Welcome to Inkbunny...
Allowed ratings
To view member-only content, create an account. ( Hide )
Alexander Valentine
« older newer »
AlexanderValentine
AlexanderValentine's Gallery (117)

Tales of the Unbound - Chapter 1

AV (Avatar)
chapter_1_-_a_grim_realization_2d.txt
Keywords male 1201790, female 1093445, wolf 194208, human 108962, skunk 34553, hare 11549, panther 8347
Writer's Note
Warning: my skills at writing absolutely suck. I plan to write more and if I get any better, I want to revisit these works and rebrand them, write many ideas that I have and make this a story worth reading. For the time being, I'm sorry that it's not that great... But I'm going to try my hand at these every now and again, and hope I can muster up enough Motivation to write more.


"So this is what it came to? Can we fix our mistakes?" An old man muses to himself, whilst sitting on a bench in what was once been a very beautiful park; which now sits dead and decrepit with dead grass, rotted trees, and overgrown bushes; A murky pond set within it which could more or less accurately be called a swamp, it's surface covered with the rainbow-like distortion of gasoline on it.
 
"I guess I have work to do, but I won't be able to do it while sitting here" he mutters, and gets up from the bench looking into the murky water's reflection.
He muses on his past, as he recalls the reflection of a young, handsome face with deep green eyes and brown hair; which is now a face marred with wrinkles and deep thoughts, his eyes still full of life despite his hair changing to a solid white.

He pokes the surface of the water with his walking stick, obscuring his own reflection as if telling himself to forget the past. For a second, he sees a face that isn't his own; which causes him to reach out towards the pond as if to pull the other person out. He falters, and reaches into his jacket to pull out a small device, and he clicks it on; creating a holographic vision of himself in a much cleaner, more beautiful park.

“If you are seeing this holograph, then it is only reasonable that I am no longer with you. Many will paint me as a monster, a tyrant, and the one responsible for all you see.” The hologram stops talking for a second, as if choosing what to say next before continuing on.

“But that is not the truth, And they will do everything in their power to make sure that I remain the person who did this. The people who made the bad decisions, the people who started a thirty year war only for profit and control... Everything I have to prove my innocence is here. I just hope that one day you will come and see it for yourself.”

The hologram picks up a folder, and drops it into a nearby garbage bin, before it shuts off. The old man emits a soft, sad sigh as he returns the device to his pocket.

Something about this park always made him feel at peace, even if it was dirty now. He closes his eyes and imagines it as it used to be; the sweet smell of nature, the warmth of the sun upon his shoulders as a gentle cool breeze kisses his brow, with the laughter of children ringing in his ears. He opens his eyes, seeing the ugly reality once more, wondering if it will ever be the way it was.

He checks his suit, making sure that his clothes aren't dirty from sitting on the bench, even though he knows full well they aren't. That bench should have his name on it, as he has never seen anyone else sit there in so long. A loud noise is heard, as a hovership floats by; a message repeating ad nasuem from it's speakers.

"Warning! Quarantine becomes effective in one hour, all citizens of Earth are to evacuate immediately. Please, leave your bio-engineered pets at home. Any and all pets will be rounded up, decontaminated, and taken to reserve planets. Once the quarantine is instated, all warpgates to and from this planet will be disabled. This message will now repeat. Warning!..."

The old man spits on the ground... the side of the ship bears a very specific standard, a huge diamond with two gold rings crossing around it in an atomic formation. He fiddles with a ring bearing the same symbol, and takes it off. He grips it in between his thumb and index finger, and prepares to toss it into the murky pond.
 

"Damn the Corporation. Damn them all to... Hm?" His hand feels a tad lighter, the ring no longer in his fingers. He frowns, looking around on the dead grass for a telltale glint or sparkle; But finds nothing at all.
“Hmmm, A thief with some nimble fingers?” He asks himself under his breath as he sees the flash of a black and white tail, barely hidden by the overgrown brush.

“Or is there a naughty little creature with some deft paws?” A smile crosses his face, something he hadn't done in quite some time. He looks behind the tree, to find a pair of two very young skunks in very ragged clothing looking over the ring and conversing over it, one holding the ring in tiny little skunkpaws.

"Sis, you shouldn't take things that don't belong to you... it's wrong." One of the skunks says to the other.
He was wearing a very ragged pair of pants and a towel on his shoulders; kneeling and holding onto his stomach with a wistful look, as if in a large amount of pain.

The other one, wearing a very loose and tattered bedsheet as a dress; then proceeded to stick her tongue out in reply, before chiding back.
"He was going to toss it into that murky pond, bro... besides, I didn't want to stink for the next few days trying to get the smell of that swamp outta my fu...uuuuuuck! Run!"

