Juli 30, 2017CE
Still questioning how I should start each entry to this, meh I'll figure it out as I go. I'm going to try and direct these blog entries to you Dad from here on, the anon readers will have to deal with it or I'll specifically break the 4th wall when I feel they're being left out. IDK, I'm still working out this whole thing, never been one to "blog" or vent to cyberspace before. What's important, I suppose, is that my feelings get out there to you in some way.
So the reason for the break in uploads, well that was to get my head cleared of those events I had to replay just to write them down. Your fight with my ex was a massive turning point in the way I looked at you from then, up to today. Getting you back to work was important, yes but I pushed you to return the both of us to a normal life because during those couple of days resting I struggled with a certain image. You would hold me in your arms on the couch while watching TV and I'd see your naked body in my mind, all of your beautiful dark-silver fur glistening in the natural light coming through the window of our living room. That dark purple adding eye-catching nuance to the metallic tones of the fluff covering your muscles, the warmth of your breath when you rested your head on mine. Your comforting voice that spoke words of support to me as you felt me shiver in your arms. Everything you did for me Dad just made me feel loved like I had never experienced from anyone. I knew my friends cared a great deal for me but they wouldn’t have held onto me like you did, they wouldn’t have spoken to me the way you did. They wouldn’t have kissed and playfully licked my cheeks the way you did. Those nights you’d walk me back to my bedroom and lightly peck the end of my muzzle before closing the door on your way out, just a gentle flick of your tongue and barely noticeable. I loved it all so much, I couldn’t help but feel guilty that you were taking your time out of work for my benefit, you could have gone out on your vacation to find a date with someone, anyone or hung out with co-workers to get to know them better at least. I would fall asleep with one man on my mind and wake to these same thoughts. I didn’t know how to describe the sensations in my chest but it was overwhelming…
In order to get life to feeling somewhat normal I pushed and nagged you very early in the morning that third day you had requested off, to go back to work, please. I didn’t tell you the real reason, opting instead to lie to you and worry about our house finances. You assured me that everything would be fine and even questioned why I was acting this way. That wasn’t coming out of my lips anytime soon, especially since I hadn’t put a finger on what was going through my heart and mind. You got up from that soft bed of yours, without clothes on again (Why were you always doing that?) and came up to me, wrapping those big, safe arms of yours over my shoulder and around my waist, kissed my cheek and neck. “If anything happens when I’m at work today, you get a hold of me. Son, I mean it… I don’t want to find out from a neighbor or the hospital that something happened to you.” Again that baritone voice of yours soothed my nerves. “I promise you, Dad.” You gently broke from that embrace and another gentle, breathy flick of your tongue against my lips came from you. The warm feeling in my heart became too much to handle, blushing lightly under the fur on my cheeks, I backed out of your room to let you get ready for work. I went to the kitchen down the hall and to the right of its opening to the living room area, to make breakfast and put your lunch together of course but to also gather my thoughts. The many times that morning I had flipped through mental pictures of you naked, arms around me again, your voice calmed the tempest of it all again when you were finished in the shower. “You made breakfast?” You smiled, adjusted your belt and grabbed some coffee before sitting at the dining table. “Yeah, you should start your day back just right.” I smiled back, setting the plate I had fixed in front of you. There it was again, Dad. That wave of warmth through my heart, washing over me to make this moment feel as though it was all exactly the way it was meant to be. I’m not one to easily express through writing how I feel about something so I’m sorry if I’m not explaining this all the right way but it’s how I remember feeling at the time. You finished breakfast just as I finished packing your lunch in a brown paper bag with your name written as neatly as I could make it, hell it was even embellished with a star just for fun… the blush I had was pretty deep in my cheeks I’d hoped you wouldn’t notice. You didn’t say anything, instead grinning very wide as you took it and pecked me on the cheek again. “Thanks son, I’ll see you right after work.” “Okay Dad, you have a good day, drive safe.” You walked out to the car at the car port just to the left of the front door. I stood in the door frame as you opened the door to the car, stopping to flash a massive, beaming smile. “I love you so much, darling son.” Returning the same smile I replied in kind. “I love you too, Dad. Be safe.”
You drove off to leave me to my thoughts that day but oddly enough I began to think about house cleaning. I scrubbed the toilet in the hallway bathroom first, always hated that chore so much. Music was blaring through the house’s sound system and once in a while during my sweeping of the hardwood floors I’d giggle to myself thinking it’d be funny for you and me to “dance” to this song or that. I know how to shuffle and grab at my dance partner, maybe you’d appreciate that? I didn’t have a clue but that wasn’t important. Mopping was next on my mind and there was a lot of that to be done, then to let it dry, get to the bedrooms and spruce up mine first. My room felt cramped as the music played and I began to clean. In my mind you were behind me, occasionally with your arms around my waist, both of us still shuffling like idiots for the laughs. My imagination can run to the stupid sometimes Dad, maybe I get that from you? (Honestly just a joke Dad, hehe) Anyway the claustrophobic sensation didn’t leave until heading to your room, it was obviously bigger and brighter with a large window to the left wall but… I’m not sure how to explain, it was as though my body felt at ease here paying no mind to the fantasy of you pressed against my back in our mental dance. Getting down to business first with the toilet in your private bathroom, having a clean area to do your business was worth the distaste for the chore. That thought quickly made it’s way to another when moving on to your shower. Dad you have great taste in shampoos and conditioners, not going to lie! I know for a fact that you don’t skimp on the good stuff for my use as well but this stuff was really high-end, I smiled as I spoke out loud, “You really deserve to pamper yourself Dad,” I put the bottle of shampoo I had examined back to the rack in your massive shower area, “you really are the best.” That same warmth in my heart, it was starting to feel familiar and almost missed at times. I knew I was blushing again, smile as wide as the muscles in my face would allow. When the cleaning of the house was over I made plans to meet some friends in town. They were thrilled I wasn’t going to finish a great day at home but they all understood that I wanted to get back home before you came home from work. Thanks to you, Dad, I was the happiest I had been in years, with a feeling I was only going to feel even better as time went on!
