Hours passed as they waited for news of Raph’s condition in a private room within the Justice Force headquarters. Leonardo had called their father, who now sat in a corner, meditating, no doubt feeling out Raph’s aura. As long as Splinter was calm, Leo knew that Raph was still alive.
Splinter’s eyes opened and he looked at the door just before it opened. Silver Sentry stepped into the room and gave them a reassuring nod. “Raphael will be fine. The good news is, there was no internal damage. The bad news is…, the bullet pierced one of the eggs. There was no way we could save it but it looks like the others will be alright.”
Relieved, Leo let out a sigh as he rubbed the bridge between his eyes. It took a moment for all of Silver Sentry’s words to take hold. “Wait,” Leo said, looking up as he went over it again in his head. “Eggs?”
“So, you didn’t know,” Silver Sentry stated, nodding his head. “I had a feeling that would be the case.”
“Um.... Raph’s a boy,” Mikey said and looked at Leo. “Isn’t he?”
“He is….” Leo sat down hard as he tried to wrap his mind around it. “I didn’t know. If I had known, I wouldn’t have let him go on the mission.”
“The doctors say that Raphael is intersex, also known as a hermaphrodite,” Silver Sentry explained. “There’s a good chance that he didn’t know and had just assumed that he was under the weather.”
Silver Sentry’s statement triggered the memory of the earlier conversation Leo had with Raph. “Raph knew.” Leo turned his attention to Donny. “He went to see Leatherhead not too long ago, when he was sick and you were busy. Why wouldn’t Leatherhead tell us?”
“I would assume Raph swore him to secrecy,” Donny replied. “But, this would explain why Leatherhead had suggested that I update your medical files. Maybe it was his way of trying to tell me without actually telling me and breaking his promise.”
“Dude, you’re gonna be a dad,” Mikey said to Leo in disbelief.
“When Raph had asked me about having kids, I had no idea it was even a possibility,” Leo confessed. “He must have been afraid to tell me and was… testing me.”
“What did you say,” Splinter asked, “when he asked about your feelings towards having children?”
Guilt had a knot forming in Leo’s throat. Covering his face with his hands, he took a few steading breaths before answering. “I told him that I was glad that we couldn’t.” He looked at his father, struggling to keep his emotions in check. “I told him that even if it was possible that I wouldn’t want to. I can’t even imagine how much pain my words had caused him.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Donny soothed. “You said it yourself. You had no idea it was even a possibility.”
Leo got to his feet and faced Silver Sentry. “Can I go see him?” He needed to see Raph, to let him know that everything was going to be alright.
Silver Sentry nodded. “He’s out of surgery but is still sedated. It will take a while for the drugs to wear off.”
“I’d like to be there when he wakes up,” Leo said.
“This way,” Silver Sentry said, heading towards the door.
“We’ll wait here,” Splinter said, holding Mikey back but looking at Leo. “You and Raphael have much to discuss.”
“Thank you, father,” Leo said, bowing slightly before turning to follow Silver Sentry.
Raph was resting in a small, dimly lit room. His midsection was tightly bandaged and he was connected to several machines that monitored his vitals. There was a chair next to the bed but no other furniture. Leo sat, grabbed hold of Raph’s hand and waited.
His mind rushed with all the things that he wanted to say, the main thing being that he was sorry. Finally able to absorb all that had happened, he allowed himself to cry.
For an unknown amount of time, Leo sat in the dim light, holding Raph’s hand as the tears freely flowed. He was relieved that his brother was going to live but overwhelmed by the fact that he was going to be a father. He had always wanted children, his own students so that he could pass on his father’s teachings. He wished he had expressed that to Raph.
“I want them,” Leo whispered as he placed one of his hands, gently on Raph’s stomach.
With a soft grunt, Raph shifted.
Worried that he was causing Raph’s pain, Leo retracted his hand and went back to cupping both of his hands around Raph’s. “You’re okay, Raph,” he soothed. “You’re safe now.”
Raph struggled to wake, fighting whatever drug that lingered in his system. “Where?”
“Justice Force headquarters,” Leo said, giving Raph’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Do you remember what happened?”
“Dragon was gonna shoot Mikey,” Raph mumbled and his tongue flicked out to wet his lips.
“You saved Mikey,” Leo said.
Raph’s breathing was deep and slow. “The bullet hit me.” He opened his eyes and tried to focus on Leo. In them, Leo could see the shimmer of tears forming. “It burned and made my whole body hurt.”
