There is that moment they tell about, where your so scared, the fight or flight moment, that you force yourself to action. This was so far beyond that terror the kind that locks all muscles tighter than a jar lid you can never open yourself.
Oops, I suppose we should do a little better into than that. Hi I'm Ben, a cat. Just a simple black an white although some spots seem more like a cream on my under arms and legs also they say that I am a fairly well adjusted young man. I have a girlfriend now and she has been a friend to me for many years but its only been the past few months that we really started getting serious. I mean really kissed and well she has even had her hand down my pants and I felt up under her skirt last time, but don't, and I mean don't ever let her dad know!
I also graduated recently pass the fourth tier with no real problem despite what I was told. You see my mother died just over a year ago and everyone expected me to have a great deal more trouble with everything that happened afterwards but with a little help... well a lot of help, I have kept my life going in the way she would have wanted to even though I didn't know it at the time. You see mom and I fought a lot, and by fight I mean scream, hiss, and claws that dug into palms in an attempt to keep it civil or at least bloodless.
We had a rather nasty argument that afternoon when I got home. That morning I was late for school and ran the whole way then decided to cut through the back street and jump the fence. The problem was even with the supposed cat reflex and land on your feet thing you can't really adjust for the slight mishaps when they happen. Like the seem of your fairly new jeans getting caught on the top of the cyclone fence catching your leg and as you start to fall it tears you pants. I landed on my front paws and did a little flip and kicked out, landing on my paws and knees. Not that anyone saw me the buzzer had sounded several seconds before I reached the fence but the real damage had been done. A four inch rip along the seam of my jeans and it flopped some as I raced towards the building where my first classes were. Mom was gonna kill me.
I'm not sure if our fight was the beginning but I think that is were it really starts or at least it should. She hissed, I screamed, I think she almost wanted to take a swipe when I tried to tell her that last night we should have gone home earlier so I could have gotten more sleep. I'm not what you call a sassy mouth or even usually have a bad attitude but when mom and I fight things come out that I never could come up with with out thinking for hours. It is funny at times when I think back how witty I seemed, but I only had such ability against my mother.
Listening to her still yelling I retreated to my room and she finally backed into the kitchen. The order was leave the pants on her bed and she would make them in to cut-offs. Not that I would ever wear them we both knew that, just as we both knew there would likely be arguments over them at a later date. It wasn't that I couldn't wear them but more the fact that she would never be caught dead wearing some home fixed item so why should I. New, nearly new, or slightly old and still stunning that was the only thing my mother ever wore. Even around the house she had on cloths that would be fit for her work or go out shopping in. I mean, I know she had nightgowns, not that I had seen one on her in years, but I had to guess they would all be stunning. Mom never left the bedroom unless she was prepared to face the world and many time that had made the family late.
I was laying on my bed suddenly startled by the loud clatter that came though the wall of my room. I thought I heard my mother call my name I wasn't quite sure but with a second heavy thump I was pretty sure she would want me to come clean up some mess. In the quiet that followed I was sure I heard my mother call again but it wasn't a yell to get my attention as a matter of fact if it hadn't been so quiet I likely would never have heard her voice at all. I was almost convinced she didn't want me, after all she could easily make herself heard from outside if she wished but it was the silence that had me wondering. I mean bang, crash, thump and nothing?
Was it curiosity or something else that had drawn me from my room flicking my tail as I crept through the living room and dining room to trying to approach the kitchen with her unaware. The thing was I could have brought a marching band and no one but the neighbors would have known. Remember me talking of terror? Of not being able to do anything? Fear can hit you many ways and never is it what you expect no matter how hard you prepare. The only thing preparation can do is help you to act, and I had none.
I just stared as my mom flopped and quaked on the floor, tail slapping uselessly against the linoleum. I couldn't move, or talk, my mind screaming that this wasn't real. I tried talking to her, but when I opened my mouth, nothing. I tried harder, 'mew' a sound I would never be caught dead making in front of anyone slipped past my lips. It could have been a minute or twenty there was no concept for time as I stood there just a cold dark place inside where I was trapped. Finally a thought to call for help crashed into my brain, the need to call gave my life purpose, I needed to do that now. I reached out for the phone on the wall above the counter, punching in numbers on the receiver that were listed on its back. The world seemed to slow while I worked the phone I could still hear the swish of fabric and the occasional bump behind me, two rings, three... click, "Blue Shore Fire District, do you have an emergency," I listened trying to speak the problem was, there was total silence in the kitchen and the voice seemed to shout out of the phone. "Hello Fire Department can I help you?"
"Mom she's on the floor and stopped..." Gasp. I had been holding my breath with out realizing it and now felt lightheaded, my vision blurring at the edges as a sucked in several breaths.
"Sir I need to know where your are." the phone said.
After I had gathered my breath I was able to repeat my address. "Now sir. I know you need help and we're coming. But we need to know exactly what is wrong." It was a calm and steady voice probably the only reason I didn't just stop/breakdown/collapse to the floor.
"My mother she was on the floor shaking and now she isn't." I told the voice.
"Is she still breathing?" I was asked.
"I, I don't know." I was far to scared to turn around and look.
"Can you see her from where you are now?" There was the question that sent more fear into me building it back up to terror status.
"She's, behind me I... I can't" ~ "Okay." the voice interrupted me, "It's okay, I'm going to ask you to look, but if you can't it's alright." Again there was that terror creeping over me, can't move, speak, think. 'Mew' again that was all I could force past my lips.
"Alright relax now do you know if the front door is locked?" the voiced had paused for a full moment, "Your still there I can hear you breathe now try to answer is the door locked?"
"hhh I uh, it's" again the voice stopped me. "Listen to just me, try blocking out everything else." Well that was easy listening was the only thing I seemed able to do. "Now take a breath and tell me your name."
Simple easy. "Ben"
"Now you last name Ben." the voice asked. "Kalson." I answered
"Now how about your age." "It's fourteen." Question, then Answer, this suddenly seemed like the easiest test in the world where the answers are littered on the ground like popcorn outside a circus tent.
That's why the thump behind me came as such a shock. "Ben did you hear me? Is someone there yet?"
"No, Mom moved, I think she moved."
"You need to turn around and look, see if her eyes are open, or if her chest is moving, Maybe she's sitting up waiting for you." The voice urged.
I knew that wasn't the case but at some point I was going to have to turn around, and at that moment it didn't seem quite so terrifying. I turned with hope, but no real belief, there she was still laying on the floor. I watched as she moved not quite like a twitch, more like a little jitter that ran down her arm through her fur till I could actually see a finger move. I looked to her eyes, definitely closed, her chest now more than half pressed to the floor seemed to just move under the rumpled blouse. "She is breathing." I told the phone.
"Is she awake?" He asked. "No."
"Can you try to wake her up call her name and shake her."
"No, the phone doesn't reach that far Mom, Mom doesn't let someone eat and talk on the phone it won't reach the table." The cord in question was the shortest she had able to find at barely three feet when it stretched out, it only allowed you to look around the corner in to the dining room and living room, to call out who the phone call was for. You even had to be careful passing it off otherwise it might snap back towards the holder. I suppose I could have let the phone go and cross the room but that thought never even went though my mind.
Part of me I'm sure heard the siren while the rest of me was just staring watching the tiny slow breaths she was taking while trying to figure out what to do next. I guess I had froze again, "BEN! Are you still there!?"
".. yes." Was my weak response. "Listen to me." Again something that it suddenly seems I am good at. "You need to wait, someone is going to be there soon you just need to hang in there. It's gonna be okay." Okay, ok, ok it seemed like that was some special chant or prayer that would eventually make my life normal again.
Most of the afternoon and evening passed in a flash what little I can remember; people rushing through the house; my mom rolling out on a stretcher; more people; more talking; more blurs. I remember sitting on my bed with no clue who was around me or anything the voices were trying to tell me. I wasn't sure of anything till I realized I was being carefully almost cautiously hugged and the blue patterned skirt on the bed next to me seemed out of place.
"Shelly?" Came out as shocked gasp. She was the girl next door but more than that she was a friend I had known for years. She was some one my mother always allow to play in the house even when she was upset with me or out back in our yards, and she was sitting on my bed. She was one of my few friends that my mom had treated as an extra child or cousin but the one place she wasn't allowed was in my room. She was still giving me a sideways hug as I heard my father speak across the room.
"There I figured that would at least get some response and hopefully shake you up." He was leaning against my desk near the door to my closet. "I was wondering if we had totally lost you."
I had tried to say 'Mom?' but still just the little mew started to come out ending in more of a squeak this time as I tried to cut it off staring as my father's jaw worked slowly up and down like he was chewing on his tongue. I'm sure he knew what I was trying to ask and was working out an answer to give me.
"They're not sure yet. She is having several tests done and there is a lot of work they need to do so we are going to have to be patient for a little while. She had a serious seizure and they are doing their best to help her out. I'm sure by tomorrow we'll know how things end up." Even before Dad had finished I had started trembling, shaking. I wasn't sure why but as the he kept speaking became harder to stop it.
