Welcome to Inkbunny...
Allowed ratings
To view member-only content, create an account. ( Hide )
Sexist Windows
« older newer »
Sneeze
Sneeze's Gallery (13)

Proper Planning

Workplace Romances
proper_planning.txt
Keywords raccoon 19978, fennec 9375, humor 2687, comedy 1990, possum 1327, bomb 355, crime 185, slapstick 93, retail 28, morons 12, night shift 6

Proper Planning


“Hey, Kevin,” Lukas, a slightly stocky raccoon in his late twenties, said, “would you mind helping me out and stocking bread?”  

Kevin, a scrawny fennec some years younger than Lukas, turned away from the vending machine and his half-hearted search for sweets.  “Sure.”  

“Thanks.  Any customers?”  

Kevin shook his head, large ears giving him a wide arc.  “Rarely get any this late anyway, never mind the cold.”  

“Bummer,” said the raccoon.  “You can usually count on some weird ones needing half the bananas in the store.”  

“They’d be banana popsicles by the time he’d get to his car.”  

Lukas snorted in amusement.  “Oh well,” he said, walking out.  “Thanks again!”  

“No problem boss.”  Kevin pocketed his change and went to the back, got some boxes of bread, and went out to the floor.  

Kevin hated the night shift.  Sometimes he got an interesting story, but usually barely anyone came in, making his position as cashier mostly useless.  It also didn’t help the store was rapidly losing business to Flor-Mart, which had greater selection and better prices.  

As he reached up to scratch one of his large fennec’s ears, Kevin noticed a customer out the corner of his eye.  He put down the box of bread, stretched his thin, tired limbs, and walked over.  

The customer was either a rat or a possum.  The pink, round ears were a give-away, but a balaclava obscured the rest of his face.  Kevin had to assume it was a male, as a black trench coat obscured all bodily details.  Sure, it was strange, but that was the night shift.  

Kevin stopped in his tracks.  Balaclava and a trench coat?  This was too weird.  And too late; the customer saw Kevin and walked toward him.  Kevin’s tail stiffened, he tried to remember everything the employee handbook said about dealing with shady characters.  He could feel his knees knocking.  When the masked customer finally got to him, all Kevin could manage was a weak “May I help you?”  

The customer looked at Kevin with steel grey eyes for a moment before opening his coat.  Several red tubes were taped to his waist, TNT written on each in black.  Spiraling wires led from the tops of the tubes to a keypad on top of them.  Sweet, fancy, Moses.  

So much for blaming his clothes on the weather.  

Kevin felt his heart beat quicken and his tail worm between his legs.  The color drained from his cheeks and ears.  The last vestiges of optimism flew out of him as his jaw dropped from his muzzle.  His hands instinctively went up in the surrender gesture.  

“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Trench Coat said, “so just take me to the safe and give me all the money and I won’t blow up this bomb.”  

Kevin began to stammer; trying to tell Trench Coat he didn’t have the keys to the safe while simultaneously thinking through employee handbook bomb situations, all the good moments in his life, things he never said to his grandmother, and the topic of his last exam, the Ummayyad Caliphate in Egypt.  Then, suddenly, a more logical thought popped into his head.  

“Wait, what?”  

Trench Coat’s eyes narrowed and his feet shuffled.  “Give.  Me.  The money, or I’ll blow this place to Kingdom Come!”  

Kevin put his arms and tail down.  One eyebrow cocked and he gave Trench Coat a sideways look.  “I don’t think you will.”  

Trench Coat pulled his head back in surprise, then pushed himself in Kevin’s face and held his arms wide.  “Do you think I’m playing with you?!”  

“Yeah, actually.”  Trench Coat’s eyes went wide.  “That’s not a gun or a knife, that’s a bomb.  If I don’t bring you the money, you’d not only kill me, but you too.”  Trench Coat turned his head slightly, and Kevin could see the outline of his mouth trying to form words.  “Kind of a no-win situation.”  

Trench Coat pulled back, his arms falling and the tip of his pink tail twitching.  “Well . . . “  

“And now I see it,” Kevin pulled the keypad off Trench Coat’s stomach, “this is a calculator.”  

The masked bomber’s wide eyes flicked to one side before he straightened back up.  “That doesn’t mean it’s not a real bomb!”  

Kevin crossed his arms, his ears swiping back.  “Really?”  

“Really!”  

“Yeah?”  

“Yeah!!”  The word was only half out his mouth when Trench Coat turned and ran.  Kevin took off after him, jumping to close the final few feet.  Although Kevin was thin and lanky, the momentum allowed him to tackle the “bomber” to the floor.  

“Oh, no you don’t jackass!”  Kevin yelled, hoisting his chest off the perpetrator.  Thinking quickly, he grabbed a loaf of bread in a bag and started beating Trench Coat’s head and shoulders.  “Why – would you rob – a store – with a bomb?!”  Kevin stopped the beating to add “You’d blow up all the money, moron!”  

Taking advantage, Trench Coat scrambled up.  Kevin wrapped himself around his back, one arm choking the offender while the other resumed the beating in a violent piggy-back-ride.  

As Trench Coat struggled to run, Lukas came running over.  “Kevin!!  What the Hell is going on?!”  

“He’s got a fake bomb!”  

Lukas jumped back.  “A bomb?!”  

“A fake bomb!”  

“A fake bomb?”  Lukas raised an eyebrow.  

Tackle!  Him!”  the fennec hissed.  

Lukas snapped to attention and leapt at the criminal.  With a yell all three fell to the floor.  Lukas weighed more than Kevin, so the fennec left the raccoon to subdue Trenchcoat while he went to grab a phone and call the police.  