Leo nodded his head. “The bullet hit you in the stomach but there was no internal damage… to you.”
Closing his eyes, Raph turned his head away and pulled his hand from Leo’s grip.
“It only damaged one egg,” Leo told him. “The others are okay. You only lost one.”
Shaking his head, Raph looked at Leo. “I don’t want any of them. If I had been conscious when they brought me in I would have told them to get the damn things out of me.”
Remembering the words Raph had mumbled to him before Silver Sentry carried him away, Leo felt his heart drop and he fought the new flood of tears that threatened to fall. Raph wasn’t asking Leo to forget about him and save himself. He was telling Leo not to save the eggs. “I am sorry that I made you feel that way.”
Shaking his head, Raph scoffed. “I wanted to get rid of them the moment I found out about them. My conversation with you only strengthened my resolve.”
“Raph….” Leo couldn’t believe what his brother was saying.
“You were right, Leo,” Raph said. “Having kids would be a bad idea. It would be dangerous and unfair to them.”
“What were you going to do?” Leo asked, unable to hide the accusation in his voice. “You couldn’t hide them.”
Raph shrugged and looked away. “Drop them into the Hudson and no one would know.”
Leo had a hard time believing that his brother could be so cold. “They’re our babies.”
“They’re…,” Raph’s voice choked off and he had to clear his throat. “They’re not babies yet.” Leo reached out for Raph again but Raph pulled away. “Can you ask the doctor to come in here? I wanna ask if they can help me get rid of’em.”
“I don’t want you to,” Leo argued.
“It’s not your choice,” Raph snapped back. “They’re in me, and I don’t want them.”
“Why?” Leo rasped.
“I don’t want kids,” Raph replied as his eyes filled with tears. “I shouldn’t be able to have kids. I hate this. I just want it to go away.”
Leo shook his head. “I can’t let you hurt them. Once you lay the eggs, it’s no longer your choice.”
“Then I guess I gotta get the doctors to help me slush them out of my body before they’re ready,” Raph said, glaring at Leo.
“No one here will help you do that,” Leo said.
“I don’t want them,” Raph yelled.
“It isn’t only about you,” Leo yelled back. “I know you’re scared….”
“I’m not scared,” Raph interrupted.
“They why don’t you want them?” Leo snapped back.
“Because I don’t want to be a girl,” Raph shouted. “I don’t want everyone to look at them and know what I am.”
There is was, the real reason behind Raph’s actions. He was more worried about how everyone would view him, than anything else. Leo sneered. “That’s a selfish reason not to want them. They’re innocent babies. They deserve a chance at life.”
“Go away,” Raph said in a choked whisper, unable to look Leo in the eyes.
“I’m not gonna leave you,” Leo insisted.
Lip trembling, Raph glared up at his brother. “You not leaving me the fuck alone is the reason I’m in this mess. Now, go away.”
“No,” Leo said softly, shaking his head. “I love you.”
“Then make this all go away,” Raph pleaded.
“We’ll get through this,” Leo soothed. He reached out but, once again, Raph pulled away from him.
“I don’t want to get through it, I want to get rid of it.” Clinching his fists, Raph brought them down hard on either side of his abdomen.
Leo was on him in an instant, grabbing both of Raph’s wrists to keep him still. It was a good thing that Raph was still mildly sedated, Leo was able to hold him down with little effort.
Raph struggled against Leo’s grip, crying out, “Get away from me!”
One of the doctors rushed into the room, followed by another. “What’s going on?” he demanded. “His stress levels are elevated. Get off him or you risk breaking the stiches.”
“He’s trying to hurt himself,” Leo answered, keeping a strong grip on Raph’s wrists.
Raph gave up on his struggle against Leo and turned his attention to the doctor. “Get these things out of me. I don’t want them.”
“The eggs? There is no point in going through another surgery,” the doctor told them. “The eggs will come out on their own any day now.”
“So, they are already formed, shell and all,” Leo asked the doctor. “There is nothing you can do at this point?”
The doctor nodded his head. “Yes. They are complete and ready to come out. Aside from crushing them, they are going to live with or without Raphael.”
Leo looked down at Raph. “Just a few more days and they will be out, and their fate will no longer be just your decision.”
“I hate you,” Raph said through gritted teeth. “I hate you for doing this to me.”