Shelly gripped me tighter and tighter, "Ben, Ben come on. Hey!" She pulled me back as I had almost quaked myself off the end of the bed. It was a mixture of several things but most of all something inside was afraid again. I stared crying, no balling, grabbing on to Shelly and sobbing. My Mom had been unfair and hard on me the past few years but I loved her. So much of my life growing up had been good times and happy family memories, all the shouting matches and screaming arguments seemed like nothing at the moment. True I was supposed to be grown up but at that moment I didn't want my friend holding me I wanted my mother, I wanted her to be alright, safe, and telling me that everything was fine.
As I cried the strongest memories and feelings were my mother holding me. When 'Brow' my favorite teddy had been accidentally tossed, when my training wheel on the bike had snapped and I ended up with stitches, even a two years back when I ended up trying to fight a much older kid and lost. The worst moments of my life she had always been there making me feel safe and warm as she scratched my head and gently tweaked my ears waiting as I finished crying either curling up into her lap or dozing off to sleep and waking later in my bed.
I did wake up in bed, the light from the desk trying to light up the room with a simple 45-watt bulb and failing. I groaned trying to sit up and also failing falling back to my pillow. It took only a short time to realize my head was pounding harder than my heart and everything seemed to ache.
Another migraine, likely brought on by stress this time. I had gotten many over the past year and a few more this year. It had taken only a few doctors visits to tell me that sometime teens just get them for no reason or it could be simple chemical imbalances. Vitamins, less stress, and medication only when absolutely needed was what they said. It never really stopped the arguments with Mom...... ugh.
I pushed the covers off and rolled over so I could slowly sit up. Just that movement left me dizzy and thinking this must be the worst migraine ever. Sitting there I decided it was far more important to go to the bathroom now then to keep resting here because I was going to end up with a soaked bed. 4:40 flipped to 4:41 as I watched the glowing red from the alarm clock at my nightstand. Carefully standing I ended up using every ounce of my agility and balance to not topple forward or backwards on to the bed. My whole body felt sore and ached horribly like I had slept on the floor instead of in my bed. With a paw out that hit the wall far sooner than I expected I slowly walked or was it stumbled along to the bathroom leaning heavily on the wall in the hall to make it there.
I pretty much dropped on to the toilet as soon as my pants dropped and began relieving myself. In near darkness with just a small glow echoing down the hall from my room and a dimmer gleam rippling through the frosted glass from the street lamp near the corner I tried to think of the place where my medication might be and how to get to the kitchen to search for it. I already knew it wasn't in the bathroom medicine cabinet, that never contained any actual medicine.
It wasn't till I startled awake that the realization hit me, I was sleeping on the toilet. My next thought was it was a good thing I hadn't stayed standing to go otherwise I might have either made a mess or ended up with my head in the bowl. Rolling myself forward I tried straightening my legs while keeping a grip on the towel rack for an assist and got back to my feet. I didn't even bother with the tail hole as I slowly worked my jeans back on and left the bathroom.
I stayed as close to the wall as possible going down the hall to the living room. From there I kept my hands in front of me traversing across the room making it to the far wall somehow without hitting the coffee table or stumbling to my knees. From there it was a simple path past through the dining room and into the kitchen keeping close to the wall.
Gripping on to the counter under the phone I fumbled open the drawer hoping this was the place the medicine had been returned to and not some where else. Thankfully it was easy to find, even for my fumbling paw, since the bottle was long and had a strange cap. Next I set myself the new task of trying to prying that off. With pill in hand I moved across the kitchen pulling open the fridge only to almost fall back, blasted by the light of the appliance. My head pounded even harder as I tried reaching for the carton of milk the only thing I seemed to be able to focus on since the rest of the fridge seemed blurry.
After pushing the pill past my lips and taking several large chugs I tried to swallow the rather large tablet making sure it didn't stick in my throat. Remembering all the warnings I had each time I took a pill, my hand groped across the shelf after replacing the milk until I found tinfoil and claimed a left over hot dog from days before. I don't really remember eating only that I closed the door and stumbled in the new darkness back across the kitchen. By the time I reached the doorway again there suddenly seemed to be a contest between my stomach and my head. Both call out for attention and both very upset.
With several swallows I was trying to force down bile that was rising while I leaned over the counter fighting the only battle I hoped I could win. With several more swallows I let my body lean across the counter until my head was actually resting on the cold metal of the stove top and with what little concentration I had tried to keep the hot dog, milk, and pill mix inside while my stomach considered eject it.
I startled back awake to the new pain in my knee having just jabbed it into the side of the counter everything was still dark and everything still seemed to be pounding but at least I no longer felt like I was going to lose what was in my stomach. I was still a little queasy when I stood but within a few seconds after starting back to my room I felt a little better. The only other incident was bumping hard into the side of he couch as I tried crossing the living room. Finally back to the dim light of my room I used the red glow of 5:39 to guide me back to bed.
I literally crawled back onto the mattress flopping down and trying to pull the covers back up. I thought I would be asleep in seconds but I ended up spending a great deal of time with my head pressed in to the pillow trying hard to ignore the pounding of my head. Never before had it been quite this bad and it felt like laying there as quietly and silently as possible wasn't helping one bit in fact more of my body seemed to protest and ache as I rolled to my side.
I tried my best to ignore the constant shaking and voices in my ear that seemed to be calling my name. They failed, but when the words Mom and hospital finally registered I made the attempt to wake up. I tried rolling over only to find something preventing my mid turn with a heavy pressure on my back and butt.
"Other way unless your interested in laying on the floor." Dad my brain told me. "We'll skip the shower but change your cloths and get down to breakfast." With that the pressure was gone and in a moment of vertigo I was sure that the floor was my next stop. Arms wrapped around me adjusting me pulling and turning till I was sitting at the edge of the bed. "Come on we need to get going. I'm not gonna allow you to just lay in bed today even if you're not going to school." He told me crossing the room. I could hear the light click from the desk lamp which seemed to reignite the pain and pounding of my head.
I wasn't sure if I laid back or flopped back onto the bed either way I could feel the heavy shake which brought forth a loud groan and my dad spoke loudly. "Ben UP Now!"
"Can't hurts." My mumble wasn't much but thankfully he was listening.
"What? What hurts."
"Migraine." I got out fingers felling over the indentation on my stomach where my pants button had been resting trying to find the stupid thing so I could get them off. I felt hot, really hot and I wanted them off. Half rolling I was able to yank on the back clasp that my tail was tucked against and it popped undone. After several moments of struggling I finally freed enough of myself to push the jeans towards my knees. There was a strong tug yanking them out of my hands sending them to the floor.
I was able to take a moment and think past the pounding in my head. I wasn't that hard in fact I realized the headache was much less than I expected and everything else ached instead, it was like my body was throbbing instead of my head. I felt hands moving me again to a sitting position then my own paw opened and something placed inside.
"Take it!" the order was given to me. As I lifted the pill to my mouth my other hand had a cold glass pressed into it and after a few seconds was able to make my fingers grasp the glass and hold on. Taking several swallows felt refreshing and suddenly my hand tilted and I was guzzling down the rest of the cold water savoring the chill it brought as it went down my throat. It was enough to help me pry my eyes all the way open and look at my father blinking several time to adjust to being awake.
"Alright you can stay home. I'll call later." He helped me back into bed after pealing the shirt over my head and it wasn't more than a minute later that I drifted back off feeling my fathers claws scritching the top of my head.
I was awakened again to shaking and this time a concerned sounding voice. The voice got louder and higher as the shaking became somewhat more violent making me feel like throwing up. "Stop. uuunh"
"Ben, Ben are you okay? You didn't wake up, and your hot and your fur is soaked... BEN?" Again there were hand gripping me trying to help me into a sitting position. That only seemed to make it worse I leaned forward feeling my stomach rise and fell straight off the bed. Pain jarred my wrist as I landed with my face in the carpet and crumpled with my ass sticking up in the air. With a choke I started to heave feeling my guts clench, but nothing came out but a strong acid taste. Gasping for breath between the contractions I felt like I would pass out from lack of air as my gut continued to squeeze for what felt like minutes before it relaxed.
I was unable to process anything but the shaking of my body, the pounding in my head, and the heat which seemed to be slowly cooking me. I knelt there trying to gather my breath and myself although I still wasn't really able to understand what was being said over me just that there was a paw that was rubbing up and down my back. I slowly moved from my elbows to my paws pulling the one that hurt more off the floor as I finally could hear what was being said.
"Ben I can't stay. I'm going to be in trouble for being late if I don't leave now." It took two tries but I was able to get upright on my knees I finally confirmed that it was Shelly who was again in my room. "Izz okaayh." Was what I blurted out.
