You know..I lost my voice for a while. Well, actually you probably wouldn't. Not a whole lot of people did. I could still talk, I could still smile around others. That's the thing about me. I'm always putting up the effort and performance..what more can I do? So I make noises until whoever I'm talking to just goes away again. I used to be so cut and paste about it. Want to know something? Every person has apologized for even talking to me. Doesn't matter how long it's for. You can imagine how heart broken I feel when I see that each time. I would tell them that they shouldn't be sorry, that I'm so grateful, and that I feel so weak even when it appears differently. I never really did get a response back from a single one. Makes my heart sink. I feel ill thinking about it.
So I just thanked people, thanked every interaction, wished the person good health and to be well as if I'll never see them again. Chances are I will not. For a while..I didn't feel a thing. Oh it's terrible..it's terrible when you feel so little and you say so little, and you say you are sorry for saying anything. No one deserves to be in that mindset. It's..lonely..so I remind whoever wanders my way again, thanks for taking the time. I wish you good health, and don't be sorry for giving me hope even when I'm so certain the moment goes nowhere.
*update* Apologies, wrong page uploaded. I'm quite exhausted this evening with a lot on my mind.
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8 years, 8 months ago
16 Jun 2016 07:33 CEST
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