There was this boy who found me out and started talking to me. He was inspiring and loved to understand what I was making. He would comb my worlds, and would share his own. Oh how easily he found his way through the iron grip I had around the cracks in my heart. I wouldn't tell him that in less than a year I considered him my best friend.
He started to grow distant though. Far less interested in talking. I'd panic, try to catch those old feelings again and try to make new feelings too. Him and me though..we haven't even spoken more than five minutes to each other this month. We haven't talked to each other for weeks even when he's on.
I'll stare at the username and hover my cursor arrow over it. I never click it though. I just feel like I'll bother him. I feel sick because I'm shutting down again. I love it when I hope. I hate it when that hope vanishes beneath the waves of the reality in front of me. I'm shaking in my chair right now, rubbing my eyes. I'm curled up as I stare at the burning screen and at a private message.
Someone wants to talk with me. They seem so nice. I've already written out of the message back, I just haven't sent it yet. Its nice, I promise it is. Behind those nice words I'm sick and I'm tired. Tired of hoping.
If I let you too far in, you might hurt me.
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Published:
8 years, 8 months ago
19 Jul 2016 21:29 CEST
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