“Wait, Kevin!”  Lukas yelled.  Kevin stopped, ears alert.  “Did you have to use merchandise?”  Kevin groaned and ran to a phone.  

The police were at the store in less than ten minutes.  They took Trenchcoat, revealed to be a possum, away in handcuffs; another officer approached the very disheveled Kevin and Lukas.  

“That was very brave of you two.”  

“Not really . . . “ Kevin mumbled, smoothing some of his tan fur.  

“What I wanna know,” the officer said, “is why didn’t he try the Flor-Mart?  They’d’ve had more money.”  

Kevin rolled his eyes.  Lukas nodded.  The officer shrugged.  “Oh well, that’s the night shift.”  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
page
1
page
2
page
3
page
4
page
5
page
6
page
7
page
8
page
9
page
10
page
11
page
12
page
13
page
14
page
15
page
16
page
17
page
18
page
19
page
20
page
21
page
22
page
23
page
24
page
25
page
26
page
27
page
28
page
29
page
30
page
31
page
32
page
33
page
34
page
35
page
36
page
37
page
38
page
39
page
40
page
41
page
42
page
43
page
44
page
45
page
46
page
47
page
48
page
49
page
50
page
51
page
52
page
53
page
54
page
55
page
56
page
57
page
58
page
59
page
60
page
61
page
62
page
63
page
64
page
65
page
66
page
67
page
68
page
69
page
70
page
71
page
72
page
73
page
74
page
75
page
76
page
77
page
78
page
79
page
80
page
81
page
82
page
83
page
84
page
85
page
86
page
87
page
88
page
89
page
90
page
91
page
92
page
93
page
94
page
95
page
96
page
97
page
98
page
99
page
100
page
101
page
102
page
103
page
104
page
105
page
106
page
107
page
108
page
109
page
110
page
111
page
112
page
113
page
114
page
115
page
116
page
117
page
118
page
119
page
120
page
121
page
122
page
123
page
124
page
125
page
126
page
127
page
128
page
129
page
130
page
131
page
132
page
133
page
134
page
135
page
136
page
137
page
138
page
139
page
140
page
141
page
142
page
143
page
144
page
145
page
146
page
147
page
148
page
149
page
150
page
151
page
152
page
153
page
154
page
155
page
156
page
157
page
158
page
159
page
160
page
161
page
162
page
163
page
164
page
165
page
166
page
167
page
168
page
169
page
170
page
171
page
172
page
173
page
174
page
175
page
176
page
177
page
178
page
179
page
180
page
181
page
182
page
183
page
184
page
185
page
186
page
187
page
188
page
189
page
190
page
191
page
192
page
193
page
194
page
195
page
196
page
197
page
198
page
199
page
200
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
 
 
page
1
page
2
page
3
page
4
page
5
page
6
page
7
page
8
page
9
page
10
page
11
page
12
page
13
page
14
page
15
page
16
page
17
page
18
page
19
page
20
page
21
page
22
page
23
page
24
page
25
page
26
page
27
page
28
page
29
page
30
page
31
page
32
page
33
page
34
page
35
page
36
page
37
page
38
page
39
page
40
page
41
page
42
page
43
page
44
page
45
page
46
page
47
page
48
page
49
page
50
page
51
page
52
page
53
page
54
page
55
page
56
page
57
page
58
page
59
page
60
page
61
page
62
page
63
page
64
page
65
page
66
page
67
page
68
page
69
page
70
page
71
page
72
page
73
page
74
page
75
page
76
page
77
page
78
page
79
page
80
page
81
page
82
page
83
page
84
page
85
page
86
page
87
page
88
page
89
page
90
page
91
page
92
page
93
page
94
page
95
page
96
page
97
page
98
page
99
page
100
page
101
page
102
page
103
page
104
page
105
page
106
page
107
page
108
page
109
page
110
page
111
page
112
page
113
page
114
page
115
page
116
page
117
page
118
page
119
page
120
page
121
page
122
page
123
page
124
page
125
page
126
page
127
page
128
page
129
page
130
page
131
page
132
page
133
page
134
page
135
page
136
page
137
page
138
page
139
page
140
page
141
page
142
page
143
page
144
page
145
page
146
page
147
page
148
page
149
page
150
page
151
page
152
page
153
page
154
page
155
page
156
page
157
page
158
page
159
page
160
page
161
page
162
page
163
page
164
page
165
page
166
page
167
page
168
page
169
page
170
page
171
page
172
page
173
page
174
page
175
page
176
page
177
page
178
page
179
page
180
page
181
page
182
page
183
page
184
page
185
page
186
page
187
page
188
page
189
page
190
page
191
page
192
page
193
page
194
page
195
page
196
page
197
page
198
page
199
page
200
by Sneeze
Workplace Romances
FML
Think things through before you commit to them.

Years ago now (because all the writing I have is ancient) I saw a video that is pretty much this exact situation. I didn't feel like making a new character, so I decided to re-use Kevin from FML, and started his own little canon. I like this one, but I might be the only one who does. :P

Comments appreciated.

Copyrighted to me, please don't steal.

Keywords
raccoon 19,978, fennec 9,375, humor 2,687, comedy 1,990, possum 1,327, bomb 355, crime 185, slapstick 93, retail 28, morons 12, night shift 6
Details
Type: Writing - Document
Published: 2 years, 2 months ago
Rating: General

MD5 Hash for Page 1... Show Find Identical Posts [?]
Stats
31 views
0 favorites
0 comments

BBCode Tags Show [?]
 
New Comment:
Move reply box to top
Log in or create an account to comment.