She noticed the old man peeking from around the tree as she jumps to her feet and bolts, her brother just a little slower because of his apparent pain, as the man catches him easily by grabbing onto his tail. He lets out a pitiful squeak of dismay, clawing the ground trying to get away but not having any luck whatsoever.

"He's got me! Run, Sis! I'll be okay!" He shouts, and she turns around to find the old man grabbing her brother's tail, as the poor little skunk attempts to kick and bite and claw at the man, who doesn't seemed to be phased by it at all... Or retaliating for that matter at the rebellious display, with a friendly smile on his face which makes the poor boy stop and look at him with wide, vibrant green eyes.
 
She quickly holds out the ring towards the man, and drops to her knees; tears flowing from her bright blue eyes as she shouts out at the man.
"Take it! Please take it! Just please, please don't hurt my brother! He's all I've got left! I'm sorry! Please!" She sits there on her knees, repeating how sorry she is and begging him to let her brother go... It was actually kinda touching to him.

He lets go of his tail but grabs the scruff of his neck, and pulls him over, as he whines over his captor's choice of keeping him in his grasp. takes the ring and pockets it, and then grabs her by her scruff as well. He picks them both off the ground by their scruff, holding them like naughty kittens and sets them down on the nearby bench, giving them a look as they both look down at the ground.

They knew how much trouble they were in, and they were shivering; afraid of the punishment about to befall them. A loud groan came from the boy's stomach, and he almost doubled over on himself... but the old man gripped both of their shoulders, which caused them to both look up at him with tears. He let out a soft sigh, now finally getting what they were doing.

"When was the last time either of you ate?" He asked calmly, which was followed by a small moment of silence before the girl spoke up.
"It's been about two and a half days now, three for my brother. I only took the ring to hopefully trade it for some food. You were going to throw it away anyways..." She looks at him with a regretful look, as if trying to protect her brother from punishment.


"Hmm..." He strokes his chin a few times, and smiles at them "I think I know the perfect punishment" He says, and watches their heads droop and their ears fold in shame, as he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a fresh looking, wrapped sandwich from one of his pockets.
 
"You are both eat one half of this sandwich, and accompany me after you are done, understood?" They both look up at him with a rather confused look, then both pairs of eyes drifting down to his sandwich before both slowly nodding, accepting the cruel punishment of a charitable soul. He removes the wrapping, and gives them both a half. They eye their halves hungrily, a simple peanut butter and banana combo.

"Eat it slowly, if you eat it too fast you could make yourself sick." They both nod, and begin to eat their respective halves. He watches them carefully, making sure that they don't eat too fast and shares a bottle of water he had in his pocket as well. After a few minutes, both halves are gone and they both look up at the old man curiously, their tails slightly moving about as they felt a little bit safer.

"Thank you, Mister... um..." They both look at each-other for a second, and back at the old man, with the realization that a complete stranger helped them out today.
"Just call me Mister Gaius." he extends his hands out to the paws in their laps, as they very reluctantly take his hands.
Despite him being nice, they were still afraid. He begins to set down the road of the park towards a cluster of buildings in the distance, almost derelict and clustered together.

"So... what are your names?" he asks them as they walk down the beaten, dirty path. "I'm Cassandra... and this is my brother Carrie" The girl skunk named Cassandra speaks up, and looks over to her brother.
"And how old are you both?" Gaius casually asks them, pretty much trying to make the walk a little less awkward.
Carrie begins to count his fingers, but Cassandra blurts out loud.
"We're both seven." she says boastfully, making Gaius chuckle.

"So, can either of you read?" he asks as the dirty road changes over to asphalt,the thick clouds in the air preventing the sun from making it hot to the touch, as Cassandra pipes up again.
"Yeah! I'm better at reading though. Someone threw out a bag of books about a year ago, including one filled with words and the meanings of them all... its a dick-canary!"

Gaius tries not to burst out laughing, as Carrie corrects her.
"Sis... It's a Dictionary." He says this and pushes himself closer to Gaius, as they pass a small squad of troopers in riot gear.

“Don't worry, they have much more important things to focus on. As do we.” He points to a tall brick building, a few more blocks away. “That's where we're heading, to get you two away from this place.”

They look at him with curiousity in their eyes... This was the only home they had ever known, and he was trying to get them away from it? “I don't understand...?” Cassandra says quietly. “Where are you going to take us? You're not gonna turn us in are you?”