"NO no it's not okay! I can't leave you like this." I could really hear the worry in her voice now not just concern.
"Dad." I mumbled out.
"He's gone. His truck is here but he isn't." She interrupted.
"Mom's car." I muttered. It was all strange I couldn't stop shaking and shivering even though I had leaned back into the bed for support. All I could really feel beyond that was the dampness of my fur against my back and other places where fur felt dirty and icky and how I was suddenly feeling cold even though it still felt so hot.
"Listen Dad's gonna freak when he finds out that I was here especially with you like this." I didn't understand what she meant exactly my only thought was that she was in the house with me alone and that was not something either of my parents would be happy with.
Dad might be a little upset but he wouldn't freak, "Wait... Dad phone." It was the only thing that seemed to make sense to me at the moment.
"What?" She asked puzzled.
"Dad, he's gonna call." I gave the answer. It was something I came to quickly regret as I was dragged upright with several hard yanks from Shelly. Even upright I could hardly stand still wobbling and shaking as she held me close. I wasn't sure what she was planning but I tried keeping my paws under me as she guided me out of my room. I concentrated entirely on my feet trying to keep them moving feeling my stomach begin to protest again as we waded through the house.
I guess I wasn't expecting the fact that I was now laying over the counter in the kitchen again, this time with my face actually on the grill over the gas burner. Somehow the counter and I seemed to be becoming close partners. I was to weak to try to move and barely aware to really care anyway. The one thing I did feel was the cool metal when I tilted my head slightly allowing the back of my cheek to rest against the cool, smooth surface. I was still shaking and now it seemed hanging tongue, panting as I heard wood scraping across the floor behind me.
I think it was finally about this time that I realized this wasn't a migraine something was wrong. I was sick, hot, ached, and could barely move. Suddenly my body was shaking more violently now as I tried struggling up. Images of my mother flopping on the floor quickly resurfaced and fear gripped me thinking that I was moments away from being the next to fall victim to what ever was happening. In the middle of nearly working myself into another fit of terror I was yanked back and landed heavily in one of the solid wood chairs that sat in front of the small kitchen table where we usually ate.
"I'm sorry Ben but it's already past four. I am already in trouble especially if Dad is home now. I'm sorry really." I heard her voice and was trying to answer but by the time I uttered 'Wait' and looked up the kitchen was empty. 'What was I supposed to do now?'
I wondered as I gave a glazed glance over the room failing to figure out why I was here. I couldn't reach the table, fridge, sink or stove from here. In fact the only thing was the counter which had the drawer and the phone over it. Whether it was the thought of the phone or some sort of sub conscious inspiration I found myself a few moments later trying to keep a hold of the receiver in my hands. Several times I think I blacked out and remember being startled or maybe awakened by the loud voice or what followed. "The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Please hang up and try your call again. EHH...EHH...EHH...EHH...EHH"
"Hello is someone there?" It was only a soft voice but it seemed loud and it jolted me to alertness again and made me drop the phone. It slid down my leg and off the chair before swinging back and slapping the painful part of my lower leg. Carefully gripping the cord I reeled in the receiver and gripped it tight moving it to my ear.
"Hello." I breathed into the lower circle hearing my faint voice reach my ear.
"This is Blue Shore Fire, do you need assistance." The voice was female and seemed very annoyed or seriously irritated. "Who?" I knew I had asked that I don't know why maybe I just couldn't stay coherent any longer and confused tried to listen again.
"Who is this?" The voice demanded. "Ben." That was at least automatic. "Ben WHO?" I squeezed my eyes shut flinching from the suddenly louder word. "Kalson."
"Listen Ben Kalson you just can't go calling the Fire Department for fun. We have..." I had tuned out or maybe passed out the phone slipping from my hand dropping to my chest where it stopped while my hand fell to the side of the chair.
"Ben. BEN. BEN!" My name was being called loud enough to make me open my eyes. The phone was calling me and sudden short flashes of the day before played in my head as the new voice registered as being the same one from yesterday, continuing to call my name. Glancing across the kitchen I think I still expected to see her there body prone and slightly twitching.
"BEN!!" the shout came out crackling out of the ear piece causing my arm to move back up.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Ben are you okay?!" Yesterdays voice was now full of concern that came out clear over the line.
"Hot so hot." I mumbled out. The voice and words kept coming only this time I couldn't find the will or effort to listen. "So hot." came out again and I couldn't say what really happened next.
###
I of course know much of what happened from later but at the time it was like being wrapped in a fog a super hot wet fog blanket. Everything was blurry when my eyes opened, every voice seemed like it was spoke through a long tube stuffed with a rag. There were so many things going on but I wasn't participating.
When I finally did wake up again I was unsure where I was or what had happened. I was weak that I knew, it took a great deal of effort just to make my hand move and push the sheet off. There was something else a sort of heavy cloth or towel that that was also tucked in around me that started under my armpits and ended at my crotch.
I didn't have the strength to pull it off heck I barely could pull myself into a sitting position forcing myself up with both arms with several grunts and a gasp as my body tried to obey. It was a moment before I could look around body still aching slightly but compared to before it seemed like a simple bruise. To my right was a full white wavy wall which somehow seemed to glow not reflect the light. While staring my ears dropped the low rumble to pick out a steady beep and quiet voices that echoed from a television that I zeroed in on above my head and across the room.
"Ahh good you're awake." Turning to the voice the figure was already retreating out the door that was behind the white curtain that was to my right.
It still took a few minutes but I finally realized the hospital setting. A long white curtain across the right side hiding the other part of the room and to my left was a wall with a heavy curtain that was nearly closed and was blocking what could have been strong morning or afternoon light. There were several metal chairs against the wall along with cabinets and shelves that took up the rest of the space.
A shadow in the doorway had me looking over before I was blasted with florescent brilliance. Pressing my eyelids closed I flopped backwards with an arm to cover my face. The knowledge that I still had a fairly good headache became apparent by the background throb. Landing back on the bed had also let me know there were other parts of my body that wanted to protest what we had been through.
"Feeling better today Ben?" A male questioned.
"No." was my answer.
"Well since your able to sit up and talk I'd say that is a huge improvement." I tried paying more attention and answered the few question I could about what I could remember. They told me I had been sick and fevered with a temperature running so hot that they had to put me in an ice bath on arrival. Topping out at nearly 108* I had spent the night and next day unconscious and it was now Saturday morning. "Well, I think we can keep you another day, build up your fluids before we send you home. So just relax watch some television and keep drinking."
For the next few hours I dozed, watched T.V., and sipped water before I had the total shock of suddenly remembering my mother. Pressing the call button repeatedly and waiting what seemed like days I barraged the nurse the moment I saw a shadow. "Mom, where's my mom? How is she? Is she sick too? Can I see her?"
I probably would have continued pestering her if it wasn't for a slight head shake she gave. Now I was sure I didn't want her to answer just from that little look. "I'll get the doctor. It will be a few minutes."
I kept assuming the worst of course sitting there T.V. droning some western movie thing as I wrapped my arms around myself and tried not to cry. When the doctor did show I was crying, not much just the sniffling tear leaking. The nurse having come in first was quickly around the bed and rubbing my back and shoulder. "Hey what's wrong?" Not looking up I just shook my head.
"Ben? Listen your mom's alright for now. She gave us all a good scare just like you did but for the moment she is just fine." For some reason hearing the doctor say that didn't seem to make it much better.
"Can I.. *erk * see her?" I asked clearing my throat so I could be heard.
"That isn't a very good idea right now." Was the reply. "WHY?"
"Well you shouldn't be out of bed yet and your mom certainly does not need to see you like this." I looked over staring at him trying to make sense of what he said while he continued. "You were seriously ill, you mother was upset enough by that news that you ended up in the hospital and she needs her rest. And so do you. Tomorrow if she is feeling well before you leave you can have a visit, a short one. You need a lot of rest to get you strength back up, slow and easy, otherwise you might end up sick again."
"Is she sick?" I finally asked the question.
"She has several medical problems we are addressing at the moment and no I'm not going to tell you what they are right now. You need to rest not worry just like your mother." The conversation was ended not because of that but instead Shelly had entered the room at that moment.
I stared at her while she stared at me. She was dressed in her normal school clothes which today were a light yellow blouse and a cream skirt. Shelly had told me she didn't like any kind of pants because the always seemed to pull and catch on her fluffy fur which seem to poof out. I knew she canine, or mainly canine, but unlike her father she didn't have his sleek black and brown coat although she did have the same long tail and some golden fur along with black and brown. Shelly stopped our small staring contest by walking over to the bed and gently taking my muzzle and with a handkerchief pulled from somewhere wiped up what was left of the tear tracks on my cheek.
"Doctor." The gruff grunt at the door told me that Mr. Thaner was the one that brought Shelly.
"I was really worried they wouldn't let you have any visitors yesterday." She told me.
"And today's should be short as well I want him to keep resting and drinking." With that both the doctor and nurse left leaving me with Shelly and her father.
