Donnie knocked softly on Leo’s door and then waited for a response. He needed someone to talk to about this whole reincarnation concept who wasn’t Splinter. Since Raphael didn’t like getting philosophical, Leo was the next best choice.
“Come in,” Leo answered.
Donnie opened the door and peeked inside. The room was a perfect reflection of their leader. Nothing was out of place. Items of his former outfit were neatly stored away or hung on the wall. Books were placed on a refurbished case. Donnie was fairly certain that Leo had them in a particular order. The bed was made and the room smelled of incense.
Donnie closed the door behind him. “Can I talk to you about something?”
Leo was sitting on the floor in a way that told Donnie that he had been meditating. For the life of him, Donnie could not understand the appeal. There were more productive things that could be done with his time than sitting on the floor half asleep. In Donnie’s mind, it was a waste of time that could be used for science.
With a nod of his head, Leo indicated the spot on the floor in front of him. “Have a seat. There are a few things I want to talk to you about as well, but you first.” He waited for Donnie to sit down before asking, “Does this have to do with father’s theories about us being reincarnated?”
Donnie couldn’t say that he was surprised. Of course Splinter has discussed his theories with Leonardo. They were of like minds. Donnie nodded. “I was wondering what you thought about it.”
“Splinter had me read what you had given to him.” Leo looked off to the side in thought. “I will admit that I did feel a connection to them, particularly Yoshi’s son. It was all hauntingly familiar.”
“Have you considered the possibility that the connection you felt was nothing more than just wishful thinking?” Donatello didn’t mean to so blatantly dismissive but he had to explore all possibilities.
Leo scoffed as if he had expected that sort of response from Donnie. “I had considered that possibility, yes. But I’ve always had a closer bond to father. This could explain why. And he feels the same.” Leo chewed his bottom lip for a moment before asking. “Didn’t you feel a connection to one of them?”
Donnie took a deep breath and then nodded his head. “The general’s son.”
“You didn’t have much information about the general or his wife in the files.” Leonardo looked knowingly at his brother. “How much research do you have on them?”
Donnie pushed his glasses up and then set his hands in his lap. “I had extensively researched them. I know everything there is to know about them. But I’m still not sure if I believe that they were my parents in a past life.”
“What happened to the general?” Leo asked. “You left that part out of the reports you gave to Splinter. Was he blamed for the theft if the mutagen?”
Donnie nodded. “Since there was no evidence that his home had been broken into, they assumed that he was working with the thieves and he was court-martialed. He spent the rest of his life in a military prison, dying in the mid-nineties.”
Leonardo shook his head in sorrow. “That poor man. What happened to his wife?”
“The general was transferred to the United States to serve out his sentence,” Donnie answered. “His wife followed him here so that she could visit as often as possible. When he died, she did her best to make a life for herself. She’s alive and well working for Child Protective Services here in New York.”
Leo sat in silence for a moment, waiting for Donnie to say more. When Donnie didn’t say anything, Leo leaned forward. “She lives here in New York?”
“Yeah,” Donnie replied then, not wanting to talk about it anymore, decided to change the subject. “Wasn’t there something you wanted to talk about?”
“Okay, Donnie,” Leo didn’t press the topic any further. Taking a deep breath, he sat up straighter. “I have decided that I no longer want to contribute to your pain. Next Spring I will do my best to control my urges and stay away.”
Tilting his head to the side, Donnie reached out and placed a reassuring hand over Leo’s. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes I do,” Leo interrupted.
“No you don’t,” Donnie insisted. “I have come up with a way to prevent insemination that won’t interfere with the mating process. I have all the data and supplies I need to see it through. You don’t need to suffer on my behalf.”
“You suffer for us,” Leo argued. His eyes were wet with tears he refused to shed. Donatello had no idea that it affected him so much. “I can’t do that to you anymore, Donnie.”
“I’m driven to do it too,” Donnie pointed out. “I’m not suffering during the process. And the… pain that happens afterwards…, I’m taking care of that. Hopefully, I won’t have to worry about it anymore.”
Leo lifted an eye ridge. “Hopefully?”
Donnie looked down at the ground. He hated talking about these things, admitting to what made him different and drawing it to the surface. “Turtles can store sperm.” He was usually detailed whenever he explained things to his brothers, sometimes overly detailed, but with this he tended to keep it as simple and non-descriptive as possible.
“For how long?”
“Up to two years.” Donnie glanced up at Leo and shrugged. “I don’t know if I can or not. I won’t know… until… mid-June. But at least I can start the process of making sure no more is collected. I’ve gotten everything started and should have a finished product within the week.” He felt himself blush. “I’ll probably have Raph help me test it.”
Leo smiled, “Things are going well between the two of you then?”
A giddy feeling came over Donnie and there was nothing he could do to stop himself from smiling. “He’s been great.”
“It’s good to see you so happy,” Leo said, his eyes sparkling with joy.
“He makes me happy,” Donnie admitted.
Shaking his head, Leo sighed. “You and Raph are an item now. Mikey and I shouldn’t….”
“It’s okay,” Donny assured him. “Raph and I have talked about this at length. He understands that it’s different with you and Mikey than it is with him. And he knows what that driving need is like. He’s not about to leave you and Mikey to suffer through it.”
“I just wish….” Leo shrugged his shoulders. “Why can’t it be satisfied with what I can do on my own?”
“Because the instinctive need is to spread your seed,” Donnie pointed out. “You can’t do that by yourself. Besides,” Donnie smiled, “having someone with you makes it more enjoyable.”
“For you maybe,” Leo countered. “I find it to be more enjoyable on my own.”
“You can’t use what you’ve done with me as a basis for comparison,” Donnie said. “We tend to detach ourselves from the situation. When you’re with someone out of want and not just to satisfy a carnal need, and when you leave yourself emotionally vulnerable, it heightens the experience. You might actually enjoy it.”
“But I don’t want that,” Leo argued. “I have no desire to be with someone else, even if it were an option. Just the thought of being with someone in that way is….”
Donnie held up his hands. “Okay. I understand. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t making that decision because of the situation we are in.”
“I know myself better than that.” Leo leaned back a little and crossed his arms over his plastron. “What if I turned that logic back on you?” When Donnie looked at him in confusion, Leo leaned forward again to look Donnie in the eyes. “Are you sure you don’t simply want to identify as male because if you were male you wouldn’t have to suffer as much?”
Donnie felt as if his heart had hit his stomach. No longer able to maintain eye contact with Leo, he looked off to the side. “Alright I get it.”
“I’m sorry, Donnie,” Leo said, his voice full of regret as he rubbed the top of his head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay.” Donnie reached up and wiped away a tear. “It was a valid argument and it helped to make your point.” Getting to his feet, Donnie awkwardly made his way to the door. “I gotta get back to work.”
Leo looked up at him. There was sorrow in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Donnie.”
“It’s okay.” Donnie forced a smile. “I shouldn’t have made assumptions about you. I’m sorry.” Opening the door, Donnie stepped half way through and then looked back. “I’ll talk to you later.” Leo nodded from his spot on the floor as Donnie stepped out and closed the door behind him.
