carapace down to my very core. We usually only clean our shells once in a while due to the awkwardness that leads with it, but now that we are trying to do something that was more than brotherly, I suppose it would make sense for them to do this. Let me tell you, this is exactly what I needed, a thorough scrubbing into ever scar and crack in my shell.
That had me squirming in my spot like no tomorrow than anything that my mind could have imagined. And the amount of pressure that was being applied and the method of scrubbing was done by the one person that knew how to push my buttons in the wrong and right way; Raph. How he managed to find the right method to bring me the most pleasure out of such a simple act was beyond me. But this also explained his absence for those brief moments I had with just Mikey and Don.
He ran the brush over a particularly sensitive scar that had my churring like kitten, melting into my bed like a boneless piece of meat. My brothers just laughed softly at me and I wasn't even upset. I would laugh at me too if I was in my right mind, but I was too far gone in the scrubbing to care.
But all too soon, it ended with a soft towel rub down that helped me gain some of my sense. But I was still not permitted to get up, for my brothers then decided to pile around and on top of me. I was about to question them when they cuddled right up to me and kept me warm and surprisingly, safe. It was kinda nice, I didn't feel at all vulnerable. So I just rolled my eyes and allowed them to cuddle me, figuring that this would be my first REAL step into accepting this new level of not only trust, but love and compassion with my brothers, lovers, mates.