“No, not my intention. I am helping a group of people, like yourselves; leave this place.” He stops to ruffle their heads, making them squeak with a surprise... no one has ever treated them like this before, which genuinely surprises them.



“Now then, we best get inside” Gaius says, looking up at a large, soot covered factory with a logo on it that is covered in grime, but has a Huge tree on it instead of the Corporation's logo.

As they step inside, several red lasers cut through the darkness; all pointed at Gaius.
“I tend to keep my word, you know!” He shouts, and the lasers shut off.
“Good. For A second I thought we were going to have to shoot.” A raspy voice comes from the shadows, as a large wolf steps out; multiple scars and decked in some rather decent kevlar.

“The code for the warpgate is 'Fortunate Son' with a space between the words.” Gaius says rather calmly, as he kneels down to check on the skunks.
“You two are going to be alright” He says with a smile, and takes off his jacket and wraps it around Carrie.

“In that jacket is a projected recording for my grandson, if he ever shows up. And what you tried to take from me earlier. I hope you can put it to good use.” He grips both of their shoulders and smiles once more.

“And finally, talk to a bunny wearing a pink collar, glasses, and good taste in literature. Her name is Megan, she'll be able to help you both.” He sets them down away from the warpgate, and begins talking to the gruff, seemingly hostile wolf; nodding at the twins and shaking his hand.

Gaius enters the password into the old console, and after a few loud pops; the warpgate clicks to life. A large number of both humans and furs walk through the portal, disappearing through it. The wolf remains behind watching Gaius, seemingly angry at him. He waves the twins over towards the portal, and they both slowly approach it.

The wolf draws his sidearm, a rather crudely made pistol; and points it at Gaius, with a snarl on his face.
“You're not getting through this portal. No hard feelings.” He cocks the gun, and Gaius steps back, pushing the skunks behind them to shield them if things go bad.

“Well, you're right. After all, I need to disarm this thing to make sure that no one follows you. And I'm pretty sure your team is armed on the other side, making sure that I don't get off this rock.” The wolf's eyes narrow for a second, before he bursts out laughing.

“Starting to wonder if you're the Monster everyone says you are. Helping younglings, and rebels, and even going as far as to nullify the gate to make sure we don't get followed.” He continues to laugh, and eyes the skunks.

“Alright, you two walk through the gate here. Only advice I have is hold onto your lunch.” They scurry through the portal, leaving both Gaius and the wolf behind.

They come out the other side; touching down and tumbling out of the warpgate. They wobble to their feet, fighting of the feeling of dizziness and trying to hold onto the only thing they've had to eat in the past few days. Carrie gets up first, and helps his sister to her feet... As floodlights pop on and the sound of guns cocking fill their ears.

“Don't move!” Someone shouts at the two skunks, and they freeze in place; hugging onto eachother in panic. “Oh, for fuck's sake Mark; It's just some kids. Lower your weapons!” Still a bit blinded by the floodlights, they see a few humanoid blurs come towards them, and begins to push them forward away from the gate.

“Don't worry, It'll fade in a little bit.” A softspoken male's voice says to them, as he leads them off into a room, and sets them down on a soft surface.
“Okay, close your eyes, and listen to my voice. I'll tell you when you can open your eyes.” Cassandra holds onto her brother, refusing to let go of him.

“Alright, little ones; can you tell me your names?” He asks very calmly, rubbing their ears and petting their heads. “Y-yeah...” Cassandra says rather quietly for once, her bravado lost by the temporary blindness, as she squeezes onto her brother for comfort and strength.

“My name is Cassandra, and this is my brother Carrie.” She says matter of factly, not sure if she can really trust this person at all. Mainly due to the fact she cannot see anything. “Cassandra, Carrie? My name is Wallace, pleased to meet you.”

Wallace begins to move his hands around, lifting up their hair and checking behind their ears. “And how old are you?” He asks, rubbing their heads gently. “We're both seven, but why are you asking us these questions?” Cassandra asks angrily, her tail swishing about.

“Sorry, just following protocol. We've had a lot of Humans and Furs show up here, and we're trying to make sure that no one gets seperated. Anyways, where are your parents?” Both the skunks go quiet, and Carrie finally pipes up. “W-we don't have any parents that we k-know of... M-m-mister W-Wallace.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't know... I hope you two can forgive me, at least just this once?” He says, still softspoken and quiet.
“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” They open their eyes, still a little disorientated but taking a look around the room. it's pretty barren, save for a dimmed light and pillows on a crate, which they are currently sitting on.

Their eyes focus on 'Wallace' who is a tall, black panther, wearing a long, white coat. “If you can see, we should get you out of here. The commander stepped out shortly after you, and the gate closed literally after he got out” He ruffles their heads again, and gives them a genuine smile.