"They said it could have been really bad. I'm so glad your okay." She leaned in a little closer and whispered. "I am sorry I left."
"So did you hear anything, can you tell me what's wrong?" I asked her as she moved around the bed to sit in one of the chairs.
"Well you had a really high..." "NO! No." I interrupted her. "About mom, did they tell you anything about my mom." Shelly shook her head and as I looked over to Mr. Thaner, he shook his head as well. "Please, could you ask?" I kept looking at him. With a grunt he walked into the doorway and began looking down the hall.
I was more than surprised, shocked really as Shelly quickly slipped to the bed dipping down to kiss my cheek and lick my muzzle tip before slipping backwards and sitting down. "So when do you get to go home?" She asked as she pulled the chair closer.
"To..*gulp * Tomorrow, he said I could go home tomorrow." I tried to keep my voice steady
"Well I got your school work from your teachers. There was a math test or something you have to retake but tomorrow is Sunday so I could try to help you." She told me reaching out an arm to place her paw just on my wrist.
"He probably doesn't need your help Shelly. Besides your a tier lower you won't likely be able to help." With that Mr. Thaner stepped out into the hall and began speaking with someone.
I looked back at Shelly to see a fake smile on her face as her eyes watered and she looked close to crying with a sniff that only confirmed it. "What's wrong?"
"I shouldn't have left. I should have called the police or something. Dad wasn't even home and I got all my homework done quick and then he was home and the ambulance showed up again and, and I tried to go over but Dad wouldn't let me." She got the story out with her voice slowly climbing octaves and turning more towards a squeaking rush. Mr. Thaner and the nurse had rushed back in with the noise but as I sat up and tried to reach my arms out he pulled Shelly back into and embrace.
"It's okay honey. Everything turned out fine." He said rocking her gently back and forth.
"I'm sorry but you both will have to leave now." The nurse spoke crisply.
"Wait! Shelly?"
"I'm sorry." She said sniffing, "They had you in an ambulance and your dad was there yelling." She had gained more control of her voice and tears. "I thought maybe.. that I wasn't gonna see you again."
"It's alright Shelly." Her father spoke again keeping her in a tight hug as he glared at me. I wasn't sure what he was trying to convey but he simply announced. "We'll go." and turned Shelly guiding her towards the door. "Tomorrow." was the last thing I heard him utter to me, or to some comment Shelly had made I wasn't sure. The nurse refilled my tumbler with more water and almost forcibly helped me to lay back down before she left.
I spent the rest of the day as before, dozing and half watching the television getting the nurse to flip channels every once in a while. My father stopped in for a while in the evening promising I could see mom tomorrow before he took me home. The only other information he gave me was that mom was not sick like I was but had a rather complicated problem that we could talk about later. The rest of the evening and night was uncomfortable and nearly unbearable. With little room to toss and turn like I normally do on my larger bed I was stuck trying to sleep or watching muted old black and white shows. It wasn't until after breakfast that my body finally crashed and I slept through the morning and into the afternoon.
With lunch served rather late I only ended up waiting an hour before my father arrived. I was forced to sit in a wheel chair which I soon realized was an necessity. I had been allowed out a bed a few times to use the restroom but after letting me push the chair to the end of the hall and wait for the elevator I was feeling weak and wobbly even after sitting down to ride up one floor. My father pushed me the rest of the way, down a side hall and into the next wing of the hospital.
I had no clue what to expect when I finally saw Mom. My imagination had though up several possibilities like a dim room with lots of beeps or her laying there with tubes and wires connected always seeming like a few steps in front of death. The room instead was wide and spacious single bed room. Several sets and various bouquets of flowers sat on a long table under a wide triple sectioned window one end which was opened letting in a light breeze and a great deal of light as well. My mother was leaning back but still half vertical thanks to the bed that kept her up, and smiling! It had been a long time since I had truly seen her smile at me. I had to blink back tears that blurred the fact she was a little shabby and her eyes seemed red and puffy and she had a drawn tired look as well.
But for the most part she looked to me like she had just gotten over being sick like I was. Just resting in bed regaining her health. Remembering what the doctor had said the day before I stood to make sure she could see I was better too as I walked the few feet to the bed. She had a hand out as I approached and helped to draw me forward into a hug. I did start to cry a little but so did she which I'm sure made it fine. I rocked us back and forth and she gave me a rough rumble resembling a purr.
We all talked for several minutes about the few small things she expected from me. Back in school by Wednesday, which the doctor was agreeable to as long as I took it easy, and how I would be allowed to cook hot dogs or mac and cheese for myself for dinner if dad wasn't home. I tried asking how long it would be before she was back home but the only answer I got was there was still a few last tests to be done before they were sure, but not to worry.
I was all ready to try and press to find out what had happened and fully ready to get what I wanted when she pulled me close and held me tight. She was apologizing to me and telling me she never ever wanted me to be so scared or worried. "There are things kids should never have to see." She told me, "Watching your mom laying on the floor... I'm sorry Ben I really really am." She continued to tell me that more than anything she didn't want to see me hurt. I had been unable to bring up the subject or argument after that and in a few more minutes Dad suggested we leave and let her rest.
It seemed like no time at all before I was leaning against the doorway of my bedroom seeing two textbooks set out on my desk along with a small stack of papers. I would have missed the little butterfly card that said 'Here's your homework' if I hadn't stepped closer to see what exactly would be required. I dropped the card in the top drawer and closed it about the same time my Dad entered with a pitcher and a tall glass.
Groaning I slowly sat down in the chair while he simply said, "Doctors orders. Although you may be in for a treat." Looking into the glass he was filling I could see red not the clear liquid. I reached out and drained the glass in one go. Cool, fruity and only just a touch of sugar. Certainly not as sweet as I would have made it but way better than the glass after glass of water I have been forced to drink yesterday and today. "Take it easy," he told me, "if you want you can watch television in the living room or relax but I don't want you going outside." He refilled the glass and set the pitcher on my desk far enough that it wouldn't endanger any of the papers I had to do. "You don't have to go back until Wednesday, but you do have to finish the week and next two weeks are testing weeks. I was told if you miss any more days you might have to restart the tier." I looked at him shocked there was no way anyone wanted to fail a tier. I was always brought up to believe you either started a specialized school at sixteen or got a job anything less looked really bad later in life. I had plans on a job since I really wasn't sure what kind of career I wanted. "Although," my father stated almost seeming to snicker, "if you really wanted to be in the same tier as Shelly there are easier ways to do it."
"DAD!!" It was a joke that had us both grinning something that felt really good as he reached out and ruffled my ears to my mock frown. I took several more sips of fruit juice before I set the cup down and began really checking on how much work was involved at my desk.
I was half dozing on the couch paying no attention to the T.V. when the front door opened and closed. "Hi Ben." Shelly spoke looking over the back of the couch at me. I checked the clock and realized it was already late afternoon on Monday. "If you want I'll help you out now." She said as she walked past the couch and into the dining room setting her bag on the large table. She turned holding a packet of stapled papers that came out of the bag. "Today and tomorrows."
I went and got the books from my room figuring now was a good time. I had done some, well mostly the easiest parts I could find but if I didn't get working I'd be spending all day tomorrow bent over a table. I worked on my homework for nearly two hours while Shelly pulled out a few papers and work on hers. I knew she was already finish and had gotten us both something to drink and was busy flipping through a book just to keep me company when I finally closed my book and pushed my chair back. "Enough for now."
Shelly packed up quick while I piled everything between the two textbooks and headed back to my room with her following. "You got the card?" She asked behind me as I dropped everything on the desk. I carefully pulled the open the drawer and flashed it to her before she started wandering around my room and I moved to the bed.
"Is there anything you really like, planes?" She had noticed the two small fighter jets on the top of my dresser.
"Not really those are from my uncle he is into jets but only gets to work on older planes." As I spoke Shelly had moved around and sat next to me. We talked for a while before she got back around to trying to apologize again.
"I didn't want to leave you here but I couldn't let my dad know I was here. Especially since you were in bed and ummm..." She looked at me blushing before glancing down a my crotch for a second then back up.
"What!? I had my shorts on." I had several pairs of shorts which I felt most comfortable sleeping in.
"You didn't have shorts on." She spoke quietly.
"I what...?" Now it was my turn to blush looking down at myself trying to bring back a foggy memory of what happened. "I threw up." I stated staring at the carpet between my feet. "What was..." I couldn't remember nor could I really state the question.
"Underwear." She answered. My blush deepened, I was in my underwear, she had led me through my house in underwear. Oh crap all the ambulance people and fire people and even neighbors all saw me in underwear.
"Were they.. Umm which ones?" I asked fearing the worst I still had a few, well kiddie ones that barely fit but I was still kinda attached to.
