Donna had only managed to doze for a few hours before Raph’s whimpers woke her up. When she got up to checked on him, he was drenched in sweat and was constantly shifting in an attempt to alleviate the pain.
She had to change the mat under him. The strong scent and dark color of his urine indicated that he was dehydrated so she tried to get him to drink more but only managed to get him to take a couple of sips.
“You need to drink,” she insisted and pressed the bottle up to his lips.
“I don’t want it,” Raph replied, turning his head away. “If I drink any more, I’m gonna puke.”
“Fine,” she said as she put the bottle aside. “Maybe later.”
She placed her hand on his chest in an attempt to comfort him but it caused him to wince. “It hurts,” Raph whimpered, straining against his restraints. “I hurt all over. I’ve been at death’s door before and it was nothing like this. This was a bad idea.”
“You have to let the drugs work their way out of your system,” Donna reminded Raph, placing her hand on his head to gage his temperature. He felt cold despite being covered in sweat. “Your body is lying to you, making you believe you need the drugs.”
“You don’t need to keep reminding me,” Raph hissed and turned his head away. “It’s easy for you to sit there and repeat what you’ve read but you don’t know what this is like. I’ve never been this sick.”
“Neither have I,” Donna said. “All I have is the research I’ve done. I’ve never been through anything like this so I cannot speak from firsthand experience.”
“Fuck you,” Raph snapped.
“Raph,” Donna said in disbelief, clueless to what she had said that caused him to lash out.
“You’re so perfect,” Raph said through gritted teeth, his voice trembling. “Too good to get yourself into this kind of situation.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Donna stated. “I’m doing what I can to help you through this.”
Raph looked her in the eyes. “Then give me something for the pain.”
“I can’t,” Donna insisted. “If I give you anything, it will set back your recovery. The drugs….”
“… need to leave my system,” Raph finished for her. “Yeah I know. You’re like a fucking parrot.”
“I’m doing the best I can,” Donna said as she fought back the urge to cry. She knew that this wasn’t him. The withdraws made him irritable. He didn’t mean what he was saying.
“Well, you’re failing,” Raph shouted, causing her to jump. “You’re no help at all.”
“You’re the one who’s failing,” Donna shot back. It was starting to get to her. Part of her wanted nothing more than to break her promise and call his family. Let them deal with him. “It hasn’t even been a day and you’re already ready to give up. I thought you were stronger than that.”
“Fuck you, you fat, bucked tooth, bitch” Raph growled.
“Fuck you too.” Donna stood and backed away. It was getting to be too much. “I need a break.” Turning on her heel, she left the room to let Raph cool down on his own.
“Trusting you was a mistake,” Raph yelled after her. “This whole thing was a mistake.”
He continued to yell after she left the room. It was hard to hear the cruel things he was saying. He was testing her. He wanted her to give up on him because maybe then she would give him what he wanted.
She made her way to the turnstiles and had to fight the urge to keep going.
Once alone, Donna sat down and allowed the tears to flow freely. She had known that it wasn’t going to be easy but she hadn’t expecting it to be so difficult. She had to keep reminding herself that it was only temporary. In a few weeks, Raph would be better and back to the way he was.
But, try as she might, doubt was a strong force. She looked towards the other room as the dark thoughts started to take over and fill her mind with uncertainty and fear.
What if the Raph she knew, the Raph she had fallen in love with, was because of the drugs and once they were out of his system he turned out to be someone completely different? She didn’t want to be with someone who was angry and irritable all the time.
She rubbed the tears from her eyes and took a few deep, steading breaths. “I can do this.” It needed to be done and he needed her to be strong enough to do it. She would deal with who he becomes after this is over.
She grew suspicious when there was silence from the other room.
Getting to her feet, Donna walked over to check on Raph. She peeked through the entrance, making sure to stay out of his sight. He was mumbling to himself as he struggled against the restraints. No doubt he wanted to escape so that he could get his hands on more pills.
Given his current state of mind, leaving the security of the sewers would be disastrous. If he didn’t wander into a crowd of people in his confusion, he would end up captured by Hun while attempting to steal more drugs.
Fortunately, this was something they had planned for. They made sure that Donna had tied him up in a way that he would be unable to break free, even with his skills.
With nothing else to do, she decided to watch him, just to see what he would do. She was exhausted so she sat, leaning heavily against the wall but stayed where she could watch him.
After a while, he gave up and continued mumbling to himself while he shifted his position. The lack of sleep was catching up to Donna, causing her eyes to drift shut.
She must have dozed off because she was jerked awake by the sound of Raph yelling.
“Donna! Get them off! Help me! Please!”
Donna jumped to her feet and rushed in the room. “What’s wrong?”
“The bugs,” Raph whimpered. “I’m covered in bugs. Get them off me!”
Moving in for a closer look, Donna searched for any bugs that were on Raph but she didn’t find any. Everything she had read in preparation for this said that Hallucinations were a symptom of withdraws.
She brushed her hands over him as if she were sweeping away the bugs, hoping it would help. “They’re going away,” she soothed.
“They’re everywhere,” Raph shrieked. “Get them off me!”
“It’s not real,” Donna said, doing her best to get him to focus on her. “There are no bugs.”
His eye was glazed over, darting around in panic and focused on nothing. “They’re eating me!”
“They’re not real,” Donna whispered and kissed Raph’s head. “You’re okay.”
“Why are you letting me suffer,” Raph wailed.
“Close your eye and focus your mind,” Donna said as she cradled him against her. His flesh was clammy and cold. “There are no bugs. Your mind is playing tricks on you.”
With his eye closed, Raph pressed his head against her chest. His breathing was labored and his body trembled. “I can’t do this.”
“Once it’s all over, it will be worth it,” Donna promised. “You won’t have this addiction lording over you anymore.”
“Splinter?” Raph mumbled, pulling away from Donna to look around the room.
“He’s not here,” Donna told him. “It’s just us.”
“I’m sorry, father,” Raph sobbed, his eye focused on nothing. “Please,” he begged over and over. “Don’t. I’m sorry. I wanna go home. I’ll be a good son. Just let me come home. I’ll behave.”
Donna began to cry when she realized that Raph was seeing his worst fear. “It’s all in your head,” Donna said, doing her best to comfort him.
Despite Donna’s best efforts, Raph stopped seeing her and focus on his hallucinations. He rambled nonsense to things and people only he could see. It pained her to see him like this, knowing that there was nothing she could do to help him.
She stayed with him, feeling helpless, wishing it would end. Morning came and went. Raphael was still rambling, unable to sleep as the day faded once again into night.
Donna tried several times to get him to drink and eat but to no avail. He would spit out anything she managed to get in his mouth.
When she talked to him there was no indication that he knew she was there. His eye remained focused on nothing and he constantly mumbled.
She did her best to keep him clean but it was difficult without his cooperation. Her exhaustion had her in an emotional state. She worked through her tears as she rolled him from side to side to remove and replace the pad.
By the middle of the next day, Raph fell silent and his eye closed. Relieved that he was finally asleep, Donna curled up against him and passed out.