“But what about Mister Gaius? The kind old man who helped us? Is he okay?” Cassandra grabs onto Wallace's coat, and looks up at him with a panicked expression, as he sighs and stoops down to their level. “No one else came out between you and the commander... I'm sorry.” He gives her a hug, and then gets back up to his normal posture. But she just kinda sits there, a pained look in her eyes.

“Come on, sis, l-let's get outta here.” Carrie helps her to her feet, and Wallace leads them out of the room, and down a few hallways before they reach a massive sliding door. He bangs on it twice, waits a few seconds and then bangs on it once more, as it begins to pull back; letting in a bright light that almost blinds them again.

“Welcome to Neova,” Wallace sighs as he takes a breath of fresh air. ”Much nicer of a place than Earth.” The skunks look around in marvel at the lush greenery of the planet, with no buildings save a warehouse in the distance. They both breathe in the air, free from the contaminants of their home planet. Cassandra drops to her knees, and seems a bit distraught.

“You alright, Sis?” Carrie asks, and her only reply is a shake of her head; scared out of her wits by everything that just happened today.
“It'll be alright sis, let's go find Miss Megan.” He hoists her up onto his back, and begins to look around the crowd of other refugees.


They curiously pad around the group, as they see a group of refugees trying to settle in, each one taking what looks like an baseball-sized acorn with the factory's logo on it, and looking around for a place to plant them. They quickly move away from the group before bumping into a young Chocolate and Cream colored rabbit, wearing a cute pair of glasses and a pink collar who smiles at them before her eyes go wide.

She quickly claps her arms around the two, and grips the coat that Carrie was wearing, hiding a small metal pin on it's lapel.
“I'm glad only I saw that, that pin could have landed you both in a whole lot of trouble here... why do you have his coat?” The sweet young doe asked them quietly.
“He... he gave it to us” Carrie answered back in a whisper.

“Well, at least he's doing something right. Anyways, my name is Megan” she smiles at the two poor little skunklings, her nose beginning to twitch at the smell of pollution in their fur.
“Miss Megan? He told us to find you. Could you help us?” Carrie asked her with a faint amount of fear in his tone, as if he's unsure if this was the right Megan.

“Of course! After all, I don't see your parents anywhere... did they come through before you?” she asks him sweetly, but he folds his ears back at the question, as her own ears lower.
“Oh... I didn't know.” She hugs them both tighter, and gives them both a warm, loving smile. Cassandra looks up at Megan curiously, but seems to be rather tired.

She picks them both up, and carries them towards a large hill, a rather large, old tree with a door and windows in it that seems to have not been used in quite some time, but diverts her path which leads to a smaller tree-home.
“Alright, I'm going to let you two get some rest; but tomorrow... Aunt Megan is going to give you both a bath.” She smiles at the two, as she carries them into the house, closing the door behind her.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
page
1
page
2
page
3
page
4
page
5
page
6
page
7
page
8
page
9
page
10
page
11
page
12
page
13
page
14
page
15
page
16
page
17
page
18
page
19
page
20
page
21
page
22
page
23
page
24
page
25
page
26
page
27
page
28
page
29
page
30
page
31
page
32
page
33
page
34
page
35
page
36
page
37
page
38
page
39
page
40
page
41
page
42
page
43
page
44
page
45
page
46
page
47
page
48
page
49
page
50
page
51
page
52
page
53
page
54
page
55
page
56
page
57
page
58
page
59
page
60
page
61
page
62
page
63
page
64
page
65
page
66
page
67
page
68
page
69
page
70
page
71
page
72
page
73
page
74
page
75
page
76
page
77
page
78
page
79
page
80
page
81
page
82
page
83
page
84
page
85
page
86
page
87
page
88
page
89
page
90
page
91
page
92
page
93
page
94
page
95
page
96
page
97
page
98
page
99
page
100
page
101
page
102
page
103
page
104
page
105
page
106
page
107
page
108
page
109
page
110
page
111
page
112
page
113
page
114
page
115
page
116
page
117
page
118
page
119
page
120
page
121
page
122
page
123
page
124
page
125
page
126
page
127
page
128
page
129
page
130
page
131
page
132
page
133
page
134
page
135
page
136
page
137
page
138
page
139
page
140
page
141
page
142
page
143
page
144
page
145
page
146
page
147
page
148
page
149
page
150
page
151
page
152
page
153
page
154
page
155
page
156
page
157
page
158
page
159
page
160
page
161
page
162
page
163
page
164
page
165
page
166
page
167
page
168
page
169
page
170
page
171
page
172
page
173
page
174
page
175
page
176
page
177
page
178
page
179
page
180
page
181
page
182
page
183
page
184
page
185
page
186
page
187
page
188
page
189
page
190
page
191
page
192
page
193
page
194
page
195
page
196
page
197
page
198
page
199
page
200
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
 