"They were cute," those words were a shock until she added, "a cute white pair." I guess my shock was still pretty evident with me just staring at her but that didn't seem to stop her from leaning forward and kissing me on the muzzle. Caught and unsure what to do we stayed there nearly pressing our lips to each other leaving only a fraction of space between us. Pulling back slightly she slid out her long tongue and licked me over the nose before I leaned in a little and did the same. She licked me, I licked her and we stopped to stare at each other again. I was so close I could see this little strand of hair that was sticking out and a second that seemed to be laying next to it. Both little black hairs seemed out of place on her short blondish fur and both were likely mine. With a paw I gently reached up and picked both pieces of the top of her muzzle causing her to start giggling as I flicked them away.
A louder than normal bang from the front of the house startled us both. We both turned away slightly but stayed sitting on the bed. I didn't want to leave to find out who it was but that was answered less than a minute later when my bedroom door was shoved open hitting the wall hard.
"What do you two think you're doing!?" Mr. Thaner demanded standing there and growling at the two of us.
"I told you I was going to come over and help him with his homework." Shelly tried keep a steady voice under the low rumble that came from the doorway.
"In His BED!!" Both of us had jumped upright with that, she moving quickly away while I faced off against the door more than ready for an unfair argument.
"We were just talking." I said not wanting anything of the past few moments known especially by him.
"I was only sitting here." Shelly followed.
"And you think that's Okay!!" Mr. Thaner was definitely working in to a full throated growl as he stared down at me.
"Mark that is enough." My father spoke from the hall behind him giving his shoulder a firm shove and walking the two of them out of the doorway and into the room. "If you two were doing homework Ben where is it?" I pointed to the desk where I had left the pile.
"Did you even start?" The more gruff voice demanded.
"YES I DID!!" I was quickly felling like I was facing my mother again raising my voice only this time I was getting very pissed and not feeling the need to sheathe my claws. "I did more than a third of that and Shelly finished all of hers." I continued to speak in a very loud voice.
"Ben that is enough, and Mark that is enough as well." Always the mediator my father with a simple voice that seemed to calm me and my mother down enough to listen. He always go the last words in no matter the argument. I had tried arguing with him a few times but it was always pointless he never raised his voice or seemed to anger. "Alright ground rules now."
"What?" I asked surprised
"Ben she is not allowed in you room unless and adult is in the house and your door will be open." He started.
"It wasn't closed." I half mumbled out.
"All the way Ben. Second, if no adult is home no one I don't care if its Shelly, Matt, John, I don't care who it is they stay in the living, dining, or kitchen. The same would apply to Shelly's house. I expect you in the front room or kitchen only."
"He'd better not be in my house unless I'm there!" Mark growled interrupting. "As for you missy don't think your coming back over!"
"DAD!" She shouted in protest.
"Oh yes Mark why don't we give them a reason to defy us, THAT will work out oh so well." I think that might have been the first time I truly heard a near mocking tone come from my father as the two men glared at each other. My father continued with just a little smile, "Maybe your right. Maybe I would understand if I had a daughter. But I do trust Ben and I trust you daughter although I would be surprised if she didn't end up hating you in some way for trying to stop their friendship."
We all stood for a moment staring at one another trying to gauge each other. I was still pretty upset but I knew when to keep my mouth shut, especially when Dad was on my side. "Well I think we should think about this but later," My father spoke, "could all of you please go to the living room. I did want you all here so I could tell you some things." We all moved out into the living room Mark guiding his daughter to the large couch while I skirted to the side slipping into the recliner.
"Shelly can you move over a bit. Mark please don't argue at this moment, Ben move and sit next to Shelly." Surprised I slowly stood up and moved to the couch as Shelly bounced to the middle and closer to her father leaving space for me at the end.
"Allen!" Mr Thaner growled slightly.
"You will understand in a few minutes but right now more than a father I believe he need a good and understanding friend." There was something wrong with how he said that or maybe it was what he said but as I sat down and looked at Shelly her face seemed as worried as I felt. My concern only grew as I looked over her shoulder and saw the blank stare of her father who normally would be still growling slightly wanting to separate us.
"Ben you know the times your mom locked herself in her room? Do you know why?" He asked the question that had a simple answer in my mind.
"Because she was to angry to face me." We almost always finished are larger arguments with one of us locking ourselves in a bedroom or a few times storming out of the house, not that I could do more than just sethe out in the back yard.
"No, you should know that isn't true. Ben I need you to listen to all I'm going to say." He took the ottoman propped against he wall and slid it in front of the couch and sat down while Shelly had placed her paw on my lower arm. "Your mom loves you a great deal just like I do. But, there are times when your in pain, you will lash out at anyone including someone you love. You want them to hurt so your not in pain alone." I was trying to figure the connections between mom and pain? and how, what kind? When?
"But sometimes she kept yelling in her room she always said we needed space to separate and to cool off." It just didn't make sense. Mom and I just couldn't seem to agree most of the time or maybe it was we couldn't allow a small disagreement to go unnoticed. Besides we had been going on for years now true we didn't fight every day but there were times when my throat felt raw and days when I avoided her because I didn't want to keep yelling. I realized several seconds had passed and I looked back to my father to explain.
"Been it's been a little over two years, do you remember before Julie's wedding she was complaining about the gray spot of hair on her back arm?" He asked.
"Kinda." Actually I did remember how she was ready to rip the brides maid dress apart because the sleeve ended just before the spot. Julie was aunt Lisa's eldest daughter and although Mom and Lisa didn't get along my cousin had begged my mother to be part of the wedding. Together Julie and my mother had nearly planned out the whole wedding leaving Lisa out of everything but the ceremony. That I think, was when I learned that if you could yell and scream at your sister, then why not your parents.
"We went to the doctor." Dad's voice knocked me out of the past. "We found out it was a type of cancer." I'm glad he didn't let the silence last to long leaving that word hanging in the room seem like dark shadows had stepping in during the silence. "The problem was not that spot really which she had removed but.. well she had lots of cancer in her body and it had spread around. The doctors gave her an option to aggressively fight, they were talking multiple surgeries and several treatment including Kemo." Shelly had grabbed my hand at some point and was squeezing so hard it was almost making it hard to keep listening until it seemed like a kinda click went off and all I could do was listen, frozen unmoving and ears open. "There was no real hope, she knew that, she might gain some time but in her words, 'Mutilated, drugged, and sick' was not a choice she would ever choose. She quit working and stayed home. She wanted what time she had to be with her family and had every one who knew swear to not tell you."
I waited for him to continue surly there was more there, he said choice what was the other choice what did mom do? "And?" I barely got that choked out. I could feel Shelly shift suddenly letting go of my hand in exchange for using both paws to grip my arm pulling me closer and leaning in.
"She waned you to grow up without ever having to worry for her. She tried so hard to not fight with you, all she wanted was to be a happy family for you, to keep you safe. All those times in her room were mostly spent in a lot of pain on her bed screaming at pillows or crying on them till they were soaked." Shelly was trying to hug me now as Dad spoke, she had I guess already figured it all out but I was still working towards what all this might mean. I had a few thoughts, images of my mother laying on her bed screaming when my Dad continued, "Now she has reached the end of her fight her body can't keep up and several organs have been invaded with cancer. They won't say how long she has, but it's soon."
Shelly had her head pressed against my shoulder and I could suddenly sense a warm wet spot, she must be crying. I wasn't crying, I wasn't even sure what to feel or if I was feeling anything besides a sorta numb, no not numb just simple not feeling feeling. I had moved my arm up and around her and was struck by the fact that I felt I was consoling her not the other way around and maybe I was. She already knew what it was like to be without a mother and I only really knew what it was like to have a, pardon the word, a bitch for a mother.
All that being said it was then I came to the realization it wasn't me she had been angry with all the time, well maybe sometimes it was me but Dad said she was hurting. My mind turned a little further still not really accepting that fact. Maybe she was angry with me for not knowing or maybe I really was on the path to being a hellion teen that she had recently accused me of, it could still be my fault.
I thought back to our last few fights pants, being very late, music that was to loud. That was the one I had ended with slamming the door and turning the radio up louder. She pounded on the door and of course I turned it up louder actually making my own ears hurt. I never had expected her to go the the back pantry and flick the breakers cutting the power then locking the pantry. I had screamed louder than my radio even called her a bitch and avoided a paw swipe and fled back to my room locking the door. Thinking back again I do remember her crying when I snuck down the hall to try and listen after dad came home. When my Dad finally came to my room to talk later I remember feeling satisfied and happy that she was so upset even though he announced my punishment of being grounded for the weekend and confiscated the radio.
We really do like to lash out and hurt those we feel had hurt us or even just to be able to cause pain to another so we don't hurt alone. I pulled Shelly closer and laid my head on top of hers. Although my vision did blur a little I didn't cry. More and more though I was growing with an awful and icky feeling inside trying to push back all the memories of us shouting and arguing with each other. I heard the phone ring and looked up but Dad was already on his feet and moving, "I got it."
