It was a hot, humid day in the middle of June. Heat was rising off of the asphalt at such a rate where the ground would just as easily melt a plastic flip flop as it would a fallen ice cream cone. Usually a suburban area during such weather would be filled with the joyful shouts of children running through lawn sprinklers and pelting each other with water balloons. However those particular activities were being impeded by one Bucky Deerling, who was sitting under the spray of a swinging lawn sprinkler, sprawled out upon a lawn chair, wearing nothing but a blue speedo, a pair of sunglasses, and his trademark white gloves. That particular spot probably wasn't the best choice for the buck at that moment, for next to him was a group of neighborhood children, who looked quite peeved that their summertime sprinkler fun had been literally commanDEERed.
``Hey! Get off our sprinkler you big, dumb moose!''
Bucky lowered his sunglasses and said in a bemused tone, ``First of all Short-stack, I ain't a moose. I'm a 100% All-American hunk of deer. Secondly, this spot happens to be the only readily available source of liquid refreshment in the nearby vicinity, so unless you happen to have an alternative then I ain't going nowhere.
One of the kids looked at his compatriots with a smirk and said, ``You hear that guys? He wants `refreshment.' What do you say we give it to him?''
Devilish smiles flashed across the faces of the miniature mob as they reached behind their backs and revealed an arsenal of bulging water balloons.
``Let `im have it guys!'' cried their ragamuffin leader, and soon the sky was filled with bulbous projectiles, ready to descend upon their target.
Bucky smiled as he gingerly lifted his sunglasses back over his eyes. Then with the speed of gale force winds, the big-bottomed buck's arms shifted into a blur of movement.
With barely any time to process what had just happened, the kids were met with awe as they stared at the sight before them. He had caught them. All of them. Somehow, he had moved with enough speed to catch each and every water balloon without one even popping.
Their eyes then bulged as the deer pulled the front of his speedo forward and deposited the water balloons within. Then with a flick of his wrist he released the front of his bikini briefs, causing a loud `snap' as the balloons simultaneously erupted, releasing a huge splash that soaked the deer in the pleasantly cool liquid, while his young foes were now burned in both senses of the word.
The thoroughly drenched buck grinned as he looked at his stunned opponents and said only one word smugly, ``Refreshing.''
The kid who had prompted the attack took in the buck's haughty smile for a moment, before turning to his cohorts and shouting, ``Retreat!''
With that the band of kids withdrew from the sprinkler, causing Bucky to start laughing triumphantly. He then pulled out a martini glass from his shorts and filled it with water from the sprinkler as he declared, ``Better luck next time shorties! If you wanna try again later, you can bring me a refill.''
A few hours later the sun was a little lower in the sky and the afternoon lull had began to creep into the air. After his victory, Bucky's eyelids became progressively lower until he began to lightly doze, his face save his muzzle shielded from the afternoon sun by the latest issue of `Horny Buck Monthly' magazine.
As the cervine gently dozed, the grass shuffled under the feet of a few intrepid youngsters, eager for their chance at retribution.
As the kids drew near to the side of Bucky's lawnchair, one quietly whispered, ``Are you absolutely sure he's asleep?''
Just then a loud snore emitted from the deer's maw, causing the children to literally jump a foot in the air, ready to bolt away at a moment's notice. Yet after a brief pause the deer still didn't stir, causing the kids to all exhale collectively.
``I think that answers your question. You got the supplies?'' replied a young girl from the group.
The boy who had led the failed water balloon attack from before smiled devilishly as he revealed a garden hose and a roll of duct tape within his hands.
He then did a complicated hand signal towards the other end of the street to another little boy, who was standing next to a faucet where the end of the hose was currently affixed.
The other boy seemed confused by the hand signal and simply waved back to his comrade across the street with a cheery grin.
The boy next to Bucky let out an exasperated groan before shouting, ``Turn on the hose, dummy!''
The other boy quickly realized his folly and sprang into action, turning on the faucet and letting the water flow through the hose.
The rest of the group tensely turned to see if their leader's outburst had awoken their target, but Bucky simply let out another snore, completely oblivious to the machinations occurring around him.
However, before he could close his mouth this time, the boy shoved the garden hose into his gaping maw, and then quickly secured it by wrapping multiple layers of duct tape around his muzzle.
Despite all of this, the deer continued to snooze, much to his young nemesis's delight. The children watched in fascination as Bucky's already sizable stomach began to swell from the water accumulating within him. The boy smirked as he watched the process unfold, gleefully whispering, ``Let's see if you'll need a `refill' after this drink.''
After a few minutes, Bucky's eyes fluttered open and he attempted to release a loud yawn to signal the end of a nice afternoon nap. However, to his confusion he found that he was unable to open his mouth at all. He then attempted to raise his arms to examine his mouth more thoroughly, but also found that his arms were unable to reach it.
At first he wondered briefly if he was still asleep, caught within the confines of a bizarre dream. Upon staring down and seeing a sea of familiar, little faces looking at him with expressions of smug satisfaction, he quickly realized that he had indeed stepped into a nightmare. He then cautiously glanced below, his eyes bulging as he saw that he had swollen to gigantic proportions.
His belly had expanded in every conceivable direction, leaving his hooves barely visible under his newly expanded girth. Likewise his arms, hung uselessly on either side of his vast torso, completely powerless to remove the hose lodged within his mouth.
By his own approximation, he was about the size of a large SUV and getting bigger by the minute. As he desperately looked around to find a solution to his predicament, his eyes fell upon the leader of the rag-tag group waving at him pleasantly, holding the martini glass from earlier as he said, ``Heya Moosey! How's that refill working out for ya?''
The boy couldn't quite make out Bucky's response, but based upon the tone of his muffled voice and certain accompanying hand gestures, he figured it probably wasn't meant for young ears anyway.
After Bucky's tirade, the boy's face lit up with mock surprise as he exclaimed, ``Oh... you meant you wanted your refill in this?'' He lifted the martini glass and examined it momentarily.
``Sure thing, bub. Just let me borrow your drinking straw there for a minute...''
Then with surprising ease, he yanked the hose from Bucky's mouth. Tremors began to pulse through Bucky's being as realization washed over him. While the tape had held the hose in place, it had been the hose that had been effectively corking his mouth. Its absence was met with an initial trickle that escaped his lips. However, that trickle soon turned into a gushing geyser as the water poured out of him with the force of a freshly opened fire hydrant.
The resultant thrust lifted Bucky into the air and sent him spiraling across the sky over the suburban neighborhood until he blasted off into the horizon. Upon the deer's departure, water droplets began to fall upon the faces of the children below. The kids cheered at the unexpected precipitation after a scorching summer day.
``Hey, I didn't know there was rain in the forecast today,'' cried the leader of the kids.
A girl in the group replied, ``That's just the thing. I don't think it's rain. It's all the water that deer just...''
Her words slowly washed over the other kids like the water still falling upon them, before every child present let out a collective, ``EWWWW!!!!!''
The thoroughly disgusted children ran from the streets, back to their homes, where they each hopped into their tubs and showers and scrubbed like there was no tomorrow.