 
page
1
page
2
page
3
page
4
page
5
page
6
page
7
page
8
page
9
page
10
page
11
page
12
page
13
page
14
page
15
page
16
page
17
page
18
page
19
page
20
page
21
page
22
page
23
page
24
page
25
page
26
page
27
page
28
page
29
page
30
page
31
page
32
page
33
page
34
page
35
page
36
page
37
page
38
page
39
page
40
page
41
page
42
page
43
page
44
page
45
page
46
page
47
page
48
page
49
page
50
page
51
page
52
page
53
page
54
page
55
page
56
page
57
page
58
page
59
page
60
page
61
page
62
page
63
page
64
page
65
page
66
page
67
page
68
page
69
page
70
page
71
page
72
page
73
page
74
page
75
page
76
page
77
page
78
page
79
page
80
page
81
page
82
page
83
page
84
page
85
page
86
page
87
page
88
page
89
page
90
page
91
page
92
page
93
page
94
page
95
page
96
page
97
page
98
page
99
page
100
page
101
page
102
page
103
page
104
page
105
page
106
page
107
page
108
page
109
page
110
page
111
page
112
page
113
page
114
page
115
page
116
page
117
page
118
page
119
page
120
page
121
page
122
page
123
page
124
page
125
page
126
page
127
page
128
page
129
page
130
page
131
page
132
page
133
page
134
page
135
page
136
page
137
page
138
page
139
page
140
page
141
page
142
page
143
page
144
page
145
page
146
page
147
page
148
page
149
page
150
page
151
page
152
page
153
page
154
page
155
page
156
page
157
page
158
page
159
page
160
page
161
page
162
page
163
page
164
page
165
page
166
page
167
page
168
page
169
page
170
page
171
page
172
page
173
page
174
page
175
page
176
page
177
page
178
page
179
page
180
page
181
page
182
page
183
page
184
page
185
page
186
page
187
page
188
page
189
page
190
page
191
page
192
page
193
page
194
page
195
page
196
page
197
page
198
page
199
page
200
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

My skills at doing this are horrendous, and I feel like this is just going to cripple my motivation. That being said, I want to get better at this. So please, feel free to share some criticism, structure, or suggestion.

and thank you for trying to read my jumbled mess.

Also, In-Story appearance by
MeganBryar
MeganBryar

Keywords
male 1,201,790, female 1,093,445, wolf 194,208, human 108,962, skunk 34,553, hare 11,549, panther 8,347
Details
Type: Writing - Document
Published: 8 years, 8 months ago
Rating: General

MD5 Hash for Page 1... Show Find Identical Posts [?]
Stats
36 views
1 favorite
1 comment

BBCode Tags Show [?]
 
MeganBryar
8 years, 8 months ago
First of all, I'm very sorry I didn't get back to you on this sooner. I was out all day yesterday and wanted to have time to actually read and pay attention.

Second, your writing isn't terrible at all, and I certainly don't see that you have any thing to apologize for. It's a really sweet and charming story, despite the rather dystopian background of the war and the polluted planet, and I thought you did a really lovely job of introducing us to Carrie and Cassandra, and their world, and it's certainly very compelling. The twins are very sweet, and I really like how protective Cassandra is of her brother and how the two of them stick together and rely on each other. Gaius seems like a pretty nice guy, too, if quite mysterious at this point. He certainly seems to have a pretty rough reputation, at least among the non-human parts of the population, and it will be interesting to see how this might effect him, and others, as time goes on. And if any of it is at all deserved.

The scene with Megan was really cute, and I'm flattered to have had her included in the story. You've done a really lovely job with introducing her into the story and with showing her caring, compassionate personality. Not to brag too much on my alter ego or anything. But I love how caring and motherly she is, and how well the twins take to her. It's nice to see them get such a warm welcome in their new home, and to know that, whatever the future might hold for them, they have a much better chance now than they would have if they'd been left behind.

Thanks for posting this. I know it's kind of frightening to put your own work out there and to have people read and critique it. It took me forever to work up the nerve to post a story anywhere the first time and I still get kind of nervous about it. But I think you're doing just fine and I think you should be proud of what you've done. Just keep at it and I think you'll be surprised by how quickly you improve!
New Comment:
Move reply box to top
Log in or create an account to comment.