Looking over the pink side of Shelly's flipped ear I could see her father staring at his hands as they clenched and unclenched trying to grab at something that wasn't there. When I looked up I noticed his eyes were closed and realized he was lost in some memory likely of Mrs. Thaner. I didn't really know much about Shelly's mom the only memories I had of her were at Halloween time. She had all the streets kids over each year to make their own special candy apple which she then gave out on Halloween night.
It was the hand on my knee that grabbed me back to the present. "Ben that was the hospital... she, she passed."
"But we just, she was okay." I couldn't say any more how could I.
"She started slipping as soon as we left on Sunday. They moved her to critical care this morning when I stopped by they wouldn't let me see her right then. I thought about staying but I felt here was a better place for me to be." There were some tears now that leaked past my eyes but that didn't stop me from seeing Mr. Thaner rise and walk slowly around the couch. I turned to watch as he walked out the front door closing it softly behind him with a quiet click. I guess all three of us had been watching the closed door for a moment but when Shelly turned back she kissed me on the cheek and hugged me again pulling close.
I sorta felt like following him. I mean out there was better than in here wasn't it. But then I wouldn't have anything to do out there either. Dad gave my knee a shake and walked back into the kitchen. It took a moment before I could hear him talking on the phone with someone else. "I.. umm *sniff * I will be right back *sniff *" Shelly spoke as she peeled her arms off me and stood up heading to the hall and the bathroom.
I was sitting there trying to figure out why I was alone and how to change that. I didn't want to be left alone. I got up and went to the kitchen, Dad was sitting on one of the chairs with the phone resting on his knee. Several papers and two notebooks and mom's address book were sitting on the counter. "Get a drink please." He spoke pointing to the table where a pitcher sat. "Then head back out and watch some T.V. or something. I have a lot of work to do and it's going to take a while but when I'm done we can talk more." By the time I had a glass and filled it he had already dialed a number and began talking. "Yes.... Hey Jace I need to talk with Lisa now. Well no it's not a matter of life and death, just death now get her on the phone." I walked back out not liking the words nor the rather nasty tone in my fathers voice as I took several sips of warm orange cool aide. Besides I could sense he wanted me gone when he was talking with aunt Lisa.
Walking back through the house I paused at the bathroom door trying to listen inside. Not hearing anything I kept on to my room and flopped heavily into the middle of my bed after setting the glass on the desk. Pulling a pillow to me I laid there and waited, there was nothing for me to really do and nothing I wanted to do.
The front door closed loud enough for me to hear and a moment later my father was at my doorway. "Three or four more calls and I'll be back. Shelly went to take her backpack home and to check on her father. Moving to my knees I moved forward and pressed my cheek to the window looking out at the back porch of Shelly house. It was foolish I knew she would use the front door it was only when we came home from school and her father wasn't home that she had to use the back door.
I had flopped back and laid sideways on the bed till my father finally returned nearly an hour later.
He moved to the desk and pulled the chair out and moving to sit at the foot of the bed. "Do you want to talk?"
"About what?" I mumbled.
"Anything or everything." After several minutes of silence he stood up and reach out over the bed grabbing my arm and dragging me across the blankets. He switched to grab under my arms and pulled me upright before sitting back down and dragging me the rest of the way into his lap where he hugged me. I hadn't moved or resisted as he handled me glad just to not be alone but suddenly again I had the feeling that I was the one consoling not the one being consoled. "Is there anything you want to do?" He asked the back of my head.
I thought for a moment, "Can we go see mom?" I could feel him jerk before he returned to a tighter hug.
"She didn't want you to, she asked me not to let you see her once she passed."
I struggled trying to turn but with my legs still on the bed I was no match for my fathers strong arms. "What does it matter? I just want to see her."
"Ben it was one of her last requests when she went into the hospital. She also told me she didn't want you coming back to the hospital once you left yesterday especially with all the effort she made to look better just to be able to see you. It was her way of saying goodbye." He told me and I knew that would be just how she wanted it looking good at the end even if it was faked.
"But I didn't say goodbye." I tried to argue.
"You can at the service, everyone should be there and you can say goodbye then." He had released me enough so that I could turn and slip my legs off the bed and sit straight in his lap.
"So I can see her?" I asked sensing something that he was trying to evade. "No." He said quietly
"No?"
"Ben it will be a memorial service not a real funeral, she made plans. Her body is going to be cremated and the ashes are going to be scattered at sea.” He stated.
That came as a total shock, like if she had suddenly come home dyed blue and saying it was the perfect color. She wanted to be burned? Struggling and using my legs I tried to get away. He gripped tighter standing up and lifting me slightly off the floor before he set me down and turned me around. "Then I should be able to go see her! I'll go to the hospital, walk, take a bus whatever, you won't stop me!"
"She's not at the hospital or likely won't be by the time you get there." He said quietly.
"Then WHERE?" A simple head shake was all I got for and answer. "Dad, please..." With patients that both mom and I had taught him the past few years he kept control while I started to fume. When he took a step towards me I took two steps back.
"Okay." He said still speaking in that quiet tone as he grabbed the chair and moved it back to the desk and sat down. "Is there anything else you want to or would like to do?"
With that I had lost. Being angry with him was about as useful as being angry with the sun and yelling at him worked as well as trying to make yourself heard over a 280z at full throttle. I don't even think a swipe across his face with my paw would have brought much more than a disappointed frown. With little else to do I sat down on the bed. "No."
"Ben I'm sorry but it's one of the last things I'll ever be able to do for her. I know its tough, unfair, and it sucks." I had to look up since he rarely ever spoke harshly. "But it is what she wanted so I want you to simply accept it. You fought with her so often just let her have this one. We both know she's vain at times and so does she. She just doesn't want anyone to see her." Suddenly burned made so much sense. She would want her body burned so that the only thing left would be pictures where she would always look her best. And the fact my father used this as a reason to let her have the last win of an argument was a hard point to even defend.
I felt drained as I nodded letting go of any hope of saying goodbye to a physical form. I watched as Dad walked out and still not really wanting to be alone I followed him into the living room where he was turning on the television. I flopped onto the couch laying down but before he could sit down the phone rang again taking him from the room. The volume wasn't up very loud but enough so that I really couldn't understand what was being said from the kitchen but I was sure he wouldn't want me in there again.
The door opened a few minutes later and a rather rough hand patted me on the shoulder as Mr. Thaner walked over and sat in the recliner. I heard someone else moving behind the couch and dropping something heavy onto the dining room table. A moment later Shelly walked in and prodded my leg trying to get me to move and make room. I didn't so she just sat on my feet making me grunt.
She wiggled around and I tried to ignore her as her father stood up and flipped a few channels before turning up the volume slightly. "Ben... Ben." I didn't answer her but I did feel her stand up and "OOHHFF" Her whole body landed on my back as she laid on top working her arms around and hugging me while pressing her muzzle against my neck.
"Shelly" I heard Mr. Thaner grunt but he made no more to stop her nor did he speak again as she wormed her hands under me till she finally achieved a full hug and squeezed me tightly.
"Ben? ... Come on.. Please say something." "What" was my reply muffled by the couch cushions. "We brought some dinner over will you eat with us?" "Now?"
"Now is as a good a time as any." I heard my father say as he came back into the room, "What's for dinner?"
"Well I had made a kinda spaghetti and noodle casserole, it was warming in the oven.” Mr Thaner answered.
"I think we have some bread." My father spoke moving back off into the kitchen.
Neither Shell nor I had moved yet, I knew she was waiting for me to actually say something but in reality there was nothing that wanted to come out. I had no clue what I could or should be saying after all she had already lost her mother while I was still trying to figure out what that meant. With a clink of plates and silverware our parents set the table and served out portions. "Ready?" I finally heard her ask.
"Ya." I said turning my head out. I wiggled a little back and forth making it easier for her to pull her hands out and get up.
It was the first time in a while the long dinning table was used. Since it had ten seats we rarely ever used it since we could easily fit up to five people at the kitchen table. The first couple of bites passed before I really began to taste the rather pleasant flavor and felt my stomach suddenly appreciate the fact something had been placed inside. I hadn't eaten anything since late that morning and the weird mutant lasanga had a great deal of appeal right then. There were heavy layers of cheese baked with a few different kinds of noodles and a rich sauce thick with meat but added in were strips of carrots and potatoes along with corn and what I though were some kind of peas.
The meal was finished quickly because everyone was concentrating on eating and not speaking. I took my dishes to the sink and rinsed them off setting them on the side counter to be washed in the morning. We all eventually ended up back in the living room watching what ever was on the television. It was more to fill up time than to actually enjoy what was on. I know I was just hoping bedtime would come soon and I could maybe sleep. Twice my Dad had gotten up an served me a glass of water and when I had excused myself to go to the bathroom Mr. Thaner had decided it was time to head home. I was allowed to give Shelly a hug before they left and found myself sitting back on the couch leaning back with my eyes closed.
"Ben." My father said a few moments later, 'mmmmm' I answered. "You should go to bed, see if you can sleep. You may not be able to but you should try. Just stay in bed till morning if you can't sleep." I didn't reply. I just kept sitting there while a pop went off signaling he had shut off the T.V. "Is there anything you want? Or anything you want for tomorrow? Uncle Albert should be here with your cousins by lunch and they will be spending the next few days here." That had my head up and looking across the room at him. My room invaded on top of everything else.
Albert, his wife, and my three cousins would mean John would at least likely end up in my room unless some how we got booted out for the two girls who would take possession. "I want my room to myself." He nodded with no argument.
"We'll set up the back den and put up a curtain." Although there were two doors leading off the back of the dining room the one on the right lead outside while the one of the left lead to the addition that had been built in behind the kitchen. There was a door frame but there had never been a door there at least not that I ever remember. Also a den was a rough word since for us it had been more of an extra storage space just a small eight by twelve foot room that held a few bookcases, a broken table, two chairs, and loads of boxes and junk. To be honest it was the one spot in the house besides the garage that my mother allowed to be messy, well had allowed. "We will work something out even if we have to set up a cots in the garage you can have your room. Anything else?"
"What's gonna happen?" I finally asked for the first time really wondering what exactly was going to take place now that she was gone.
"Right now I have a memorial setup with a boat on Thursday morning, about noon we have a meal set for everyone at the Seaside restaurant. I'm not exactly sure who all is coming mostly family, several of your moms friends from a few years back, maybe some of her old co-workers. I'll be on the phone most of tomorrow morning so you'll pretty much be by yourself." I nodded when he paused looking down at the rug.
"Ben there is something you need to decide tomorrow." My head came back up what could I possibly have to make a decision on. "You won't have to go to school Wednesday and likely everyone will still be here on Friday so if you want to spend time with your family I would totally understand but like I told you if you miss more days especially any next week they will not let you advance to the next tier, you will be repeating the third tier again. I will be here to help you out all I can, I have to work a few hours here and there next week but otherwise I will be home... Ben if you want to just end school for this year and start again next term that is a choice and one which I would support." Repeating a tier, its like the ultimate failure especially when you still have to see all your friends in other classes and go through the same lectures over and over. I know I'd get teased bad no matter what had happened.
"Just think about it. Like I said if you want you don't have to go back to school this year." After a moments pause he again added, "Anything else you want?"
"Bacon and eggs." I answered with out even really thinking about it.
I could almost see a small smile as he nodded slowly, "I'll make some when I get up." With that he turned an left the room walking down the hall to his bedroom which was next to mine. It took me a few minutes before I got up and turn the lights out, moving to my room.
I took a seat at the desk rearranging everything till I opened the science book flipping through the pages. The instructions said, pages and notes with class observation, paper due Thursday. I randomly flipped though pages, it was just a waste of time, half the book wasn't even used till the next tier. We were only going over the basic stuff besides with out the class observations how was I supposed to know what we were even studying. I spent nearly and hour looking at pictures, symbols, and concepts I didn't understand. Finally feeling tired I turned out the light changed in to some shorts and crawled into bed. I tossed some, I slept some, but mostly I spent my time thinking about what was going to happen and what Thursday was going to be like.
I spent most of Tuesday morning finishing another chunk of homework and cleaning thing up around the house and washing the dishes. Dad vacuumed in between phone calls and cleaned the rest of the kitchen. He asked me twice before I finally decided to clean the bathrooms which ended with a full shower in the master bedroom. I put on a new shirt and a nice pair of shorts before I returned to the kitchen to find dad working on making several sandwiches. I wasn't really feeling like a sandwich so I went to the freezer and pulled out a frozen pizza I knew was there. Not hearing any objections I put it on the counter and set the oven to preheat. I went back to my room to get my shoes on and comb out my fur for company then picked up my own room taking a basket of laundry with me back to the laundry room which was between the kitchen and the garage along with the pantry.
There was already a cookie sheet on the range top of the oven and when I went to open the box I found that a second frozen pizza had been set on top of the first. I got the pizza in and set the small timer to twenty minutes before I heard my dad calling from the store room. He had moved a pile of boxes and now had the table on its side and it was moved to the center of the room. Two legs were gone and only one had been replaced by a long block of wood. We had kept it against the back wall and had boxed stored under it to keep it from collapsing.
"We're gonna put it outside the back door under the awning." Gripping one side I tried following my fathers instructions while we grunted and occasionally dropped the table but in the end we were able to maneuver it outside and several feet away from the back door leaving it resting against the wall. After that we had the chore of moving several boxes stacking them under the table before the egg timer dinged. As I searched for the cooling rack while Dad donned a pair of oven gloves and slowly pulled the cookie sheet out. While he moved the hot pizza to the rack I ripped open the second box and in just a few seconds we had the second pizza in the oven and the timer set again.
In another ten minutes we had moved enough boxes outside or shifted them across the room to clear nearly two thirds of the floor. I was about to take the two chairs outside to join the table when my father stopped me telling me to set them at the dining table. Before I had a chance to check the timer the door bell rang.
"They're here. Let's go." I followed my father to the front door where I found myself almost happy to see Albert, his wife Mary, and my cousins. There were reintroductions since only Albert had been here a few times in the last few years including my last birthday. There was Leanne sixteen, James twelve, and Amiee who was eight. I really didn't remember much of my cousins it had been nearly five years since our families had been together for the reunion that my father took me too. The Kalson family was much larger than my mom's since it was only her and her sister, and I had never met my grandparents on that side before they had passed.
I got a full waist hug from Leanne who was just as tall as I was, a kinda handshake slap from James who barely seemed interested in me at the moment, and from Amiee all I got was a squeal of, "I smell PIZZA!" as she rushed into the house.
"Yep it should be ready soon. Ben show the girls the back room and then go check it." My father ordered.
Having Leanne and Amiee follow me through the dining room I led them into the back room and waved my hand. "We can move a few more things so you'll get to use most of the room." I stated as they looked around.
"But there's no door." Leanne exclaimed. I walked out grabbing the hammer, nails and heavy drape my father had left on the dining room table.
"We're gonna put up this." I told her dropping the pile on the floor and going back for a chair to stand on. *DING * "Oops just a minute." I left he chair by the doorway and went to fetch the pizza from the oven.
"Pizza, Pizza, pizza." Amiee was chanting as she had followed me into the kitchen to watch. The door bell rang again but I stayed grabbing a knife and the cutting board quickly sliding the cool pizza over then dropping the hot one onto the rack. It seems Amiee had already found the stack of plates left on the kitchen table and was standing as close to the cutting board as she felt was allowable, "Pretty please. Pizza please!" She asked with her best wide eyed kid pleading face. I did my best to cut the crust into eight even slices with out leaving any fur or blood behind. I slowly tore a slice of cheese pizza off and placed it on her plate getting a strong rumble of a purr in appreciation.
"Go to the table and sit I'll get you a napkin." I got her situated and by the time I made it back to the den Leanne had moved a two nearly identical crates back next to the door making a small table which had a back pack sitting one and a duffel bag sitting on the other. I moved the chair to the center of the doorway and began trying to hang and hammer the drape into place. It wasn't until Leanne arrived several minutes later with two sleeping bags that I was finally able to make progress with her holding the drape and me concentrating on hammering a nail.
"Ben be careful please." I had to move the drape to see who was talking. There were two women I didn't recognize and I had to stop myself from staring at the two otters who were obviously siblings. They smiled and said hello, telling me there names were Michelle and Sherie and after I said hello they both moved into the kitchen. The two of us finished hanging the drape but as I got down Leanne asked for two more nails in the wall. One on each side of the doorway just above where a handle would normally be. When I had finished she hooked the drape on the wall side catching the edges on the nail and holding it open.
"Is there anything else to do?" She asked me.
"Well we have two cots and stuff in the garage." She followed me into the kitchen where my father stopped me again introducing the otter pair.
"Both Michelle and Sherie were co-workers with your mother and her two closest friends for years." I watched as the both gave me a rather big smile and nodded while my father spoke. I knew mom had friends who she went out with and I could only able to guess that these two were them. I shook both of their hands this time feeling odd staring at the sleek paws and arms wondering for a moment how much trouble I might get into if I tried rubbing one of them. Everyone else that was in the house was in the kitchen as well and I had to ask my aunt to move so we could get to the garage. I heard the phone ring as I was about to step down to the laundry room but my Dad just waved me on as he moved to the phone.
I almost felt like going back when I noticed Leanne chewing on a slice of pizza she must have swiped in the kitchen but instead opened the door to the garage and squeezed my way past my father's suburban to open the main garage door. There was plenty of light now to see the mess that took up nearly half of the two car garage. Piles of wood and metal along with a bed frame and old bikes that I had never seen used and just a mass of other things all pushed together there was even an old engine that sat near the back corner along with a few tool boxes.
I set to work moving stuff outside and away from the bed frame where I knew the cots had been stored and after finishing her slice Leanne moved into help. With a good deal of work we unburied one but the second was lodged with a 2x4 between it which had several folding chairs stacked on it and the other end ran out of site behind a black plastic bag. Yanking hard back and forth I realized I was shifting the stacked wood to the front. Seeing the movement drew my cousins eyes and attention.
"What about that!" Leanne was pointing towards a pathetic broken down mattress which was hidden
behind the stack of wood held upright by several large pieces of plywood and sheet rock. "Really?" I could already tell her answer but I had to ask. "Ya. Amiee and I could share it."
Well it certainly would be big enough for both of them. I gave a sigh and grabbed the first thing in my way dragging the box of camping stuff outside next to mom's car wondering how long this was going to take.
It was nearly an hour. We had moved enough stuff out and pulled some of the chunks of wood away that moved easily but when I slid two heavy milk crates full of who know what kind of metal parts several pieces of wood shifted and the whole pile started to move away from the wall. I had quickly jumped forward to keep the wood from crashing down on to my father's truck calling out for help.
Leanne grabbed several pieces of wood and tried to push some back against the wall while I strained under the load. I realized that there was just to much to handle when I moved and several of the smaller pieces fell forward hitting the side of the suburban. I ordered her back and with all the effort I could give I shoved on the pile and dashed out of the garage. My ears were flattened back and I had moved my hands to cover them expecting a loud crash that would have the whole house running. Instead there was a smaller 'Crack' followed by repetitive 'Whumps' that I both heard and felt. Turning back I could seen the whole stack leaning against the vehicle which still rocked. Most of it was held in place by a long board the same one I had been holding the stack up with the rest had dropped to the ground or was caught some where along the way.
"You okay?" She asked while I couldn't help but start pointing to the mattress that was now free to flop over nearly bending in half which got her to grin.
I could hear the kitchen door bang open and uncle Albert shout, "Hey! What was that?" as he rushed into the garage.
"It was nothing Dad, sorry. Ben are you alright" Leanne had quickly answered out but spoke quietly to me.
"Ya, you can get the mattress now." Both Albert and Leanne worked together and with just a little effort had the rather musty stained mattress sagging against the back of the suburban. I moved back inside and began sliding several of the larger wood pieces back then pushing them against the wall leaving the other two to figure out how to get the mattress inside. I grunted and groaned but over the next half hour had finally moved the stack of wood back against the wall and even freed the trapped cot. I ended up shoving the smaller pieces that were left against the wall where the mattress had been. Albert had come back out by then inquiring on the cots and he helped me to move the rest of the stuff back inside.
As I reached for the cord to close the door Albert called out, "OH SHIT!" I heard the exclamation as I watched him actually duck down behind my moms car. He was looking up the street and I noticed Aunt Lisa was walking down the sidewalk in front of Shelly's house.
"I can be back on Friday to pick you up." A tall tom was telling aunt Lisa.
"Why don't you just say 'You Don't CARE' you move out with little notice and now have a free car from a friend but you can't find the time to even go to the funeral." Her tone was rough and the words seemed very harsh.
"I WORK. I work my ass off for everything I have!" The young male cat stopped being interrupted.
"Whatever! I can't believe it my own son, I mean why bother to even come back on Friday I'm sure some one would be willing, even happy to give me a ride home since I don't own a car." Aunt Lisa had cut across the grass and was now up on the porch ringing the door bell. Both myself and obviously uncle Albert had remained unseen.
After a few more words the male could be heard calling, "Bye Mother!" in a loud voice stepping off the porch eager to be away.
"Thomas!" Albert hissed out making the other turn. "Spare a moment." He spoke when he had the others attention stepping around the car. Thomas I had remembered was also my cousin and aunt Lisa's oldest son. The two men shook hands and Thomas started to apologize, "Sorry." he mumbled.
"It's fine I know it can't be easy." He stated patting the younger man's shoulder.
"Is that BEN?" He suddenly asked seeing me. "Wow kid you've grown." Kid coming from him almost seemed like an insult since he was what almost three years older than I was. "It's been a long long time you were what five? And bouncing through the house like a rabbit last time I saw you." I took the hand shake and sorta blushed at the comment. My parents had often called me little bunny back then because I really did like to jump repeatedly. There was something about the landing and rebound that had always kept me going, especially if it was on the bed or couch.
"So you'll be back Friday?" Albert asked.
"Yep. I can't get out of work at the moment gonna be late tonight as it is. But they will at least allow that." Thomas said stretching backwards and twisting.
"You wanna go inside and grab you something to eat?" My uncle asked.
"No I should really get going, besides I won't go inside now." He spoke firmly.
"Just wait a second okay." Albert said pushing the garage back open that I had only half closed.
I stood staring at Thomas as he looked back. "Hey you want some advice?" I just kinda shrugged my shoulders, "Listen don't let my mom grab everything okay? And DON'T be a little go puppy for her. Don't let her run you around." I nodded as he finished. I knew aunt Lisa was the least liked on both sides of my family but I never knew why. The one comment I heard my mother speak years ago was the only clue I had which went something like, 'Well someone should warm him before my sister sucks him dry.' Being eight at the time I had visions of a vampire aunt but when I had asked later, my mom refused to say anything and told me it wasn't my concern.
Albert popped back out of the garage, "Here ya go." He said passing over a napkin and a slice of pizza.
"Thanks I have to hustle so I don't get back to late." He was already moving before he finished talking.
This time I slipped inside the garage moving to pull the door closed again, "I got it." Albert called from the other side and I stepped back as the door banged shut. He even twisted the handle to lock it even though that had been broken for years. I took both cots off the hood of the suburban and moved them into the laundry room before I went back inside.
The kitchen was a mess, the garbage had been pulled out to the middle of the room and was just over flowing, the sink had piles of dishes and the table had silverware and a few dirty plates along with several apples on it including some that were partly eaten.
My ears folded back expecting a tirade from my mother at any second while I tried to quickly figure out how to explain why everything was such a mess. I had already grabbed the garbage and was using a twist tie to close it when I realized why. No tirade because no mom.
"Earth to Ben!" I focused on the handful of napkins and pizza crust waved in front of me. "Come on." James said pulling the bag back open. I let him then tied the bag, slowly working it free from its plastic holder. With the bag in hand I went back into the laundry room and unbolted the door that led outside to where we kept the garbage cans. After tossing the bag in and closing the can I stepped back and leaned on the wall.
I spent several minutes fighting a tightening lump in my throat and blinking away water from my eyes. It didn't so much as hurt as it all felt so horribly wrong. Dishes every morning or when ever there was a stack were to be done. Garbage out before it got full so there was always room. Table cleaned when you got up. And food always put away before you left the room. They were rules, her rules, but our family rules too.
I took several deep breaths and cleared up my thoughts or tried to. I could fix this, just because mom was gone didn't mean we would start living like animals. I could hear her words echo in my head as I thought them. I went back inside closing the outside door so I could open the pantry door and grab a new garbage bag. I noticed a new sponge in a wrapper and decided to take that as well.
After I relined the can I pushed it back to the wall where it was supposed to be quickly gathering up the napkins and garbage off the table and dropping them in the can. In two trips I had all the dishes and silverware over to the sink except the platters. The near empty tub of potato salad I added to the fridge along with two apples that were left. It wasn't until I moved the platters that had held the sandwiches to the counter on top of the cutting board and was using the sponge to clean the table off that my first thought of food came. My stomach growled and I decided pizza first then finish cleaning. A glance at the range showed no sign and looking out into the dining room only showed three more plates stacked at the edge of the table.
I could see several backs as I stepped out further and looked into the living room evidently listening to aunt Lisa. "Well we can talk about such things later." I heard my dads voice come though the group.
"Of course, of course. I'm sure your willing to help out family." She replied. "And this pizza is cold and dry." I pushed whom ever it was out of the way to see her drop a mostly eaten slice on to a plate. She was sitting on one of the dining room table chairs in front of the living room window. "Oh Ben. Dear please go and bring me some milk or juice my throat is awfully dry."
I had pressed my muzzle shut holding in any words as I slowly looking around at family and visitors. 'A bunch of slobs and thieves eating everything with out a care for another fur.' I thought as I walked my way through the room, after all who had cooked the pizza. "Ben?" my father had asked. I had a slight pause shaking my head before allowing my feet to move again almost making it to the hall.
"Manners Ben! You have guests." Lisa chimed in a rather sweet voice. It had been months maybe longer since I had truly kept my anger in check. Keeping my muzzle pressed tight and my legs moving was the only thing that stopped me from turning to yell at all of them. MANNERS? Guest should have manners. The house resounded from the slam of my room door. A talent that I had perfected nearly a year ago, using just enough force to not bug my own ears if I kept them forward and still have it echo through the house.
